Chapter 18

Tris

I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night,

Feel my tears as they dry,

*Two days later*

It had been exactly two whole days since Tris had slept with Four, no Tobias. It's not that she regretted doing it or wished she could take it back but she had thought it would settle the chaos in her brain and heart. She had not expected for her to lie awake at night, tossing and turning, her body aching with the need to feel the simplest of touches from him and only him. His bright blue eyes were everywhere she went, she saw them in the sky, the ocean, the Windex bottle, the place mats, hell he was even in her favorite pair running shoes. He was everywhere, yet nowhere. Not to mention the fact that she slept in the shirt, she had happened to take home by mistake, which carried a faint sent of him. Metal, sweat, and cologne. It was her favorite thing in her closet.

She should have been extremely mad at Tobias, having admitted that his father had been the person to kill her parents. She should have been so pissed off, mad, hateful but Tris couldn't shake the fact that Tobias wasn't his father. He was also frightened of what his father would do to him had he'd said something. He was scared that his father would kill him. She found herself vengeful for both her parents and Tobias. Marcus Eaton deserved the hell he had easily paced out to others, unannounced.

By now her brother had noted down the strange behaviour she had developed, like the way she was quiet and no longer had long arguments with Cara- as much as he approved it was odd- or the way she smiled to herself when she thought no one was watching or even the fact that she wore a black overly-large men's shirt to bed, and is wasn't Caleb's. He was suspicious and Tris knew.

So when he showed up at Tris' door that Wednesday morning at nine a.m. her heart skipped a beat. She was worried, what would her brother think of her? Surely he would think of her a slut because she slept with someone she just met. And how would she explain that she knew more about Tobias that about Caleb himself and felt like she had known Tobias for years?

"Beatrice, what is wrong with you?" she looked away from the questioning stare that found itself in her brothers thoughtful eyes. He was only curious but sometimes in got on her nerves like it was now.

"What do you think, Caleb? Because seriously, aren't you the smart kid, the one that was destined to succeed. You're the smart doctor, right? So give me a diagnosis, doc. 'Cause I don't know, anymore." She spat the words, jealously and anger gripped her, giving her speech a sarcastic growl.

"Tris…" Caleb said attentively, as if she would throttle him if he said something wrong and he was right to think that because in this moment in time she wished to wring his neck.

"I slept with someone, okay. Someone I had met after the car accident, and I promised him that I would tell him everything, so I did. And he cared, he cared so much and I let him kiss me and the kiss, it was wonderful, my first, my first time having sex. I just melted into him." She smiled to herself and blushed when she remembered the way he had whispered how she was beautiful but then her demeanor changed completely.

"But Caleb I screwed up, I told myself I'd never get attached, run from love because I screw everything up. And now when I'm alone I crave the simple things, it's as if I'm romantically horny. I carve his arms around my shoulders, his lips on my forehead, the way he holds me when I give him a hug." She sighed just thinking about it and self-consciously gave herself a hug.

"I ran away that day, I ran from the only good thing that happened to me in a long time because I fucking fuck up everything good that happens to me. Eighteenth birthday, BAM! Our parents die! Al, BAM! Died. You, BAM! Boarding school! Me, well I fucking sulked at home drinking because it kept these things we call fucking emotions in check." And she let all of her hysteria out wanting to curl up in a ball with Tobias' t-shirt because as of right now it was the only thing keeping her sane.

She needed Tobias here, she wanted Tobias here. So she ushered Caleb out of her room yelling at him to get his lazy arse to work and to stop worrying about her so much. She waited in till her brother's car pulled out of the driveway and speed down the road before digging around to find Tobias' phone number and calling him.

"Hello?" Fours voice sounded tired and sleepy. It was incredibly sexy and only made the ache in her chest worse.

"Hi, Tobias, it's Tris." She explained, hoping he was at home. She also wished she didn't sound like a crazy person.

"Oh, um, hi Tris. What can I, uh, help you with?" He asked sounding more awake and eager as if he was happy to here from her.

"I, um, wanted to invite you over to, um, my house." She nervously scratched at her neck, he hadn't called her all week, was he avoiding her?

"Oh, sure, I'll come. What's the address?" He asked voice higher and filled with a certain happiness. Strange.

"121, Catalans, just off Erudite Lane." She could hear the rustling sound of sheets being thrown off.

"Alright I'll be over soon." He said his voice muffle by the sound of a tooth brush, she let out a little bit of a giggle at his eagerness.

"Bye, handsome." She said in a low seductive voice and smiled at the phone.

"See yah soon, beautiful." He answered in an equally deep and seductive voice that warmed her chest and made her head spin. She blushed at his comment and hung up the phone.

She got out of her lazy pants and put on a skater skirt and a small and tight black tank-top. She combed her hair, and put some simple make-up on (mascara and a tiny bit of eyeliner). Tris definitely made sure that her black lace thong matched up with her red and black lace bra. She smiled at herself in the mirror it was perfect.

She rushed out of the baby blue room in which she had made her home. She looked around the home it wasn't certainly the cleanest house but there was a question that stumped her more than the cleanliness or the way she dressed herself.

What were they?

She dressed up for him, worried if the house was clean enough. She told him her secrets, he told her his. But what were they? Were they friends? Were they friends with benefits or were they together?

Her head spun. There were so many question she couldn't answer. Did she feel for him?

Yes she did. The symptoms were there, like the way she ached for his presence, for the way he pushed her blond hair out of her eyes or the way he placed soft kisses on her forehead. She liked the way their kisses told the stories words would never describe. She found herself smiling when she was on her own. But what hit Tris' feelings and head the hardest was the fact that she was kept up at night because she craved Tobias' strong arms around her small frame.

But did he feel the same way?

Did he want to hold her, caress her? Would he even want to be with her? She didn't know. So she stuck to the safe root, just sleeping with him, afraid to love again.

A ringing sound came from the front door, a few minutes after she seemed to have block her mind from the sick thoughts. Slowly she walked to the door, with her head held high. Carefully she opened the door to find the blue eyed star standing at her door in all his beauty.

"Hey there handsome." She smiled and thrust out an arm signally him in to the small suburban home. She offered him any drinks in which he declined simply stating he planned on driving but he was not thirsty. "So what's new, mister hot shot?" She asked sitting down next to him on the pale blue sofa.

"Nothing really. Other than the press harassing me." He muttered under his breath, his jaw muscles tightening in anger. She ran her hand down his face and said something surprising both of them.

"Let's get out of here, borrow some of my brothers clothes, hat and sunglasses." She said pulling him up from the chair and pushing him in the direction of her brother's bedroom.

And that's how they wound up spending the day hanging around an amusement park. They spent their day going on most of the rides, Tris constantly asking him if he would be alright with the height that each of the rides possessed and Tobias always answering each time with a simple yes and a shake of the head wearing a smile. It was easily the best day in Tris' life since her eighteenth birthday.

How did they end their night? With her and Tobias, back at her brother's place naked and asleep in each other's arms. Fast asleep, oblivious to the world.

Tris was woken up by a light shake on her exposed shoulder. Groaning she opened an eye and found herself staring at the face of Cara. Shit, was the first thought that came to her mind when she was awake enough to register Tobias' strong arms wrapped around her torso one hand finding itself on her rear end. She found her leg between his legs and her arm lying across his torso.

"What the fuck is this?!" Cara screamed, succeeding in not only waking up Tobias but Caleb too.

"Fuck." She muttered.

What had she gotten herself into?

Hey guys,

I love all of you. (just so that you know)

I know I said something in my last chapter that had everyone stumped so I'm clearing it up. in a few chapters and when some things happen, i'll be ending the story. yes I know bummer right?

trust me I would have the story going forever if I could but i'm going to grade 8 in the sport-etudes program and I wont have that much time for this and I wouldn't want to have you guys suffering with my cliff hangers for a looooooooooooong time.

anyways sorry

~J