A/N: Here I present chapter 45 of Static. If you haven't read the previous chapter, I recommend going back and doing that so the details about Sue don't come as a huge surprise. Also, this chapter complements the previous one with the focus being on Bella this time instead of Leah. This chapter was fun to write and is aggressive and also somewhat lighter, but it isn't. If anything, it's the breakthrough that Bella needed.

I do not own Twilight.

And of course, enjoy.

XLV.

feel like a brand new person
so how will i know that it's right?
in a new direction
so how will I know i've gone too far?
stop thinking you're the only option

While being with Jacob was as easy as breathing to Bella, it didn't feel so private anymore.

Being an only child from a broken home, Bella had never been very family-oriented. She hadn't grown up around all her friends like Jacob had, or referred to her parents' friends as aunts and uncles. If anything, she thought all of that was weird. They weren't really related.

Bella was truly a loner, taking after her loner father, but these days, Charlie wasn't Charlie anymore. He wasn't her dad these days; he was Leah and Seth's. Bella didn't mind because breast cancer was a big deal, and also because he really liked Sue Clearwater and she clearly liked him back, but that wasn't the issue. Bella was twenty now; she didn't need Charlie in her face all the time, and Leah and Seth were long due for a new dad since they deserved it.

The issue was that her business with Jacob was everybody's business now, and that was not what she had signed up for when she decided to be with him again.

If Bella and Jacob were going to have dinner, it would be with Charlie or Billy, or right before they met up with Charlie or Billy. If they were going to see a movie, then they'd have to make sure it ended before the time they met up with Charlie to meet up with Sue. (Bella liked Sue—she really did—but she didn't know why Jacob was so into pleasing her father by always meeting up with him at the hospital. Jacob didn't have to win over Charlie anymore. He was already Billy's kid; wasn't that enough?) And for whatever reason, Jacob was insistent on taking Leah or Seth or the both of them home. Jacob was trying to be the good kid he already was, and Bella didn't know why.

He was too good for her and her intentions, too pure. His efforts of continuing to live up to what people already thought of him put a damper on the fun part of their relationship. Charlie quickly found out about the motorcycles before the secrecy could even get exciting, and he had laughed for a nanosecond before going serious and saying, "Cut that shit out." Jacob didn't even put up a fight to keep using the motorcycles. He just nodded his head and gave up.

Where was that kid who only had minimal worries? The kid who would get high with Bella on the beach and lose his virginity to her the same night only to almost get caught by a park ranger and run off buck naked? Where was that kid? Where was that kid who would sneak around with Bella anywhere, or fuck her in Quil's truck? Where was that kid who didn't need a plan once Bella persuaded him to do something with her, and he followed her every move the entire time?

She supposed it was easier to not have to date in secret, but Bella didn't go for easiness. She went for what was fun and interesting. And while she was twenty and had a new job and was decidedly grown, she still wanted to have fun with Jacob. She wanted to commit to him without being necessarily married. Yes, she appreciated the maturity and sense of reality he had now, but it didn't mean he had to act like a fucking dad. He didn't even have kids.

She couldn't even break up with Jacob properly the day of. She had called him early at eleven in the morning one Sunday in November, and the first thing he said was, "Can we talk later?"

"Yeah, good morning to you, too," she replied glumly.

He sounded like he was in a hurry. "Morning, babe. Can we talk later?"

"Can I see you now?" she asked, her voice just a little whiny.

"What is it, honey?"

"I need to see you. Like, right now." She couldn't fucking believe that she was the one doing all the begging. It was a lot of work and she was not okay with it.

"I'll be over there soon," he replied. "Me and Charlie wanna watch the Seahawks game."

"You're not my dad's boyfriend," Bella said, trying really hard not to sound upset. "I really need to talk to you. Meet me at the beach."

Then she hung up and started up her truck. She decided that if he wasn't waiting for her at the beach, then she would key his car the next time she saw it.

Jacob was the first thing she saw at the First Beach parking lot, and it was a little comforting, but she knew she would still have to break things off with him. It wouldn't be easier if she wasn't angry with him, so she forced herself to become angry. She didn't even greet him when she got out of her truck. She just glared at him.

"Hey, Bells," he said.

"I wasn't your business partner, Jake," she began. "I wasn't just someone you could make plans with without listening to shit I had to say."

"What do you mean?" he asked slowly, confused.

"You've been sounding a lot like my ex lately," Bella continued, "and that's not what I signed up for. I didn't sign up for a chance to win dates with you, you know?"

"You don't have to win anything," Jacob replied. "I get it if you're upset, but—"

"But what?"

"But we have to make time for each other."

He sounded just like Edward, and it blew her goddamn mind.

"I wasn't your business partner!" she exclaimed. "You couldn't just organize meetings with me for when you wanna fuck me! We shouldn't have had to do any of that!"

"Okay, calm down," he said. "When you calm down, can you please tell me why you're speaking in the past tense?"

"Because we're over," she replied. "I need space. Present tense. I. Need. Space. I need space from you, from my dad, from Leah because she still hates the shit out of me over what I did last summer, from everyone. I need to be alone and I need to grow."

He didn't even put up a fight. Where was the begging, the pleading? "Just tell me how much time you need," he murmured. "I'll wait."

"I'd tell you to hold your breath," she said, "but that might just kill you. I want to be alone."

"And you can be alone. But tell me why."

"Jake," she said easily, "if you're not gonna love me, I have to figure that shit out for myself."

"Oh, really?" he sneered. "You're gonna do shit yourself and unzip your own dress and backpack to the fucking Grand Canyon and all that other cheesy white girl shit?"

"Bitch, I might!" she yelled. "You're so fucking stupid, Jake! First, you leave me all alone while you play Super Boyfriend by only being around my dad and suddenly becoming a saint when I wanna suck your dick because fifteen minutes apparently isn't enough time. Then, when I say I want to be alone, you think it's stupid. You're an idiot."

"Okay," he said nonchalantly.

"And I hate you, too," she added.

"I never said I hated you," he replied.

"Well, you must hate me based on how shitty you've been in bed lately."

"Bella, you're a bitch and a half."

She put her hands on her hips. "Okay."

"So have you said your piece?" he asked patiently.

She nodded. "You?"

"I could say some shit that would really hurt your feelings, but yeah."

"Whatever, Jacob. You're just in a hurry because you've got a date with my dad."

"I am, actually," he replied. "Thanks for remembering."

"How could I forget?" She could go at this all day; she knew how Jacob always wanted to have the last word.

"Don't you have to go be alone somewhere?" he asked, getting into his car.

She opened the door to her truck. "I do," she said as she climbed in.

He started his car and rolled down the window. "Okay, then, bye."

She rolled down her window. "Bye," she replied.

"Bye, Bella!"

"Bye, Jacob!"

He drove off, his tires squealing in the gravel.

She wasn't even angry. She remained calm as she drove out to Port Angeles. She even grew content when she treated herself to lunch at a restaurant that she had always wanted to visit and took herself to a movie that she had always wanted to see. She was okay without Jacob. She was even kind of happy.

Then after her lunch and movie, she did something she had wanted to do for months now. She bought a vibrator.

When she got home later that afternoon, Jacob was nowhere to be found. He wasn't in her presence, and he wasn't in her thoughts. She was alone. Truly alone.

And she felt like God.

A/N: Thanks as always. And of course, tell me how you feel.

The next chapter contains actual feminine camaraderie.

Much love,

HS