Chapter Thirty – Hand On My Heart.
Alec was silent as he led Magnus through the countless floors of the Institute. His hand was still holding into Magnus's as he led him along the corridor past Max's room, they paused outside a door and Alec glanced over his shoulder Magnus looked confused. "What are we doing up here? Whose room is that?" Magnus asked, glancing up and down the corridor as though someone was about to appear and catch them. Alec smiled and twisted the door handle. "Magnus Bane… here is your first official view of my bedroom." Alec laughed; Magnus's eyes widened as Alec pushed the door open. Magnus stepped over the threshold of Alec's bedroom, glancing around the room. He even looked in Alec's wardrobe much to Alec's amusement. "We have to get you more clothes." Magnus said, letting the door almost shut, he smiled lifting out a box from the bottom of Alec's wardrobe. "What's this?"
"Just photos. I was going to put them back up, if I decided yes." Alec said with a grin. "I'm not wearing sparkly clothing! That's your thing."
Magnus laughed, "But you'd look great!" He persuaded.
"No Magnus." Alec laughed, as Magnus set the box back in Alec's wardrobe. Magnus turned to face him, "Why exactly are you showing me your room?" He asked.
"It's one of my favourite places in the Institute besides from the library. It's to show that I trust you. There's one more room here to show you then we're heading outside." Alec led Magnus down the corridor and towards Max's room. He opened the door, Magnus peered in. "This was…" Magnus started but Alec finished his sentence. "This was Max's room. I used to read to him here every night, helping him until he could do it himself." Alec's voice was sad and Magnus wrapped an arm around Alec's waist, hugging him tightly for a moment. When Alec didn't move away Magnus's heart flipped, maybe there was a chance after all. "Right. Next stop, coffee." Alec said, pulling back and linking a hand with Magnus's again. "All aboard the Lightwood Express!" He laughed, a happy kind of laughter which made Magnus smile and join in.
The wind outside was bitterly cold, biting at every inch of skin visible as Alec led Magnus across the street to the coffee bar Magnus had been sat in earlier. The sky was white with impending snow as winter drew nearer. Night was beginning to fall however and it wouldn't be long before it was dark. Alec led Magnus into the coffee bar, the bell above the door rang as they entered, Magnus thought that it was the happiest sound he'd heard all day - besides from Alec's laughter. Even the judgemental stares from the people, whose tables they passed, could not ruin his good mood. Alec ordered two coffees and they found a table in the far corner of the bar. Magnus watched Alec from across the table, it seemed Alec was starting to lose his confidence. His blue eyes kept darting around the room and his hands were trembling so much that he spilt coffee on himself twice.
Magnus reached across the table and took Alec's hand in his. Alec jumped at the contact, his blue eyes were huge as he stared at Magnus in a questioning manner. His foot began tapping on the floor. "Alec," Magnus said slowly and calmly, "it's okay. Calm down." Alec's eyes darted to the door as the bell rang, he bit into his bottom lip, hard. Blood beaded along his lip. "Alec. Look at me." Magnus said, "You're okay." He clutched tightly onto Alec's hand as his eyes welled with tears, "Did you bring them with you?" He asked, hoping that Alec understood. Alec nodded slowly, licking his lips to wash away the blood. Magnus smiled warmly at Alec, "Take them."
'I just want this to be perfect. I want this to work. What if it doesn't work?' Alec panicked a bubble of panic rose within him as his eyes darted around the room. It felt like everyone was staring at them, he couldn't shake the feeling. His heart was thudding quickly and it was so loud he was certain Magnus could hear it. 'This has to work. If it doesn't work I don't know what I'll do. I want to be with Magnus.' His hands were trembling badly and he spilt his coffee on himself twice. A pressure was applied to his hand and he jumped, his eyes landing first on Magnus's hand that was clutching his own and then on Magnus's face. He tapped his foot on the floor. Tap, tap, tap. The beats getting quicker as each second passed. "Alec," Magnus said slowly and calmly, "it's okay. Calm down." Alec's eyes darted to the door as the bell rang, he bit into his bottom lip, hard. Blood beaded along his lip. "Alec. Look at me." Magnus said, "You're okay." Magnus's grip on Alec's hand tightened as Alec's eyes welled with tears, "Did you bring them with you?"
Alec nodded, 'So he did see them!' He thought,'Now he knows, maybe he won't want me to be with him. Maybe he'll shove me away in disgust.' He thought, his pulse was racing and he felt both hot and cold. He licked his lips, tasting blood. "Take them." Magnus said, looking Alec directly in the eyes. He pulled the bottle out of his jeans pocket with trembling hands, he hastened to unscrew the lid and dropped the bottle. It seemed to fall towards the floor in slow motion destined to shatter but it was caught in a hand - Magnus's hand - inches from the floor. Magnus's eyes quickly skimmed the label and he unscrewed the lid holding one of the tablets out to Alec. "Take it." He said, Alec smiled and took the tablet from Magnus and popped it into his mouth, swallowing it with a mouthful of coffee. They waited for the tablet to start working, Magnus still held the bottle in his hand but his eyes were on Alec the whole time, concern evident in his gaze.
"Better?" Magnus asked.
Alec nodded, "Yes. Thanks Magnus." He took the bottle back from Magnus and put it into his pocket again. Alec blinked and looked away from Magnus, but Magnus didn't miss the tears that slipped out of Alec's eyes. "Alec? What is it?" Magnus asked, raising a hand he turned Alec's face making Alec look at him. "What's wrong?"
"I just wanted this to go perfect and instead I messed up and panicked." Alec sighed, clearly frustrated at himself. Magnus brushed away the tears on Alec's cheeks with his thumb, "You haven't ruined anything." Magnus said, smiling when Alec looked at him to see if he was lying. "You probably hate seeing me like this. I guess I shouldn't have bothered," Alec sighed, "you can shove me away in disgust now if you want."
"I don't like seeing my most favourite person in the world so hurt, you're right. But I will never shove you away in disgust. I will help you get through this, however many tablets you have to take in the meantime." Magnus said, holding Alec's right hand in his. Alec smiled, "We still have other places to go." He said and led Magnus from the bar.
"What are we doing outside my apartment?" Magnus asked as they came to a stop and Alec turned him to look across the road at the building opposite. On the walk here, Alec had seemed to gain back some of the confidence he had had at the start, even if it wasn't all of it. "It's fitting." He replied, flashing a grin at Magnus who look perplexed.
"Fitting for what?" Magnus asked.
"This is the place I accepted who I was fully, my first kiss was here and the first person I loved - other than my family - was here too. So it's fitting." Alec answered, a smile played on his lips as he glanced over at the door to Magnus's flat. "I'm pretty sure that all happened inside though." Magnus said, Alec laughed, "I still don't understand." Magnus added, "What is it fit-" He was cut off as Alec's lips pressed to his, Magnus smiled as he pulled Alec closer to him and wrapped his left arm around Alec's waist, his right hand flying into Alec's hair getting tangled in his dark locks.
They pulled back after a while, gasping for breath but grinning happily. "That's what it's fitting for." Alec smirked.
"Again, I'm pretty sure the first kiss happened inside. But I think that kiss has messed with my memory slightly so I wouldn't rely on accuracy." Magnus laughed, "Where next my intrepid adventurer?"
Alec smiled, "The park is next." He led Magnus off down the street the sun was beginning to set as Alec led Magnus to the park, he led him over to a fallen tree and pulled a dagger from his pocket, "Now it's my turn." Alec said with a smile. Magnus got a sense of nostalgia, "The carving in London." Alec nodded, clearly happy that Magnus remembered and set to work carving the same message into the bark of the tree. "Now we have a monument that's closer to home." He said stepping back to admire his handiwork, slipping the dagger back into his pocket. Magnus's arms looped around him, "I love it more than the first one." He whispered and kissed Alec's neck, Alec shivered. "I think I can guess where we are going next," Magnus said, pointing over at something in the distance, "Brooklyn Bridge and just in time for the sunset."
Brooklyn Bridge was free from both commonplace Brooklyners and tourists as Magnus and Alec stood at the rail watching the sunset over the city skyline. "I remember when we were in France," Alec said, "that was the happiest I'd felt. The freest too." Magnus smiled at this news as he linked a hand with Alec, the other looping around Alec's waist. Alec turned to face him, "I've made my decision." He whispered, looking up through his eyelashes at Magnus. All of a sudden Magnus felt extremely nervous, would Alec take him back? He didn't speak instead he waited, watching as Alec placed one of Magnus's hands on his chest above his beating heart. "This is telling me what I want and for once I'm going to listen to it," Alec whispered, "I shouldn't have to say it, you'll know. But I'll say it anyway. Magnus… I love you. I want you back."