I kept changing my mind for this. I do not like this. I forgot most of what I wanted to put in this. But here you go.

Thank you to the reviewers/followers/favouriters, hope you enjoy!

PS. Don't forget to check out my new story Mending Broken Souls.

25. Like Strawberry Jam

It was a mistake; completely and unintentional. I blamed it on my subconscious: the instinctive reaction to the transition similar to that of jumping into a pond and then to an ocean, an adventure far too ambitious for a land creature. Two weeks had passed into the middle of spring. Two weeks since I has seen Fred.

The beginning of this hide and seek game was, I repeat, unintentional, starting with Potions homework that required hours of research and planning, consuming two entire days locked in my dorm. Then came Ancient Runes studying and historical segments spanning through three centuries of History of Magic regarding witch hunts. Time eluded me in the darkness of the dorm, illuminated day and night by dim candles. No distractions came in a ginger topped colourful and wild blur, for Bonnie had blocked the Narnian cupboard allowing me peace. All this studying stemmed from a late meeting with Dumbledore. He informed me of the odd and, quite honestly, irregular nature of my studies, for never before in recorded history had a squib been entitled magical studies: the few core subjects started in first year and the extra curricula's in third year. Due to this, I would be taking second and third year exams throughout the blooming months of summer, completely discounting first year exams.

The words from the old wizard's mouth rooted the stress which burgeoned with every passing hour. I had to take a hiatus from my work in the kitchens and much of my usual daily routine was pushed aside in favour of the journey to deferred gratification.

But through all this, not once had I forgotten the date. Most nights I slept on my books, a half sentence glaring up at me as if aware of its impending fate of being crossed out and started over as my brain, now fuelled on sleep slumber, could not conjure up the rest in melodious continuation. On the nights I had a minute or two to ponder on anything but the school's curriculum, I felt guilty: guilty for the fear he was probably feeling of not having heard from me since, guilt for not offering him the simple and innocent explanation for my absence, guilty for being scared of the confrontation we will be sure to have. And the worst guilt of all? Missing his and George's seventeenth birthday.

I could not have chosen a worse time to disappear on him.

The first few faults of guilt were vain of me, and I chastised myself, thinking he had no reason to be worried, for I was not a large part of his life as I was, say, George's; he was sure to have a line of girls queuing up for him, just as his twin used to boast.

For the first time in however long, I spent the day in the open kitchen. Every little noise elicited a jump, only for me to realise it had been the banging of the pans or Dobby's swift dancing feet. I was sure I paced the perimeter of the kitchen for a few hours and twiddled my thumbs on the armchair for a few more. There was still work and studying to be done, waiting patiently for me on my desk, but I was adamant to speak to Fred. The need was suffocating and I swallowed my heart at every turn of the clock he did not appear. When the clock tolled eight I was ready to give up; not hope, for that could burn alight another day.

The pear giggled and the portrait door opened.

"Ella," he said, his expression vulnerable in obvious surprise.

"Hi."

"You're…out."

"Yeah. Sorry, I was busy – Dumbledore dropped a bomb on me, I have loads of exams – two years' worth in fact. Where's Fred?"

Lee, still overcome with shock, stayed silent, and then frowned.

"Pranking with George. They should be here –"

"Hurry up and get in!"

"Tosser."

"– soon."

The two red heads almost collapsed in their attempt to hurriedly close the door, both laughing and panting. It stopped once their eyes fell on me.

"Alright, Ella?" George said cheerfully.

"Hi." I was sure I intended to greet George but my eyes stuck to Fred, drinking him in visually after the weeks lost.

"Are you alright, Ella?" he asked.

In my worrying I had not prepared what to say, yet I knew I needed to explain myself and apologise for being a damn idiot. Every thought of what I should say distorted in my head, and in my haste to relieve myself of some of the guilt and stress it all tumbled out.

"Fred I am so sor – first there was Potions and then – then Dumbledore said exams, second and third so stress and – and…um, work, yes and I am so…I didn't forget – God no, I could never…it was…"

His arms held me and my face buried itself into his shoulder, my arms gripping his shirt. I was ashamed to feel my face burn and my eyes sting from the gentle action, but with a few calming breaths, inhaling his warm scent, I was able to enjoy the embrace without my apprehensions doubting my instinct. Crying was not an option. The twins dreaded crying.

I was amazed of the reaction the simple gesture of a hug could bring. What was a hug? Arms holding you close. Arms keeping you whole from breaking when you feel as if there is nothing but to do but shatter and crumble. A hug is sharing strength. A hug is intimate, regardless of the mundane normalcy of it; what is mundane about connecting yourself physically to others? But it is not just physical – hugs electrify the senses, make sparks fly, alert butterflies. Fred's hug ticked all those boxes.

"Better?" he asked.

"Yes," I said, for his entirety had indeed blocked out the world around us.

"Good."

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok."

"No," I took a step back, our arms still around the other. I was not willing to fracture the connection that was fuelling my body; it was drugging me in the most delicious way. "It's not ok. I should have said something but…honestly…I was…scared."

His frown portrayed confusion.

"I know – there was nothing to be scared of. I mean, we had just kissed but –"

"You what?" Lee's yell interrupted. His eyes were comically widened and his mouth hung dangerously low. "You KISSED?"

I shifted my gaze between the twins, each with an identical smirk.

"You didn't tell him?"

"We didn't tell anyone," George answered, moving to stand beside me and Fred.

"Didn't tell us what?"

George swung his arm over my shoulders as Fred held me before him, his arms comfortingly encircled around my waist. It was an odd sensation at first, responded to stiffly on my behalf, but the warmth and strength was familiar and I soon melted.

"About our date."

I could have slapped him for that, but it was so George and all I could manage was an eye roll. And although Fred was behind me, he must have understood my thoughts, waving an arm to whack George.

If Lee's face was comical before it was absolutely hilarious now, his thoughts uninhibited on his face, making me uncomfortable in between the two bodies.

"You…you three? A triad? Is that…is that even p-possible? B-but – you're twins!"

Their quiet sniggers erupted, washing over Lee and I and the kitchen. I could not believe I had missed this for two weeks. I soaked it all in, relishing in the music of their deep laughs.

"Oh, ha bloody ha. Real funny, tossers," Lee grumbled, swiping an apple out of a fruit bowl and biting into it.

"Y-you – your f-f-face!"

"Triad? Merlin, Lee, when's the last time you heard one of them about?"

"Bet Ella would love that though, being in a Weasley sandwich," George winked.

"Mmm, I'm not so sure. She's a bit…slim, for a filling. Got anyone else available, Forge?"

"I might be able to think of someone, Gred."

"Excellent. Your dorm or mine?"

The discussion was becoming too much. I attempted to move from Fred's arms, but as soon as he realised he held on tighter, his laughter ghosting the skin behind me ear.

"Going somewhere?" he asked.

"Away from this so called Weasley sandwich, which I want no part in!"

George groaned. Lee managed to get through two apples, an orange, some strawberries and a small chocolate tart before the twins left the topic of the Weasley sandwich, both grumbling about not wanting to see their brother in the buff, swapping and sharing women.

"So what was all that nonsense that was you trying to explain why we haven't seen you in years? It sounded like you were possessed by a troll," Fred said, throwing his banana peel over his head. I held in the temptation to slap and scold him.

I proceeded to tell them everything, to which they thankfully listened to silently. I found it easier to think of the workload and the mass of exams now that some of my stress had been relieved. Looking back on it, sharing my worries made the work seem less daunting – an impossible idea because the work was still there waiting for me.

"Whoa, Dumbledore's making you do all that already?" George said, astounded at the mention of all my exams.

"I have to if I want to graduate in a few years. I can't imagine staying here once everyone my age has already left."

"When will you be doing your OWLs?" Lee asked.

I shrugged. "Dumbledore said it depends it on how well I do this year and my progress from now on. He said if I'm lucky, I may be able to do them next year, but I doubt I'd do so well."

"Why not?"

"You've been studying like mad! Even in the summer holidays you used to read all those books." The boys made a face at this, as if the thought of willingly reading outside of school was taboo. Make no mistake: to the Weasley twins and Jordan it most certainly was.

"Those books aren't going to help me now though, are they? And that was for fun."

"Oh, dear Merlin's bollocks!"

"My ears cannot fathom such filth."

"Why have you brought such a blasphemer into our lives?"

"We are but good men, and among us is a rotten egg you have doomed to lead us astray from the junior marauder life."

"IT BURNS!"

"Are you boys done?"

They sat up from their various positions and poses, Lee's being the most dramatic: he was sprawled on the floor in an impossible position, his legs over his head looking like an odd split, almost like an accident during yoga, yet he rolled out flawlessly.

"No man should ever be able to do that," George said.

Lee and George soon left the kitchen, throwing a mention about a meeting over their shoulders. And then it was just Fred.

"So…" he drawled.

"So…"

"You missed our birthday."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"No biggie," he shrugged. He was sitting on a bench, an empty plate in front of him that had been covered in food moments ago. His eyes watched his hands as they twiddled, flexed and clapped, his feet thumping a tuneful pattern.

I knew the importance of turning seventeen in the magical world. It was the equivalent of turning eighteen for muggles; you were essentially a legal adult, free to do as you wish; drink, marry, gamble. If anyone was to splash out on their seventeenth, it would be the Weasley twins, my best friends, and I missed that.

"What did you guys do?"

"We didn't actually organise anything, for once. Lee and the girls threw us a party in the common room with all of Gryffindor. It lasted all night," Fred replied, smiling down at his hands. His shirt sleeve rode up some, and I noticed a new leather watch, not particularly fancy, but a definite improvement to his old tattered one.

"That was nice of them," I said, and smiled, showing him that I was happy for him even though my chest twisted and tightened.

"You weren't there." I stayed silent, not knowing how to respond as my chest burned and restricted my breath. "I thought they didn't invite you, so I came down here. But you weren't here."

Fred looked up then, his face firm in its blankness. It was everything I dreaded to see. It was terrifying. "I waited all night, you know. Dobby found me asleep in a bowl of pudding. Had to wake me up when he got up for morning duty. I only got about three hours sleep before Potions."

"I'm sorry."

"I tried for hours to open that cupboard. Why did you block me out?"

"I don't…I didn't know…I was…" I shrugged lamely, unable to come up with a decent response. Everything I thought of earlier escaped me, leaving me trembling and cold.

"You were just studying. Why couldn't you tell me that? It was so simple!"

"I know."

"Then why?"

"Fred –"

"What? Were you embarrassed? Did you – did you regret it?"

His voice leaked that little bit, his true feelings under his hard exterior visible, and I understood his anger, but it did not make me feel any better.

"Of course I didn't! It's just, there was one thing after the other…and I really needed to get it all done and I was afraid you'd distract me." It was the wrong answer, I realised the second the words were out of my mouth and Fred's temper woke.

"So that's all I am, eh? A silly little distraction? Sorry to disappoint you, Ella."

"Fred, stop. I didn't mean that." I growled my frustration out into my hands, wondering why our encounters had a tendency to burn as quickly as fire set to a candle wick. It was like talking to the old Fred, the horrible Fred, as much as I dreaded to think of that – this – side of him. "Why do you take everything way out of proportion?"

He did not give a reply, and I was thankful, for I had time to gather my wits and think of an articulate assertion.

"I had Potions work to do, and you know what Snape is like. Then everything just escalated from there. I have to learn three years' worth of curriculum in time for the summer. I've only managed two years so far. I have to learn another year in what…two months? Less than that maybe. I've been stressed out of my mind and I was dying to see you, especially after our date. But I knew that if you knew that you would get me to take a break and I couldn't afford that. I forced myself to see you today, to get away from my books because I…I missed you. And I knew I needed to explain myself. I kicked myself day after day for missing your birthday. I was stupid, I admit that. I'm an idiot, a god awful idiot."

I felt hot and sweaty after my declaration, and breathed in much needed air. It was rather empowering, getting everything off my chest, and in that moment it seemed the world was at my mercy.

"A bloody shitting sod."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"You. You have to add that you were a bloody shitting sod," he said in complete seriousness. And then his eyes gleamed that typical Weasley sparkle.

"On one condition."

"I'm listening."

"You have to admit that you were worried I changed my mind about you."

Fred rolled his eyes and shoved me, his usual playfulness emerging again.

"I wasn't worried," he said.

"Good. Otherwise you would have been an idiot."

"Fred Weasley is no idiot," he declared.

I was sure I had something to say and even opened my mouth with the words ready on my tongue, but his mouth over mine ceased all comprehensible thought.

"I missed that," he said, hovering close to my face. "Two weeks I've been denied that. But we have plenty of time to make up for that."

With a firm hold on my hand, we exited the kitchen and rounded into the Entrance Hall. It had been a while since I left the kitchen for anything but the boys accompanying me to the common room and the warm air was refreshing. Even with them I found myself on edge, peering out of the corner of my eyes over every new sound, sight or smell. They had not met my sister, possibly did not even know of her existence besides a name and stories. It was possible and very likely that they passed her every day, glanced at her in the Great Hall but turned away, instantly forgetting her Slytherin ordinariness, and they had no idea she was the cause for my fear of leaving the kitchen.

It was like an innate reaction, my feet planting themselves to the ground when Fred turned to exit the Entrance Hall to the grounds. I tugged on his hand.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"I thought we'd go outside for a bit."

Peering over his shoulders I could make out lights dotted around the expanse of the Hogwarts grounds, not many, but they were scattered in such a way that we would be spotted easily. Fred noticed my gaze and chuckled.

"Don't worry about them, they're just prefects. Last watch for the night, they'll be gone any minute now," he said. His assurance meant nothing to me; Darren was a prefect, he could have been one of those lights out there.

"Can we go to the common room instead? I want to see everyone."

His eyebrows were furrowed in puzzlement, and he stretched out an agreement before leading the way to the common room, where, upon entering, I regretted my decision. George and Lee sat in front of the fire, each in varying degrees of undress with ink drawn on their faces. The three Gryffindor girls were in a similar state, completing their circle. Their yells cut through the air, neither friendly nor filled with animosity, when Fred and I approached them.

"Where the hell have you been? Do you have any idea how mental everyone's gone without you? And what about their birthday? It was my job to make sure you turned up all dressed up and gorgeous, but you disappeared!" Angelina fumed, standing up to her full intimidating height, although she was only a few inches taller than me. Her dark orbs glared down at me from under her long lashes. I had to escape the enticement to hide behind Fred.

"Hi, Ange. Um…sorry?"

"Bloody right you're sorry! Now don't ever do that again."

"For Merlin's sake, Angie, you're going to scare the poor girl away again," Alicia said, smiling softly at me from her position in the broken circle. She was sat next to George, their legs ghosting against the other, yet neither party showed any sign of discomfort.

"Or, Ella would be kind enough to never induce such a reaction again and would stay," Katie said. "Because I, for one, am never dealing with the twins again when they're like that."

"Like what?" I asked, my interest piqued. From the corner of my eye I could see Fred glaring at his friends.

Angelina smirked and crossed her strong arms over her chest. "Like –"

"Lina," Fred warned. "Don't listen to her Ella, she's going to come out with some nonsense like she always does. Doesn't have an intelligent bone in her body, that one."

The dark skinned beauty fumed visibly, but maintained her attention on me. "Freddie boy turned into a pansy."

"Oi!"

"He sulked constantly when he was just sitting around and the boys went out pranking every night to get him to cheer up. It never lasted long, but it was better than him sitting here moping. He kept getting detention for being snarky in class. He was either calling out all the time with inappropriate jokes or sleeping. And he missed his birthday! Last year –"

"Last year is completely irrelevant, Lina," Fred said, looking hopefully to his twin. He spewed curses when all George did was wave and laugh.

"Oh dear, I don't think I'll ever forget that," Katie said, engaging in recollecting that episode with Lee.

"Why, what happened?"

"It was nothing."

"It was not nothing, Freddie," Angelina laughed – a sinister sound. "Even Ella's dying to know." With no retaliation from Fred, she continued. "Last year the boys discovered the secret stash of firewhiskey hidden in the kitchen. They found it months before their birthday, but they took bottles every other week and stored them in their dorm, collecting them until they covered their beds, desks, everything! Eventually, they asked us to hide some for them. They had it all over the common room as well.

"They threw a massive party when Katie told them muggles always splash out big for their sixteenth. I don't think anyone saw them without a drink in their hands for the entire night. And then in comes Hazel Gimly!" Groans resonated across the room from all the surrounding Gryffindors.

"Bloody hell, Ange, I haven't even digested my dinner yet," George grumbled.

"Anyway, Hazel Gimly, absolute leech. She sees a guy she wants, she sticks to them. Her boob to hip width ratio is atrocious. So yeah, she sees a piss drunk Fred – even though everyone knew she had her eyes on George – and they dance and flirt and…it was sickening!"

"You didn't have the pleasure of hearing the noises she makes, now that was sickening!" Lee said, grimacing into Alicia's shoulder which he buried himself into.

"I heard those!" Katie laughed. "Apparently, poor Hazel had never before been on the pleasurable end of oral stimulation."

Katie's declaration confirmed my suspicions. Looking over at Fred showed that his ears and neck were a bright red. Despite my own discomfort, I decided to irritate Fred some more.

"She was probably crying at how horrible it was." My statement was met with mixed reactions, from looks of shock and horror to giant grins.

"Ella!" someone exclaimed through the boisterous laughter and howls.

A soft pinch on my arm brought my attention to Fred.

"You'll pay for that," he whispered, his face filled with amusement. He had to lean in close to enable me to hear him.

"Oh, will I, now?" I smirked, flicking his long nose.

His smile like the sweetest, tangiest strawberry jam glowed, illuminating his face under his hair. Without thinking I brushed it back, an action so foreign in its familiarity that my fingers lingered behind his ear and slowly brushed his skin. We were lost to the world, absorbed in his dancing blue eyes and fiery hair. It was an astonishing thought, Fred Weasley liking me. Me! This gorgeous, handsome, hilarious, quirky boy, known to everyone within the walls of Hogwarts, and he wanted a nobody. It was wrong, but so, so right. His gaze and touch, feather light on my waist, confirmed it.

"WHAT?" a feminine shriek broke out, silencing the dying laughter.

Impulsively I jumped back and stared at the group, now gawking at us. Fred's hand reached out and linked with mine.

"Hello, fellow Gryffindors. I'd like to introduce you to my girlfriend, Ella Wood. Ain't she a babe?"

Late night walks became a common thing for us, the April breeze enveloping us in the darkness. It was on a night like this that I noticed the beauty of Fred's hands. They were strong and slightly calloused, from both his role as a Beater and his exploration of potions and inventing. His fingers were perfectly long, his nails short. They were always warm, perfect against my chilled hands.

It was not just his hands, of course, that I admired. He acknowledged my apprehensions of him distracting me from my studies, and agreed, however reluctantly, to keep a distance when I asked. He dragged on his farewells and lingered in his kisses – oh, his kisses! As warm and strong and perfect as his kisses. He was always thoughtful, but being Fred Weasley had forcefully dragged me away from one homework or another. He ate many meals with me, sometimes with George, Lee or Angelina, and sometimes just the two of us.

But it was the late night strolls that captured my whole attention, because it was just us in the world.

"Did you have dessert today?" he asked as we circled Hagrid's hut. We waved to him through the window and began the trek back to the castle.

"Yes, Fred, for the hundredth time, I did have the carrot cake, I helped make it, and no it did not remind me of you," I said.

"But it should have! Carrots and Weasleys go together like…sausage and mash! Cheese and crackers."

"You're the only crackers one around here."

His arms pulled me down to the ground, dewy from the light rain that showered down hours earlier, and he sat on my stomach none too lightly, eliciting an oomph! from me.

"What was that, Princess?" he asked, a malicious grin appearing.

"Fred! My back's getting wet, get off!"

To my utter horror, his fingers began a dance along my ribs, and his weight restricted my squirms, forcing me to endure the torture his beautiful hands bestowed.

"Didn't hear that, love. Care to repeat?"

His fingers intensified and my voice refused to cooperate. Howls of laughter escaped from my lips.

"What was that, Princess?"

Tears clouded my vision. The uncomfortable tension of damp hair and clothes consumed me. I almost did not hear the voice above us until Fred stopped.

"What's going on here?"

"Nothing that concerns you," Fred snapped.

"It's after curfew, I have the right to give you a detention for being out."

"Sod off. Or would you rather a puking pastille in your breakfast in the morning?"

"That would be another detention. And house points lost."

Fred's body blocked the person standing behind him, but his voice was clear. I froze under Fred.

"How 'bout you just mind your own business and piss off. We're going now anyway." Fred stood, intentionally holding his body to cover mine.

"Ten points," the voice called out, stalling Fred.

He ignored me pulling on his sleeve, telling him not to bother, that it was not worth it. He shrugged me off and turned to face him.

"For what?" Fred challenged.

"Be lucky it's only ten. You're out after curfew, you were engaged in activities Dumbledore would not approve of, you threatened –"

"Engaged in activities Dumbledore would not approve of?" Fred quoted, snarling. "What, tickling? Having fun?"

"Fred," I raised my voice above that of the breeze to be heard, but he ignored me.

"It could have led elsewhere," he said.

"Because you would know all about that, wouldn't you? Prude."

Fred held my hand and began walking back to the castle again. No voice called back, and I had to jog to catch up to his wide strides.

There was a figure standing in the doors of the Entrance Hall, leaning against a wall and inspecting their nails. If I was a believer in Divination I would have spouted some nonsense about a change in the winds, or the position of Saturn having influenced these events. But Divination was an excuse for people – particularly batty old psychos – to preach illusions to the paranoid and vulnerable.

She called out to us – to me.