Everywhere he goes he's reminded of her. That's where she used to cook for the squad after a hard day of training, there's where she kissed him in the middle of the night, and here's where she whispered her dreams of little children and peace.
Petra leaves a gaping hole in his heart, but at the same time her presence is suffocating him. He can't breathe for her ghost haunts his every move, quietly, telling him cruel things.
"I would be here, if you had saved me."
"It's all your fault,"
"You break everything you touch." It makes Levi want to scream, it makes him want to cry. How can he yearn to escape from Petra when at the same time he's desperate to hear her footsteps again?
To hear her laugh, hear her scold Auruo. He wants the real Petra back, the one full of life and love. Not this imitation that reeks of the dead.
Still her voice doesn't relent in her torturing. "You think you knew me, but you didn't. I despised you, every time you touched me I had to keep from shuddering." Levi feels like he's going mad, again as he has before and before.
The bottle becomes his only protection against her. For a few hours she shuts up and Levi gets the closest he can to peace. But in the morning her insults rain down harder than before.
"Idiot. Weak. Spineless coward you don't deserve the title Humanity's Strongest." Eventually he can't discern her voice from his own.
But Levi is a fighter, so he fights, despite the knowledge he realizes he's breaking. Erwin still needs him, Hanji too, and of course the brats. So he fights and he fights til he's a shell of his former self. And before he knows it the walls crumble before him, and he hears cheering in the distance.
His job his done, for once Petra is silent, giving him a minute of solitude. "I did it, Petra." He says out loud, for in the end she never died. No instead of breaking him by leaving, she's breaking him by staying."
"Are you proud of the blood on your hands?" She sneers at his victory.
"No, but I'm gonna fix that." He's been prepared for this day for years, and his body moves on instinct.
"You can't bring back the dead, they'll still be dead no matter what you do."
"I thought the same, but apparently you've proven me wrong, bitch."
"Don't lie to yourself, Levi." Her voice used to soothe him, all those years before. Now all he feels when he hears it is rage.
"Goodbye Petra, if I end up in Hell, I'll be sure to visit you." Levi pulls the trigger, and now he finally gets his silence, forever.
A.N. Wow this is a lot more fucked up then I planned it to be.