A/N: I don't own Twilight. I never have, and I probably never will.
So even though I have a very, very detailed plot line of this story chapter by chapter, moment by moment, I've been suffering from writer's block like no other. It's sad, really. This chapter isn't my proudest, probably because it took some easing into. And to be fair, it might take some easing into for you as well since it's so different from the last chapter. Bella is a very mutable, adaptive person. You'll see. Thank you for the patience.
Enjoy.
LV.
and it's not just my pride
it's just till these tears have dried
"Thanks for making things right, kid," Charlie told Bella as he helped carry her bed frame up the stairs to Kim's condo.
"No problem," Bella replied.
They had just gotten up the second set of stairs when Charlie asked, "Jesus, which floor is she on again?"
"Fourth floor," Kim called from behind them as she carried two cardboard boxes of Bella's belongings.
"Thanks, Kim," Charlie said.
"No problem, chief."
It was Thursday evening now, just two days after Bella had moved into the motel, and she'd quickly gotten her shit together. Living with Charlie clearly wouldn't work now (even though he wasn't that mad at her anymore) and the motel made her feel so dirty that the hot showers couldn't wash the grime away.
For someone who didn't know how to make friends, Bella had won over Kim pretty fast. They only had one real rule: if Bella were to live there, she would have to help pay bills. It was lucky how the only thing she could really keep was a job.
Bella didn't have a lot of things to move into Kim's house, since most of her belongings were actually still in Arizona, or Florida now, and she didn't have many things, anyway. The move-in process hadn't been too hard. Once Bella set her bed into the same room as Kim's, she felt a little cramped but comfortable. It was the move she needed.
"So what's for dinner, baby girl?" Bella asked, finally sitting down for the first time in hours.
Kim glanced down at her watch. "Oh, crap, I totally forgot to tell them," she said. "Carmen and Tanya—the neighbors—invited me for dinner tonight, like, last week and I failed to mention the fact that I was helping you move in."
"It's fine, I guess," Bella replied. "It's not like you knew last week that you'd be moving in."
"Yeah, true. I'll just go over next door and let them know I'm not coming—"
Bella got up. "I'll come, too. I should probably meet them eventually."
They left the condo and went to the door directly to the left of them. Kim knocked on the door and Tanya answered promptly.
"Oh, hello, Kim," Tanya greeted her, her voice warm. "I was just about to go over and ask if you were still coming over for dinner."
"Yeah, sorry, I don't think I can make it," Kim replied, and Bella could tell that the strawberry blonde made her nervous. "You see, uh, I have a roommate now." She gestured to Bella. "This is Bella."
Tanya shook Bella's hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella," she said. "I'm Tanya."
"Nice to meet you, too," Bella said politely.
Tanya then turned around and called out, "Carmen, our guests are here!"
"Oh, we don't wanna inconvenience you," Kim said, visibly sorry. "I didn't even tell you Bella was moving in until now."
"The more, the merrier," Tanya replied. "Come in, come in." She gently tugged on Kim and Bella's wrists.
Kim had experienced a few dinners with Tanya and Carmen, and every time she met up with them, it was reminiscent of the first time she met them. It was less awkward, or maybe she had become numb to them, but Kim was in love with Carmen and Tanya's love. When she had first met them, it had seemed that Tanya was the more reserved, possessive one, but she was actually outgoing and easy to talk to. Carmen was quiet, and she perceived things rather than judged them.
They were always comfortable, and the amount of comfort they shared didn't cease when they had dinner with Kim and Bella. Tanya frequently expressed affection to Carmen in subtle touches, whether it was under the table or on top of it. The love was expressed in a minimal way, but it was there and they weren't ashamed. Kim often found herself staring dreamily at them in a way that was also envious. She could only imagine herself so out and so open, so unashamed to love a woman in front of others. She wanted to be loved as confidently as them. Most importantly, she wanted to love as hard as they could.
"So what is your profession, Bella?" Carmen asked across the rectangular table, over spaghetti bolognese. "If you don't mind."
"I don't mind," Bella replied, her tone bright. "I work in childcare—at a daycare, actually."
"Do you enjoy it?" Tanya asked.
"I always say I don't like kids, but they're interesting. I care about how they're brought up—I think that's really important."
"That's so nice," Carmen said. "Sometimes I wish I cared about kids." She laughed.
"I wouldn't worry about that," Tanya said to Carmen with a sly smile.
"What do you guys do?" Bella asked. Kim realized just then that she had never even learned about Tanya and Carmen's respective jobs.
"We're travel photographers," Tanya said. Then she glanced at Carmen. "Well, she has all the talent. I'm just her muse sometimes."
"Don't listen to her," Carmen said. "She's brilliant."
"That is so cool," Bella mused. "Where have you been?"
"We went to Osaka, Japan..." Carmen began.
"Last month," Tanya finished. "We've also been to France a couple times—Nice is our favorite—as well as London and Amsterdam. Our favorite city is Dubai, though."
"Wow," Bella said, her hand cupped in her chin. "And I thought I was special for visiting all but three of the fifty states."
"Alaska, Hawaii, and…?" Carmen prompted.
"No, I've been to Hawaii. It was Alaska, Nebraska, and West Virginia. My mom always used to say we'd get around to them. I don't think she really meant it."
Tanya smiled. "Maybe you could join us overseas someday. We could always use another crew member."
Bella smiled back. "Yeah, maybe."
Kim had never felt like such a third wheel in a group of four people.
It was like Tanya read her mind, though. "You too, Kim," she said. "You're also invited."
"Thanks, Tanya."
Kim sank into her spaghetti bolognese, unnoticed.
Dinner had turned into dessert, which had turned into a wine-fueled fest of story exchanging, mostly on the photographers' end since they led lives that Bella and Kim were too broke or scared to live.
The new roommates didn't get back to their condo until ten-thirty that night, where Bella unhooked her own bra the second she entered and flung it halfway to the living room.
"Baby girl, we have our own place," she said, her voice awestruck and slow.
Kim, who wasn't even slightly tipsy since she planned on never drinking again, slipped off her flats and kicked them aside.
Bella tried to slip out of her Chuck Taylors, but they were tied too tight. She began to stumble, and Kim caught her.
"Jesus, Bella," she said as she helped her to her feet, "you're a hot-ass mess."
"Thanks, baby girl," Bella said. Once she regained her balance, she threw her top off and started to head to the bedroom, where she stumbled again at the doorway. Kim knew she would feel awful about it later, but she had never noticed how nice Bella's boobs really were.
Kim caught her before she could faceplant into the carpet. "Alright, no more wine for you."
"Okay, okay."
Bella crashed into Kim's bed instead of her own, and her body became comfortable—and heavy. There was nothing Kim could do.
"Um, wrong bed," Kim said.
Bella didn't respond.
Kim poked her in the side. "Get up," she said. "You've got work tomorrow."
Still nothing.
"Bella, if you puke in my bed, I'll kill you," Kim warned. "I'll actually kill you."
Bella drunkenly pulled Kim by the hair, bringing her close. She brought her so close that Kim was bent forward and their top halves were attached, and Kim's bottom half was off the bed entirely. Kim could nearly taste the wine on Bella's breath, strong and sour.
"Shh," Bella whispered. "You're yelling."
"You're wasted."
"You're my favorite, you know that? You know that, baby girl?"
Kim tried to pull away, but Bella's hand in her hair was a vice. "You're gonna pull all my hair out," she mumbled. "And why do you call me 'baby girl?'"
Bella giggled. "'Cause you're cute as hell."
"You're wasted," Kim repeated. "Okay? Go to sleep."
Bella finally let go of Kim's hair and turned over to her side, tucking her own hair behind her ear. Kim began to get up, but Bella caught a hold of her once again.
"Tanya and Carmen," she murmured to Kate. "I like them."
Kim smiled. "Me, too. Now go to bed."
Bella let go once and for all. "Love you long time," she called as Kim began to leave the room in order to go turn off the lights in the entryway.
"You, too," she said so quietly that nobody could hear her.
The next morning, Bella woke up with a hangover the size of Seattle. The only thing that made it better was that she immediately smelled bacon.
She pulled on a tank top and padded off to the kitchen, but on her way she managed to step on a bra.
"You ought to keep track of your unmentionables," Kim said over a throwback radio station and a loud sizzling noise.
Bella bent down and picked up the bra. "You can mention it," she said. "I had fun last night."
"Trust me, I know."
Despite the fact that Kim was whistling to the radio as she cooked breakfast, Bella couldn't shake the idea that she was angry with her. Bella would understand why, but she wished Kim would say something.
And Kim refused to say anything. She wouldn't have said anything, either, if Bella hadn't decided to be the bigger person. Over bacon and eggs and orange juice with a little too much pulp, Kim didn't even make eye contact with Bella, as if she was the one who was embarrassed. And maybe she was, but Bella wouldn't understand even if she did ask about that.
"Are you mad at me?" Bella asked.
That was when Kim finally looked up. "I'm just confused."
"About what?"
"About you."
Bella smirked. "Well, you just happen to be talking to a near expert. What's so confusing?"
"You move in on a whim, you get messed up on literally your first night, and you—"
"Kim, I have a thing for alcohol. You should know this by now."
"I already know that," Kim clarified. "But listen. You did just a little too much last night and, honestly, I'm confused."
"But you still haven't even told me why."
That was what Kim loved and hated the most about Bella: she made her honest.
"Are you gay?" Kim blurted out.
Bella didn't even bat a lash. "Well, I love dick, so..."
"But are you bi or anything?"
"I don't know. I love dick, but I love attractive people, too. I love attractive guys and I love attractive girls. I just have a lot of love to give, so I don't that shit even matters."
"Look, Bella, I know you were drunk off your ass last night and—"
"Nuh-uh, stop right there," Bella said.
"You're gonna act like you weren't drunk, right?" Kim assumed.
"No, fuck all that. I told you, I have a thing for alcohol. But I hate when people blame what they do and say on the fact that they were drunk. Like when a guy hits a girl or rapes her or says something awful to her, he always says sorry the next morning, or even the next second, because he was drunk. People will deny the idea of a girl actually being into another girl all because they were drunk. I hate that shit."
"People do lose a lot of their credibility to alcohol, though," Kim countered.
"Yeah, but not me. I don't really like taking back what I said, even if it was wrong. I know what the fuck I said last night."
"But did you mean it?"
Bella smiled genuinely. "Any old drunk bitch can see the fact that you're literally the cutest person on the planet. So yeah, I meant it. I still mean it with my whole fucking heart."
Kim gave a patronizing, sad smile. "You grew a heart all of a sudden?"
Bella shrugged. "I guess so." She didn't try to hide the sadness in her tone. "Would you be surprised if I said that I just need a friend?"
"Not really. You're the saddest girl I know."
When Bella thought about it, she realized that wasn't an accusation worth fighting over.
Bella and Kim had both gone to work that day, and at six-thirty, they met at the condo to go over inventory. They had a TV but no TV stand, dishes but no measuring cups, bottles but no bottle openers, and plenty of trash and trash bags but no trash can.
With tired eyes and exhausted feet, they strolled through the Thriftway, Kim idly pushing the shopping cart and Bella walking alongside her.
"So do you like being a personal trainer?" Bella asked absentmindedly, her eyes drifting across the aisle. They were supposed to be looking for bottle openers, but they were instead picking out more and more breakfast cereal.
"I'm not really a trainer yet," Kim clarified, "but helping other people is nice. I like that part. It's hard, though. For one thing, I have to actually eat well and work out all the time."
"What about the clients?"
"They can be annoying. They think that just because I'm being paid to help them get in shape, it's up to me to do it for them. You can't just buy fitness."
"I'd be offended if I gave a damn about my health," Bella said.
"I'm persuasive, you know," Kim said. "I could get you off your ass."
Bella pursed her lips. "I bet you could." Then she tossed a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch into the cart.
They somehow got back on track to the condo necessities. They had finally found a bottle opener when Bella asked Kim, "Did you want to be a trainer in high school?"
"Nah," Kim replied. "I wanted to be a nurse. I still wanna be a nurse."
"Were you an athlete?"
"Yeah, I was a cheerleader. I danced, too, but that was mostly outside of school."
"So let me guess," Bella said. "You were a spoiled-ass brat who didn't even look at anyone outside of the associated student body."
"Close," Kim said, her eyes tracing aisle of kitchen items. "I hated the ASB kids. I was always around the football players. Typical small-town high school shit."
"I went to a huge school in Phoenix and it was the same way, except the cheerleaders were nice compared to the volleyball players."
"That's understandable. When you grow up here in Forks, high school is everything." Kim sneered. "I hate that."
"Did you date a football player?" Bella wondered.
"Kind of. We were an item or whatever, but he was never really there for me. And I wasn't crazy over him, anyway."
"Where's he now?" Bella wondered.
"He goes to U-Dub. The University of Washington. I'm waiting up for him."
Bella stopped in her tracks. "What?"
Kim paused. "What?"
"You're waiting for him? Are you engaged?"
Kim shook her head. "No, not at all. But we're so on and off that I don't really mind."
"Are you a virgin or something?"
"Could you not scream that so loud that the whole fucking store hears you?" Kim asked in an annoyed whisper. "God."
"Nobody who goes to U-Dub is a virgin," Bella stated like it was a fact proven with science. "That university is massive. And he's a football player, right?" She didn't wait for Kim's response. "Kim. Kim. That boy is not a virgin and you sound stupid."
"It's really not that big of a deal," Kim said. Even though she didn't like Jared or even talk to him on a weekly basis, he was her sufficient endgame. He was the only person she had ever wanted that bad, besides Ashley, who had been more of a dream than a real option, seeing how she was gone for good now.
Jared was who Kim was gonna marry at the end of the day because it would be nice and easy and her parents would approve and their kids would probably be cute, too. She wasn't mad about it; she was comfortable when she didn't think about it.
"Then tell me why you're saving yourself for somebody who isn't saving themselves for you," Bella said. "I mean, he's probably fucking another girl this instant."
The worst thing about all this was that Kim couldn't even fight it.
She still tried, though.
"You don't know a thing," Kim said, "about me and Jared."
"I guess you don't, either."
"You're so—"
"Kim," Bella said. "Take this from me. Don't wait for your high school boyfriend—ever."
Then Kim swallowed her pride and decided Bella could be right on one thing.
A/N: Thanks as always,
HS