Chapter XXX – F for Fear

Arthur tightened his grip around Feliciano's neck, unable to speak a word. He didn't even want to see. He didn't want to look at his friend's face. He didn't want to see those red eyes watching him. Because he was scared of the soft adoration those red eyes showed him. A mad adoration. He had seen such an adoration once before. And only led him to a destructive relationship. He didn't want to repeat what happened with Agon. Arthur did not want to see the same look in Feliciano's eyes. He hated those eyes. He wanted to return to seeing the warm friendly eyes of his best friend … not this.

Feliciano could feel Arthur tense up in his arms. People stared at them as they walked past and a few even whispered at how sweet a couple they looked. If only they knew what had caused them to walk like that. Feliciano clicked his tongue in annoyance, his red eyes glaring at everyone in sight. He needed to bring Arthur to a calm place so that the blonde can relax and recover. And those people were just annoying.

Arthur tensed as he heard Feliciano's tongue click. He worried he might have upset the brunet and that was something Arthur did not want. He was scared. He was scared of what he had seen. He was scared of what could happen. He was scared … he was scared of his best friend.

He was scared … of Feliciano …?

Arthur frowned as he realised the absurdity of the thought. The things that can scare Arthur are reduced to a very very short list no longer than a post-it. Until today, the thought that Feliciano would be on this list never even crossed Arthur's mind. Gripping the Italian tighter, Arthur didn't understand why he was clinging to the very person that frightened him. He kept shaking nervously and feared the moment Feliciano would address him. But the fear of being left alone in that alley with those people … scared him even more.

Feliciano growled internally as he tried to think of a safe place for Arthur. The only place close by would be … Lovino said he'd be out and Nonno will be working anyway. He just needs to get rid of the staff. Hissing in annoyance Feliciano abruptly turned and started heading in a direction he seemed to know. Arthur noticed the sudden irritation of his friend and his accelerated pace but he did not dare question it. He kept silent.

The doors opened before Feliciano even reached them and Arthur allowed himself a shy peek at the huge … no, humongous mansion … no, that looked more like a giant roman villa with columns reaching the skies and sculptures seeming more human than real people. Is this even a house? Or did he accidentally land on the sacred mountain of Olympus? Arthur half expected to see Zeus drop by to greet them.

Arthur gasped silently, his green eyes wide and shocked, not noticing the watchful ruby orbs on him and his friend's amused smirk. Feliciano walked inside, still carrying his precious Omega and narrowing sharp red eyes on anyone that dared look at Arthur. The servants all scattered around, anxious and quietly panicking at seeing the Young Master Feliciano in such a rage that they almost didn't recognise him at first. In fact, most still had doubts that this was indeed Feliciano.

A man dressed in a classic elegant tux approached the young lord with a hesitant shaky step but it was not due to fear … but sleep. Blinking his half-lidded grey eyes open, the man ran a tired hand through his long mess of brown curls as he clumsily bowed to his master. Feliciano did not even see him, too busy walking past the man and up to his room, holding Arthur tighter in his arms as if afraid the blonde would vanish. The sleepy man looked back at Feliciano in surprise. Feliciano is usually so calm and cheerful. He usually always welcomes everyone with a bright smile and the staff all adore him for that. Of course, they all knew how much a disappointment the Italian was to his grandfather and they all pitied little Feliciano. They grew to familiarise with him more than servants should and while keeping an orderly conduct in front of Lovino.

But this … Is this even Feliciano?

The man glanced around at the befuddled staff, still staring at their master until he slammed his room door shut, locking himself in with his friend. There was a long silence until one sly maid walked up to the sleepy brunet and asked with a wicked expression:

"Mr Heracles, did Young Master Feli get an Omega?" She giggled and was soon joined by a group of other servants, all seeming excited.

Heracles frowned. He knew the blonde. Master Feli had often talked about his Omega best friend and Lovino also mentions him occasionally. The very well-known Omega Kirkland. But what troubled Heracles most was not the state of the blonde … but of his master. Red eyes as bloody and aggressive as those …

Feliciano dropped his friend on his bed gently, careful not to hurt Arthur before he glanced over his pale body to check for any injury. Arthur's green eyes were unusually dull and distant and he seemed to refuse crossing eyes with the Italian. Feliciano frowned at that but did not question it, too busy searching for any physical harm those bastards might have brought over his precious best friend.

Arthur watched dully as Feliciano rushed around him, fetching a first aid kit and checking out his body for wounds. He noticed the cold efficiency in Feliciano's movements. Usually, Feliciano would be a panicking mess and wouldn't know what to do unless Arthur guided him. But this Feliciano knew exactly what he was doing. There was still this rushed erratic panic in him, and his red eyes still held that twitch of internal fear in them like the usual Feliciano would. The more Arthur observed and the more he noticed how his friend hadn't changed that much. He was more confident and his Alfa vibe was stronger than ever but … deep down, Arthur somehow knew it already … this is Feliciano. That's probably why the blonde never resisted the Italian as he was carried all the way here. That also why Arthur was currently letting his friend nurse him. Of course, he never would fear Feliciano harming him. That's not why Arthur was shaking.

He feared that Feliciano might end up like Agon.

Feliciano froze as he noticed his friend's body suddenly shake nervously. Looking up, the Italian silently witnessed the dull emeralds watching him, tears rolling gently down Arthur's cheeks. Feliciano blinked. Arthur's crying. What …? What is he meant to do? The Italian was already panicking over Arthur's light injuries but now, what should he do? He could not bear seeing Arthur's tears. His entire being was screaming in agony at the mere sight of watching Arthur cry. Feliciano had never felt such an emotion before … and he did not want to feel it anymore. He did not want Arthur to cry. Ever. He wanted Arthur to smile like always. He wanted his friend to scold him like usual. He wanted Arthur to protect him like always.

Stepping away, Feliciano panicked as he realised Arthur's eyes were still avoiding crossing his own. Arthur was crying … because of him? Arthur … Arthur …

The Italian hesitantly reached towards Arthur's cheek, brushing against it gently but Arthur turned his face away, a frown darkening his features. Feliciano, without ever exchanging a word, understood exactly what Arthur was telling him.

Arthur … feared him.

Alistair growled in irritation as he pulled over in front of the large property. A butler walked out of the mansion to greet him and Alistair had to retain the urge to charge into the house. Instead he diligently followed after man who introduced himself as Heracles. The scarlet did not pay any attention to his surroundings, he did not tone down his murderous Alfa aura, he did not bother with the staff fainting around him at the mere presence of him. All Alistair cared for was finding his little brother.

As he walked into the room Heracles brought him to, Alistair vaguely noticed that this room was positioned in a cornered side that led to a dead end. Angry as he was, he did not question the architecture of this place. Instead, he walked in and froze at the sight. Arthur was seated on the bed, calm and covered in a few bandages. He looked barely scratched, nothing too worrisome. In fact, there was no real sign of assault or harm. Except for the dull look in Arthur's eyes and his tear stained face, nothing seemed to betray the blonde's emotions.

In the opposite direction, sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall, Feliciano was avoiding all contact, whether physical or visual, with Arthur. In a fallen and depressed position, it almost seemed like the Italian was bowing his head to Arthur, his brown bangs hiding his expression. Alistair couldn't tell if the Italian was scared or cautious but one thing was certain: Feliciano did not dare step any closer to Arthur.

And Arthur made no attempt to reach for Feliciano.

Both of them seemed torn apart, fearful of the other, yet Alistair noticed the clenched fist of the Italian from whish blood seeped out and the crisped frozen features of Arthur's face as if wearing a mask to hide his emotions. They feared to reach out yet they both couldn't stop wishing for the other. Alistair almost regretted ever walking into that room as he thought of himself walking right on that invisible wall separating the two friends.

When Alistair had walked in, neither Feliciano nor Arthur reacted. They knew he was there. After all, Feliciano was the one to have called him. They both felt his presence. But neither moved.

Alistair walked up to his brother, gently brushing his golden hair out of his face. The deep frown of Arthur's eyebrows had caused wrinkles on his forehead and his emeralds were all but empty dull gems no longer worth their past precious value. The crimson haired picked up his brother, spared a glance at the Italian and walked out of the room without another word.

Once Arthur had left with his brother, Feliciano still remained in the same spot he was now. Arthur feared him. If he was a threat to Arthur, then Feliciano will not approach the blonde any longer. If Arthur did not wish to be his friend anymore, then Feliciano will become a stranger. If Arthur feared him, the Feliciano will drop himself out of existence in Arthur's mind.

But why did Arthur fear him?

Feliciano couldn't understand what he had done wrong. Of course, he got angry when Arthur was attacked. Shouldn't he have done that? Isn't it his duty as an Alfa to protect his Omega?

But Arthur is not his Omega.

Yes. He knew. Arthur was an Omega and his best friend. But he had no right to claim him. But even so, wasn't it the right thing to do to protect Arthur? Why would Arthur fear him? Feliciano loved Arthur. He would never wish to harm the blonde! Never!

…

Red.

Feliciano blinked suddenly as his eyes crossed his reflection by the window. Even in the transparency of the glass, Feliciano saw the blazing crimson in his own eyes. He could not recognise his own gaze. Was that … him? No. That person looked nothing like him. That person was a stranger. A stranger with a blood thirst and insanity written in his ruby eyes. Feliciano suddenly realised that he was truly staring at his own reflection.

That is why Arthur got scared …?

You are an Alfa. If you do not accept your true self and keep pressuring it, sealing it and caging it, Feliciano, one day, the beast in you will break its cage. Let me ask you, what happens then?

Merwin's words resonated in Feliciano's mind as he stared in shock at his own bestial reflection.

The more you hold it back, the stronger your inner Alfa will get. In such cases, the risk of a double personality forming is very high. And can be extremely dangerous.

Indeed. That person looks nothing like himself. Feliciano cannot recognise himself anymore. He would be scared too if he were Arthur.

Understand, Feliciano, that letting this situation go on any further will eventually cause harm to you and to the very people you try to protect.

"Arthur …" Feliciano whispered in sorrow, pushing his hand against the cold smooth surface of the window, staring back in unfamiliar red eyes. Tears began falling out of his sorrowful eyes and the Italian leaned his forehead against the cold glass.

"Arthur … I'm sorry … I'm so sorry …"

Rain rolled down Feliciano's reflection, tearing up his desperate face into more tears than the Italian could cry. Thunder roared in the darkened sky and Feliciano could think of nothing but the hate he felt for himself. The hate for the beast lurking in his being.

Arthur stared dully at the rain rolling down his window while Alistair drove them back home in a tensed silence. The car's purring engine did nothing in softening Arthur's depression. The colour red so vivid in his mind, Arthur wished he could forget it. He wished he could go back in time and prevent this whole incident from happening. He wished he could return to seeing his friend. He wanted to see Feliciano. The Feliciano he had fallen deep down for. Red or brown, he didn't care.

"Feli … I'm sorry." Soundless words escaped his lips but only his reflection will ever hear the silent apology.

All Arthur wanted, was to see his friend again as he was. Not the adoring crazy monster that Feliciano was becoming. Not this. Not again. He could not stand it if he had to lose Feliciano too. He'd rather stay away from him than to watch him turn into a monster.

Red or Brown doesn't matter.

Right now, they both scared him.