Chapter XXXVII – G for Guilt

"Make one move and your head will roll."

Antonio froze at the cold words. He side-glanced at the blonde holding his own axe against his neck. Arthur's emerald eyes were deadly serious and strangely possessive. Antonio frowned. In the many people he had dealt with, Omegas were the easiest to get rid of. For ones own safety, an Omega is powerless. Strangely enough, an Omega with something to lose … is terrifying. And those emerald eyes … are ones of a mate.

Antonio felt his heart break. He knew that Arthur was already taken. He suspected it for a while now but seeing it with his own eyes is too painful to bare. With a heavy sigh, Antonio released the Italian Alfa and walked aside, watching as Arthur dropped the axe and made a move towards his Italian.

"F-Feli …" Arthur caught himself and backed away instantly. In his anger, he had not really noticed his situation. He's still finishing his heats and having Feliciano near him is …

Arthur felt his pulse race and his heart beat with adrenaline. His senses seemed to ring in warnings and overload his brain. Feliciano's scent was overbearing.

Feliciano himself was also suffering from those biological effects. As he felt Antonio move away, he turned to finally see his mate and his eyes widen in shock. The close proximity of Arthur made him breathless and hot. His mate's scent was excruciatingly tempting and Arthur looked even more gorgeous than normal.

"Ah … I'll … Leave …" The Italian muttered after a while, rushing out of the door faster than he could say Pasta.

Arthur watched him go with a sad and relieved expression at the same time. He knew that his longing for Feliciano was increased by his heats. Neither of them wanted those blasted body heats to make them do a mistake. Antonio watched silently until Feliciano left.

"Is this alright? Don't you want to go with him?"

Arthur turned to his new friend and smiled sadly.

"Not today. Thanks for your concern and help … and sorry about …" Arthur looked down at the fallen axe.

"No problem." Antonio shrugged before walking to pick up his mobile and turned once more to Arthur.

"You seem better … I'll call your dog to pick you up."

"Uh? My what?" Arthur frowned but Antonio was already dialling.

The ride home was … extremely awkward.

Matthias was driving with a brooding expression, Lucas was sitting next to him and staring out at the road ahead, expressionless mask on that you could not guess what thoughts crossed his mind, Tino was sitting next to Arthur and fondling over him, checking he's alright, making sure he isn't in need of anything and attempting to lighten the overall dark awkward mood in the car. Arthur kept a straight face, unable to look any of his friends in the eye, especially not Matthias. He looked particularly unhappy to have found Arthur at Antonio's house.

"Arthur … we're here." Lucas spoke, interrupting some random chatter Tino was trying to engage Arthur in.

The golden blonde looked up and to his surprise he only found his father waiting at their door. Arthur frowned as he got out of the car. He was sure that he would be getting an earful from all his family members and some form of loud argumentative evening trying to make his voice heard under the fury of his family Alfas. But strangely enough, there were no signs of them. Not even when Arthur walked inside the house. Matthias remained outside, keeping watch like a guard dog. Only Tino and Lucas were allowed in.

Edward Kirkland smiled in relief as he saw his son return. Hugging him tightly, he guided Arthur inside and went to prepare him some tea to calm him down. He noticed Arthur's guarded behaviour and suspicious expression. His Alfa aura was brimming, like a shield at the ready, probably expecting one of his brothers to jump at him and start fighting. Edward chuckled as he handed tea to Arthur and the two Kohlers.

"There's only you and me tonight. The others went to a hotel for a couple of days. Until your heats are over."

Arthur nodded, sipping his tea silently but he did not remove his Alfa shield. Usually, he would keep it on even in his own house due to his family Alfas' presence. But even now, when there is no reason to keep it up, Edward could only guess that his son was tensed and worried about getting punished for running away.

"It's alright, Arthur." The father gently wrapped his arm around his son's shoulders. "I'm not angry. I understand you must have been angry and frightened by our conversation. And in your current condition, I understand why you would have reacted this way. Your brothers, mum and grandpa were just really concerned about you. You almost died from blood loss, Arthur."

"… I didn't know … I was …"

"It's alright, I know."

Lucas and Tino quietly excused themselves and joined Matthias outside, giving privacy to the Omega Kirklands. Arthur felt tears roll down his cheeks but his Alfa aura only grew in intensity. In his turmoil of emotions, Arthur could not make sense of what he should do anymore.

"Arthur … Do you wish to mate Feliciano?"

Arthur perked up, frightened expression as he looked into his father's ocean blue eyes. He feared that if his family knew his feelings, they might forbid him any contact with the Italian. Edward sighed, shaking his head in exasperation. Really, his family is his most precious treasure but why can't his Alfas show a bit more awareness and understanding? Thinking he'd be separated from the Italian had caused this much of a shock to the blonde that he'd run away? Do they not even understand why?

"It's alright. We won't forbid you to see him. I promise. You mum and brothers just didn't really understand what you felt. They were worried."

Arthur looked back at his feet, nodding softly, and breathing a little more easily. His shoulders were less tensed and his aura dropped a little.

"He seems to feel the same about you. I think you'd be perfect for each other!" Edward smiled, ruffling his son's golden hair similar to his own.

"He found me … He came to find me …" Arthur whispered, soft pride and happiness toning his voice.

Edward nodded. He had received a phone call from Feliciano informing them that Arthur was safe but not telling them were he was. It was only when Antonio phoned that they knew of Arthur's location. The Italian was bound to answer to the Kirklands but he did feel the need to reassure them of Arthur's safety. He seems really devoted to Arthur and responsible enough to control himself for Arthur's sake.

"He's a nice chap … but you know the family rules, don't you?"

Arthur frowned, his face darkening. Oh yes, he knew all too well. For an Alfa to claim an Omega or Beta of the Kirkland Clan, he must receive approval from the Head (currently Alistair). Normally, it works out without too much violence or bloodshed but in Arthur's case, the Omega had a feeling that his brother would not go easy on his lover. In fact, Alistair will probably ask for something impossible like being able to defeat him. Like that could ever be possible!

"He's going to crush Feli …" Arthur muttered darkly.

"Well, I do think your brother gets easily carried away but he's only thinking about what's best for you. He's worried that something like Agon might happen again."

Arthur nodded silently. He had almost forgotten about Agon. They guy is supposed to still be around somewhere, right? Great … that is just perfect timing!

Edward felt his son tense back up and a dark murderous expression take over. Maybe mentioning Agon was not such a good idea … the Father sighed, squeezing Arthur's shoulder in a comforting manner.

"He won't hurt you. We'll make sure of that, I promise. But understand that this is why your brothers are so worried about you. Arthur … don't run off again like that. Please."

Arthur felt himself relax as he leaned in his father's embrace, sighing softly and closing his eyes.

"I won't, dad. I'm sorry. I don't understand why I went and did that …"

"Well, it's a good think your friend found you! Who knows what could have happened."

Arthur's eyes darkened to a deep forest green.

"Yeah … who knows." He muttered quietly, feeling that Antonio's help might have been more than what he first thought. He had needed a safe place where nobody could hurt him … strange that he would go find such a place in Antonio. He knew him enough not to be strangers but not enough to be close friends … safe, uh? Arthur bit his lip, feeling bad that Feliciano probably got angry and upset that he didn't go to him and instead went to Antonio. Should he apologise? They're not technically dating so why did Arthur feel so guilty? He didn't cheat on Feliciano and even if he had, it would not have been cheating since he's still single. But the guilt was still there. Guilt of getting his family worried. Guilt of using Antonio. Guilt of betraying Feliciano.

"I'm a horrible person …" Arthur sighed once he was left alone, his father gone to prepare a dinner to cheer-up his son.

Walking up to his room, Arthur plopped himself on his bed. Outside he heard a car drive away and guessed that the Kohlers had left. Another guilty pain for having dragged his friends into this. Arthur knows that Matthias seems to hate Antonio and probably felt angry that he'd go to him rather than the Kohlers whose job is to look after the Kirklands. Arthur mentally cursed himself. He just kept accumulating mistakes and guilt! Why can he not be just normal? Why must everything he does cause pain to people?

As he turned his head to the side, Arthur's eyes fell on some rather dull looking envelop on his desk. Reluctantly pulling himself out of bed, Arthur walked up to his desk and picked up the envelop. It was blank. No address, no name, nothing. As if someone had just dropped it here in person. He ripped it open and tiredly read over the words of a short note. Arthur had to blink several times to focus but once he did, his eyes went wide and he rushed at his window, looking around in a panic. No one. Absolutely no one. Clenching the note in his fist, Arthur bit his lip and locked his windows shut, making sure that nothing would be able to get inside. He checked the lock on his door and found no forced entry. Glaring at the crushed note in his hands Arthur threw it in his bin and jumped on his bed, glaring at the bin as if the note would magically fly out of it and attack him.

Again.
Again.
Again.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
Remember, I'm not that far.

The man smiled as he saw his precious mate agitate himself in his room. Arthur's so cute when he gets worried. Having watched the blonde run away, Agon almost thought it a chance to pick up his love but some stranger reached him first and hid him away.

"I will get to you. I will break anything in my way."

Agon glared as he saw the familiar Italian walk up at the Kirkland's house and be greeted warmly by Arthur's father. He didn't stay long and seemed to be checking on Arthur. That pesky little Alfa … what is he doing constantly looming around his Arthur?!

Feliciano felt a sudden chill and looked around. Nobody. Maybe he was just imagining things? His amber eyes reached back up to Arthur's window. The shutters were shut and it seems as though Arthur would not see anyone for a while. The Italian sighed.

It's his fault.

He caused Arthur's heat to break out early. And apparently they got much more violent than usual and threatened Arthur's life. But to think that Arthur would run away … and why run to Antonio? Was he afraid to come and see him? No, that's not it … Feliciano knew exactly why Arthur didn't dare come to him. He still felt the low rumble of a beast begging to be set free deep within himself. Feliciano knew that if he was left alone with his friend while Arthur is in his heat … he might do something to the blonde that he would deeply regret. Feliciano swore he would never do anything to frighten Arthur. He didn't want to lose his friend a second time!

Why did it feel like no matter what he did, something always went wrong? He can't help Arthur at all! He can't approach him during his heat when Arthur is at his most vulnerable! He can't protect him! He can't even give him a safe place to come to! He can't do anything! Useless Alfa as he is, he can only watch his friend suffer silently! Why? Why is he so powerless!

The pain of guilt dug deep inside the Italian that he could not feel Arthur's emerald eyes on him, watching from his window before the shutters fell shut once more.

"It's my fault …" Lovino muttered.

He had heard of what had happened from Antonio and Feliciano. His irresponsible lash out at Arthur's house had caused this. He had almost hurt Arthur! If Feliciano had not … Damnit! He almost went to kill his own brother! How could he possibly do that?!

The older Italian Alfa gulped down another swing of beer, ignoring the people passing him by in the street as he sat on a cold bench. The sun was slowly setting but he didn't feel like moving, drowning himself in self-pity and guilt. He felt angry and envious. The brother he used to treat like an eyesore was rapidly turning into a strong Alfa even able to rival himself. Not in a million years would he had thought his twin able to be more than just his pathetic usual self. And now, he's scared of Feliciano. Scared and angry, feeling he might be left behind. His brother … his useless brother … why was he the one to suddenly have everything his way?! Why was it so unfair yet Lovino is the one feeling guilty?!

"Damn Fratellino …" the Alfa wiped away some angry tears, ashamed and miserable that he did not notice a young girl walk up to him.

"Why is it that every time we cross path, you look so sad and in pain?" an empathetic voice enquired.

"Fuck off …" Lovino grumbled, not even looking at the person as he gulped down more beer.

"It's getting dark. You'll be in trouble if you sleep here."

"I told you to fuck off!" Lovino growled and glared up at the small figure of a blonde girl with short squared hair and a ribbon gracing them. Her clear blue eyes showed concern and curiosity but she didn't seem frightened by the Italian.

"What is your name, Sir?"

"… The King of England!" Lovino snarled and looked away, feeling uneasy under the girl's questioning look.

"My name is Lily. Are you sure you should be drinking this much? My brother always gets really drunk when he gets too much beer. And you are starting to look like my brother when he's drunk."

"What the fuck do I care about your damn brother! Why don't you run back to your brother, little girl?!"

"I'm not leaving." The girl smiled and sat herself next to the drunken Italian.

"Why the fuck not?!" Lovino grumbled, irritated by the girl's persistence.

"I need to make sure you get home safely, Your Royal Highness." Lily teased with a smile, letting the man next to her glare at her. She didn't mind. She was used to dealing with drunks. Her brother had occasionally been in troublesome situations due to his drinking with his friends. Mainly due to Gilbert but, oh well. She was only turning 15 this year and even she had gotten a fair taste of alcohol. She never went beyond her limits and her brother would probably have a heart attack if he knew she had touched alcohol. With a giggle, Lily reached out and took a swing of Lovino's bottle.

"Oi, that's mine!"

"Share with me and I'll share the taxi fee." She smiled innocently but in that smile, Lovino found himself staring at much more than just an innocent girl. With a newly found interest in the stranger, Lovino smirked and handed her his drink.

"Vargas is the name. Tell the taxi my name and he'll know where to go."

"Are you famous, Mr Vargas?"

"My grandfather is … I'm just me. I'm nothing special … hell, even my twin his more exceptional!"

"I think you're exceptional too. I've never seen an Alfa so honestly crying."

"Wha-?!" Lovino coughed out beer at the girl's words and he glared angrily at her, his ambers flicking to red for an instant. Lily watched him with fascination.

"Your eyes just …"

"Ah shit! Not again …" Lovino cursed while running a hand over his face. "I hate myself …" He muttered quietly.

"You shouldn't say that."

"And why the fuck not?!" Lovino growled angrily and snapped angry red eyes back at Lily. She seemed unfazed as she explained.

"You shouldn't hate yourself. It'll make the people who care for you sad that you have such a low opinion of yourself." She chastised him and caused Lovino to let out a dry laugh.

"I doubt anyone cares enough about me!"

"… I care."

Lovino looked down at the younger girl with bemusement. She looked away, a soft blush on her cheeks.

"I care. I think you're a very sensitive person, Mr Vargas but you have a very low opinion of yourself and it makes me sad. So don't hate yourself."

"… Why would you care?" Lovino huffed, looking away and glaring at the wall in front of him, ignoring the warm feeling spreading in his chest.

"Why do I need a reason to care about someone else?" Lily smiled. "But if you really must have a reason … then, I'd say because I feel responsible for you."

"Responsible?"

"I am getting you home, aren't I?" Lily chuckled and took the beer out of Lovino's hands, finishing the bottle and throwing it away. "Shall we go? Mr Vargas, King of England?"

Lovino didn't quite understand what was happening as he let this young girl take his hand and guide him around, looking for a taxi to drive them both home. All Lovino could feel was the warmth of that hand holding him so tightly, as if afraid he might let go and get lost. Lovino squeezed the hand, smiling softly. Maybe he didn't hate his life that much after all …