Disclaimer: I don't own The Rocky Horror Picture Show

A/N: Sorry about the swearing in this chapter and the previous one (mostly the previous one). These are soldiers, what do you expect? Also, I hope this isn't boring or out of character!

It took Magenta and Riff Raff a minute to notice that Columbia had gone. Once they did they knew it was a good idea to go looking for her. Magenta didn't think the girl could fend for herself and Riff Raff didn't think her capable of basic common sense. Anyway, they hadn't the slightest idea of where they were.

"Shall I go look for her? She likes me better," Magenta said.

By then, she'd managed to calm down. Riff Raff had told her that they'd be able to fix the ship. Though they'd be stranded for a few months the hope of escaping cheered her up. Soon she was back to her normal self, wanting to be practical about things. Years of cleaning up after those rich bastards had given her a cynical yet organized outlook.

The two of them searched the house for a while. Columbia wasn't inside, the quickly realized…

Since Columbia knew very little about Ancient Rome she hadn't heard of the 9th Hispana Legion. All she knew was that they were soldiers who wanted to know what she was doing there. Though at this point it was just Lucius and Gaius.

"I don't know. This ship – this castle – belongs to a friend of mine. You'd better ask him. Well, you'd better ask the one who killed him," she told them.

Due to her state of shock she didn't realize that saying her friend was a murderer wasn't the cleverest idea. Though these legionaries weren't clever enough to pay much attention to what she'd said. Anyway, she was just a silly girl to them.

Though, ever since that nasty business with Boudicca, most people in the army had taken girls more seriously. Gaius was a newer recruit and hadn't heard so many stories about all that, though he was still weary. And then there was the belief that woman often poison people…

"Girl, is your dad inside? I'd like to talk to him," said Gaius.

"My dad's dead," Columbia replied.

That was close enough to the truth. Even superstitious Romans wouldn't believe that her father hadn't been born yet. Though for all she knew he could've been dead in 1974 – she hadn't seen him in a while.

Gaius looked confused. "Brother, then? Or husband?"

Columbia shook her head.

"Gaius, she's probably one o' them damned barbarians," Lucius muttered.

Gaius frowned. "But I though barbarians were like us now. That they'd stopped bein' all wild and borrowed our ideas. They've even got games sometimes…"

"Yeah, well this is the frontier. These ain't a lot o' wannabe-Romans building pretty little bathhouses and worshiping the Divine Augustus so that they can feel good about themselves. This is the barbarian lands."

"Look what do you want with me?" Columbia asked, tired of the soldiers arguing.

"We need to know why the hell you and your giant building are suddenly in this field!" Lucius shouted. "Are you a witch or something?"

Eying his sword fearfully, she shook her head. "Nope. Definitely not a witch!"

Gaius sighed. "We should take her back to the fortress, I think. It's not safe being out here all alone. She doesn't seem threatening, Lu."

At this moment, Magenta and Riff Raff appeared through a hidden doorway on the castle. Being servants they knew all sorts of secret passageways. They'd heard the legionaries shouting and followed the sound.

Magenta and her bother were both shocked to see the pimply teenaged soldier and the older soldier glaring at Columbia. All three of them were clearly annoyed at each other.

That was very bad. Somehow the aliens didn't know what to do. Working for the military of a planet as mad as Transsexual Transylvania meant you ended up on some pretty strange missions. Now they'd met another military.

Despite this military's very primitive weapons both aliens were a bit worried. Then again, these tow guys didn't look very competent. For one thing, their first response to the sight of the Transylvanians was strangely comical.

"Look, Lu! He's wearing trousers!" Gaius cried, pointing to Riff.

"Don't worry, my boy," Lucius replied. "And don't be so afraid of such things. You're a Roman."

"But… trousers. It means he's a barbarian!"

Magenta wasn't sure whether to laugh or be angry. Or both! What the legionaries were saying annoyed her brother, of course. Never before had he been mocked for wearing trousers by anyone but Frank or anther crossdresser. Now these soldiers in short 'dresses' (that's what the tunics looked like to him) were laughing at him.

At least it was better than being laughed at for his looks.

After the five of them stood there in silence for a while Riff remembered part of his training. If you run into another military while alone and unarmed, it's safest to willingly go to their base.

"Take me to your leader," he said.

"Do you mean ta see our direct superior, Marcus?" Lucius asked.

"Yes," Magenta replied sweetly.

Without further ado they were marched away. Columbia had thought the collection of buildings in the distance was a city. It wasn't. No, it was a military fortress that would evolve into the city York many centuries later.

Not that anybody knew that. They just knew that they, to quote Rocky Horror himself, were at the start of a pretty big downer. That fortress sure looked intimidating and the legionaries surely had more competent superiors.

As the approached the place Riff began to wish he hadn't asked to see the leader. He also wished they'd brought weapons of some kind.

Everyone – even Columbia – had a bad feeling about all this.

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