Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or his characters, and have no right to it except as a long time fan.

Love Emerging Through Pain

Chapter Five: Illness and the Fang

It didn't take long for Sesshomaru to realize they were close to Totosai's mountain home by a demons speed and not by a humans. Traveling as they were the miko quickly became soaked since she wasn't dressed properly for the weather, and didn't make the slightest effort to put on any more layers. Glancing back at her he saw that she was wet and freezing, his sharp eyes easily picking up the way her body shivered, and didn't seem to care one bit.

The demon lord held in a sigh before he stopped walking. He waited for the miko to catch up to him and wrapped his arm firmly around her waist to keep her from jumping to her death before forming his youki cloud beneath them.

He directed his cloud swiftly through the air and up the mountain side to get to Totosai's place quickly so the miko would be out of the rain before she became ill. When they got to the top of the volcanic mountain they discovered that the sword smith wasn't home. They had no choice but to wait, which wasn't such a bad idea as far as Sesshomaru was concerned. Flying around was only making the miko wetter then she was before.

After a few minutes of searching Sesshomaru found a cave in a neighboring mountain for them to stay in as they waited for the sword smith. As the miko stood off to the side shivering he quickly made a fire to provide light and warmth for her.

He narrowed his eyes at the miko as she coughed and sniffled from where she stood. It was clear to him that she was ill and, as she made no move to come closer to the fire, she obviously didn't care.

"Do you have anything that will help cure your illness?" Sesshomaru asked as he stared at the shivering miko. She looked reluctant and when she hesitated to respond he realized that she did indeed have some type of medicine.

"You will take it. Now." He stated firmly and watched as she set her pack down and riffled through it for the aforementioned medication. Once she found it he continued to watch to make sure she actually took it.

He nodded approvingly then all but commanded her to change into dry clothes and set out her bedding since he realized she might try to stay in her wet clothes to make her illness worse. He was aware that humans could die when they got sick and he refused to let it happen to her.

Sesshomaru nodded once again as she spread her sleeping bag near the fire across from the cave opening so that she was farther away from the cold air. He then moved to the opening and put up a barrier to keep her in so she wouldn't try to wander away and get herself hurt, as well as to keep other predators out. He just hoped she didn't decide to try using the fire in one of her methods to end her life.

Without a word he traveled out into the storm to get the miko food and the materials she would need to eat with. He returned with bowls, eating utensils, and cooked rice that he bought from the closest village, and a few fish since they were quicker to catch then hunting.

He cooked the fish for the miko, which was something he could hardly believe he was doing, and kept the rice warm by the fire as she lay silently staring blankly at the fire. Once the fish was done the miko quietly ate before laying down and eventually falling asleep.

Sesshomaru sat, leaning against the side wall of the cave, gazing at the miko as he idly wondered if she had approved of the food. She had consumed it so he assumed that it was at least eatable. He supposed he was a bit grateful that he had learned to cook simple fare for Rin since the miko probably wouldn't be in any condition to cook for herself any time soon.

He shifted his eyes to the rain outside as he wondered when Totosai would be back, and how long the miko would be sick when he began to smell fear coming from her. He shifted his eyes back to her and watched as she began to shift in her bedding, then he frowned as she began to whimper.

He stood and moved over to her and crouched down at her side as he watched her. He didn't like what his senses were telling him. Ever since he had come across the miko in her first attempt to kill herself she had displayed no fear. No fear of him or anything else. Why would she do so now? What could she possibly be dreaming about that would distress her so much?

-oOoOoOo-

Darkness had descended. The group had just finished eating and were preparing to bed down for the night. Kagome and Inuyasha decided to go for a walk to spend some time alone together, so they separated from the rest of the group and walked off into the woods.

Kagome was happy about their decision. She and her half demon love had been courting for a couple of weeks now, but there never seemed to be any time for them to just sit and talk and spend some time alone. As far as she knew courting was just like dating so they should be spending any free time they had getting to know each other more thoroughly then they did.

She held Inuyasha's hand as they walked since it was so dark. She couldn't see well with the absolute darkness that came in the feudal era, and definitely didn't want to fall. It was a good excuse to hold his hand. It was a true excuse but an excuse none the less, since he seemed to be too shy for such things in a normal situation.

After walking a distance they reached a small clearing with an old downed tree and he lead them over to it. Once they were settled in their seat Inuyasha immediately kissed her. She instantly recognized that it was different than usual. The few kisses they had shared before had been brief and simple, but this one was hard and intense.

She wasn't exactly comfortable with it. There really was no passion in it, but it was more then she usually got so she wasn't going to complain. She was going to go with it and try to enjoy herself.

It wasn't long before the clawed hands that had been resting on her waist began to move, trying to get beneath her top. She immediately put a stop to that. He had never tried touching her in such a way, and she wasn't going to let him start by going directly for skin contact.

Kagome was perturbed when he wouldn't stop. He just brushed her hands aside and continued as if she hadn't even tried, but she wasn't going to have any of that. He would respect her, her body, and her wishes. And that was that.

"Stop." Kagome breathed out as she broke the kiss. She would have been okay with his touches through her clothing, but now she was more uncomfortable then before and didn't want his touches at all.

"Don't be that way Kagome." Inuyasha said as his hands stroked her sides. "You're just nervous." He added as if she didn't know her own mind before moving to kiss along the side of her neck and continued his quest to get beneath her top.

"I'm not nervous." Kagome said with a frown as a spark of fear began to surface. "I just don't want to go that far tonight."

"It's okay to be nervous." He said reassuringly. "Don't worry. I'll lead."

Kagome's eyes widened as she stared off into the darkness. She understood instantly from his words that he meant more than just touching her. He wanted sex that night. Suddenly it clicked why he waited until after dinner, after she put Shippo to bed, why he had taken her so far from the camp. He wanted sex. Plain and simple.

She wasn't having any of that! Not out in the cold, on the unprotected forest floor, not when they were simply courting, and definitely not while he was still sleeping with Kikyou! She would not give up her first time like this, nor be forced to!

"Stop!" Kagome said as she pushed at him. "I'm not going that far. I don't want this." She said as she continued to push at him.

Still, he wouldn't stop. Her pushing at him was doing nothing and he was ignoring her words. Her spark of fear began to increase as she noticed his movements were getting harder and rougher.

Didn't he smell her fear, hear her heart pounding?! Didn't he care?!

Soon her thoughts stopped as she struggled to get away. She pushed and pushed at his chest, her fear rising higher and higher, as she made no progress. Then she managed to find the strength to shove him off her and onto the ground.

As she scrambled to get up and run she idly realized that her strength must have come from adrenaline. She knew that with Inuyasha being a half demon there was no way she had the strength to move him on her own without some kind of help.

Kagome was only a few steps into running back toward camp when she was grabbed from behind and forced to the ground. She struggled beneath the large body blanketing her and opened her mouth, taking a deep breath to scream, only to have a large clawed hand clamp over her mouth.

She screamed anyway even though the sound came through muffled. She figured at the very least a demon might be in the area and hear her and be sympathetic enough to come help her.

As she struggled she could hardly believe this was happening. He was going to rape her! That had always been a concern being in this time, but she never thought it would be someone so close to her if the situation ever came up.

No! She would not let that happen. She had to stop this somehow.

"I don't understand why you're struggling." Inuyasha growled out. "You love me. This is what you want."

Tears began to form in Kagome's eyes as she continued to struggle, clawing at the grass in an effort to try and get away. She felt Inuyasha push her legs apart and move between them and press against her. The hand that wasn't covering her mouth groped at her chest, painfully squeezing her breasts.

She had never been so scared and uncomfortable in her life. How could she get him to stop? How could she get away from him?

She continued to struggle as her mind raced for a way out. At one point during her struggles she shifted her head enough to get a glimpse of Inuyasha's red eyes even in the dark. She struggled more then, realizing that his demon half appeared to be taking over or was already there.

Finally she used the only thing she could think of in her panic and slammed her head back against his, causing him to growl and release her to grab at his face. She quickly scrambled away on all fours then rolled even further. She looked at him as his growls seemed to get deeper, and she spotted the beads around his neck.

Her already wide eyes widened further at the remembrance of what those beads were for.

"Sit!" Kagome screamed immediately and watched as he hit the ground hard.

"Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!" She screamed again and again before she scrambled to her feet and ran. She realized she hadn't sat him at first because she was so afraid, and the thought just hadn't occurred to her.

Kagome ran until she saw the fire of their camp site, vaguely surprised that she had managed to run in the right direction, then slowed before stepping into the softly lit camp. She breathed harshly as she looked around seeing that all of her friends were asleep. They obviously had no idea what had happened.

She cautiously looked back to see if Inuyasha was coming, and not seeing him she quickly crawled into her sleeping bag, ignoring her aching body, and curled around Shippo as she squeezed her eyes shut.

Her mind raced, nearly incoherently, over what had happened and what she was going to do now. How could she stay there the night knowing he Inuyasha would be back? How could she travel with him after this? She couldn't, but what could she do? Would the others believe her if she told them? What should she do?

As Kagome's mind repeated the question again and again she didn't noticed her body glowing with a soft pink light. Still, despite her distressed mind she felt her body warm pleasantly before she suddenly felt extremely tired.

Her tightly closed eyelids relaxed and she was asleep before she could even wonder about the sudden warmth.

-oOoOoOo-

Kagome's eyes snapped open and she jerked upright confused, disturbed and afraid. She had felt everything, the fear, the pain, the emotions, as if she had been experiencing them and not just dreaming. She ran her hands over her face and arms, checking to see if she had bruising or claw marks on her skin.

As she did this her eyes shifted from side to side and she finally noticed Sesshomaru crouched next to her. She gasped fearfully and flinched violently away.

"Stay away!" She screamed as she scrambled away, her mind still on the dream and not recognizing that he was Sesshomaru and not Inuyasha.

Sesshomaru's eyes widened slightly as he watched the miko quickly move away from him screaming at him to stay away. He wondered what she had dreamed that had her acting so strangely since her eyes had opened, but put that thought aside as he quickly reached for her before she back right into the fire.

He held her tightly to him as she struggled and whimpered. He did not like this. Whatever she had dreamed had clearly been strong enough to turn her into a weak cowering female.

"Please Inuyasha. Please stop. I don't want this." He heard her beg and he realized that she thought he was the half-breed. Another indication of that fact was that it was the first time he had heard her say the half-breeds name since he had come across her.

"Miko, I am not the half-breed." Sesshomaru said as he released his hold on his aura. "You are safe miko. It was merely a dream." He added. He hoped that feeling his power would reinforce that he wasn't the half-breed.

It worked. Her struggles slowed to a stop and she slowly looked up to him, still clearly afraid.

"Sesshomaru?" He heard her say as if asking if it was really him.

"Yes miko." He assured her and listened as she sighed and relaxed against him, but not enough to stop her slight trembling.

"What did you dream?" He asked bluntly. He wanted to know because he had never known a dream to have such an effect on anyone, not even a nightmare, and he had seen Rin through quite a few nightmares.

"I'm not sure what I dreamed. It seemed so real, but it couldn't have been real. But I remember the pain and fear, so maybe it was real." Kagome answered quietly.

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes as he listened to the miko quietly speaking almost as if she was talking to herself. What did she mean by it couldn't have been real? She hadn't gone anywhere.

"Do you have any writing materials miko?" He finally asked her as her words turned into barely there whispers. "Write down all that you can recall." He told her when she looked up at him and nodded.

Kagome nodded again and went to her bag after Sesshomaru released her. She grabbed one of the notebooks future Sesshomaru had insisted she bring and a pen, then settled back on her sleeping bag and began to write.

She thought writing out what she remembered was a good idea. She was disturbed by her dream, and wondered if it really happened or if it was just a dream. She hoped Sesshomaru would be able to help her understand, so she wrote out all she could remember, and her thoughts of how it made her feel. She wasn't at all embarrassed for him to read her words because she just doesn't care. She just wanted to understand.

When she finally finished writing she got up and handed the notebook to Sesshomaru and went back and tried to relax on her sleeping bag. It was difficult since the dream or whatever it was forced her to think about Him.

It still hurt to think about Him and how he had treated her, but now with what she had dreamed, she felt fear. She had never feared Him before. She had felt a bit scared the first time she had seen his demon blood take over, but even then she knew he was still him and that feeling had faded.

Now, remembering the dream, it was there. The fear was there. She could feel it clearly. It wasn't just something she remembered. It was a part of her now just as her sadness and pain were.

How could he do something like that to her? As painful as it was it was understandable that He didn't want her, but this was something completely different. What did it mean exactly? Did it mean he had wanted her only for sex? Was that all she was good for? A warm body to use?

I was right. I was right before when I thought he only wanted me because I was alive. I was just a living breathing warm body with Kikyou's face for him to use. She thought morosely as she closed her eyes in pain and curled up her body, unconsciously trying to make herself smaller. Had everything she thought she had with him been a lie?

As Sesshomaru read the miko's words his eyes narrowed in disgust. The half-breed had tried to assault her, tried to rape her. He waited until their companions were about to retire or were already asleep, then took her off into the forest, basically isolating her, and prevented her from calling for help.

It was beyond disgraceful, it was despicable. For only a half-breed he was still stronger than a human, and it was clear from her writings that he had used that strength against her.

He thought it was a good thing she remembered those beads when she did, especially if his demon blood had begun to take over. He respected the fact that she at least had never let her feelings for him cause her to remove them. If they hadn't been there not only would she have been raped, she most likely would have been killed. Even he could admit that that would have caused a dire chain of events.

He shifted his gaze out into the rain in puzzlement. He could tell from her reaction before and after she woke up that the experience did happen, so why hadn't she remembered it?

Is this what I sensed before? He wondered. Is this what the miko hadn't been saying despite revealing everything about herself?

Sesshomaru looked over at her and saw her curled up, her eyes squeezed shut with a pained look on her face. He was sure this dream or memory was going to leave her feeling worse. She was most likely feeling confused and even more hurt that the whelp would try to do something so horrendous to her.

As he watched the miko he had a feeling that she was going to experience more dreams that would reveal memories she had forgotten. His instincts were never wrong, so he prepared to keep a closer eye on her.

He reminded himself to reassure her that no matter what she remembered, the half-breed had not succeeded in his attempts to violate her.

-oOoOoOo-

Days passed and so did what turned out to be a storm. During that time Kagome experienced another forgotten memory through a dream, which unfortunately for her was of the same subject as the last one.

On top of that her cold had also worsened and was only just now starting to clear up. During that time her sneezing and coughing had worsened and she had developed a sore throat.

She was a bit surprised at how helpful and caring Sesshomaru was being. At least in his own silent way. He had sat by her after she dreamed another memory, reassuring her that she was safe and had not been violated, and had gone out and got her some tea and then made it for her to help with her sore throat. He always made sure she had food and was warm, and when he noticed her moods turn dark with thoughts of Inuyasha and her new found memories, he would try to distract her by having her practice with her powers.

She appreciated his efforts but she just wasn't in the right frame of mind to express it.

Sesshomaru went out daily to check if the sword smith had returned, and finally the day had arrived when he went out and sensed the fire demon in his volcanic mountain. He returned and informed Kagome who immediately grabbed her bag and moved toward him and the cave opening. She wore a black kimono with blue flower petals over what she called a tank top and yoga pants, both black and a blue obi keeping the kimono closed and a pair of sandals. He watched idly as she sniffled and covered her mouth as she cleared her throat.

He wrapped his arm securely around her when she was finished and lifted off on his youki cloud and brought them to Totosai's cave. He set her down at the cave entrance away from the hot smoldering rock ground that would burn her feet even through her shoes, and led the way in.

"I am not making you a sword." Totosai said instantly as soon as he spotted the demon lord.

"I am not here for a sword." Sesshomaru said coldly before stepping aside to reveal Kagome.

"Hi Totosai." Kagome greeted in a mono tone voice as she stepped forward and placed her bag on the floor. "I need a sword, and apparently it needs to be demon made." She explained as she pulled out the plastic bag containing the fang she had been given, and opened it in preparation to hand to the sword smith.

Sesshomaru's reaction was instant. He suddenly appeared next to her and snatched the bag from her.

"Explain miko!" He demanded as he sniffed at the fang.

"It's yours." Kagome said plainly.

Sesshomaru shifted his gaze to her, allowing his eyes to flash in silent demand for more, as he continued to examine the fang.

Kagome sighed, silently letting him know that she didn't care to give an explanation.

"When I arrived on the other side of the well you were there waiting for me." She began, not caring the Totosai was there listening. "I didn't know it was you at first. Your hair was still long but it was black and pulled back into a low ponytail, and you had hazel eyes and obviously wore modern clothes. When you revealed yourself I fainted from the shock." She admitted.

"I woke up in my house to find that you were still there and that I had been using your thigh as a pillow. You said that you were there to make sure I had everything for my trip back, and that since I was going to be spending a lot of time with you, you would know best what I needed to bring. You also said that you had promised to keep me alive, and that didn't change because I went through the well."

"You picked out all the clothing I brought, the weapons, even the bag itself. You practically packed the bag yourself since you knew I wasn't in the right mind set to do it properly." She explained.

"When we were done you had me take a strand of my hair and infuse it with my power, then I watched you yank out one of your top fangs, and I wrapped the hair around the fang when you told me to. You told me to put it in a plastic bag and not to open it until we got to Totosai so I wouldn't have to deal with your questions before then."

"You also explained that you had been masking your scent since before I came through the well so your scent wouldn't be on anything you had touched. You said that you remembered that you hadn't smelled yourself on anything until I opened the bag in front of Totosai." Kagome continued.

"When I asked why I needed the fang you said that I needed a weapon besides the bow and daggers, and that my hair with my reiki in it would allow me to use the sword and my powers with it." She explained.

"From there you just watched over me and even stayed the night to make sure nothing happened to me. You had me awake and ready to go, so I wouldn't be late the next morning." She finished with a shrug.

Sesshomaru listened to the miko carefully and was surprised at what she was saying. He knew himself to be honorable enough to keep his promise to her, even in the future, but he was shocked at everything he had done to help her prepare to stay in his time.

He looked at her bag and thought over everything he had seen her wear and use, and considered them in a different way now that he knew he had picked out everything himself. He knew the miko wouldn't have chosen yukata's and kimonos so his future self had picked those to prepare her for traveling with him, and he had obviously known she would become ill so he made sure she had the necessary medication available.

His future self had obviously known about the memories she would remember and that she would need to write them down for him to understand since she was incapable of speaking of them, hence the writing materials.

He looked at the fang again and sniffed at it, ignoring the scent of the plastic bag as she referred to it, and wondered why she would need a demon made sword. And one that had the strength of his future self at that.

He handed the fang back to the miko and watched as she removed the fang from the bag and placed it in Totosai's hand.

Totosai had heard everything that Kagome had said. He didn't understand most of it and didn't ask questions as it was none of his business. He had listened carefully to the part about the sword. He would be making an obviously demon made sword for a miko to use. The sword would have whatever ability Sesshomaru's fang provided, a future Sesshomaru at that if Kagome was to be believed, and the ability to use reiki.

As he examined the fang and the reiki infused hair that was fused to it, he thought the sword would be interesting and exciting to create.

-oOoOoOo-

As they waited for her sword to be crafted Kagome continued to get over her cold. Once she was well enough Sesshomaru had her practice with Tenseiga to learn how to properly hold a sword, and to get her arms somewhat used to the weight. He taught her how to draw and sheath her daggers, and how to hold them properly. He also took the time to teach her how to spread her senses out to find those with power in her vicinity.

Two weeks passed before Totosai finished the sword and came to their cave to deliver it. He wrapped the sword in cloth because it burned his hands when he handled it, like they were being purified, only more intense, like acid. He was suspicious that it was a combination of both considering the materials used.

"I have no idea what the sword can do." Totosai admitted. "It's being very secretive with me. All I know is that you can use your powers with it, and no one else can handle it without being seriously burned." He explained to the young woman as he handed her the covered weapon.

Kagome placed the wrapped weapon on the ground and silently unwrapped it as the two demons watched. She unearthed a silver bladed katana. The blade was shiny, the black metal guard was round, and the wood handle was covered in heavy black and blue cords wrapped in a diamond design. She picked it up and felt it pulse gently as if it was welcoming her, accepting her.

"Thank you Totosai." She said half-heartedly with a nod since she knew that was what was expected when someone made something for you.

Now that Kagome had the sword future Sesshomaru said she needed they were ready to leave, so she packed up her things and they continued their traveling. Sesshomaru made sure they stopped at a village so that she could get some warm clothing since he didn't want her to get sick again.

Traveling to the village unfortunately reminded Kagome of all the times she and her group of friends had gone to villages, which reminded her of Him and all the times he hadn't wanted to go or complained about some detail or other.

She remembered the times he would hover over her and rush her through any shopping she had to do to get her out of the village faster. She usually forgot something she needed and ended up sitting him, but she always forgave him and smiled and gave him his ramen dinner as usual.

She had loved doting on him, cooking for him, riding on his back, sharing her family with him. She had loved it all but clearly she had been a fool. He hadn't deserved her attention, hadn't deserved her love, hadn't deserved her at all.

Sesshomaru and Kagome settled for the night in a forest clearing near a hot spring, which was something that Kagome was slightly pleased about. She had washed up while they lived in the cave, but she wanted a chance to really bathe.

"I'm going to the hot spring. I want a chance to really bathe." She told Sesshomaru since she knew if she just walked off he would snatch her up or follow her.

Sesshomaru stared at her for a while before slowly nodding.

"I will not watch, however I will be close." He stated.

Kagome nodded solemnly before she moved to grab her bag, then headed to the spring he had pointed out earlier. When she arrived she stared at the steaming water for a while, watching the white wisps of steam, before placing her bag aside. She sat and took off her long daggers, and her sandals and socks then stared at the water once again.

She glanced back at the tree line to see if she could see her watcher. She didn't but she was aware that she wouldn't if he was far enough away or simply didn't want her to. She didn't try sensing for him since she knew he always masked his aura. He had only released it when he was teaching her to find auras.

Still, she decided to take a chance since he said he wouldn't watch. She stood and lifted a large circular rock, found that it was big enough to suit her needs, and placed it next the edge of the spring. She then carefully stepped into the water fully clothed and picked up the rock. She stepped to the center of the spring and, without another glance toward the trees, she allowed herself to sink beneath the surface. She placed the rock on her chest to weigh herself down and let her arms float.

She closed her eyes because the hot water burned them, and as her chest began to burn within from lack of air, she couldn't help thinking how weak she was.

Weak to love someone such as Him.

Weak to allow him to treat her the way he had.

Weak to have been willing to share him with a dead woman made of dirt and clay.

Weak to still love him even after remembering that he had tried to rape her on at least two occasions.

She grimaced and coughed as the pain in her chest and lungs became too much, and unconsciously took a breath full of water and coughed some more.

Her last thought was of how much she hurt and how much she hated herself.