Spiraling out of control chapter 3

Three weeks later Jedi temple.

Ahsoka walked through the halls of the Jedi temple, it was dark so she had no problem sneaking out during the night. She had done this several times before and each time she did it she told herself that she just needed to get away, just for a little while. Shaak ti didn't understand heck all the Jedi would never understand, the only other one who shared some kind of grief with her was Obi-wan. That was because he was Anakin's friend as well but he had also been his master so it made sense that he would share Ahsoka's pain.

Ahsoka carefully and quietly walked out of the temple and down toward the city of Corusant. She just needed to dull her mind get something that would take the pain away dull it even and she knew exactly the place. Her feet carried her down the streets of Corusant, the people paid little attention to her as she was just another passing civilian to them going about their business.

Ahsoka scoffed, the civilians had it so easy, they didn't have to go fight in a war like she did. They didn't have to risk their lives everyday on the battle field, they didn't have to worry about the clones that watched their backs like she did. No they were just average ordinary citizens with out a blasted care in the world.

Ahsoka walked into a cantina and found a empty both in the back, she sat down and looked around watching the different species of beings mingle and laugh. "What would you like today mad' am?" a service droid said rolling up to Ahsoka. "What ever you got that's the strongest" Ahsoka replied.

Moments later a tall glass with a green liquid was sitting in front of the Jedi padawan. She took the glass and brought the brim of it to her lips and started drinking. The alcohol burned going down her throat but she drank until the glass was empty. She sat back and closed her eyes for a moment allowing the liquor to dull the pain she was feeling.

"It's just not fair…" she whispered opening her eyes to look around once more. As the late night hours rolled by the young padawan consumed more alcohol, she didn't care that it was against what the Jedi said heck she didn't care about being a Jedi at the moment. All she wanted to do was to wash the memory of her master's death away.

Three more glasses now laid empty on the table and the young padawan was hammered. "Excuse me mis but I think you have had enough" a voice saying drawling Ahsoka's semi conscious mind. Ahsoka looked up with glazed dull eyes at a tall brown hair male then she laughed. "Enough, I haven't had nearly enough. Why don't you go back over to where ever you came from and leave me alone" Ahsoka replied reaching for another glass that had been sitting on the table.

"Ma'am its time you leave you had more than your fair share to drink" the man replied taking a hold of the girls arm. Ahsoka's eyes turned to one of warning saying that if he didn't leave her alone he would regret it but the man persisted and tried to pull her up from her seat. Even if Ahsoka's drunken state she could still connect with the force, it just required more effort. She reached out with her other hand and shoved the man away from her with the force which sent him toppling back over some tables and smashing into a wall.

Ahsoka finished the glass then laid a few credits on the table before stumbling out of the bar back toward the Jedi temple. Ahsoka hardly remembered making it back into her room before she passed out through she did know it took her much longer to return to the temple than it did leaving it. She fell down on the bed and instantly sleep took her.

Ahsoka woke up the next morning with a head splitting headache, she sat up slowly and realized she was on the floor. 'Must have passed out here instead of in bed' she thought, she sat up and used the force to dull the pain in her head some. She'd personally much rather have to deal with a headache than to think about her master. The howling of her stomach drew her attention and she realized that she hadn't eaten well since a long while now.

She was also feeling rather weak, not just from the lack of food but because she hadn't trained any since she was told the news about her master. Maybe some food and a sparing match would do her some good she thought. Ahsoka stood up grabber her lightsabers as well as her master lightsaber, she didn't go anywhere with out it. Perhaps it was just his force signature that remained in the saber that help sooth her pain or maybe it was because she just didn't want to forget him, perhaps it was a little of both.

Ahsoka pulled her cloak around her as she exited the room and walked down one of the halls, this would be the first time she was outside of the room in daylight since the death of her master. Why she wore the cloak well it might have seemed silly to some but to her it was like a shield, a barrier that kept the unwanted questioning looks from other padawans, Knights and even some of the Master away from her.

Her pace was slow and intentional but she finally reached the cafeteria. After getting a tray she sat down at the furthest table in the room, away from the other Jedi. She took slow small bites of her food, she really didn't want to eat because every time she tried to it just made her sick but she did so for the sake of not starving to death. As Ahsoka ate her meal she felt the curious eyes of the other Jedi in the room watching her, the whisper of words they shared to each other. They were talking about her wither it be good or bad she didn't care she just ignored them and continued to eat.

Shaak watched Ahsoka from the other side of the cafeteria, this was the first time she had seen the girl outside of her room since Ahsoka had been told the news. Though Shaak had been rejected the last time she tired to help the young girl she was obligated and compelled to try again. Shaak stood up and made her way over to Ahsoka sitting down at the opposite side of the table "Hey Ahsoka" she said with a warm friendly smile.

Ahsoka look up at the Jedi master for a moment then returned her gaze toward her food. "Ahsoka are feeling any better?" Shaak asked, Ahsoka didn't respond instead she just took another small bite of her food. "Ahsoka I am just trying to help you" Shaak said trying to get through to the girl. "Then just leave me be" Ahsoka replied softly reaching forward to grab the glass of water on front of her.

Shaak reached forward and took a hold of the girls hand "Ahsoka please, I know you are struggling and I want to help you move on" Shaak replied. "Move on…you expect me to move on after what happened?" Ahsoka asked looking up at the Jedi master. "Ahsoka, there is no death, there is only the force. You need to move on its what Anakin would have wanted" Shaak said.

Ahsoka shook her head slowly and looked up at her "What would you know…you weren't close to him. You weren't his padawan, you didn't serve by his side in battle for nearly three years!" Ahsoka replied sharply. "Ahsoka hanging onto this pain, it's not good for you. It will poison you if you don't let it go" Shaak insisted. Ahsoka stood up and turned to leave the cafeteria "Ahsoka listen please you need to move on, the Jedi order needs you. We all need you" Shaak said as she watched the girl leave.