The following three days all went by in a complete blur.
Justine was taken into custody where contacts were made, and she was flown back to the states with several lawyers, including her own worried father waiting for her. In those fifteen or so hours, she made it up in her mind that she wouldn't speak a word of what happened. It would have been different if there had been any other survivors. Instead she figured this was the only true way to make peace over that forty-eight hour nightmare. She had left Alejandro behind, and never wanted any chance of him being rescued. She figured he was as good as dead, but still even if there was the slightest chance of him ever getting the rescue she and the others had hoped for, she rather rot in Hell than to see it happen to him. It was his fault all of this had happened. All his fucking fault.
Over and over flashes of him in the cage screaming her name repeated as she was questioned, and transported first by boat, chopper, and finally a private flight. She was taken to a hospital, and clean up. Besides some dehydration, bumps, and scrapes, she was perfectly fine. She lied, saying that everyone had died in the crash. That the natives had helped her, and she was wandered out of the jungle a few days later only to walk into the crossfire. The entire time she kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. For something terrible to happen. Instead, she sat in a trance, still feeling so filthy even after she was able to shower at the hospital and even sweats to wear. The moment she touched down her father ran and gathered her into his arms.
"I thought we lost you like we did your mother…"
Justine squeezed him tight, never wanting to let go. She was taken to a state hospital, where she was looked over and stayed overnight. That night, her father exhausted sleeping in the chair by her side, she laid awake too frightened to sleep. Anytime she closed her eyes, she could hear her friends' screams. Her father insisted on her staying with him at their home just a half an hour outside of the city. Returning there brought back many emotions. Last year when she decided on living on campus, she felt part relief. This house was where she had spent her whole life. Where she lived with her mother, and lost her. It seemed as if everywhere she turned she was reminded of her mother.
It had too many memories, and being able to escape for a while seemed like the best possible way in dealing with what had happened. Now as her father drove them up the long cobble stone driveway, she could't think of a place she felt safer. Her father was concerned, wanting to talk. Instead she simply hugged him and said she just wanted to sleep. Cupping her face, he warmly smiled.
"I'm so glad your okay…"
Softly smiling, beyond exhausted Justine slowly made her way up the stairs, as her father called up telling her if she needed anything to let him down. He was going to be downstairs making calls and setting her up with a new phone. Thanking him, she made her way up the landing before going down the hall to her bedroom. Opening the door, she stared at the room she had spent almost her entire life in. Closing the door, she slowly stripped off her clothes, and grabbed a tank top and sweats. Crawling into bed, she grabbed hold one of her stuffed horses, and closed her eyes. Suddenly she was fifteen years old, everything was okay, her mother was alive, she was here, and that terrible jungle wasn't part of her past, or even future for the moment. Laying there, her heavy eyelids closed before she tell into a deep exhausted sleep.
When she woke up, she was crying. A few days later she was asked to testify on what had happened. She sat back, as calm as she could and lied, knowing the truth could never be told. Instead she made her way through the questions as her father listened, and afterwards patted her shoulder telling her how proud he was of her. He begged her to stay a little longer until she felt completely fine, intend she insisted she wanted to get back to school, her friends, and her life. It was the only way to deal with what had happened. The second her father dropped her off on campus, she saw Kaycee and ran into her arms. Squeezing her tight, she buried her face against her shoulder.
"I fucking told you I was right."
Holding back tears, knowing she couldn't even tell her best friend, she shook her head. This was a lie she would have to live with the rest of her life. Word had spread pretty fast, and everyone kept their distance, or treated her like she was some sort of fragile glass, ready to break. Kaycee became very protective of her and whenever somebody wanted to bring up what had happened, she would snap at them to fuck off and hurry her away. The next few days were horrible, her father kept calling to check in with her, her classes now seemed weird, and the nightmares had begun.
One night, Kaysee and her laid together watching TV in their darkened dorm. Glancing over at her, her brow wrinkled as her white blond hair fell in her eyes.
"You aren't telling the truth are you?" Justine looked over, caught off guard.
"Huh?"
"It's okay, whenever your ready to talk we'll talk. Until then, I'm here for you okay?"
Justine felt her heart ache, she loved her like a sister and was grateful she was giving her the space she needed.
"Thank you…"
"It was horrible wasn't it?"
Justine sighed staring at the TV, not really looking at whatever was playing, her eyes misting up, she nodded.
"Yeah, it was."
Kaycee's hand found her, holding it and then and there, Justine knew it wasn't going to be easy, but she could get over this, if she truly tried. She owed the others that much. That's when the nightmares about Alejandro began. For nearly two solid weeks, the dreams became worse and worse, all being the same. Going to her doctor she asked for something to help her relax and sleep. That's when the A.C.T program began again, all railing in honor of Alejandro. It turned her stomach. Looking out the window, after after horrible dream, she shut the wooden shutters feeling grateful the Thanksgiving holiday would be starting soon. A few days away at her father's with Kaycee was just what she needed. She was sure nobody suspected anything. Since the wreckage of the plane or the bodies were never recovered some students still held onto hope, claiming that maybe just maybe there had been survivors. Her father had been checking in on her, taking her to lunch twice a week, always acting too happy and cheerful for her sake. Justine knew he was worried and didn't want to lead on how horrible she truly felt.
The questioning had ceased, and for the time being that really did seem to be it. The college councilors kept reaching out to her, but for the time being Justine just wanted to be left alone. She knew that she might need to take the rest of the semester off. She couldn't study or focus. Every time she opened a book, or tried to listen in class she could feel everyone's eyes on her. She knew people were dying to know what had happened. One afternoon she was staying in her dorm while Kaycee was at class. She decided to skip class and just catch up on some sleep. Instead she found herself breaking into a fresh crying fit of sobs after she showered.
That's when a knock came.
Sniffling, she wiped her eyes and slid off the bed. Opening the door she saw a middle aged woman with beautiful red hair. She had pale skin, and sad brown eyes. Standing there she stood with her purse over one arm.
"Excuse me, is you're name Justine?"
Instantly Justine thought she was a reporter and stared nervously in the doorway. Sighing, the woman offered her hand.
"I'm sorry, I looked you up on the campus directory. My name is Judy Loftmore."
The name meant nothing to Justine. Seeing this, she sadly smiled.
"I'm Lawrence's mother…"
"Lawrence?"
"Lars I think his friends called him."
Like a ton of bricks Justine swayed, grasping onto the doorway. Flashes danced across her eyes of Lars looking straight into her eyes, moving inside of her. Overwhelmed, she stood there before giving her hand. Feeling numb all over, she didn't even feel hers get shaken before Judy stepped back.
"There was a memorial service downtown a week ago, I understand perfectly why you didn't come. Most of the other families are spread out over the country, I live upstate…I guess…I'm sorry I shouldn't have bothered you…"
She went to turn when Justine swallowed hard.
"Wait…"
Judy turned, her eyes filled with pain.
"I'm sorry…I wanted to go but…"
"I understand, you've been through Hell. I'll just be a second…I just wanted to ask you…did you know my son?"
Thinking of Lars her stomach turned to knots. She didn't know until this exact moment, but she missed him. As much of a stranger as he was, she missed him so badly it hurt.
"Not really, not until the trip."
"I see…"
"He was really nice though, and funny…"
Judy gave another sad smile.
"That sounds like my Lawrence. He called me and told me about the trip, I kept telling him not to go, that it was stupid and dangerous. But you could't keep him from doing anything he wanted to do. He was always looking for adventure as reckless as it was. When the…plane…crashed, did you see him die?"
Justine understood what this meant, she was still holding onto hope, that maybe somehow he had survived. Remembering her eyes back at the village scanning for him, for a brief second her heart so badly wanted to think the same thing. That he had gotten away and was okay…
"I did…"
Judy closed her eyes, crushed.
"Was it…quick?"
"He..."
She thought of him again, squeezing her hand, looking into her eyes and telling her it was just the two of them.
"He held onto me, making sure I wouldn't fly out of my seat, he died…trying to protect me."
"Really?"
She knew she could never tell. Instead, if this was the little bit of comfort she could give, she was willing to twist the truth for her. She now understood she wasn't the only one affected, there were families, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends…all people that lost someone the day that plane went down. Judy dug into her purse and found a tissue, dabbing at her eyes. "
He…called me the night before he flew out, he mentioned you."
Justine stopped.
"What?"
Judy nodded.
"He called, checking in. Lawrence was a good boy, kept me worried, but a good boy. He mentioned a pretty girl he was planning on asking out named Justine."
"Really?"
Judy smiled, nodding.
"I'm happy he was with you in his last moments. I lost his father a few years ago to cancer and after Jessica died…"
"Jessica?"
Judy dropped her eyes.
"Lawrence's twin sister, she died when they were twelve, drowned. Lawrence always blamed himself. I guess now it's just me. Thank you darling…"
Justine bit down on her bottom lip, struggling to control her tears. She so badly wanted to let this poor woman who had lost her entire family know the truth, but looking at her bloodshot eyes she knew she would only cause her more pain. Standing there, she motioned behind her.
"Do you want to come in?"
"Oh no dear, I'm taking the next train ride out this afternoon. I'm sorry for bothering…"
Before she could finish Justine stepped forward and wrapped her arms tightly around this woman, smelling the comforting lingering scent of her perfume. Burying her face against her shoulder, she shook trying and fighting with every ounce of strength not to break down crying. That's when she felt her gentle arms wrap back around her hugging her tight. This was the comfort she had been looking for ever since she returned. The comforting she had been lacking since her own mother died. This was exactly what she had needed, a mother's touch. Closing her eyes, she stayed that way for a while before finally pulling back. Looking at her, she sighed.
"Thank you…"
Judy gently touched the side of her face.
"Thank you honey…"
"I would like to hear from you again, see you someday again soon?"
"Are you sure?"
"Of course, can you write down your number?"
Judy stepped back digging into her purse for a pen and slip of paper, She found one and began to write.
"I'll put my email address as well, no pressure whatsoever honey…but if you ever need to talk, I'm here…"
She handed her the paper. Justine stared down at it before she sighed.
"What about his dorm? Did he stay on campus?"
"Most of his things I had boxed up and sent back home…it's all cleared up basically."
"What dorm is it?"
"Eastern, 134." Justine nodded.
"Do you…have a photo of Lars…I mean Lawrence?"
Judy nodded.
"Of course, hold on…"
"I don't wanna take one of yours…"
"Nonsense, here…"
She opened her wallet taking one out.
"Here, and thank you again sweetheart, it was wonderful talking to you."
"Thank you…"
Judy hugged her once more before waving and leaving down the hall. Alone, Justine let out a deep breath before turning the photo over and instantly feeling her heart ache. There in her hands laid a photo of Lars, smiling with his baseball cap turned backwards on, leaning against a fence waving. Most likely taken this year since it seemed by the looks on him recent. Sighing, she gently let her thin fingertips brush against it. This was the man who she had sex with for the first time. This was the man who was a stranger, but had died protecting her. Going back into her room and shutting the door, she crawled into bed, holding onto the photo and slowly shutting her eyes and falling into a dreamless sleep.
An hour later Justine was awoken by a horrible wave of stomach cramps. Her eyes snapping open, she darted out of bed and ran to the bathroom. Barley making it she vomited, feeling her throat burn before she gagged and spit. Her hair hanging down, she stepped back wiping the back of her mouth with her hand before flushing. Standing there she suddenly felt weak. This was the second time this week she had felt like this. She was praying she wasn't coming down with something. Holding her stomach she went and washed her mouth out before returning back to bed. She never felt so exhausted before in her whole life. Finding the photo of Lars laying there, she turned over holding onto it and closing her eyes, allowing the one escape from reality take over.