Under love's heavy burden do I sink — William Shakespeare
Just like the morning before, Emma woke up alone.
So this is becoming a thing, then – she thought, closing her eyes again.
After a few seconds, she sat up to look around the room, searching for some note from Killian, since now that was the only way they communicated with each other, but she saw none.
She got up from the bed and made her way to the bathroom. She definitely needed a shower so she could wake up from the nightmare that her life was becoming. After the quick shower she made her way down the stairs. She heard some voices coming from the kitchen.
As soon as she entered in the kitchen the smell of food almost made her barf. Killian and Henry were making pancakes, talking with each other enthusiastically. Emma suddenly realized that the kitchen was a mess but at least Killian was back to normal, she thought, trying to ignore the smell that was coming from the food.
Killian heard her entering in the room and turned his body to her. He had a towel over his shoulder and could almost be considered the perfect picture of domesticity.
"Good morning, love" – he said, smiling at her.
"Hi, mom!" – Henry exclaimed right after Killian – "We're making pancakes! Doesn't it smell good?" – he added smiling.
Emma just nodded, faking a smile, well aware that if she opened her mouth the only thing that would come from it would not be words but the dinner from last night.
She sat on one of the chairs and had to hold her breath when Henry put a plate of pancakes right in front of her.
"Coffee is almost ready" – Killian said, grabbing a cup from the cupboard.
Oh God – Emma thought, cursing herself for being an addicted to coffee.
Henry was already eating his pancakes. He looked at her and then at her plate, noticing that the pancakes were still intact. She immediately grabbed her fork, pretending to eat the food on her plate.
Killian put the cup of coffee beside her plate and placed a small kiss on her forehead.
"I promised Belle I would meet her at the library" – Killian said – "I know that you're still mad at me about yesterday but I promise that I'm going to fix all of this" – he murmured, so Henry wouldn't hear him – "See you tonight, love" – he said before heading to the door.
"Killian, wait!" – Henry quickly said, swallowing his last piece of pancake – "I'm coming too; I'm already late for school! Bye mom!" – he said, grabbing his school bag – "And don't forget to eat your pancakes!" – he added before following Killian.
As soon as she heard the door closing, she ran to the sink, throwing her head over to vomit all the food she had in her stomach.
"Seriously?" – she said to no one in particular – "Since when do I hate pancakes?"
She looked around the room and decided that it was best to start cleaning the kitchen. She grabbed the cup of coffee that Killian had prepared for her, remembering how good the taste of coffee was.
It was such a crime not to drink it – she thought as she ran the cup under the water from the faucet.
When Killian opened the library door he immediately caught Belle organizing some books in one of the many shelves of the room. She was using a stepladder so she could reach the books that were in the higher shelves.
"Sorry, I'm late" – he said, entering in the room.
"It's okay" – Belle said, turning her body to him – "I had to clean some books, anyway" – she added smiling.
"Of course you had" – Killian murmured. Belle's concern about the books never ceased to amuse him. He found it adorable the way Belle cared and talked about them, like they were real people.
"So, did you ask her?" – Belle asked him.
"What?" – Killian asked confused, reaching for her hand so he could help her descend the stepladder.
"Did you ask Emma?" – Belle asked again, grabbing his hand – "Did you propose to her? What did she say?"
After all that had happened, Killian had totally forgot about the main reason he was on the boat that leaded him to all the problems that were now trying to steal his happiness from him.
For months the idea of marry Emma never left his mind and now it seemed that the closer he was to make his dream come true, the farther he was from reality.
How could he think about marry her if he didn't even know how to be with her anymore?
Unconsciously he touched the pocket of his jacket, searching for the small box that he used to carry with him since he found the perfect ring. Even if he hadn't asked for David's blessing right after he bought the ring, Killian wanted to be prepared just in case the perfect opportunity to ask Emma appeared.
Of course he wanted to ask David first but sometimes the stars in the sky align and the perfect opportunity appears right in front of your eyes and when that happens you can't just ignore it, you have to take that opportunity and make it more perfect than perfection.
Killian had searched for that moment and was now happy that the moment never came, not just because he wanted to have the talk with David first, but also because it would make things more difficult than they already were if he had indeed asked her to marry him.
Perfection – he thought – Nothing would be perfect again.
"No" – Killian softly said.
"She said no?" – Belle exclaimed in shock.
"No …" – Killian repeated, noticing the distressed expression on Belle's face – "I didn't ask her yet"
"Of course …" – Belle said – "Now it's not the best time … after all that happened" – she added, referring to the boat's accident – "How are you by the way? We didn't exactly have time to talk about it" – she gently asked.
"I'm fine" – he quickly said but Belle didn't seem convinced – "I just … I just wished that things had turn out different, you know?" – he explained.
"Yeah …" – she said – "But you're here now and I'm sure that whatever happens next will be better" – Belle said smiling at her friend – "Besides, you still have the ring …"
The ring – Killian thought, feeling his heart ache.
He had lost the ring; at least he thought he had. After all that happened the ring was now in the bottom of the ocean, or in the sand of that bloody island or in the Jolly Roger. Wherever it was, it was lost. He had spent hours searching for the perfect ring and now it was gone. His past had stolen his future.
"But first, what do you say we start searching for whatever it is that you're searching for?" – Belle's voice interrupted his thoughts.
"Right" – Killian said, clearing his throat – "Do you have any books about prophecies?" – he asked, trying to focus on what had brought him to the library.
"I think so …" – she said – "There are some old books about prophecies and legends and stuff like that … But why do you want those kind of books?" – she asked with curiosity.
"I'm trying to figure it out some things" – he said, not wanting to give to many details to his friend – "It's nothing important … it's more like a personal research"
"Okay" – Belle simply said – "Follow me"
Killian followed her to the other side of the library. Belle started to search for the books, not taking her eyes from the shelves as she read the title of the books. Before he noticed he was holding five books in his hand, with the help of his hook, while Belle was holding three.
"Do you want my help with the research?" – she asked, dropping the books on one of the tables.
"Oh, no, don't worry" – Killian immediately said –"I'm sure you have more interesting things to do" – he said sitting on one of the chairs.
"Actually no" – Belle said sitting on the chair next to him, opening one of the books – "So, what are we searching for?"
Killian's plan didn't include Belle finding out about the prophecy but he knew that she wouldn't give up on helping him and he could really use an extra hand, besides, no one was better that Belle when it comes to books, so after a few seconds of deliberation he decided that he could reveal some information to Belle without her knowing about the prophecy.
"Can you mark the pages that have any kind of information about prophecies involving the sea or something related to blood made of sea?" – he asked, opening one of the books as well.
"Prophecies about the sea" – Belle said to herself, starting to read the first page of her book. Killian did the same and the sound of turning pages invaded the library.
Emma was at Granny's trying to eat her lunch. She was seated on the same place for almost thirty minutes with her plate still full and didn't even notice the way Granny was looking at her. She was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't realize that Granny was now pointing at her as she talked to Ruby.
On that morning, after she cleaned the kitchen, Killian's words started to echo in her mind. She didn't quite realize the meaning of the words after he had said them: I'm going to fix all of this, but now she couldn't stop listening to his words over and over again.
What was he talking about? Was there anything to be fixed? Weren't they fine? Yes, they were not on their best terms but that didn't mean that they needed to be fixed. They were not broken, were they?
"The wolves over there don't stop howling" – a voice interrupted her thoughts – "And they're looking at you"
"Regina, what are you doing here?" – Emma said, looking at her friend that was seated right in front of her and had stolen one of her fries.
"Apparently I'm eating the food that you should have eaten a long time ago" – Regina said – "This junk food is cold" – she added and Emma rolled her eyes – "Are you still with nausea?"
Surprisingly, Emma was hungry. The morning sickness had stopped and since she hadn't eaten her breakfast she was desperate for some food, but then she remembered Killian's words and totally forgot to eat her food.
"No, I just got a little distracted" – Emma stated.
"When do you plan to go to the doctor?" – Regina suddenly asked. Emma had finally tasted her food and was ready to protest but Regina spoke again – "You should call Whale to schedule an appointment"
"Can you speak a little louder?" – Emma murmured sarcastically so the other clients at the restaurant didn't hear her.
"You need to go see Whale" – Regina insisted, looking around the room making sure that no one was listening their conversation.
"I know" – Emma softly said – "I just … I just want to tell Killian first" – she murmured.
"You didn't tell him yet?" – Regina exclaimed and Emma mouthed shhhh to her – "You have to tell him" – she murmured.
"He's acting strange … I don't know why but since he returned he has been distant" – Emma tried to explain – "Now is not the right moment to tell him"
"Stop complicate things. There is no right moment to tell your boyfriend that he's going to be a dad" – Regina explained – "You just do it, especially when you have to start making plans and go to the appointments" – she said, emphasizing the word appointments.
"Speaking of plans" – Emma said, trying to change the subject – "Aren't you supposed to be planning a wedding?"
"I'm going to postpone it" – Regina said, after a few seconds of silence – "There are still a lot of things to do. Robin and I were supposed to choose the flowers and the food and the music last week, but then the accident happened and the whole schedule changed"
"I'm sure it will be a beautiful wedding, Regina" – Emma said, trying to cheer up her friend.
"I know it will" – Regina said smiling – "Besides, now I'll have more time to organize everything with less stress" – she added – "And you better tell Killian about your condition before the wedding, Miss Swan"
Killian read all of the books that Belle gave him more than once and none of the prophecies that he found spoke about a magical child. He was starting to feel anxious with the lack of answers. He needed to know more about this prophecy so he could find a solution.
"You know, whatever it is that you're searching for, none of these books will give you a certain answer" – Belle said, noticing that Killian was running his hand through his hair nervously.
"What do you mean?" – Killian said, taking his eyes from the book he was reading.
"Prophecies can be misunderstood" – she started to explain – "The accuracy or outcome of any prophecy is altered by the desires and attachments of those who hear or read the prophecy"
"So you're saying that it's possible a prophecy not be real?" – he said, trying to disguise the hope in his voice.
"I'm saying that when you're dealing with a prophecy you can't take words in their usual or most basic sense" – Belle said – "You have to look at them like metaphors or allegories and sometimes the prophecy you're dealing with doesn't even tell you the whole story; sometimes the same prophecy has different versions with different information" – she added – "Like I said, sometimes prophecies can be misunderstood and misinterpreted"
Killian remained in silence remembering Milah's words about the prophecy:
Like the sea is eternal, the child's heart will be immortal.
Because the child's mother is the savior and the father has the sea running into his veins, the child's heart will have the power of immortality; the power to save and cure; the power to concede an eternal life to anyone capable of ripping its heart out of its chest and perform the undying spell.
Contrary to most people, as soon as the heart leaves its body the child will immediately die, like a wave that dies on the sand every time it tries to abandon the sea
Milah. She would come to town eventually and then the real problems would start. He needed to do something. She had magic and she was dangerous. She had used magic on him, so what would stop her from using magic on other people? She could harm them … Not to mention the child.
It was silly but every time he thought about someone hurting his child he immediately felt rage invading his whole body and a needing to protect that he didn't think it was possible; it was like something inside of him changed and he couldn't quite understand that feeling because, truth to be told, there wasn't any child to protect, it was all theoretical.
"Look, whatever it is that you're searching for …" – Belle interrupted his thoughts –"you shouldn't lose hope just yet. I know that you don't want me to know what you're searching for and that's okay" – she continued to say – "I just think that you should share this with someone, especially if it's something that is troubling you"
Killian looked at Belle trying to find the right words to say.
"I don't want you to think that I don't trust you. Because I do" – he started to say – "I just … It's complicated…" – he said, scratching his ear.
"Prophecies are a complicated thing" – Belle softly said – "But I understand … just think about what I said. Sometimes things get a little easier when you share them with other people"
And sometimes they get more complicated – Killian said to himself.
Hours later, when Killian returned home, he immediately went to the garage and searched for his old jacket.
His research had been a waste of time and now he was more confused than ever. Knowing that could be more about this prophecy than what he knew scared him. The lack of information could be a good sign but also a bad one.
He opened the closet full of boxes and old stuff and immediately saw it. He decided to keep it there the day he had returned from the boat trip. He didn't want to look at the jacket and remember all that happened.
He grabbed the jacket and took it out of the closet, realizing that the jacket was not only dirty but also ripped. The reflection of himself, he thought.
He held the jacket and then he quickly searched for the small box that he had been carrying around with him for the past weeks. Killian knew that was almost impossible for the ring to be there, still he put his hand inside the right pocket and prepared himself to find nothing but then he felt something in his hand.
It's not possible – he thought, touching the small box full of hope and possibility.
He grabbed it and took it out of the pocket so he could see it. Unconsciously, he smiled as soon as he saw the box in his hand. He opened it and saw the ring with a blue diamond inside.
"What about this one?" – he heard Belle saying from the other side of the store. She raised her arm, showing the ring she was holding.
Killian put the two rings he was analyzing on the store counter and walked towards her friend.
"So what do you think?" – she asked again, placing the ring in his hand.
He looked at the ring, trying to see the appeal that Belle saw in it. The diamond ring was red and Killian quickly realized that the rock was too big. He wanted a simpler ring and maybe with a different color.
"I don't know …" – he said, scratching the back of his ear – "I don't think it's the right color …"
"Yeah, you're probably right" – Belle quickly said, searching for another ring – "What about this?" – she said, showing him a purple ring.
Killian shook his head. That was definitely not the ring.
"You do realize that we've been here for three hours" – she said looking at her friend – "Not to mention that we've been searching for the perfect ring for almost a week" – Belle added, emphasizing the word perfect.
"I know, I know" – Killian said, pacing around the room – "I just –"
Killian didn't have the time to finish the sentence. His eyes got stuck in a small ring that seemed to be hiding from the world but not from him. He approached the showcase so he could touch the ring.
"I think we found it" – he murmured.
"Let me see it, let me see it" – Belle said, running towards him. Killian didn't even feel Belle's hand in his back trying to see the ring.
The blue of the diamond of the ring was the reflection of Killian's deep blue eyes; the color of the sea. It was absolutely perfect. He could picture the way the ring would fit in Emma's hand.
It was different from Snow's ring, specially the color. The diamond was smaller but the rock was brighter. He knew what the ring meant to the Charmings: True love follows this ring whenever it goes – he had heard Charming and Snow say to Neal, every time they told the baby their story. Killian wanted that. He wanted a ring capable of showing how much Emma meant to him.
"It's beautiful. I think it was worth the wait" – Belle said, caressing Killian's arm.
"Yes, it was" – Killian finally said and Belle couldn't help but smile, quickly realizing that Killian was not talking about the ring.
"Killian?" – a familiar voice almost made him jump, interrupting his thoughts. He quickly hid the box inside the pocket of the coat before he turned his body – "Is everything alright?"
"Swan…" – he said, looking at Emma.
"What are you doing here?" – she asked, approaching him.
"Hmm … nothing … nothing important" – Killian said at the same time he tried to close the closet with his back.
"Is that your pirate jacket?" – Emma said touching one of the doors of the closet, preventing him from closing it – "Why did you put it in here?"
"I just …" – Killian said after a few seconds of silence – "I'm trying to leave the pirate behind" – he said, faking a smile.
"What? Why?" – she immediately asked, reaching for his arm. He stood in silence, looking at the way Emma was holding his arm – "You don't have to leave the pirate behind. I don't want you to leave the pirate behind, you shouldn't either" – she continued to say – "Your past –"
"Emma, stop" – he interrupted her as soon as he heard the word past, releasing his arm from her embrace and closing the closet.
"I'm not going to stop, Killian" – Emma shot back – "Look, I know what's going on" – she added, softly this time, and suddenly Killian became pale – "You're having some kind of identity crisis because of what happened during the trip but what happened wasn't your fault … It was an accident. There's nothing to fix" – she explained – "Maybe what happened made you remember things that you've done in your past and you're worried that I'm going to see you different but I'm not. You can't blame your past for everything bad that happens and you don't have to hide it either" – she added gently.
You can't blame your past for everything bad that happens – Emma's words echoed in his mind like destiny was joking with him. His past was the problem; the reason why everything bad happened and would continue to happen if he didn't do something to stop it.
"The past is a complicated thing, love … and mine is just …" – he tried to say, taking a deep breath – "I just wished mine was different" – he managed to say.
"I don't" – Emma said smiling – "I'm a fan of every part of you, pirate"
Killian wanted to put her in his arms the instant he heard her words.
She had used his own words to show him how much she loved him even the parts of him that he was ashamed of. Never in his life had he thought that he would find someone like her. He didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve the life that she had offered him.
Suddenly he realized something: he had nothing to offer to her but pain and disappointment; she had offered him the world and he was about to destroy everything. She had offered him a family, a purpose, something to live for, a new life … How could she forgive him for bringing his ghosts to her life? How could she forgive him for being the ingredient that would curse an innocent child? How could she forgive him for turning life into death?
He opened his mouth to speak but the sound of Emma's phone interrupted him.
Emma took her phone from her jean pocket and answered the call. She mouthed the word Regina to him before leaving the garage and entering inside the house.
After dinner Killian went to his room. He sat on the bed thinking about all that happened during the day. He hadn't lied to Emma when he said that he wanted to leave the pirate behind. He really wanted to do that, now more than ever. If it wasn't for his pirate life none of this mess had started in the first place.
But if wasn't for your pirate life you hadn't met Emma – a voice inside his head said.
He knew that Emma loved him. It had not been easy making her admit her feelings for him but a year ago, when she finally said those three words to him, he knew right there and right then that he could never love anyone but her, and today, hearing her say the same words that he had said to her a year ago made him remember of that moment.
Maybe Belle was right; maybe he should tell her the truth. They could find a solution, together.
He got up from the bed feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders disappearing. He was going to tell her and everything would be alright.
He started to pace around the room, trying to find the right way to tell Emma about the news, when his eyes caught the book he had been reading these past weeks. He grabbed the book and went to bed. Maybe reading was the solution; maybe the book could show him the right words to say to Emma, besides, reading always helped him to relax. He had almost finished the book; there was only a few pages left to read.
He started to read the book. Every time he turned one of the pages he prepared himself for the happy ending but as he continued to read the happy ending never came. There were only a few pages left and Killian started to realize that the story would not end the way he wanted to.
When Emma entered in the room, the lights were already off. Killian was on his side of the bed sound asleep. She climbed to bed, trying not to wake him. She lay down next to him, wrapping her arms around his body.
Emma kissed the back of his neck and closed her eyes unaware that, next to her, Killian was still awake, trying to erase from his mind the last words of the book that was hidden under his pillow, reminding him that not every story had a happy ending:
A glooming peace this morning with it brings;
The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head:
Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things:
Some shall be pardon'd, and some punished:
For never was a story of more woe
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.
Thank you so much for reading this chapter.
I know that a lot of you want Killian to find out about Emma being pregnant and see his reaction but I promise you it will worth the wait. Just be a little patience, dear readers!
Don't forget to tell me what you think! See you next chapter (: