Memories
Found
Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men or any of their characters. Tora and Weapon X-ii are my own though.
Six years. Six years of living hell. Ever since the others had left and she had been left to Creed's less than tender mercies, Xii had learned to black out the world. It was easier just to give in. Then he'd tire of hurting her and throw her away. The more she fought, the more enjoyment he got. So she didn't. She just stood silently, refusing to raise a hand to defend herself. And so he simply tore open her back again and pushed her back into the cage. It hurt, but she'd learned early on he could hurt her worse than that. The beating had left her unable to move for a day even with her fast healing. She hadn't given up though. In her mind, she fought back and beat him, holding her claws under his throat and then…then she didn't know what. Her imagination couldn't stretch far enough to imagine killing him. One day though…One day…she'd find out. And she couldn't wait.
The woman laughed. One day. Next day more like. Finally Xii would learn. Learn the things a child knew. And maybe forget the things no child should. Was Xii a child? She was…how old? Twenty? So much older in many respects. So much younger in others. This would be interesting. Perhaps to switch perspectives? Who to choose? Ah, yes… Herr Wagner…
"Elf, we ain't got much time."
Kurt sighed. He didn't see why there was so much fuss about this. Apparently Wolverine…Logan…had been told there was something important deep in the Northern Rockies. What it was exactly was…well…unclear. Logan acted like he knew what he was doing but when Kurt had asked him, out of the range of the other X-Men what they were going up against, he had shrugged.
"Not a clue. Can't remember anything from then. All I know, it's to do with my past. And that's all I care about."
Frankly, it was amazing he had managed to persuade the others to come. Kurt had always been for coming. Peter hadn't taken much persuading. It was the Professor and Cyclops that had been difficult to persuade. Somehow Logan had managed it. He'd got the Professor to do the mind-reading thing and after a hurried conference with Cyclops the X-Men had been given the green light to go. There had been that slight problem with Kitty wanting to come but hopefully this time they'd left her behind. They'd made sure to check to storage locker this time. The Blackbird was nearing it's destination. Through all the snow and earth, a glimmer of metal. There. Was that what they were looking for? It looked small. Insignificant. As they prepared to touch down, Kurt couldn't help but wonder…
"What have we gotten ourselves into?"
The place was deserted. The corridors were silent. It was like someone had just said a word and everyone had upped sticks and left. The equipment they had left behind… Some of it was more advanced than the stuff back home. Who were these people? Kurt shivered and hurried over to talk to Logan.
"This place is empty. Whatever you're looking for mein Freund, it is not here."
"That's what you think. There's a scent. It's faint. Can't quite pick it up. But it's there."
"Do you know where we are?"
"Haven't got a clue. Whatever this place is, it ain't where I was. Stop. Got it. There's a woman here. Smells like she's in a bad way. It stinks of blood."
Wolverine sped up, causing the other X-Men to run after him. How could someone so short go so fast? What was there that was so important anyway. Finally, after what felt like miles of winding tunnels (this complex must be huge), they reached a pair of huge doors. Wolverine was already cutting out a gap to allow them through. The doors fell in on themselves and Kurt staggered as the stench hit him. The walls were covered in gore. A massacre had obviously taken place there. And at the opposite end of the long room was a cage. There was a figure there, but whoever it was appeared to have collapsed. There was a chain holding his head up. As they got closer Nightcrawler gasped
"Is that a…a child?"
The figure looked up. Fierce golden eyes glared out of a grubby and bloodstained face. Rough, filthy hair framed a face that was obviously that of a young woman. But the eyes that burned and accused were like Logan's only deeper. Someone who had suffered and screamed and in the end given up. Storm moved closer, reaching for the cage door only to withdraw her hand as the woman within snarled and snapped, revealing sharp canines.
"Ororo, for all we know, this woman might be responsible for this…massacre. I don't think you should…"
"Scott, this is a child. She is scared. Let her be."
As the others bickered about the girl, Kurt watched as Logan crouched down, so his eyes were level with the girl's. They sat there for a while, just looking at each other. Wolverine spoke first.
"I reckon you'll understand me. It hurts doesn't it? I guess you're like me 'cos they put you in an adamantium cage…"
Gradually the others noticed what he was doing and turned to listen. The words soon dropped into the background. It was simply the tone that mattered. The way you talked to a spooked animal. The girl never broke eye contact with Wolverine, just stared at him, gaze never waivering from his face. Finally she spoke.
"Please…get me out… I can't stay here any longer…He will return soon. Please."
Kurt shuddered. Who was the "he" she referred to with great fear? Storm began the slow job of picking the lock as the others took turns to keep watch. The girl…so hard to think of her as a woman…moving restlessly. She seemed unable to remain still, so unlike the corpse-like figure they had seen when they first entered. She was odd. There was something about the unblinking eyes that scared him. It wasn't the feline pupils, or the unnatural golden colour. No he was fine with that. It was the look of years in her eyes. The same look that Logan had, only the outer layer had none of the steel. But look further and you saw the metal, unbreakable. The eyes of someone guarded and dangerous. Someone who could kill with the flick of a hand. Yet someone who wouldn't. He gave up trying to read her eyes. There was no point.
The door swung open and with a swift tug, Colossus broke through the chains. She collapsed. Peter passed her out and Kurt felt how thin she was under the loose once-white robe. Storm offered her an arm but the girl pushed it away, managing to stand. She swayed slightly but then steadied herself. There was a strength there. She refused all help other than what she obviously needed. She began to walk away, towards the door.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm not going to hurt you. Everything I touch dies. That or it hurts me. He'll be back soon. I have to run. Have to get away. Have to escape. Have to be free. Never been free before. Wonder what it is like to be free."
Wolverine was there first.
"Kid, you're a walking corpse. We'll get you out of here. Don't worry, we'll look after you."
The girl withdrew, fear in her eyes as a figure rose up out of the darkness and thrust a clawed hand through Wolverine's chest. The girl screamed, her hands bunching into fists. A blond man stepped out of the shadows. Was it a man? There was the look of an animal about him.
"Now, now little one. We can't have you escaping can we? Oh dear, this will lead to punishment. After I've dealt with your would-be rescuers."
The girl snarled and dropped into a low combat stance, smooth metal sliding out of her hands.
Oh no, not another one! There are enough mad lunatics with claws.
She launched herself at the man. There were no threats, no posturing. She simply flung herself into the fight like she was born fighting. The fight was no place for anyone else. It was the fight between animals, only one was cheating and the other was cheating even more. The girl had the upper hand. Claw marks on the man didn't heal while all the injuries he gave her simply healed. Suddenly, with a fierce roundhouse kick, the man was down and the girl rammed her claws under his throat. As they watched she seemed to falter as if she couldn't quite bring herself to ram the lethal looking claws into the man's brain. The man sensed his opponent's weakness and flung her the length of the room, where she crashed into a wall and slumped to the floor. In a second, all hell had broken lose. Something the girl had hit had caused the room to go insane. Lasers burst, pile drivers came crashing towards them. It was like the Danger Room only even more intense. A movement wrong could result in death. A very, very painful death.
The woman watched as unnoticed Creed slipped away. Now she would go back to Xii's perspective. After all it was her she was interested in, not Nightcrawler, as endearing as he was.
The blackness cleared and Xii looked up. The short man was bending over her and she panicked. She swung her fist in an arc, managing to connect before realizing it wasn't Creed. She tried to apologize but the man waved away her feeble attempts. One of the others, the metalman, offered her a hand up but she managed to pull herself up, before collapsing again. This time the blue man with the brimstone scent caught her and pulled her up. The man in blue with the odd glasses came up and looked in her face.
"Was he responsible for this?"
"Yes. He tore and hurt. Kept hurting. Wouldn't stop. Blood's mine. All mine."
"All this?"
"Mine. Mine, mine, mine. Tore and hurt and wouldn't stop. Kept hurting. Wouldn't fight back. Refused. Be strong. I humiliated him by refusing to fight."
Suddenly what she had been saying clicked in her head.
"My apologies. I think the force at which I was thrown must have scrambled my language banks."
"Come again."
"My language banks translate for me and give me fluency in many tongues. It is a most useful skill to have. Now if one of you would be so kind as to show me the exit."
The people like her glanced at one another and she knew they were going to refuse.
"Please…"
The short man with the scent she knew she should know but frankly couldn't care less about was the only one who tried to talk.
"Kid…"
"I am not a child. I am an adult. I think I'm twenty. I don't really know. It's hard to keep count. Let's say I'm definitely twenty plus."
"Okay, okay. Listen, you're half-starved and you're having trouble standing up. It's mid-winter out there. No way will you survive."
"I did before. And I didn't have my powers then."
"Look. You can come with us. We won't hurt you. We all were hurt. I know what you've gone through…"
"How? You don't know what I am."
The man didn't speak. Instead, he bunched up his hands and smooth metal claws snikted into position. Xii curled her hands into fists and allowed her claws to chikt out. She held them up to his. They were smaller, lighter. They looked spindly compared to his. She moved quickly, claws flying at his. His claws stopped hers. Adamantium. His eyes didn't leave hers.
"See. I know. We all have suffered. Some more than others. Will you come with us?"
She couldn't refuse. How could she? Another sufferer. Someone like her. Someone who knew the never-ending, never-ceasing pain of metal in his bones.
"I…I will come. But I cannot stay for long."
The woman laughed at that. "Cannot stay for long." Brilliant. Of course, with Xii's lifespan she didn't actually spend that long with the X-Men. But she stayed longer than she anticipated. They all did in the end. That was the magic Xavier had created. Speaking of Xavier…
Xii stepped out of the plane…the Blackbird, the blue one-Nightcrawler had called it. A girl came running up but faltered when she saw Xii.
"Storm…who is this?"
The woman turned to look at Xii.
"Who are you? We do not even know your name."
"They called me X-ii. I think of myself as Xii. It's the closest thing I have to a name."
She realized instantly that she had said was somehow wrong. The others spluttered and looked shocked. The girl was the first to speak.
"You don't have a name? Well I'm called Kitty and this is Scott, Ororo, Peter, Logan and Kurt. I'll take you to meet the Professor. You have heard of the Professor haven't you? Charles Xavier?"
"I am sorry…Kitty. I…I have heard of Professor Xavier but only in passing. Professor Robson called him one of the great minds of the day."
As the girl reached out a hand to Xii, she felt a sharp stab of pain. She was like Eva on that first day. So open. So trusting. She'd be hurt. And hurt badly. Xii shuddered. What danger had she put these people in?
The girl pulled her along a tunnel until they surfaced in a house. A man in a wheelchair appeared. He smiled at the girl…Kitty…must remember to call her Kitty. He looked at Xii as well and smiled. Not the smile of the people she was used to. This man seemed genuinely pleased to see her. She tried to smile in return but was panicking inside. Where was the famed Professor Xavier? There were no more people in the house and Professors were tall and angry and spoke loudly.
"Greetings Xii. My name is Charles Xavier. I hope you will see my home as yours during your stay here. Scott has filled me in on your situation. Perhaps Ororo could take you upstairs and find you some new clothes while you clean up?"
No, No, No! This was all wrong! Professors weren't soft-spoken and kind! Especially not one with a reputation like Xavier's. But there he was, treating Xii like a person… like an equal. He was the third. Second really. The other…Wolverine didn't count. They were the same. But the other X-Men had been wary around her. Not that she blamed them. She was dangerous. She knew that. Wolverine knew that. But did the others? They thought they did but in reality they hadn't got a clue. The sooner she could get away from here the better.
Yes. Yes, Xii was dangerous. But only to herself. That's what she couldn't grasp. Alone for all those years she had decided that she would never look another human in the face again. Never care about someone again. And that had changed as she made excuses for her decision, as she tried to persuade herself to remain detached. The woman sat silent and still for a second…or was it for an eternity. Time has no meaning here. There is no then and now, no future. But time still happens. People create time. The woman decided that time was a useful thing. She didn't like running into versions of herself that she knew more than or they knew more than her. So she tried to keep the second going on forever. Her second. Her gift and her curse. She was living the same second again and again, it's just each time round she did something different. How boring. That's why she spent her second watching Xii. So interesting. So full of life. So much history. When you're bored stiff, you want to watch something long but with lots of action. Pretty much summed up Xii.
Xii looked over the clothes that Storm…Ororo…had pushed through the door. Why so many? All different colours. How did you choose? She was tired and hungry and the warm water hadn't helped. She'd never realized water could feel so good. They used to turn a cold hose on her when she got too dirty. It had never occurred to her you could use hot water and that sweet smelling stuff. Actually, she'd probably used too much of that fat-based product. But she'd wanted to get rid of all of the scent of that place. She'd used so much she no longer smelt of blood and gore and Creed. That was good in her eyes. Finally she grabbed some of the darker clothes that looked like they wouldn't drown her and covered the worst of her cuts that were still in the process of healing. When she stepped out Ororo gave her an odd look but passed no comment on her choice of clothing. Xii knew she had probably made some error but she really wasn't that bothered about clothes. A smell was permeating the house. Something sweet and sharp and mouth-watering. Food. When had she last eaten? Four, five days ago at least. Storm lead her to a room where the scents were stronger. She was having trouble not leaping for the food they placed in front of her.
"Calm. Calm. You've gone for longer without food. Much, much longer."
Unbidden she remembered the day she realized she couldn't count on Creed bringing food and she'd been forced to reached out of the cage and scoop up the only source of food nearby. She had been sick, retched and retched until there was no more food to bring up, but for a short time she'd not been hungry so had to eat more. Cyclops…what had Kitty called him? Oh, yes…Scott glanced at her.
"You're starving. We can all see that. Eat."
Xii gave the bowl a cursory sniff, more out of habit than anything else before attacking the food with gusto. Gradually she slowed, realizing that the food she was being given was better than anything else. The scents and tastes melded. She noticed the other smiling, withholding laughter. When had she last laughed? Not since Eva died. Was it really eight years since she had last laughed? Was it six years since they had left her? The dates matched up. She hadn't been certain in the facility. Days blurred. Lights were on all the time. It threw her body clock off. At the moment, her body thought it was night and registered surprise at it being evening. Finally she finished and Kitty pushed another bowl in front of her. Xii pushed it away.
"I thought you were hungry."
"Too much rich food after starvation causes sickness. I haven't had a proper meal for many years. Just what Sabretooth gave me and …what I could reach when he withheld food."
All the people paled as they realized what she had been forced to eat. Xavier and Kitty had obviously been filled in on the room she had been in. All paled. Except Wolverine.
"Sensible."
She glanced at him, not long enough to be perceived as a threat but long enough for her to get a good look. He was about an inch shorter than her. His hair looked wild. He smelt like Creed. But not. It was complicated. He smelt like her. But not. So confusing. And he stank of ethanol and barley. Some of the guards had smelt of that. They were the ones who were callous. She glanced over again and saw the slight smile that made it obvious he'd realized what she was doing and thought it funny. And she couldn't help but notice he'd been doing the same. The others had all stared. He'd just glanced. And he'd noticed more than the rest put together. She wanted to laugh. So she did. She'd forgotten how good it felt to laugh. How it felt to get your feelings out. The others looked at each other hurriedly and Xii realized she'd come across as happy to have been forced to eat…what she'd had to.
"Sorry. Had a funny thought. I wasn't always…as you saw me. I used to laugh and smile. But I lost something. I lost the power to smile and instead got my other…gifts."
The Professor exchanged a glance with the others.
"The others have told me about your fight. I am interested in your ability and would like you to stay here permanently. And also I would like to give you the opportunity to explore your powers fully…"
There it was. He wanted her as an experiment. She tensed, ready to run and keep running. The only ones who could keep up with her would be Nightcrawler- Kurt and Ororo. And she could probably beat them in one-on-one. Her eyes flickered around, gauging distances. Finally, like a coiled spring she leapt, managing to slip between Peter and Scott and out of the door. She ran and ran, along the corridors and caught a breeze. Follow it. Sooner I'm out of here the better. She reached the door then stopped. No one had followed her. If they wanted to keep her, wouldn't they follow? She hesitated then walked out the door.
Then turned and walked to the kitchen window and listened. Wolverine was arguing with the Professor.
"Chuck, that kid's spent her whole life by with people being interested in her. She heard you talking about her power and panicked. If I go, I can talk to her. She's scared stiff. All of this is new to her. And she's been in Sabretooth's hands for who knows how long. That man's a lunatic."
"Logan, I wish you would tell me your relationship with this man."
"We don't have one! He hates me, I hate him. End of."
Logan…was that his name…she hadn't quite caught it…marched out. She watched the others argue. Some- Scott in particular- were all in favour of allowing her to leave. Ororo and Kurt were saying she shouldn't be allowed out. She wouldn't be able to cope. She was so absorbed in hearing what they were saying about her she didn't hear him sneaking up on her.
"Hey."
She turned, claws already out and swiped, only to be stopped by his. She relaxed. She felt…somehow…secure near him. Mainly because he was like her. He knew all the pain. And he'd realized what she had been doing and thought it was funny. Just like she did.
"What did he mean?"
"Charles wants you to join the X-Men. Be one of us. We can help you. He helped me. Helped me sort through all the fear and pain."
"I'm too dangerous. I shouldn't be here. I endanger people."
"Don't think you're as bad as me. Number of times I've almost killed someone I shouldn't."
She glanced up. Questions burning.
"You're like me. Who did it to you?"
"Government. Same as you I assume?"
"I think so. But there was someone paying for me. Don't know who it was. If I meet him again I'll recognize his scent. Aside from that…"
"Will you come back in? It's cold."
"I don't feel the cold."
"Neither do I. Don't tell the others, they'll just be jealous."
Smiling slightly, Xii followed Wolverine back into the warm house.
The woman smiled. The first time Xii followed Logan. Definitely not the last. They would become close as time went on. Shared suffering did that. They'd all suffered the same. Of course, the others became friends. But Logan was the one she trusted first.
The X-Men looked in surprise as she stepped back into the kitchen. Wolverine grinned slightly.
"Told ya I could bring her back Chuck."
"Where were you Xii?"
"Just outside the window."
"Oh."
That was it. No asking for an explanation. Just accepting she needed to have time on her own. That was new. She tried to smile. Kitty looked edgy.
"Sorry, Xii. But don't you have a real name."
"If I do I don't remember."
"It's just I don't feel right calling you Xii. It's like a nickname but you haven't got a name."
"I wouldn't know what to call myself."
"How 'bout Tora? Japanese name meaning tiger. Goes with your hair."
She turned and looked at Wolverine…Logan, curiosity burning.
"Why that name?"
"Came to me in a flash of inspiration."
Xavier looked at him oddly but then smiled.
"You will need a Christian name and surname if we are to get you identification. It's almost impossible to live these days without some sort of licence."
"In that case, I'll go with Tora. It's better than the name they wanted to give me."
"Which was?"
"Emilè Robsen. The Professor was Emil…"
"Ah. He named you after himself."
"Yes. I don't want that name."
"Understandable."
She sat quietly. Thinking the name over and over. Tora. Tora. It sounded odd. She liked the way the syllables meshed together. Funny. She'd never assumed she could have a name. It was just one of those things about her. Suddenly she was aware she was exhausted. That fight with Sabretooth had taken a lot out of her and she'd been weak to begin with. Followed by a meal and warm water, she was now half asleep. She wouldn't help the yawn slipping out of her mouth. Xavier looked at here in worry.
"I am sorry…Tora. I didn't realize you were so tired. I will have Ororo take you to a room."
"Thank you. I don't know how to repay you…"
"There is no need. If you were to try and gain money, you would be unable to cope."
"I don't want to be a problem."
"I would give all mutants a home here if I could. You have no home and I feel you deserve some luck after what has happened to you. If it is anything like Logan's experience, I cannot doubt you have suffered greatly."
Wolverine shifted slightly at that.
"Professor. I think it's worse than you assume. All the signs there were that she'd been there for most of her life. I have some memories of before it all, but the files she went through went back eighteen years."
Xavier gave her a sharp look.
"You went through files? Why?"
"I hoped they would contain information about before. All I remember before they gave me the knowledge was a single word. I don't remember anything about life. Just a word that I think I kept repeating. In French. …Maman. I think I wanted my mother and was so afraid that word burned into my brain. Without I wouldn't have a clue what language I originally spoke. I can think in English, French, Spanish and Japanese but the other languages I speak fluently I am conscious of them being translated for me."
"Thank you. I realize you have spent a long time alone and your honesty is refreshing."
"Honesty? You asked me a question and I answered. I do not understand the word honesty."
"Honesty is telling the truth."
"There is only truth. Truth and mistakes. Truths and misinterpretations. So why are you so surprised? I know my own mind."
"Do you have a concept of dishonesty?"
"Pardon?"
"Do you know about lies?"
"No. I do not know the word. What are they?"
"Imagine I said something that was mistaken. But I knew the information was mistaken. That is a lie."
"There is only truth and mistakes. No one says a mistake when they know the truth. It just doesn't happen."
"It does Tora. It does."
"Why?"
"Many reasons. Fear, hatred. People lie because they want to cover up their mistakes."
She looked shocked at that. Could someone not be mistaken but telling untruths? Would someone do that? A face flashed to the forefront of her mind. Yes. Yes they would. Perhaps things would be easier running free. The breeze outside. The scents to follow. The promise of running wild and free. But these people had offered her sanctuary. Things had been easier back at the facility. But these people seemed willing to allow her to stay. And the idea of being with people like her and Eva appealed. She nodded slightly.
"You have given me much to think about."
"As you have me."
She turned let Ororo lead her out of the kitchen upstairs. She knew that the eyes followed her up the stairs but she tried to ignore them. Every instinct caused her panic. She knew deep down this wasn't how she was meant to live. Nor was the facility. She was meant to run free. No walls. No barriers. Just her and the wind and rain and sun. She shook her head, dispelling the thoughts. She wasn't thinking clearly. But the breeze from outside had been so promising.
"I don't have to stay here. I can leave whenever I want."
She closed her eyes and allowed her other senses to guide her movements. While Ororo's scent gave her the general direction, the noises she made gave her an idea of obstacles. And the movements in the air as she passed gave her an indication of speed. It was good to see she could still function without sight.
She sense Storm stop and halted. Eyes now open, she saw her open a door.
"This is the room. I hope you like it."
Her first impression was of space. Then of objects. Things she had never seen but knew the names of. Large windows overlooking a wood. A door leading to a balcony. A good place to hide a snip… Oh for goodness sake. Couldn't those stupid chips be quiet for once? Now they had started they wouldn't stop, noticing every piece of furniture and turning it into a weapon. She must have shown her discomfort because Storm was there.
"Are you alright?"
"I am fine."
"The door there leads to a bathroom."
"Thank you."
She stood quietly, waiting to be left alone to her own thoughts. Ororo took the hint and left, shutting the door behind her. Finally alone, she relaxed, dropping her guard enough to allow herself to breath easily. She compared the room with the cell she had shared with Eva. It had at least double the space. Instead of the two narrow pull-down sheets of metal, there was a large bed in the centre. A glance told her all she needed to know. She walked over to the balcony door and opened it. As the breeze filled the room she lowered herself to the floor beside the bed and curled into a ball. The scents wafted into the room and the low murmur of voices downstairs slowly lulled the woman who now thought of herself as Tora to sleep.
The woman smiled. Already she was dropping her guard. The X-Men knew how to make someone feel comfortable. But old habits die hard.