Phantom Pains
They step out onto the big house porch, shadows stretching across the green from the porchlight behind them and the lights from the cabins. Will takes his hand as they walk down the steps. "It's been a long time since we've had a night to ourselves."
Nico supposes that's true for Will, but right now he's more distracted by the shadows. They don't feel the same as they used to, like he's been disconnected. He furrows his eyebrows and continues to walk, slipping his hand free from Will's. He searches with the very limits of his awareness for the the faint hum of the shadows. He stretches the hand furthest from Will, palm down, calling to the bones he knows lie deep under the ground. There's no response, no tugging sensation in his arm.
He exhales, attempting to dissolve into the shadows falling over them with no success. It's odd. He can sense the power he's so used to tapping, but it's only a prickle on his skin not bone deep like before, like a phantom pain.
"You okay?" Will asks and Nico figures it's better to stifle his panic rather than getting Will worked up about it. They have more important things to worry about.
"I'm fine. C'mon."
They walk quietly side by side up the main row of cabins ending in cabin 13. He remembers wondering what it would feel like to be like other kids, to not have Underworld powers, to not exist on the fringes, looking in, alienated by the darkness inside him. He'd wondered if he would have given them up if he'd had the choice, but instead of feeling free from the darkness, he feels more tainted by it and abandoned than ever. His powers had helped mold him into who he is; they were how he'd protected himself and presented himself to the world. Now that they're gone, he's like a raw nerve, incredibly vulnerable.
They climb the steps of Hades cabin and Nico pushes the door open, numb. After Will closes the door, he stops Nico from moving any further by stepping in front of him so his back's against the door. "Wait a second. Please."
Nico swallows past the lump in his throat, pushing the feelings of loss down and trying to call up anger to replace them, but when he meets Will's eyes, he can't. The way Will looks at him, his eyes round, forehead wrinkled, oozing sympathy and concern, Nico simply can't muster any anger. He tries to change the subject instead. "We need to finish talking about …" He leaves off, trying to recall what it was they came here to talk about and failing.
Will shakes his head. "No. First, I think we just need to hug for a while."
Nico rolls his eyes, but doesn't fight it when Will pulls him into his arms, head resting on Nico's shoulder. He presses a kiss to Nico's neck and the grief begins to go numb. He hugs Will back, closing his eyes and breathing against his shirt, finding comfort in the closeness and the silence.
When he thinks his limbs have actually gone numb, Will murmurs against his skin. "Can I take you to bed?"
He flushes, unsure if Will meant that to sound like a proposition, but the invitation, whether to sleep, to talk, to cuddle, or even to mess around sounds a lot better than standing around feeling sorry for himself.
"Yeah."
XxxX
Nico rests his head on Will's chest, Will's arm wrapped around his back, holding him close. They've stripped to their underwear, Nico in his typical black boxers and Will, sporting purple briefs. But under the blankets in the dark with the green torches burning low against the walls, it doesn't matter what they look like.
"What do you think set Apollo off like that?" Nico asks, finally comfortable enough to talk.
Will sighs. "Well, you know how he's been more moody lately, the past year or so?"
Nico shrugs. When he tries, he can recall instances when Apollo had been uncharacteristically quiet, though it's odd, like he's looking at his memories through a microfiche reader at the Georgetown Library in D.C.
"I talked to Zephyros a couple of weeks ago. He said, in confidence, so don't even think about repeating this …" Nico looks up and gives Will the most innocent eyes he can, earning himself a small swat on his butt. He settles his head on Will's chest again. "He said Apollo was feeling emasculated. He's always prided himself on fathering demigod kids …" Nico rolls his eyes, thankfully out of Will's line of sight, "… and apparently he hasn't had any success making more for over two years. He's starting to wonder if, you know, the big guy has stripped him of that too. But honestly, I think it's a build up of eons of resentment and hearing Asclepius is in Tartarus just sent him over the edge."
"Mmm," Nico hums and waits for Will to keep talking.
"The first time he had his godhood taken from him was because of Asclepius."
Nico lifts his head again and looks at Will. "What happened? I studied Greek history when I was on my own for a few years, but I was focused on some of the other gods rather than Apollo. I didn't have a grudge against him."
Will runs his fingers through Nico's hair, sending little shocks running through his nerves. "Asclepius resurrected one of Artemis's friends and your father complained to the big guy, and he struck Asclepius with his master bolt to appease Hades. Since gods can't get even with each other outright, and Asclepius was one of Apollo's favorites, Apollo took it as another personal affront and killed the cyclopes who forged the master bolt to retaliate."
Nico's neck starts cramping. He nuzzles Will's chest, resting his head. "Yeah?"
Will pauses a moment longer and Nico listens to him breathe, his heart thumping under Nico's ear.
"As punishment, Apollo was made to live as a mortal for year. He had to serve as a cowherd for a king named Admetus. Thing is, he fell in love with the king, and, you know …" Nico's cheeks heat up, but he remains quiet. "Until the king wanted a wife and Apollo helped him find one. He continued their relationship for nine years, even after taking back his position as an Olympian, showered the king with blessings and even helped him weasel his way out of an early death. My dad's a bit of an idiot when he's taken with someone."
Nico smiles against Will's skin at that. "So that's where you get it from?"
Will smacks Nico's butt again, chuckling, and then falls quiet a minute. The torches seem to shrink even more, the fire barely reaching the tops of the sconces. "I think losing Asclepius again probably reminded him of all the old wounds, his failed attempts to find love, and all the other times his father tore him down."
Nico thinks he can empathize with Apollo even more now. Hades had torn Nico down a lot in the beginning, before he started standing up for himself and telling his father to own up to his own faults and make them right. And then, he'd gone and taken Nico's powers from him, his main defense against the evils in the world, and for what purpose? As far as Nico understood it, gods actually grow in power through their demigod children, so Hades's reasoning that he needed to conserve his power, that Nico and Hazel were drains on it makes no sense. He wonders if Apollo losing his immortality felt anything like he feels without his powers. His stomach sinks when he imagines it's probably a million times worse.
"Well, he's got Zephyros now. I bet he'll talk to him tonight and hopefully find some comfort, get his head back in the game," Will says, his voice deeper, vibrating through Nico's face.
Nico exhales heavily through his nose, blowing air over Will's chest. He smirks, watching Will's nipples grow stiff from the breeze. He runs his thumb over one of them absently, making Will moan softly, the vibrations arousing him this time.
Will covers Nico's hand with his and Nico looks up again. Will's eyes are intense and clearly blue despite the dark.
"The question I'd asked earlier … I'll ask it again. You don't need to answer right away."
Nico's heart beats faster, hammering against his ribs.
Why am I so nervous? Can it really be so bad?"Okay," Nico says.
Will squeezes Nico's hip, and then pushes Nico's bangs out of his eyes with his free hand. "I want to know if you'll move in with me next September. I'm planning to go back to Oregon and do my pre-reqs for med school at OSU. It's a state college so there are loads of things you could study if you wanted to enroll too, but I … I want you to live with me, Nico. I'd like to have a place that's ours, a bed that's ours …"
It feels like his cheeks are on fire. That, or maybe his blood has turned to fire because he's hot all over. Will wants to live together, to have a home together. He wants to shout YES and do a little victory dance inside his head, but it would look stupid and Will would laugh at him. And then the small voice in the back of his head starts nudging his conscience. Will has had two years to develop their relationship, to really grow it, and he missed it. He thinks he should probably work on catching up so they are really on equal footing. It blows his mind to think that he and Will have made it nearly three years together. But living together … that's like the gay equivalent to getting married, isn't it? That's always been how he understood things, though it could be that they could actually get married in today's world and living together is just like what everybody else does. He squeezes his eyes shut, telling himself to stop overthinking things.
Will pokes him in the side and he opens his eyes to find Will raising his eyebrows. "Just think about it, okay? You don't have to give me an answer right away. I'll wait, even if it takes months."
He nods as Will leans forward and rubs their noses together, fingers brushing Nico's hipbone and making his groin tighten like Will's flipped his on switch.
"How long has it been?" he asks, moving his hand down Will's chest to his crotch, intensifying his arousal when he feels how hard Will is for him.
There's a tremor in Will's voice when he answers. "Six months. Since Mr. D came back for the summer."
Nico smirks. It hasn't been that long for him. He'd spent the night before the bizarre time skip experience with Will in his bed, but who is he to prolong his boyfriend's suffering? He gently squeezes Will's erection, and then Will hauls him on top of himself, covering his face in hungry kisses.
Before they lose themselves making out, a knock sounds at the door. Will groans.
Nico stiffens, panting. The knock comes again along with a voice.
"Nico?" It's Cecil, if Nico's hearing right. "I'm looking for Will. Have you seen him?"
"Just a minute!" Nico calls back. He climbs off the bed and finds his shirt, then pulls it on. Will looks like he wants to cry.
Nico finds Will's shirt on the floor and tosses it to him.
"We'll finish this later?" Will asks, his voice pleading.
"Yeah," Nico agrees, then realizes his boner is still obvious and he digs his bathrobe out of his closet. "If we don't finish later, don't be surprised if Cecil ends up in the infirmary next."
He slips on his bathrobe and answers the door while Will finds his pants. He switches from scowling to looking at Cecil in concern. "What happened?"
"Lou Ellen," Cecil says, his face pale and tear-streaked.
Will joins Nico at the door, and Cecil meets his eyes over Nico's shoulder.
"Lou Ellen won't wake up."