Emily's apartment was impressive, from the outside right through to the inside. The driveway out the front was accompanied by a rather expensive looking red Mini Cooper convertible, a far cry from the scooter we travelled about on at college. Round the back she had a spacious garden, a pool and BBQ area. It was clear she had done rather well for herself in the last six years. She was obviously successful, a gorgeous kid, her own club, a car, her own apartment in beautiful Cyprus. Then there's me. Still living in Bristol, flat sharing with a friend, working a job I wasn't particularly fond of. Stuck on the same routine. Going nowhere fast.
I could hear the faint voices and infectious giggles from upstairs where Emily was busy with Olivia. I sat still, listening for a few moments when some framed photographs on the table caught my eye. I pushed myself off the sofa and walked over, instantly noticing that Olivia took pride of place in most of them. Her adorable face and cheeky smile beamed out from underneath the glass. I took a mouthful of water from the glass and picked up the next, putting it down just as quick when I saw Jenna and Katie sandwiched between Emily. Two faces I definitely couldn't stomach seeing at the moment or ever again if I could help it.
There was one more photograph further back than the rest. As soon as I moved it forward and took it in my hands, I remembered it.
It was taken from outside my Mum's house in Bristol, on the grass park opposite. It was one of those rarer occasions when the sun shone all day, the redness on my face in particular reminded me how good the weather was that day. Emily warned me to put on sun lotion and of course I forgot. We'd had one of our BBQ's and most people drifted off afterwards, only Katie, Effy and Cook stayed back with a few bottles of wine. My Mum was messing about with a new camera and took this one. Everyone was looking at the camera, well everyone except Emily. My arm was draped over her shoulder but she was looking nowhere but at me. Devotion mapped all over her face. I used to love when she looked at me like that. One look and it spoke a thousand words.
"Memories huh?" Emily's voice almost makes me jump out my skin with fright, she's wearing a grin and clutching Olivia's hand, much like she did during the walk from the club to the apartment. She peers over at the photograph I still have in my hands. "I still remember that night like it was yesterday,"
"Yeah, me too," I smile, looking once more at the picture before I place it back on the table beside the others. "It was a great day,"
"You nearly set fire to the garden hedge," she laughs, we both do. "Old Mrs MacKenzie was furious,"
"God, I'd say she hated us,"
"Some nights more than others," it's out before she really realises, her cheeks flushing slightly. I say nothing and chew my bottom lip. Olivia saves it by tugging at Emily's hand, whispering something I don't quite hear which brings out a giggle from my still favourite redhead. "She wants to know why you're in our house,"
"Oh," I laugh slightly.
"Sweetie, this is Naomi," Emily explains. "She's my friend but we haven't seen each other for a long time. She's on holiday, so I invited her to spend some time with us today,"
"Hello," I crouch down to Olivia's level and smile but it's unbelievable how nervous a six year old is currently making me feel. She watches me, a little unsure and shy like as she cuddles herself into Emily more. I was never very good around kids, in fact, I was terrible. No sooner would they come near me, I'd want rid.
They scared the shit out of me in all honesty.
"Don't be fooled by this, she's never shy, are you Liv?" Emily asks, Olivia shakes her head a little.
"It's alright," I direct at Emily and look back at Olivia. She's so cute. "I like your dress, it's really pretty,"
"Auntie Kay says you make my Mummy sad,"
Shit. Fuck. Shit.
I'm not sure a six year old has ever silenced me before but that definitely just did it. I push myself up from my crouching position, unsure of what to say, unsure if I should say anything at all. Thankfully, Emily rescues me from the more than awkward situation.
"Auntie Kay says too much. Listen darlin', why don't you go sit over there with your crayons and I'll come draw pictures with you in a bit, yeah?" I remained silent. Olivia moved from Emily's side and sat herself down on the floor, immediately setting about working away with her crayons. "Fucking Katie," Emily cursed quietly. "I've told her about saying things to Liv,"
"She's only telling the truth," I sigh.
"To a six year old kid who doesn't need to know any of this stuff,"
"True. It would be nice if your Sister didn't paint me as the devil,"
"You know how she is,"
"With me?" I almost laugh. "Most definitely but she's just protecting you,"
"It doesn't give her the right to be an interfering cow," she smiles weakly towards me and moves over the room to sit on the sofa. Patting the space next to her, I follow and take a seat. "If anyone gets to have a go at you because of the past, it's me, not Katie,"
"I wouldn't blame you,"
"It wouldn't change what happened," she adds simply. "The past would still be the past, so there's no point. Anyway, all that heartache, all that pain, I wouldn't of had Olivia if it never happened. Of course I wish it was different circumstances, I always thought I'd have this strong, loving relationship before kids. She scared me, to the point where I doubted if I was ever cut out for being the single parent then I held her for the first time and I knew. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me,"
"It's easy to see why," I reply, offering a grin when we avert our gazes towards Olivia for a few moments, she's totally unaware we're watching, concentrating on drawing her pictures. "You're brilliant with her but then I always knew you would be great with kids, me on the other hand, totally different story,"
"I think you can do anything," she knows it's a throwback from a conversation we had many years ago, in my bedroom during the college elections. Like then, my stomach tightens. "You should have more faith in yourself, Naomi. You might be surprised if you listen to other people's opinions of you, instead of you own you know?"
"I've heard Katie's a lot this week,"
"Forget hers," Emily replies, casually chewing her lip. "It's me you're with right now, so really it's only my opinion of you that counts, yeah?"
"Dare I ask what that is?" I look back at her after looking into my half empty glass.
"If you have to ask then we're way further back than I ever thought," she barely gets out her reply when we're interrupted by three knocks at the door. I find myself silently cursing at whoever it is for having typically impeccable timing and readjust myself on the sofa. "I better get that, would you mind keeping an eye on Olivia for a second?"
"No, of course not," She was too busy concentrating on drawing and colouring with her crayons, so I was sure I could cope for a few mere seconds.
Emily leaves the room, moving towards the front door to greet whoever was waiting on the other side. I hear Emily's voice, followed by another I don't recognise. A couple of minutes pass and when Olivia actually notices Emily is no longer in the room, she makes her way rather cautiously over towards me, paper and crayons in hand.
"Hi again," I smile gently, hoping to have better luck than before. Her eyes search instantly for Emily. "She'll be right back, I promise,"
"I forget your name," her frown covers her face.
"Naomi,"
"I'm Olivia, I'm five," she says cutely, being more relaxed enough to sit on the sofa next to me. "So, do you make my Mummy sad like my Auntie Kay says?"
"I did once but that was a really long time ago," I answer quietly, the beautiful little girl looks on at me with her big brown eyes. She's so Emily. Everything about her is Emily. I noticed it before but it's even clearer now. It melts my heart and it's the first time in my life that I haven't wanted to run a mile from someone below the age of ten. "Is your Mummy sad now?"
"No," she shakes her head in the cutest way possible then continues colouring with her crayons. "Are you going to make her sad again?"
"No darlin, of course I'm not,"
"Then you can stay," she smiles, a cheeky smile that also reminds me of Emily. I offer a smile back when she offers me one of her crayons, inviting me to draw some pictures with her. "Are you good at colouring?"
"Erm, yeah I guess," I accept the offer of one of her crayons. "What are we colouring then?"
"This picture," she shows it off proudly. "It's for my Mummy,"
"I see," I nod and the smile stays on my face. "Has anyone ever told you how much you look like your Mummy?"
"My Auntie Kay says so all the time," she answers and looks to me. "Everyone says I'm pretty just like her. Do you think she's pretty?"
Emily? Pretty? She always was the most beautiful thing I'd ever set eyes upon, she always would be, even if I didn't always show it or Emily herself didn't always know it. I nodded again.
"She's very, very pretty,"
"You two having fun?" Emily questions from the doorway, I instantly start to wonder how long she had been standing there, watching us, listening to us.
"Naomi's helping me," Olivia announces happily.
"So I see," Emily smiles, that beautiful stomach fluttering smile and pushes herself off the doorframe, walking further into the room. Olivia jumps up from where we've been sitting and proudly shows off the pictures she's been working on. "Wow baby, they're very very pretty," I catch her glance towards me, her bottom lip tucked under her tooth.
Great. She heard everything. I shuffle a bit in my seat as their conversation continues. After a few moments, Olivia rushes off to put the picture in her room. I stay seated for seconds only.
"You weren't supposed to hear any of that, you know," I smile rather sheepishly and can feel my cheeks burn.
"I guessed," she matches my smile, clearing away random scattered crayons and paper. "I think she likes you,"
"Really?"
"Doesn't let just anyone draw pictures with her,"
"Then I'm very honoured," I say happily. "She's a gorgeous kid, very smart,"
"She's a Fitch, what do you expect?" Emily winks jokingly.
"She's the better half of a Fitch, god forbid she turned out like her Auntie Katie,"
"That definitely won't be happening," she laughs. "One Katie Fitch is quite enough for this World, don't you think?"
"I think the World struggles enough with one,"
Not much more of the afternoon passed before we ended up outside by the pool. The sun was still shining but the temperature had dropped to ensure it was much more comfortable to sit in. Olivia had been in and out the water, under the watchful eye of Emily and occasionally interrupted us to ask if she could take her armbands off, something which Emily wasn't for letting happen. She didn't sulk, like most kids I know would have and carried on splashing around.
"Naomi? Naomi!" Olivia yells as the pink sphere bounces past. I collect her ball and move towards the edge of the pool, deciding to do the same as Emily and sit on the edge, dipping our feet in the cool water. Olivia swims over. "Do you want to play a game with me?"
"I'd love to," I toss her ball back and she catches. "But I have to get going soon, so maybe another time, okay?"
"Okay," she accepts with one of those already trademark smiles and swims a few feet away from the edge.
"Told you she likes you," Emily smiles, splashing some water in my direction with her foot. "Next time you come over, you'll need to remember your swimming gear,"
"So there will be a next time, then?" I return the favour, kicking some water back towards her, causing her to shriek when some catches her face. "You're such a baby," I couldn't hold back my laughter as she wiped her face with a nearby towel.
"It's bloody freezing,"
"It's not that cold,"
"Really?" She reaches forward, playfully threatening to push me from the edge into the water. Olivia's laughter filters around us. "You know I'll do it,"
"You know I'll pull you in with me," I snatch her hand, my fingers clasping around hers. My thumb drifts across her tanned skin. It makes her giggling stop. It almost makes my heart stop. "So, what's it to be Em?"
"I'm not going in that water," she releases her grip on my hand and readjusts herself by the pool. "Do you want to stay for a drink?"
Yes.
Yes I'd love to.
My voice is screaming in my head.
"Zoe's waiting on me back at my Mum's," I answer rather reluctantly. "We're going out for dinner tonight, so I should actually be going,"
"Oh,"
"I could always come by the club afterwards?"
"I have to work the bar for a bit,"
"I don't mind waiting," I'm pretty sure I'd wait there all night if it meant spending five minutes of time with Emily at the end of it. "Plus, Zoe will be with me so I won't be waiting on my own,"
"Are you sure?" She questions, I nod so she reaches back and swipes my phone from the table I'd left it on. For a few seconds I wonder what she's up to but when she hands it back to me, I realise. "My number. So you can text me, yeah?"
"Thanks, I will," I slide the phone into my front pocket and stand to my feet, pulling my shoes back on as I say my goodbyes to Olivia. "So I'll see you tonight then,"
"Yeah, I'll see you tonight,"