Memories

Confessions

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men or any of their characters. Tora and Weapon X-ii are my own though.

It had been an almost perfect night. Jean had apparently caught Tora leaving but she'd answered the question of where she was going with a cursory "Sortir". Logan had left half an hour later and caught her up on his bike. He'd taken her to a Japanese restaurant he went to a lot and they'd talked about how they were together. She asked him about Jean and suddenly he'd found himself talking about the past he remembered. All the pain and blood and one-night-stands. And she'd listened and not judged and tried to comfort him when he remembered Mariko and Silver Fox. She hadn't been angry or hurt that he wanted to talk about them. More she understood and let him get it all out. Then she'd given him directions to a park outside the city and they'd sat and watched the stars. Then a band of red fire burst through the sky, which was joined by a strip of green. And as these bands of light lit up the sky, he looked over and saw her mutilated face and realized it had happened again. He'd fallen in love with the wrong person. She wasn't like the others. She had the adamantium, tough as nails exterior but inside she was hurting far too much. And she had a Past. Which deserved capitalisation.

She was gazing up into the sky when she felt him move closer. Five little words sent her reeling.

"I think I love you."

And under the stars they kissed gently before getting up and going back to the mansion.

"I really was an obnoxious…"

"No profanities in the Library please."

"Oh, I forgot your feelings about swear words."

"She didn't swear either. Other than that time when she was thirteen and had her neck broken for punishment."

"Where has she been going the last few weeks Chuck?"

"I've already told you Logan, I can't find Tora. And if she wants some time alone, then it's her business."

Logan snarled as he turned away. She'd been disappearing every weekend for two or three hours. She would just grab a coat and walk out, without telling anyone where she was going or what she was doing. He'd tried to worm it out of her, tried to get Kurt to worm it out of her, tried to get Charles to order it out of her. But to no avail. She'd just not answer the question or start talking rapidly in French to throw him off the scent. He was really contemplating French lessons. But "Je t'aime" didn't exactly require translation. She asked him once if she could tell the others about them but he'd said no and she'd dropped it.

This time he was going to follow her. She was his frail, even if she'd gut him if she heard him refer to her as that, and he was going to look out for her. She was walking fast, almost as if she knew she was being followed. She'd double back and go down alleys, all in an attempt to shake him off. And if he were a normal person, not a mutant with a highly developed sense of smell, he'd have lost her about eight times now. Then she turned into a building and Logan did a double take. A church. She was going into a church? OK, now he needed to talk to Kurt. But first he was going to get a drink.

"I never understood why she took to religion like that."

"She needed help that Charles and the others couldn't give and she saw how Kurt was so sure in his faith so she went along one week and well, she kept going back."

"You'd think with her past, she'd be more atheist."

"Actually it made her more theist. She sort of lost hope in humanity so she tried to find something better."

Kurt was uncertain exactly why Logan wanted him to do this talk but he could understand why he out of all the X-Men had been asked to talk to her.

"Tora, Logan said you went to a church this week."

She turned her golden eyes that had softened slightly since July.

"Why does that matter?"

"I was just wondering…why?"

"Because…because…I need something to hope for. A promise of something better than this."

She gestured at herself with a slight hint of despair.

"And because they accept me as what I am. There was someone at the facility who used to talk to me. Treat me like I was more than a weapon. He used to quote parts of Scripture to me. And you…"

"Me?"

"You're so sure. So happy. So I wanted to see what it was that made you you. It was only supposed to be once but I ended up going back. They welcomed me. I don't need an image inducer there. They know I'm a mutant. They think my face was damaged in an anti-mutant protest. I think I've found what I believe. It helps me cope with doubt about myself."

Kurt smiled widely.

"Welcome to our faith Tora."

She smiled slightly at him and her eyes sparkled.

"She kept going didn't she?"

"Yes. Every time she could. Which wasn't very often when you continue to save the world."

It was Christmas and Tora was just nearing the year mark with the X-Men. And her birthday was apparently just after that but she insisted they didn't make a fuss about it. She claimed she didn't have good memories of birthdays. She wouldn't go into more detail than that except to hang her head and murmur something in French. Thankfully she'd got on better with Jean since that night on the hillside and had gradually warmed up to her so the two were now inseparable. You'd walk in on the three X-Women having a chat in the sitting room and be glared at until you left. Sometimes Kitty would be there to.

She stepped into the hall, feeling self-conscious in the Japanese kimono she'd found wrapped up outside her door in the morning. She had been prepared to wear her usual loose shirt and jeans but she had a sneaking suspicion someone had spent quite a lot on the dress, even if it wasn't exactly her style. She was standing around, feeling like an idiot when Kurt stepped in and did a double take.

"One word Kurt, and your tail will be hanging from the ceiling without you attached to it."

"I wasn't going to say anything Tora, I promise. I brought your present."

"Thanks Fuzzy. I have yours somewhere. This stupid outfit doesn't have any pockets. At least I added those pouches to my belt otherwise I'd go mad."

"So I assume your…erm…unusual attire was a gift?"

"Well if a gift is something found wrapped up outside your room, then yes it's a gift."

Kurt gave one of his impish grins and she laughed back.

"Found it. It's not very original but…"

Kurt opened the tiny packet to find a rosary, wooden beads looking as if they had been whittled away by a knife. Or by claws.

"You made this for me?"

"It's not like I can get the Professor to buy your presents for me. So I improvised."

"Open yours. I'm afraid it's second hand but I think you'll like it."

She flung her arms around him and brought him into an impulsive hug. Something she wouldn't have done six months ago, no matter what.

"Kurt, c'est belle."

A tiny silver cross hanging from a chain.

"A friend of mine gave it to me at the circus. He told me to pass it on."

"Thanks Kurt. I know it means a lot to you."

"You mean a lot to all of us."

The two friends stepped into the sitting room and there was a shocked silence. Tora hadn't worn a dress since the first few days she had been here. That time undercover on a stake out at Stark Industries didn't count. Apparently he couldn't relax the rules on female office workers wearing skirts without it looking suspicious. She'd got very close to attacking him. She glared around the room.

"One word from anyone about this…"

She left the threat hanging in the air. Why, oh, why had she decided to wear this kimono? She slid the drawstring bag off her back and sighed.

"I think I have everyone's present here. Since this dress hasn't got any pockets, I had to resort to the bag."

She noticed Logan shifting slightly. Ha! Got him.

Laughter and a lot of teasing ensured. Kitty was teased about two years back and wrecking the mansion, so of course Jean and Tora had to be filled in on that. As Tora was walking from one end of the room to another, Kurt ambushed her with a piece of mistletoe.

"Mien Fruends, I have succeeded in making Tora blush. I think we should all humiliate her further."

The red flush sneaking up her face was enough to cause Piotr to lean over and peck her check, turning her crimson.

"Logan! Seeing as you're officially single, will you help in our attempt to turn Tora red?"

Shifting slightly, Logan tried to look anywhere but at Kurt, who was grinning hopefully at him. It was all he could do to stop himself from striking out. He caught the slight smirk on Slim's lips and decided he might as well play along. She was wearing the kimono he'd bought her. It suited her but he had a feeling she wouldn't wear it often. She was too practical for that. Jean wore skirts, so did 'Ro and Kitty but Tora never did. He leant forward to brush the scarred side of her face only for her to turn her face at the last second and catch his mouth with hers. He heard the gasps of astonishment from around the room but he decided to enjoy the moment. She rarely kissed him. It was normally the other way around. When she broke contact he looked into the golden eyes that were challenging him. Testing to see if he'd play it down or tell the truth.

"Well I don't think Logan classes as single any more Kurt."

It was going to be OK. They weren't going to make snide comments or try and hurt him about this.

"They are so not allowed to be alone together."

"If you come near us with a camera Elf, you will so regret it."

"He won't see me. He'll just pick up you so I'm fine with that."

"You're supposed to back me up here!"

Phoenix giggled and then noticed the other woman giving her a Look.

"What?"

"You're a cosmic entity. We don't, I repeat, don't giggle."

"Oh, you're such a stick in the mud."

"Perhaps I'm having an identity crisis because you burned away the entire Universe."

"No need to rub it in. It's my job."