Memories

Alone

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men or any of their characters. Tora and Weapon X-ii are my own though.

"There should be enough food to last the week. I'd eat the sushi within two days, as I'm not sure how well it will keep. Everything else is non-perishable. I'm not always sure when I'll come back so everything needs to last."

"Thanks Etana."

"People don't come here often. This place was supposed to be demolished in the 1800's but I bought it. I learnt most of my Japanese here. I better go. Leave you two alone. Oh, and watch out for the fish. I accidentally introduced some piranhas into the pond and they've bred like crazy."

"Er…piranhas?"

"I thought they were carp. The meat to feed them is in the bottom right cupboard in the kitchen."

"How did you mistake piranhas for carp?"

"OK, I decided I wanted pet piranhas. They are brilliant. Watch out for Horace. He's the big one who runs the pack. He was tiny when I got him."

"Horace?"

"Ex-friend of mine."

"Ex-?"

"Sold me out to the Nazis. My entire village was killed. That's when I bought the piranhas. I didn't kill him. I just dangled him there for a few days until he begged for mercy. Then I took him to the International Court. He was sentenced to death. Got off on the grounds he was insane. Kept babbling about the black angel who was going to kill him. Committed suicide in 1947."

"Your village?"

Etana shuddered.

"I promised them safety. I even had a boy who would have one day become like Logan to me. Max. I rescued him from Auschwitz. But Horace sold us out, told how to get into the village without being seen. They were slaughtered as they slept. I woke in time to hide Max and did my best to protect the children. I killed every single attacker. But my village was destroyed. They burned my house down. Max was still in it. But that isn't the point. I'm ruining your honeymoon. There's a radio transmitter in the tower room. Pick any room you want. Except mine. That's the little room with the wireless."

She disappeared. Logan and Tora looked at each other.

"Your mother keeps piranhas."

"She's not my mother!"

"She's as good as."

"You feed the piranhas. I'll make the food."

"Fine. I've always wanted to study piranhas."

"You're kidding."

"No I'm not. They're very interesting animals."

She started rifling through the cupboard and found the food with a note. 'Feed piranhas every third day. One side of cow.' And a food chart with a notice saying that they were due to be fed tomorrow.

Tora walked out and gazed into the pond. Which had about ten piranhas swimming back and forth. There was no doubt which one was Horace. He was giving her the evil eye from the bottom of the pool. She could almost guess why Etana chose them to scare the traitor. They looked evil.

She decided to try a test. She extended a single claw and carefully put it into the water. The change was immediate. The fish all started trying to take chunks out of the metal. She removed it and shook off the single very determined piranha.

"Communing with the wildlife?"

She turned and grinned. Logan was looking slightly depressed at the mess on the plates.

"I never could do sushi."

She sighed slightly.

"It was prepared for us. You simply had to open the packets."

"Oh."

"Yes. Oh. It's the food used for commuters."

"Well. There's another packet. And we could feed this to the fish."

He tipped the ruined food into the pond and the fish went into a feeding frenzy. Then they went into the kitchen and tried to make a halfway decent meal out of the food left. In the end they gave up. It wasn't worth it. Logan glanced at Tora who was looking over the numerous books in the corner of the room.

"No wonder she didn't want any books. She has first editions of most classics. And the original Sherlock Holmes, as printed in the magazines."

"Are you more interested in the books, or me."

She turned and smiled.

"Definitely more interested in the books. But I'm not sure we're allowed to touch them. So I'll have to make do with you."

"So shall we choose which room we'll be spending the week in?"

"Might as well."

They moved around the building. It was an old monastery. Etana had obviously spent time there, as a series of painted walls attested. It showed her arriving, being hailed as some sort of god. Then her learning to fight. An image of her with a katana. The paintings were faded, obviously not looked after. All the other paintings had been restored. But any containing Etana was left to fade. Or rather, everything except her was repainted.

Logan glanced into one of the rooms which had a low futon bed and windows with a view of the mountains. Traditional Japanese tapestries decorated the stone walls.

"This one?"

Tora glanced in, then smiled slightly.

"Definitely."

He leant in to kiss her, glad that he had finally got her. As she responded with a warm kiss, he began to plan the night in detail.

The pool's image faded to darkness.

"Why did you do that?"

"It's private Jean."

"You are so moral."

"Do you blame me?"

"Not really. I take it it hurts too much."

Logan woke as the sunlight spilled into the room. Tora was close to him, head resting on his chest. Red and black hair splayed over him. He could tell she was totally relaxed. Even when everything was fine, there was always a slight tension in her that suggested she was prepared to fight at a moments notice. He inhaled, catching her scent which was now overlain with his. She was purring slightly. He'd found she didn't snore in her sleep or move too much. Instead she lay almost motionless until the dreams started. Then movements started slowly, as she began to pull against invisible bindings. It escalated until it reached her screaming and begging to be released. Then she'd go silent and simply shudder. He could tell what she was going through. First there was the beginning of the procedure, when they strapped her down. Then they began the initial tests and she'd try and fight back. Then the weary resignation as she realized she wasn't going to get free. When the nightmares had begun again he'd held her close until she relaxed into his arms. He'd heard a few words muttered, mainly to someone named Eva but he wasn't going to intrude. He knew she wouldn't want him to intrude. And he knew she would have heard his nightmares as well. He'd not been at Weapon X. Instead he'd been screaming over the body of a murdered woman. He couldn't remember her face or anything like that. He wasn't certain what caused the nightmare. All he knew was he'd seen a part of his past he would rarely see.

She was stirring now, going from asleep to awake in a few seconds. None of the bleary-eyed urgh moments most people suffered. Instead her eyes opened and she was fully awake. He knew she normally woke up earliest in the whole mansion, although Etana often came down shortly afterwards. They often woke everyone else up when the mansion started shaking. In the end, training sessions had been banned before seven thirty. It was funny how well the two got on. One over three thousand years old, the other in her early twenties. But they would sit and talk for hours. Tora was the only one who didn't get teleportation sickness with Etana, which was impressive seeing as a bamf with Kurt sent her reeling. Something about them travelling through different dimensions. Etana had tried to explain and Hank had got all excited but everyone else just gave blank looks.

Tora stretched, cat-like then started to get up.

"Want a coffee?"

"Not yet."

He reached his arms around her, felt the raised scars on her back and pulled her in towards him.

The woman in black pulled her head away from the pool. She thought things would have gotten easier over time. But sometimes time made things hurt more. She was being hopeless, trying to gain meaning from ancient times. They were dead and gone, with the rest of them. Everyone, everything died and she couldn't stop it.

Phoenix reached out and touched her reflections arm. They were more than sisters. They were the same, reflections of the other. Pain from one could be felt by the other. Once they had been separate entities. But since everything burned, their link had grown. Soon they would be ready to start again. And they would break apart, ready to begin their eternal fight to burn and to save. But by then, the woman would have gained the thing she desired most. Death.

Tora was glancing through the food in the cupboards. Etana wasn't the best when it came to cooking. Nights when it was her turn to cook normally resulted in everyone going out. She couldn't get the hang of the oven. She could work everything else technology wise but she was hopeless around the hob. She preferred to cook over an open fire. When she was allowed to, she was a pretty decent cook. It's just she had to light the fires outside and it normally rained on her nights. So it was no surprise that the fireplace was the main cooking area. In the end she'd given up and taken to ordering out. It saved people suffering from food poisoning.

So it came as a surprise to find the place well stocked with various ingredients and a few well-thumbed hand-written cookbooks. Some looked like they had been written on vellum. A few had been circled in ink and had notes saying she thought Logan would like them. They all seemed easy to do and the ingredients were all there. Etana had done it again. Done her best to make everything easier for her. She pulled out the food and sighed.

"Logan, a little help would be appreciated."

He looked round. She sighed again. Somehow he'd managed to find the alcohol. Which was impressive seeing as Etana was almost completely teetotal. But…she had bought beers for Logan. The beers Logan had accused Scott of stealing.

"What?"

"Can you help?"

They both began sorting out the meal, splitting the work equally. Joking about as they got the ingredients prepared, the fire lit and pans heated. Teasing each other as they waited for the water to boil. Forgetting all about the meal. Blaming themselves when the fire was put out by the boiled over water. Laughing when they finally got the meal cooked. Talking as they ate. There were no threats to the world or even just mutantkind. For one week, they were a normal couple. Or as normal as you could be when you're in an old monastery belonging to a three-thousand year old mutant and still plan to train every day. She had a fully operating dojo in one side of the building.

"So, are we going to continue with the training Scott put us on?"

"Not a chance. He'll never know."

They grinned at each other. It looked as though the dojo would go unused.

Jean was the one who looked sad this time.

"What's wrong Phoenix?"

"Even when everything seemed perfect with me and Scott, we were never like that. Never able to laugh and be properly open. Even though Logan didn't openly display his affection for Tora, he was always –aware of her. She'd enter the room and he'd immediately be looking at her. But they were always equals. Even later, they never allowed another to be the dominant one. So unlike Scott and me."

"Jean…"

"And she was so lucky. How many proper arguments did they have? Did Logan ever cheat on her? Even when she was dead, he never so much as looked at another woman in the way he looked at her. And when she came back, I could feel his happiness. I couldn't block it out at all. Even when I offered myself to him, he looked at me like I was nothing. Before her, he would do anything for me. After that, I was a friend. Or maybe even just his wife's friend."

"Jean, I know, I know…"

"She got everything I wanted so much. Family. A faithful husband. Children. Sure, she had a terrible childhood, but after that, everything became perfect. Perfect marriage, perfect kids, perfect powers."

"Perfect? Jean, she had to live with herself. With what she did."

"What did she do that was so terrible?"

"She took a life. Killed a defenceless opponent out of hatred and rage. She, who swore never to kill. She, who placed life so highly."

"But… She wouldn't kill. Why would she kill…?"

"You'll see. I think you deserve to know the truth. Logan lied, protected her. Said he was the killer, just to stop you from looking down on her. Not that you would have. But she let go of her control for a second and it resulted in a death."

"He thought…? Oh… Her."

"Yes. Her."