Chapter Forty-Nine: Indoctrination
April 24, 2011
Theo liked watching people. He didn't have his father's skill with them, couldn't convince them or control them. But he did like to try to at least understand them. When he was younger, watching carefully had been his best defense. He taught himself when he needed to make himself scarce, when to be quiet, when to avoid drawing attention to himself. He learned to recognize the times when no amount of silence or respect would save him and he may as well try to say something.
It didn't change anything, of course. He was still fundamentally the disappointing son who would never be the heir his father craved. He was still the unwanted stepson who was tolerated only for Aster's sake. He was still the pudgy, slow child. But at least he wasn't getting any worse.
Watching people, trying to predict them, had become such an ingrained habit that it was now relaxing. Usually. The last eight days had been like watching a pot slowly come to a boil, knowing that when it finally did so the vapors would be explosive.
His father had discovered Coil's treachery eight minutes after noon on the previous Saturday, when a reporter had called to request a statement regarding "the slander." Theo had been sitting at the kitchen table, gamely trying to understand the most recent chapter of algebra, when he heard his father's voice become dangerous. It wasn't a voice that Max Anders used frequently, but he'd heard it often enough from Kaiser. Theo had gripped his pencil more tightly, pulled his textbook closer, and kept his head down.
Max was already furious about Kayden's defection and the difficulties he was having locating Aster. For something to make him madder? It wouldn't be good, that was for certain.
Max had hung up with the reporter, and the landline had promptly rung again. When that call was silenced, another came through. That was when Max threw the handset across the length of his office. Two rooms away, Theo flinched but kept his head down. a math-studying statue who was no longer even trying to see the pages in front of him.
Max had started calling his people, and Theo took the opportunity to make himself scarce. He went upstairs to his own bedroom, put away his school work, and turned on his computer. A basic Google search provided the general shape of what was happening: the Empire had been outted. His father's name wasn't on the list, but a number of other Medhall employees were, and a lot of people were drawing a connection. That was probably why the reporters wanted to talk to his dad. No wonder Kaiser had screamed about a slander suit. But it wouldn't hold the sharks off for long.
Very quickly, a single link became more and more popular, outstripping all other online results. It was a videolink from a particular newsource. He could click on it and watch it up here, but Theo hesitated. If his dad came upstairs and found Theo watching something with the appearance of secrecy, he'd be in trouble whether or not the video deserved it. If he went downstairs and turned on the main TV, it was unlikely his father would even notice, and Theo would have the protection of openness, rather than "skulking up in his room."
Despite knowing it was the best, the only, way to watch whatever was setting the internet on fire, Theo still needed several deep breaths to work up the necessary courage. Then he had gotten up, walked back downstairs, and turned on the TV. He flipped the channel a few times to find the right station, and then stood frozen in stunned silence.
"...This is, at its heart, an attack on American liberty. Americans have the right to privacy. They have the right to be presumed innocent until proven guilty. This list flies in the face of both of those basic rights." The Ender was sitting casually in a New York studio, talking to a host that Theo didn't immediately recognize.
The newscaster leaned forward, his well-polished suit wrinkling just slightly. "Criminals can't be expected to enjoy the same rights as free citizens. And you can hardly argue that capes have, what, a right to a mask? A right to commit crimes anonymously?" His mocking tone was pissing off Theo and he'd barely turned on the TV.
Contract didn't hesitate to snap back at him. "Of course we have a right to cover our faces. My secret identity protected my family after New York. It may not be a stipulated right, yet, but it ought to be. And being a hero means fighting for everyone's rights, not just your own.
"Criminals do have rights, that's part of what defines America. We don't just protect the majorities, we also protect the minorities. Criminals forfeit very specific rights, after they have been convicted. You're talking about endangering citizens and their rights to life and liberty…"
"Theo?" Slowly, so slowly, Theo turned his attention from the TV to look at his father. Max Anders was standing in the doorway, frozen, looking at the television. "What's this?"
"I think the Ender is defending you," he choked out. Whatever he'd thought he'd hear from an interview with Contract, this wasn't it.
In the silence that followed, Contract's conviction rang through crystal clear, again. "Don't talk to me about the pain of victims like it's a get-out-of-jail-free card. I've heard villains try that same crap, moaning about the suffering or injustices they've seen and how that somehow makes it okay for them to attack others. They don't get to say it, and neither do you.
"No one has the right to say, 'my pain justifies causing pain.' I am a survivor of rape, and an escapee of human trafficking. If anyone has a right to hate white supremacists, it's me. Even so, I do not condone condemning their children, their siblings, and their spouses. That is what Coil is doing. And if we let him succeed, we are just as bad.
"Coil is painting a target on the backs of dozens of innocent people, regardless of the veracity of his claims. My job as a hero isn't to bring all of human prejudice to it's knees. My job as a hero is not to lash out in pain or anger about what happened to me. Being a hero isn't about slaying dragons. It's about protecting people. All people, even bigoted ones..."
His father muttered a curse, breaking Theo's concentration. He whipped his gaze back to the supervillain, but his father was already reaching for his phone again, making another call, deciding the next move. For the next hour, Theo stood numbly in the living room of his home. Kaiser left the house to film the Empire's response, and Theo nearly broke down sobbing in relief when his father decided not to lash out immediately. For just a moment, he thought that maybe everything would be okay, and that joy was hard to suppress.
But after the video aired, his father didn't come back. Instead he stayed out late, very late, preparing a response. The relief and joy died, as Theo was left with no doubt that Brockton Bay was going to pay for Coil's mistake in blood. Maybe that day, maybe another, but the city was going to bleed.
Then his father came home. Instead of imagining his father's rage, Theo got to watch it and live with it as it built. Kaiser's message and the defense from the Ender were just a temporary dam, holding back a river of wrath and ruthlessness. Kaiser hadn't restrained himself permanently, he'd only delayed the battle while he knew it was unwinnable. He was a crouching lion, ready to lash out as soon as he thought victory might be possible.
The next day had been no better. Kaiser spent the entire day in his office, making calls and plans, trying to find a victory for the Empire. Could they provoke this cape or that one into fighting the Empire on their terms? What sort of response could they expect? When was the best time to strike?
Max didn't go to work on Monday, and when Theo finally got home from school he knew the situation had not improved. Every day brought a new level of tension. Every day brought his father closer to violence, and he hadn't been far from the edge to begin with.
Finally, after eight stressful days, Theo hadn't been able to take it anymore. He'd slipped out the back door of the house early that morning, and walked aimlessly through Brockton Bay. He sat on benches and watched people who were not contemplating murder and wanton destruction. He relaxed a little. He watched families, dolled up and happy. He watched men in uncomfortable suits and daughters in bright yellow dresses.
He'd been sitting across the street from one particular building for a while when he finally understood what he was seeing. It was Easter Sunday, and people who normally avoided all mention of church and God were pretending to care. They were dressed up, holding hands, and pretending that this fulfilled some duty of theirs. Theo stood up in disgust and wandered further down the street.
It wasn't that he really cared about a stupid Christian holiday; Theo wasn't religious himself. It was the hypocrisy that bothered him. He knew his father wasn't a believer - had always known it on some level, though it had taken him a long time to put it in so many words. Since he had, Kaiser's falseness had rubbed against Theo, like a thorn in his side. But at least his father had a reason to dress up and preach the things he didn't believe - he benefited quite clearly from it.
What benefit did these people seek? Why would they bother? Why would they wish to stage such a fraud?
Theo turned away, put the churchgoers out of his mind, and wandered through downtown, idly noticing which businesses were open and which weren't. He turned down a side street, avoiding the library and PRT building which would both be closed this early on a weekend.
There wasn't much to see in that direction except empty skyscrapers anyway. Walking down the smaller thoroughfares let him watch the bustle of a small supermarket as people stocked up on fresh fruits and other produce. It led him past a bookstore that would be closing soon and was promising amazing sales.
In front of him on the sidewalk was another Easter family. The parents were walking behind their children, holding hands and laughing at the antics of the two little girls. Their daughters were skipping down the road, singing something that Theo couldn't understand over their giggling.
The family turned right. Theo followed them on a whim, curious about this family looked genuinely happy. Didn't they see the falsity of the people around them? Didn't it bother them?
As Theo took the corner, the two girls broke into a flat run, squealing as they raced forward to meet another little girl from another family. The kids met, hugged, and then linked up arms. The parents he'd been following greeted the mother of the newcomer by name with a warm handshake. Huh.
The three girls reached the edge of the sidewalk and stopped in place, dancing around like they were going to pee themselves. When the parents finally reached them, the girls waited for permission and then ran across the road, looking back and forth like it was a great adventure to cross the street and disappear into a tiny little church that Theo hadn't noticed until that moment.
He leaned on the brickwork across from the church, watching as his three adults entered a little more sedately, shaking hands with the doormen. The service must be getting ready to start soon, because there was now a steady stream of families approaching the squat little building.
For twenty minutes he watched people file into the tiny church front, surprised when they just kept coming and coming. The inside must be getting crammed by now. It was weird to watch, mostly because it was so different from what he'd seen half an hour earlier at the much larger, more prominent church.
"You going to stand here all day?"
Theo turned to look at the girl who had addressed him. She was about his height, but it was hard to tell because she had leaned one shoulder against the wall next to him. Her sundress was an eye-watering bright purple-on-dark purple design, matching her purple tinted sunglasses. She was pretty, the kind of pretty that usually didn't talk to boys like Theo, with long, wavy hair.
"What?" Theo asked intelligently. She smiled one of those honest smiles that Theo didn't see often enough and held out her hand.
"My name is Sophie. Are you coming in?" She inclined her head towards the church across the street but didn't look away from him.
"Ah, Theo," he hastily introduced as he shook her hand. "I don't go here."
Sophie shrugged, and the movement emphasized her enviable body. "So? Everyone's welcome. And it's Easter. What else are you going to do?"
Theo bit his lip, looking over at the doors, and then back at Sophie. He didn't want to go home, he didn't really have anywhere else he wanted to be, and she seemed to be that very rare combination of nice and nice-looking that appealed to Theo. But did he really want to go to church?
Sophie leaned in, fake-whispering, "I promise, we won't hold you hostage. You don't want to stay, you don't have to." She grinned widely, maybe a little conspiratorially, and Theo laughed.
"I think people would notice if I just left in the middle of a service."
Sophie gave him a funny look. "So? It's not like you know any of us. What do you care?"
The thought was so much like the person that Theo wanted to be that it almost hurt. He wanted to not care what people thought of him, he wanted to be that strong. He wanted a girl like Sophie to believe he was that strong. "Alright," he said as nonchalantly as he could, straightening out of his slump.
Sophie beamed at him and took his arm in hers as naturally as if they'd known each other for years, rather than for sixty seconds. "Good. Now neither of us are alone!" As they started across the street, she leaned in to talk to him, even though he could hear her fine without it. "Do you mind if we sit in the very front? I like not having anyone in front of me, so there's no distractions."
"Won't everyone see us?" Theo asked warily. He'd rather have people in front of him he could imitate.
"So? None of them will really watch us anyway."
"Well, okay," he agreed. Then they were in front of the men holding the double doors open.
"Good morning," greeted the one closer to Theo. "Happy Easter!"
"Happy Easter," Theo managed, before they moved through the doors and the tiny entryway into the main room. The atmosphere and set up reminded Theo of a small independent drama theater he'd visited with his father a year ago. The floor was concrete, and filled to the bursting point with folding chairs. There was a stage in one corner, six inches high if that, and barely big enough for the drum set, keyboard, and five band members who were crowded onto it.
Sophie led him down the narrow center aisle, offering smiles and "Happy Easters" to everyone they passed. Theo mumbled along in her wake, unsure how he'd gotten roped into this. They reached the front row, close enough to the stage that Theo could reach out and touch it, and claimed two of the last four available seats. To Theo's eternal gratitude, Sophie took the chair next to the already-seated family. He didn't have to interact with anyone except his erstwhile guide.
When they were seated, and Sophie had exchanged shallow hellos with her new neighbors, Theo muttered, "You should have left me out there."
"No one should be alone on Easter."
"I don't know anyone here," Theo told her, having to talk a little louder than he'd like just to be heard over the general chatter and the band's warm up and tuning chords.
"It's okay. Neither do I. It's my first time here, but I've heard good things." Theo looked away from the band long enough to give his new friend an incredulous glance. She caught his expression and laughed. "Think of this like an adventure. At the very least, you can tell your friends about this crazy chick you met and laugh at me later!"
Theo shook his head, and then the people around them all stood up in response to some unheard or unseen signal. Sophie got to her feet a beat too late, with Theo, and that made him feel a little better.
The electric guitarist, a man in his late twenties with a neatly trimmed beard, stepped up to the mike and welcomed everyone to the church. The roar of cheering and applause that met this simple sentiment was deafening in such close quarters. With the low ceiling, the sound echoed and reverberated. Surely having so many people packed together so tightly was against at least one fire code?
"Let's praise God today!" encouraged the guitarist, and the drummer started up his beat. Two projectors, pointed to either side of the main stage, which had been displaying announcements and advertisements cycled to show song lyrics that Theo didn't recognize. The keyboard and bass guitar joined the drummer, and then the electric guitarist started playing. Finally, the guitarist and his two female backup singers started to sing, swaying slightly, clapping, and even stamping their feet at points.
The audience joined in with the same fervor that they'd given the simple greeting. Theo didn't even try to blend in, instead glancing around in confusion. People were clapping, many of them out of rhythm, waving their hands, or swaying side to side as much as they could in the tight quarters. He looked to his left. Sophie was smiling broadly, her hands held in front of her, palms skyward, like she was presenting an imaginary platter. She wasn't singing, but one heel was keeping time with the upbeat tune, bouncing her whole body with the rhythm.
The song itself was markedly not the quiet hymn Theo had been expecting. He'd been to church only a few times before, and those congregations had sedately sung songs out of green-covered books with a solemnity somewhat appropriate for addressing the God of the universe, if you believed in such a person.
This… what did he even call this? It wasn't a concert, exactly, but it had that same sort of energy. The people weren't just mouthing along, or mumbling, but singing out. One man just behind Theo was badly off-tune, but it was the only voice he could pick out of the mass of voices. Everyone else was one overwhelming, happy choir. If the man had been two paces further away, Theo probably wouldn't have been able to distinguish even his really bad voice.
The song entered its chorus, again, and Theo looked back to his left as Sophie finally started to sing, at least as flat as the man in the row behind.
"Oh happy day, happy day! You washed my sin away!
Oh happy day, happy day!
I'll never be the same. Forever I am changed!"
Her eyes were totally focused on the stage in front of her, her head tilted up either to look at the supposed place of God or because they were just that close to the performers. She wasn't looking at him. No one was looking at him.
With a feeling of silliness, Theo carefully lifted his hands into position, imitating Sophie. The beat of the music was strong. They were close enough to the stage that they were actually in front of the sound system, for which Theo was thankful, but it was still all-encompassing enough that Theo could feel the rhythm pulsating through the soles of his feet and his gut.
At this point, he had three options: he could muster up the courage to turn around and leave, walking back up that narrow aisle alone, or he could keep standing there in awkward silence, or he could try to help balance out the two God-awful singers on either side of him. So when the chorus came around again, Theo opened his mouth and joined in.
"Oh happy day, happy day! You washed my sin away!
Oh happy day, happy day!
I'll never be the same. Forever I am changed!"
There was something freeing about singing a song he didn't know surrounded by people who didn't know him. No one was watching him. No one cared. He didn't have to be quiet, or keep his head down, or watch what he did and said. None of these people were going to report back to his dad. None of them were judging him, wondering if he had what it took to be the heir to the Anders fortune or the son of Kaiser.
Beside him, Sophie's arms shifted to lift above her head, clapping in the air, as the music swelled even further. The crowd sang the chorus again and again and again.
Oh happy day. When was the last time Theo had really felt freely happy? It was like weights he didn't realize he'd been carrying were falling off him. For however long this service lasted, he didn't have to be Theo Anders. He hadn't even realized how badly he craved this obscurity. He could be… just Theo.
Whoever that was.
Finally, the guitars strummed repeatedly on the last chord, the drummer beat the snare for all she was worth, and the audience cheered. The bad singer behind Theo shouted, "Hallelujah!" and the cry was echoed by person after person. Theo clapped with the rest.
From the end of the front row, a man stepped up on stage. He walked in front of the band, and accepted a microphone from one of the female singers.
"He is risen!" the pastor yelled, while Theo's heart thud-thudded in his chest.
"HE IS RISEN INDEED!" answered the people, while Theo told himself there was no way his father would ever know he was here. There was no way his father would ever know that he'd stood in a church with a black pastor.
"HE IS RISEN!" the black man on stage shouted even louder, and the people around Theo yelled their refrain louder in response. Theo could hear Sophie's enthusiastic voice among the mass this time. She had a much prettier speaking voice than singing voice. What would she think if he walked out now? Did Theo really care?
Theo was short. With the audience still on their feet from the song, he could probably make it out without too much attention. But why? His father would never know he'd been here. No one who would tell him would be here in the first place. The idea of rebelling against Max Anders in this way was almost heady.
For eight days, Theo had been trying to work up his nerve. He'd been trying to find a way to warn people of the violence his father was planning, the deaths that would follow, but couldn't make himself do it.
The thought of walking back home when this was over, of crossing the threshold, and knowing that Max Anders' son had been in a church with black pastor and Max Anders didn't know it? That was heady, heady thought. Theo could defeat his dad in some small way, in some tiny detail, and even if Kaiser would never know it, Theo would.
"He is risen!" the pastor repeated one more time, quieter but with a more intense kind of conviction that appealed to Theo in that moment.
"He is risen indeed," Theo answered with the others. His tone was filled with the same conviction, not because he knew or cared what it meant but because he wanted to participate to his fullest. When he looked his father in the eye and said nothing about where he had been, he wanted to have every possible moment to hold onto. In the corner of his eye, Theo saw Sophie beam at him.
"Welcome, welcome to Grace on Easter Sunday! Praise God that we serve a living and mighty savior, yes?" Again, the crowd yelled and clapped and stamped their feet in response. A few ear-shattering whistles echoed off the concrete. The pastor started talking again before the noise had begun to die down, forcing people to cut themselves off to hear him.
"We want to welcome you here today, whether this is your first time visiting or whether you've been with us from the beginning! Welcome! Let us worship God in this place, yes?" More noise from the people, and this time Theo whistled just to try it. Beside him, Sophie was clapping so hard he could almost hear her above the general mayhem.
"Amen!" cheered several women together, somewhere behind Theo and to his left.
"Amen!" the pastor echoed. "Let us pray!" The people around Theo dropped their heads and closed their eyes, so Theo followed suit. What followed was, well, it was the sort of prayer that media had conditioned Theo to expect from a black preacher, even if he felt a little racist thinking of it that way. It was passionate, and filled with very verbal encouragement from the mostly-white audience, and a little confusing to Theo who didn't understand all the references.
The general themes, however, he found very appealing: life, freedom, love. He didn't need to know exactly what the "veil of the temple" was to understand the empowerment that the pastor was talking about, even though Theo himself had never felt that empowerment. He'd wanted it often enough, longed for it enough, that he could recognize when someone else had it.
Theo raised his head when the pastor finished and the people all chorused "Amen" with him yet again, and was surprised to find that the two empty seats to his right were empty no longer. A tiny girl, maybe seven or eight years old, was standing next to a much older brother or a very young father. They must have snuck in during the prayer.
The pastor handed the microphone back to the singer, and the band started the next set of chords while the pastor returned to his seat. Theo was glad they were doing another song, because the singing was easier to participate in than the talking.
He looked back to the projector screen, ready for the next set of lyrics.
All in all, the service lasted for nearly two hours, and Theo didn't realize how much time had passed until it was over. They'd sung and sung for what felt like forever, but was really only three very long songs. Then they'd sat and listened to a message that was very passionate, but which Theo didn't completely understand or even care about. The basic theme was the same as the prayer. New life, the freedom it brought, and the love it was born from. By the end of the first ten minutes, he'd picked up on the rhythm of verbal encouragement and chimed in on every fourth or fifth "Amen" or "Yes Lord" or "Hallelujah!" the audience gave the pastor, until Theo was hoarse.
Beside him, Sophie mostly murmured her contributions, staring at the stage with extreme attentiveness. Her singing had been oddly hit-or-miss, with one song where she did alright and two that made it obvious she was tone deaf. Considering she'd also avoided singing those verses, he assumed they were as new to her as they were to him. For his part, Theo was mostly just glad that her bad singing would mask his ignorance. Despite those difficulties, her joy throughout the entire service was transparent.
Before he knew it, he and Sophie were part of a crush of bodies trying to make their way to the exit. As they shuffled along behind the crowd (and yes, this was definitely a fire hazard) Theo took the chance to talk to Sophie.
"You said this was your first time here?"
"I just moved to Brockton Bay!" she told him. "I was looking for the right church, but I think I've found it now!"
"So you'll be here next week?" he probed, wondering why he bothered. It was one thing to disappear from his father's house once in a while, when Max was busy and focused elsewhere. There was no way he could do it twice in a month. Besides, with the talk he'd been overhearing and the nonverbal cues that were being practically shouted at him by the various member of the Empire he'd seen recently, Brockton Bay would be lucky not to be in a no-holds-barred gang war by this time next week.
"Same time, same place," she chirped, unaware of the direction of Theo's thoughts.
Desperate to hold onto that sense of happiness for just a little bit longer, Theo asked the first thing that came to mind. "That last song, you, ah…" he trailed off as he realized there was no good way to ask why her singing on that one hadn't sucked as much as the others.
Sophie laughed. "What can I say? I've had a lot of practice singing that one before. The others were new to me."
Theo nodded as the crowd ahead of them finally started moving at something more than a shuffle. Kids streaked past them, and Sophie seemed content to let them go, which at least made walking easier.
"Do you really feel that way?" he asked. She gave him a questioning look, and he shrugged. "I don't remember the exact words."
"'Pressed but not crushed, persecuted not abandoned,'" she supplied. She shrugged, walking out with him now that they could do so more easily. "I do feel that way. There's a difference in life, between being beaten down and actually being defeated. I've spent a lot of time in the first camp, but the second? No. I am blessed beyond the curse. Doesn't make hard times easy, but it does make us strong enough to endure them."
They walked out of the double doors and into the spring sunlight. It was bright enough that it actually felt like a physical touch of warmth on his skin. Theo was glad he'd rolled up his sleeves earlier, letting himself enjoy this moment now.
Sophie walked down the sidewalk a few steps, then stopped and turned her face upwards toward the sun. Her hair hung down her back, long and gorgeous, and the sunlight glinted off the silver in her glasses, which he realized she'd never removed even in the darker interior of the church.
"So, you actually…" again, Theo realized too late that he'd once again started a question he couldn't finish without sounding like a heel.
She opened her eyes and turned back to look at him. "I believe, if that's what you mean." Theo nodded, not wanted to put his foot in his mouth again. Sophie's face softened, a small sympathetic smile appearing. "You've never seen anything like that, have you?" she asked, gesturing back towards the church
"Not really, no," he admitted.
She kept smiling as she took a step back towards him. "I'm meeting a friend for lunch in just a little bit." Her tone left the statement halfway open, almost an invitation but not quite. Theo glanced at his watch out of habit, and stifled a dirty word. He'd been gone far too long.
"I've gotta get home," he said, hoping it didn't sound like a line.
Sophie didn't stop smiling, so maybe she believed him. "See you around?"
"Maybe," Theo hedged.
"Maybe," she agreed, then she turned and walked down the sidewalk, with a bounce in her step just shy of actually skipping.
For his part, Theo pointed himself in the direction of home and hurried off, praying to anyone that might be listening that his father hadn't noticed he was gone just yet.
Theo's luck held; when he arrived at home, his father was out and had been for some time. He was able to go upstairs, and just sit for a moment while he tried to compose himself.
What had seemed like an opportune moment for teenage rebellion at the time now looked like a monumentally stupid idea. If Kaiser knew, if Kaiser even suspected, that Theo had disobeyed the Empire's creed the way he had, Kaiser would kill him. Theo was already a disappointment and a blight on his reputation. If someone found out that Theo had defied the Empire's creed - if they tried to use it against his father - Kaiser would cut his losses, as drastically as necessary.
It was cold, but it was the truth. Kaiser was more than capable of murder, even of his own son, and short of a miraculous last-minute trigger event Theo would be helpless to stop him.
Theo couldn't even go to Purity and beg for her help, because she'd up and defected to the Protectorate. Even though he knew it was useless, Theo called her cell phone again, mentally begging her to pick up. She didn't. She'd left Brockton Bay with Aster and never spared Theo a second's thought. It wasn't that he'd necessarily expected anything else, but the abandonment stung all the same.
Despite her unashamed callousness, she was the closest thing Theo had to a good parent. Kaiser was a patriarch, an authority figure, a central part of Theo's life and the standard against which he was measured, but he'd rarely if ever even tried to be a dad. At the very least, Kayden had given him responsibility, trusted him with Aster, cared whether he lived or died. Or so he'd thought.
Theo had considered following her in defecting. He'd seriously considered it, especially when he'd overheard some of the Empire muttering about the possibility that Purity had been responsible for much of the leaked information. Evidently, many of the lower ranks of the Empire were of the opinion that the PRT had decided to break all the rules, and threw in what non-Empire information they had in a poor attempt to disguise Purity's guilt.
The thought had given him courage. If Kayden could do it, could run to the Protectorate, then maybe he could too. He'd been looking for the first chance to leave Max's scrutiny and run to downtown when Kayden Anders had given an interview late on Sunday night, utterly condemning the unmasking and the Empire together. It was the second most controversial interview of the recent past, and it was enough to throw Theo's resolution back into turmoil.
He didn't know what to think.
Well, Theo didn't know what to think about that, but he did know what he thought about his actions earlier in the day. It had been stupid, so stupid. He could have enjoyed the same sense of obscurity and freedom at a concert, or a sporting event, or a rave and he wouldn't have risked incurring his father's wrath. Well, not that Kaiser would be pleased if his son was detained for underage drinking, but he would likely never see the need to kill Theo for it, either.
He'd wandered into the church, why? For a pretty girl? Because he thought it would make him look brave? Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She'd probably been on her way to meet her boyfriend for lunch, which was why she hadn't actually invited him. Maybe he'd read that all wrong. There was no way she was actually inviting a total stranger to hang out. That didn't happen, not to Theo.
Theo's phone beeped, and he checked it mechanically. It was the summons he had been dreading - the charge to get dressed for a full Empire Eighty-Eight meeting and be ready for pickup in twenty minutes.
Theo dressed quickly and simply to the standard that was expected of him. A severe two-piece suit, the appropriate tie, the infinity-shaped (or rather, stylized 8) cufflinks, and his dress shoes. The irony was not lost on him that he'd attended a church in his sneakers and was now dressing up for a potentially violent gang gathering.
Theo did not bother to look in the mirror as he left the top floor and went to wait for the Koches. He was unattractive in a way that no amount of dressing up would ever fix and he knew it. In many ways, the lines of the suit made the situation worse.
The knock on the front door came exactly on time, and Theo forced himself to swallow and breathe normally for a few seconds before he stepped out of the house. Immediately, he could feel Mr. Koch evaluating him with a critical eye, before he gestured towards the waiting car.
Mr. Koch was a high-ranked lieutenant in the Empire, but not high enough that he knew exactly who the Anders family was. Theo often attended mass Empire events at the heels of Tracy Koch and her parents, marking him as the child of someone vaguely important without making his parentage explicit. Or at least, that had been the case eight days ago. Perhaps protocols had changed, given that Purity's identity was now known.
Theo followed the directions wordlessly, giving Tracy a nod as he slid into the back seat beside her. They rode in silence to answer Kaiser's summons. The venue in question was an office complex, or rather a moderately sized presentation room inside it. Theo followed Mr. Koch and his family into the room.
Unpowered thugs in ill-fitting suits diffidently ushered Mr. and Mrs. Koch to the second row of seats, where they sat next to Mr. Koch's equals and their spouses. Theo and Tracy were waved to the far right-side of the room, where a separate wing of twenty chairs had been set aside for the Empire's heir-apparents and youngest squad leaders. It was Kaiser's way of encouraging the future of the Empire without directly ranking them against the established order and upsetting the stable applecart.
The Empire's capes were nowhere to be seen, at least not yet, but from the looks of the room Kaiser had invited every Empire member or strong sympathizer who owned a suit. The street-level dealers and enforcers were underrepresented, but everyone who could be trusted to pretend civility and sophistication was here. It was the largest gathering Theo had ever been to, and possibly the largest gathering since Allfather had died and Kaiser won the short but bloody struggle to succeed him.
Theo sat in the plush chair next to Tracy, and within moments William had settled on his other side. Like Tracy, William had the advantage of parentage to give him a leg-up in the Empire. Unlike her, however, he was seated in the promising wing on his own merits. William was one of the Empire's most valuable people in Winslow. He didn't do much directly - no fighting, no tagging, no dealing. Instead, he was the recruiter, the pretty face. It was he who spoke to teachers and students to soften the Empire's image after Dick or Rob had put someone in the hospital. Officially, he wasn't a member, just a strong sympathizer, but he was the most useful sort of sympathizer Kaiser recruited.
By contrast, Tracy was a hanger-on. She was proud to be a part of any group that would make her feel special. Science club, cheerleader, Empire 88. She talked big, but was ultimately just another petty teenager.
"What's going on?" William asked Tracy, as though Theo wasn't sitting right there between them.
Theo ignored the posturing. He didn't assert himself among his peers, and yet they all seemed to feel clever whenever they demonstrated their superiority. Henry sat on William's other side, and Theo looked away quickly. Henry had ostentatiously earned himself a seat as a "rising star" dealer, but Theo was observant enough to know he was actually Hookwolf's bastard son.
It was a miracle he hadn't triggered yet, though maybe that was because he had his sire's sense and temperament and didn't know when he ought to be afraid. Theo had no wish to engage with the wanna-be psychopath.
Unfortunately, looking the other way gave him a clear view of Tracy and the girls in her cohort who had joined her. That whole group reminded Theo of a nest of snakes: weirdly beautiful but mostly cold and deadly. They tittered as they saw his attention, which probably meant they were talking about him.
"Maybe we'll finally get some god-damned marching orders," Henry was speculating to William.
William shrugged. "Perhaps." Theo carefully didn't look over. They were going to get marching orders, all right, but he had no interest in giving any hints that he knew anything of consequence. They'd hear it from the source soon enough.
"Heard you snagged a pair of bitches yesterday," Henry pressed, trying to engage William. The other teen merely nodded, not one to brad. The people who mattered already knew of his status, and William knew when to keep his mouth shut.
That discretion, combined with this earnest faith in the cause, would take William far.
To Theo's relief, Kaiser chose that moment for his grand entrance. He swept in through the double doors with the rest of the Empire's capes trailing in his wake, and the doormen shut the doors behind him. He marched up the center of the room, with his parahuman lieutenants at his heels, and ascended the stage like a king.
Slowly, haphazardly, the Empire Eighty-Eight drew itself to its feet in respect. Once onstage, the villains arranged themselves behind his father, a wall of impressive firepower, and Kaiser stepped up to the podium. He raised his hands for silence, which was mostly already present, and spoke into the microphone.
"Welcome, brothers and sisters," Kaiser orated. "Please, be seated." There was a prolonged rustling as everyone sat back down, smoothed their skirts or slacks, and fidgeted into a comfortable position.
"We are here tonight to answer an insult which we can no longer endure," he continued, his voice carrying even without the electronic help. Kaiser was a good speaker, a persuasive and powerful figure; Theo had seen this before. It was just one of the many ways in which he would never, could never, measure up to his father's legacy.
"How long have we protected this city, and received nothing but scorn in payment? How long have we watched lesser men destroy our home one crime at a time?"
Kaiser knew how to stand, how to scan the audience, how to project his voice to portray confidence and power. His metal wasn't just a suit of armor; it shifted in subtle and organic ways to give him an air of dynamic power. It reminded everyone that they were listening to a dangerous man. Theo could look at Kaiser, listen to his opening remarks, and understand why it worked. He just couldn't do it himself.
"This ends today, my brothers. Our enemies thought to provoke us. They thought they could shame us. I tell you, we are not ashamed! We will not be silenced by the blindness of those to weak to see the truth."
Theo glanced around the audience, idly noticing the way that Kaiser's speech drew people in. It wasn't so different from the church, really. Well, a normal church anyway. For these people, Kaiser was their pastor, their indoctrinator. Theo discreetly glanced at Tracy, who was doing a good impression of listening attentively. Her disregard wasn't a lack of belief, but a casual acceptance of it. She'd heard such things many times before.
Theo tuned back into Kaiser's speech as he shifted from the introduction into the first hint of real content. "...Some have said that it was Purity who betrayed us. I assure you all, there is no chance of this. Purity herself was betrayed and arrested in her civilian life, as the first strike against us all. They have struck the first blow in this battle, but it does not matter. We will have the last victory!"
Theo considered the proclamation. Kaiser was absolving Purity of any blame, but not the PRT. Did Kaiser think it would make him look weak, to have been betrayed by the cape that many had seen as his second in command? Was he leaving the door open for Purity to come back?
"...We have been quiet long enough! It is time that we make clear to everyone that we are the rightful rulers of Brockton Bay! Have we not protected the streets? Do we not fight day in and day out against the cancer in this city? It is time to make our power known to the world.
"For decades, we have fought cautiously. We have advanced the cause with care, with compassion. Now they have spit in our faces, and we will not stand for it."
There was a soft rumble of agreement from the crowd. Though very few of them had been directly hurt by the unmasking, they all identified with the attack.
"We have tried the slow and steady fight, to no avail! Lung and his slant-eyed lowlifes continue to consume the Docks, as the Protectorate stands by and watches!"
The room stirred again, though not audibly. Instead there was an emotional intensity - shared fear, shared conviction, shared insult. "Coil has been gone two weeks, and already the black bastard and his Merchants are trying to move into his empty place, poisoning our schools and our children!"
Theo shut his eyes just for a moment, and beside him he felt both William and Tracy inflate. They were sitting straighter, chins up, ready and eager to hear what Kaiser would have to say to their generation.
"No more! We will wipe out those who plague our schools - those scum by birth and those who have become scum by their own willing association with weakness. All those who would prey upon our strength will learn the true meaning of the strength of our youth…"
Theo winced, knowing that the next part of Kaiser's speech would be about the future. The shining vision Kaiser always promised to the children of the Empire, the heirs. As Kaiser went on, drawing the people in with his charisma, Theo noticed again that his father never made eye contact with his son. He gestured, generally, to the wing of chairs where the teens and older children were seated. He called out a few specific high performers, praising them for stepping up.
But he never so much as glanced at Theo. Theo was not part of his father's promise, not strong enough to lead the Empire or even good enough to help it.
The familiar weight of his father's disappointment settled fully on Theo. Around him, teenagers were puffing themselves up, preening subtly, and exchanging glances. They believed. They were proud.
It wasn't just the disappointment that haunted Theo: it was loneliness too. Why didn't he believe in his father's preaching? He'd been raised in it, indoctrinated from a young age, and yet he'd never really been able to buy into the idealism at a gut-level. Maybe it was because Kaiser himself wasn't a true supremacist, and Theo had subconsciously picked up on that? He wished, more often that he cared to confess, that he could believe in the Empire's creed, could just fit in.
It was worse: the re-settling of the guilt, the longing, the shame, and the isolation. He'd been free of it all for just a few hours, and he'd thought that would make his life better. He'd imagined that it would feel powerful, to sit in a meeting like this and know that he'd defied his father.
Instead he felt empty and weak. The pain was worse for the reprieve, not better. Before, he'd been accustomed to the weight. Now he felt like he would crumble from it. He didn't feel brave or strong for having broken the rules, he felt like a coward for coming back. He should have gone to the PRT, should have turned his father in before more people died, and yet he hadn't.
"...Each of you will have a part to play!" Kaiser promised softly, drawing his people in through the tone's intensity alone. Drawing in everyone but Theo. "Each of you bring strength and potential to our cause!" Except the fat kid that no one, not even Purity, wants. "Each of you will be needed! In just a few short days, the floodwaters will break open. On that day, we will call upon you. Let every man answer that call, and take in blood the payment we are owed."
Theo felt vaguely sick as he listened to the audience murmur their agreement and encouragement. His father was talking about destroying lives, and these sheep were willing to help him.
It would be one thing, if they were all passionate men and women, willing to stand up and shout for their convictions. It would be different, if they were all so fired up that they simply couldn't contain themselves. Instead they sat and murmured sedately. Theo saw through them with a glance. William was eager to finally throw off his refined mask and become a full member. Henry was nearly salivating, no doubt picturing a particular victim already. Tracy was sitting up now, eyes wide and shining, as she imagined her enemies falling before her.
Theo tried to guess if Tracy would be actually capable of visiting physical violence on those she saw as lesser, or if her nerve would fail her when the damage she was called upon to inflict was no longer only emotional. He found he wasn't able to decide, and realized that both possibilities sickened him equally. Which was worse- to hate to the point of killing, or to truly believe in a cause but be unwilling to act?
After Kaiser's speech, the adults stood up and mingled awhile. Kaiser and his highest-ranked underlings made their way through the crowd, giving orders and encouragement. At one point, Kaiser came within arm's reach of Theo. He gave his son a glance, then turned to one of the other nearby teens and drew him into a private conversation.
For his part, Theo mostly floated along behind William. The other teen was a true believer, but not a hate-mongerer, which made him the person Theo could tolerate most easily within his age group. For his part, William allowed Theo to shadow him out of a vague sense that Theo was someone important, and also someone unlikely to undermine his authority.
It was odd, to bob along behind a charismatic teen for the second time that day. Sophie had made instant connections in a crowd of strangers, with nothing more than a smile and a quick greeting. William gave the same hand-shakes, wishing people Happy Easter and offering more detailed greetings and inquiries about girlfriends and classes. Like Sophie, he oozed welcomeness and openness.
And yet… somehow… Theo felt more out of place here than he had in the church. Perhaps because people were looking at him more. Perhaps because he knew he had seen these teens before and would see many of them at school again soon. Perhaps because he didn't know what he believed about God, but did know he didn't believe in the Empire.
It was too overwhelming to sort out now. Theo pushed it aside so that he could do his part, smiling, nodding at jokes, and quietly sipping his water cup to avoid having to speak too much.
As the event wound down, Tracy found him and Theo followed her back out to the Koches' vehicle. He ignored Tracy's catty recounting of the evening's teen politics to her parents, and was glad to see the family drive away from his doorstep. Then Theo opened the front door and stepped into the dark house.
For a long moment he just stood in the entryway, leaning back against the closed door, alone in the silence and the night. Numbly, he pulled out his phone and dialed Kayden. She still didn't answer. Theo dropped the phone back into his pocket, his breathing echoing in the empty house.
For a moment, he felt like he was alone in the world.
But the fantasy crashed and broke apart almost immediately. If he really was alone in the world, he wouldn't be able to disappoint his father. He wouldn't be able to feel those judging eyes on his skin even now, as he was found wanting time and time again. Even here, alone, with no one watching, he could feel that cold evaluation.
Why couldn't he make his father understand? Why did no one ever try to see the world like Theo himself saw it? Theo spent so much time - his whole life, really - watching people and trying to understand them. Why did no one ever seem to do the same for him?
A sob escaped him, but only one. Immediately, Theo clamped his mouth shut, holding his breath to prevent another. The pain would pass. The pressure would remain, and build, but the pain would go. It was just hard because it felt new and fresh, again. It would dull soon, become the background ache that he lived with day in and day out.
Perhaps that was why no one ever tried to see it his way; perhaps they knew how painful it was to be Theo Anders. Theo breathed in and out through his nose, trying desperately not to hate himself and failing. He wasn't strong enough for his father, wasn't good enough for Kayden, wasn't superior enough for his peers and wasn't brave enough for himself.
He wished, oh how he wished, that he could muster the courage to do something. Why were the PRT delaying? They knew who the Empire was, now. Why wasn't the PRT willing to step up and deal with the truth? The media was willing to see, but only in a weird fetish-stalker sort of way that didn't help anyone. Why were they all going to let Kaiser do this?
Why was Theo going to let him?
Theo swallowed heavily, choking down the sob that wanted to escape, and shut his eyes. The blackness behind his eyelids wasn't much different than what he saw with them open, and it didn't matter anyway. Not really. Theo would always be alone in the world. No one would ever want to see things as he saw them, and so for the moment he was simply going to follow their example, and refuse to see anything at all. Just for a moment.
Destination.
Falling through the far reaches of space, truly alone, watching writhing masses of stars as they approached a distant blue point.
Agreement.
Lights flaking away like dandruff. Stars blotted out by the shadow of the colossus.
Caution.
A tiny prick of light, nothing in comparison to the stars around them, was falling with purpose. It was coming towards the awareness that was Theo, growing as it descended. It became a glowing ball, and then an orb as tall as he was, and then it was the size of a house and then the size of a manor. It was hard to tell how far away it was, because just when Theo thought he could have touched it if only he had a body it would double in size again and Theo would realize it was much bigger than he had thought and much farther away. Soon he could see nothing in any direction except the brilliant eye-watering expanse of light.
Confidence.
Theo opened his eyes after an eternal second. Something felt… different. Wrong. Had he heard a noise in the house? He reached out and flipped on the chandelier, then walked to the hallway and turned on that light, too. He walked into the kitchen, and then the living room, and then the parlor and his dad's office, leaving the lights on behind him as he went.
It took ten minutes to walk through the entire house and double check that every door was locked and every shower was empty, before Theo was satisfied that the house really was as deserted as he'd thought. When it was done, he breathed a sigh of relief and reached for his phone.
Then he froze, one thumb hovering over the screen, staring down at it. This was the first time he'd wanted to call Kayden not because he was scared or alone or ashamed, but because he wanted to check on her. He had a bad feeling in the pit of his gut and some voice whispered that it might be about her. It might be about Aster. They might need help. It was stupid and ridiculous, but it was what he would have done before she left. For the first time in two weeks, Theo wanted to call Kayden not because she was gone but because he'd forgotten she was gone.
But forgetting didn't change the facts. She had left. She'd turned herself in. And despite what Kaiser had said, Theo was pretty sure she'd turned in the Empire too. What would happen to him, when Kaiser was finally arrested or killed? Would he go to live with Kayden? Would he go to a foster family?
How long before he was killed for daring to be the son of a Neo-Nazi?
It was that last thought that finally, finally, gave Theo the courage he needed to act. He wanted to live, he did, even alone and weak he wanted to survive, and he certain didn't want to die for a cause he didn't believe in.
His phone was already out, in his hand. With shaking fingers, Theo looked up the PRT hotline number, and then dialed.
Author's Note: I apologize profusely for the words and sentiments expressed in the Empire portion of this chapter. I do not believe in or condone such statements, and I tried very much to avoid repeating them here. Ultimately, it became apparent that they were needed to give the chapter realism. Nevertheless, I am sorry if I have caused any offense.