Chapter 3: Anger.
It's been a week since the last time Ashley had talked to Hotch, he pulled out all three wedding dresses and laid them on the bed carefully, the elegant satin, chiffon, tulle and lace fabrics laid softly contrasting with the dark blue comforter. His voice broken when he told her that he couldn't get the image of her walking down the aisle a vision in white, the chiffon column dress with the v neck and open back just hugging her…
Since then they had two other cases, both local, and in both thankfully Hotch stayed away from danger. A fire though still burned Ashley and the longer the time passed she could see the fire in his eyes as well and it scared her. It scared the heck out of her… she didn't know what was better the catatonic denial or the burning rage. What was worse, what was better? She knew their unit chief had an explosive anger, once too many times she heard him screaming to the gods and she knew that these times Emily was there to pick up the pieces afterwards. Right now though he had lost that person, the person he could scream and yell and cry and still be there to pick up the pieces. She wasn't capable of doing it and in the end she wasn't the right person to do it. She knew that the man was a brewing storm or a volcano ready to explode she wasn't really willing to handle that.
They closed up the last case faster than thought and all Ashley wanted to do was finish up her reports, she and Hotch had planned another meeting she wasn't that willing to do that now with the change in his mood, he blew up and nearly took off the head of three detectives, Will LaMontagne was one of them.
She finished her reports and she was thinking of actually letting them on her desk and giving them to Hotch tomorrow maybe he would be in a better mood then and she will not have him blow up in her face, but the man wouldn't budge from his office and she defiantly didn't want to face his wrath tomorrow over delayed reports.
She gathered all her things and walked up the stairs slowly, knocking on the door her boss grounded from the inside, his blinds were closed the whole time so she had no idea what she was to face on the inside, opening the door though she faced the biggest surprise of her life.
The books from the selves where thrown on the floor, frames shattered on the floor glasses around, the chairs thrown away, everything from the desk thrown down and in the middle of the devastation the man who many, herself including, blamed of not feeling anything. He was sitting on the floor, his head in his hands "Sir?" Hotch stayed frozen in his spot not moving, she knew he heard her thought his shoulders straightened, she walked cautiously to his side closing the door behind her, sheltering the room once again from the praying eyes. They lights were off only the table lamb still on but thrown down on the floor, as if a miracle not broken.
"Hotch?" she placed the hand previously holding the files on his shoulder, she didn't think he'd mind if there were two more files thrown in the mess, and sat down next to him. He kept his face hidden away from her and she knew that he was probably ashamed of losing control so badly and wrecking his office "Do you want me to leave?" she asked softly, he nodded his head negatively and slowly raised his face from his hands. His eyes were swollen, tears still falling from them, the sight shocked her worse than he imagined.
"What happened?" she asked softly.
"I guess you got what you wanted. You said I had to move on from denial, there" he showed around his room "Anger"
"How?" she was pushing her luck she knew that, right now he might be in a catatonic state after releasing his anger but the fury will build up again and she really didn't want to come face to face with an angry bear.
"It was something Will said. He said I have no idea how you are dealing without Emily. And I realized I wasn't. I haven't slept since she was gone; I…" he chuckled darkly "I still haven't picked up the dresses from the bed. And I realized it wasn't fair, Emily was… she didn't deserve to ... Why did that had to happen? We were going to have a family for god's sake!" His outburst made something click in Ashley's brain.
"Hotch… was Emily pregnant?"