Chapter 4: Bargaining

A/N: Here is the next chapter, I couldn't really write Hotch as the bargaining type but I tired to.

Enjoy!

Another month gone and Ashley still couldn't wrap her brain around the news she learned, Hotch was still in his anger state, snapping at people right and left, circling the same feelings of frustration, anxiety, irritation, embarrassment and shame all over again as if in a crazy rollercoaster. Their last case made her doubt a lot she thought she knew about humanity. She knew that changes were coming their way, and they were going to sweep them off of their feet. She didn't go to Emily's apartment again, Hotch wasn't in the position to talk about it and she didn't want to push him to. As much as she needed to talk she knew that he couldn't and wouldn't.

"That man is as stubborn as a mule!" Emily said, she was sitting on the pool, her feet in the water, her black hair waving from the soft breeze.

"And you left the room?"

"Yeah, it's better to let him blow some steam alone and then talk." She turned and looked at the younger woman, her face shocked. "Oh it's not that bad. I have the same blowouts too, and then he leaves and gives me time to calm down on my own. It's better than screaming at each other."

"Ashley!" she looked up from her desk to meet Penelope, she was still wearing the same pink dress she wore before they left to go grab something to eat. "Pen, is there anything I can do for you?" she asked politely.

"I can't find Hotch, he said we'll talk… I can't… I hate change and over the last year change had been forced on me and I don't like it. Have you seen him?" the words left her mouth in an impossible speed that almost made Ashley's head spin.

"I can look for him; I have to give him my reports. I can sent him find you. Is that okay?" she asked in soft voice, in truth she wanted to talk about other things not just her reports but she didn't want to upset the once happy woman any more. The atmosphere around the BAU was almost suffocating and if she was a betting woman she'd bet that it was probably the news that Hotch let slip had more than a lot to do with her feelings. How was it possible the happiest news she could have gotten turned out to be some of the worse. She was there every step of the way through all the troubles Emily had in actually getting a baby, the tests, the hormone shots, the pills, the negative tests… and when finally, finally the test was positive she was dead.

What kind of sick sense of humor was that? Penelope said her thanks and hugged her leaving the bullpen fastly. Ashley looked around the room, remembering that Hotch had left the floor but from what Garcia had said apparently he didn't go home after all. She moved up the stairs, although his office was the simplest place, apparently the closed blinds were a new normal for the man. Opening the door though she came face to face to the expected sight of an empty room… turning around she walked down the stairs sitting in her chair, where else could he be?

Her feet took her to the roof, she couldn't really explain the reason, something inside her was telling that she should just go there. She could hear the rain outside the building, the thunderstorm was in full effect right now. He had no absolute reason to be outside, but as soon as she opened the roof door she could see him sitting on the ledge, his feet were dangling in the air, the rain purring down on him soaking his suit, his hair, everything.

"Hotch!" she yelled when she was within hearing distance. He didn't seem to have heard her though "Hotch!" she yelled even louder, her voice finally breaking over the loud thunderstorm.

He turned his head slowly and looked at her, she knew at that exact moment that his anger was gone, "Emily loved the storms." He said, his voice betrayed all the feelings that overwhelmed him. "She would always drag me up here. She loved sitting here and watching the storms." He wasn't looking at her only looking straight ahead, never turning right or left. Ashley walked hesitantly and sat next to him, they sat silently there for a while looking at the storm unfolding.

"I know what you want to talk to me about. You're thinking of leaving aren't you?" he asked. His bluntness shocked her, she knew that he was the best at reading behavior that he knew things before anyone else but she never guessed that he spent the time to actually get a read on her.

"You don't think that's a good idea?" she asked him with a soft almost silent question.

"I think it's a great idea Ashley, I'd do it too if I could. But I can't, all I have of Emily is evolving around this building and our apartment I can't leave." He sounded as if he gave up on moving on, depression hitting him in full force, he could hide it so well though, so well. "You should leave, before this place sucks you up inside, if you need any help I can do that. I can talk to people I'll get you to whatever department you want. Just say the word."

"I think I'll stay for a while but when I'm sure I'll let you know and I'd appreciate it if you could put in a good word for me to Andy Swan." He smiled at her but his smile didn't reach his eyes "I can do that."

"Why was god so vindictive to me?" his question ringed in her ears as they walked down the stairs to the garage, his coat was wrapped tightly around her shoulders to keep her somewhat warm. She saw him moving through anger to bargaining to the beginning of depression in less than an hour, so fast it almost gave her a headache.

A/N: Let me know if you liked it or not :)