Three months later
"Tsu-chan!" Miyu trills from the living room. "Be a dear and start dinner, will you?"
"Yes, Miyu-san," Tsuna replies half-heartedly. She had insisted on him calling her by her first name, so he has reluctantly started using it. Or else he'll suffer through her suffocating glomps.
"How was your day?" she asks, flipping through a magazine.
"Hayato-san blew up the east wing of the school." Tsuna turns on the stove. "I think Yamamoto-san broke a window with a baseball. Oh, can't forget Ienari stripping to his underwear, again."
"Hmm," Miyu hums disinterestedly. "By the way, Mukuro-kun wanted to tell you that he and his friends are going to Kokuyo Land again."
"'Kay." Truthfully, Tsuna could care less what they do in their free time as long as it doesn't involve blood being shed everywhere. It's mostly wishful thinking, though. Tsuna only hopes that they don't get caught by the police because that means bailing them out of jail.
The front door clatters open as Kyouya steps into the house. He silently sweeps by Tsuna and up the stairs to do whatever the hell Kyouya does in his spare time. Tsuna never bothers dropping in Kyouya's room. The last time he did, Tsuna was greeted with a dictionary to the face.
One hour later, all six of them were seated and ready to eat. It took a bit of convincing for Kyouya to come down and eat with family, but it was done in the end. Mukuro, Ken, and Chikusa were also eating with varying degrees in manners. Miyu kept on insisting that they "look too skinny, come on, eat more!" and handed them seconds, thirds, and so on.
Their mostly peaceful (because Mukuro plus Kyouya in the same room equals chaos) dinner is interrupted when a baby who suspiciously looks like Ienari's tutor lands in his miso soup. "Ciaossu!" a squeaky voice says. By the time the word came out of the baby's mouth, Tsuna had backed a good meter away while still seated in his chair. Kyouya regards the baby (didn't he have a name?) with a piercing glare. The Kokuyo trio look strangely tense.
"Do you need something?" Tsuna asks, still pressed up against the wall. The chameleon seated on the baby's shoulder stares at him eerily. He barely manages to repress a shudder.
"Of course he needs something, do you think an Arcobaleno came here to smell the roses?" Ken snarks, eyeing the baby warily.
"The roses wilted from your stink, what on earth are you talking about?" Chikusa murmurs into his napkin. Mukuro chuckles but doesn't stop staring intensely at the baby.
"My name is Reborn, the world's best hitman. I have something to request of Hibari Kyouya."
Kyouya's expression changes by a fraction. "What do you want." Tsuna winces instinctively, mourning at his bluntness. And wait, did the baby just say that he's a hitman? Tsuna wants to bang his head on the wall and hope that this is all just a dream, but of course it isn't, because someone up there hates him with burning passion. Miyu places a cookie jar on the table quietly.
"Be Ienari's Cloud Guardian," Reborn (what a weird name, wait, didn't Lambo say something about a Reborn?) says with equal bluntness. "We need one for the Ring Battles with the Varia, and you're a perfect fit."
"I refuse," Kyouya shoots back. "I only follow those I respect. I do not respect that herbivore."
"Even if I say that there will be powerful opponents?" Tsuna's head is about to burst with confusion. Cloud Guardian? Ring Battles? Varia? And exactly how is Ienari involved in all of this? Does Ienari really have some type of inheritance?
"I refuse," Kyouya repeats after glancing at Tsuna lightning-quick. Tsuna just looks at him like a deer caught in headlights. "I do not betray family."
Mukuro whispers something that sounds like looks like Kyou-chan is a big marshmallow. Chopsticks go flying towards his head. Mukuro just laughs that creepy laugh of his and leans back in his chair, smoothly dodging it. "Nice try, Kyou-chan," he chides mockingly. Kyouya looks like he wants to scream but instead grits his teeth and says, "Don't call me that, you Barney reject."
Reborn's expression turns stormy, at being rejected or being ignored, Tsuna didn't really know. Nevertheless, his intuition screams danger and he falls out of his chair. The tension is broken as Reborn (and everyone else in the room) shows amusement openly at his clumsiness.
"I'm going to take a shower," Tsuna says cautiously, inching towards the stairwell. He can feel his face burning from embarrassment. "OkaybyehopeIneverseeyouagain." He bolts up the stairs and slams the bathroom door.
He hates his life so much that he can't even.
Meanwhile, Miyu sips her tea serenely while the Kokuyo trio stuff themselves full with cookies.
At least M.M. didn't drop by for a visit. Tsuna swears that she has a bottomless hole for a stomach.
XXXXXXXXXX
When Tsuna comes back downstairs, Reborn is locked in a staring contest with Kyouya. The Kokuyo trio is gone and out of sight. Probably to hang around Kokuyo Land and sell Miyu's godly cookies on the black market.
Tsuna starts heading back up, but Kyouya grabs his shirt collar before he can flee and sends a look that practically screams "you're going down with me."
Tsuna has gotten very proficient in reading the language of Hibari, he thinks.
Reborn peers at him, scrutinizing him closely. "Hmm...did you know that you can take the title of Vongola Decimo from Ienari if you wanted to? You are older than him, after all."
"Only by ten minutes," he mumbles. The last thing he wants is to get involved in this complicated mess. It's bad enough that his twin and brother are caught up in this as it is. Honestly, he could care less what this Vongola Decimo is "...Can I leave?"
"No," Kyouya and Reborn say simultaneously. Kyouya tightens his grip on Tsuna.
Damn it.
"I assume you're confused as to what's happening," Reborn says. "I'm not supposed to tell you because Iemitsu insisted on "protecting his Tuna-fish," but you're going to get involved anyway if you're in the Disciplinary Committee. Besides, I never liked him anyways." What a petty reason to go against orders! Tsuna thinks disbelievingly. Still, it would be kind of nice to be in the loop. I'm tired of not knowing anything.
"I'm only the secretary! I can't even fight decently, the most I do is stick a taser in people," Tsuna argues feebly. Kyouya looks speculative when he announces this, and Tsuna feels dread creeping up his spine. Hopefully, he doesn't regret saying that later.
Who is he kidding, of course he will. Best case scenario is Kyouya beating the shit out of him with the excuse of "I won't have such an herbivore for a brother."
"Your brother is being trained as the Vongola Decimo. Translated to Japanese, it means Vongola Tenth. Vongola is the oldest and best mafia family out there, Sawada Ienari is the successor to the throne, you might say. Recently, the Varia, another mafia group, have come up, saying that their boss deserves to lead. Hence, the Ring Battles. The winner, as you might guess, gets the spot. There are seven different types of Flames; Sky, Storm, Rain, Sun, Lightning, Cloud, and Mist. Everyone has one of these as their primary Flame. The Guardians guard the boss, there's usually one of each Flame for Guardians. Hibari, over there, has the Cloud Flames. We need him to be part of the Vongola Famiglia so Ienari can have a better chance at winning. Any questions?"
"U-um," Tsuna stutters. So the whole thing with Pineapples and Ienari on fire has to with this? And that cow child has these Flames too? ...That would also explain a lot about Mukuro's fancy shenanigans, though.
Reborn sighs. "You really are Dame-Tsuna, aren't you?" Tsuna stays silent. "Hibari Miyu can tell you more if you have anymore questions."
"Miyu-san?" he asks incredulously. He swivels his head and sees Miyu wave at him calmly.
"Yes. She was a former assassin, you know. Quite a successful one as well."
"WHAT."
Miyu blushes prettily and says, "Oh, you flatter me too much. I'm nothing compared to you, Mr. Arcobaleno." Tsuna isn't sure whether to be disturbed that a Hibari is flirting with a baby or continue being confused. He manages to display an expression that shows disturbance and confusion at the same time. Confubance. Confubbles.
"You will be involved in the mafia, one way or the other," Reborn warns, whether to Kyouya or Tsuna, he doesn't know, but it's ominous nonetheless. And then he leaps out the open window, a hand clutching onto the black fedora with that creepy chameleon.
Tsuna turns to Kyouya. "Aniki," he starts before noticing that Kyouya had escaped through the window as well. He lets out a heavy sigh. Miyu only giggles and asks him to clear the table.
He manages to break two plates. He wasn't called Dame-Tsuna for nothing after all, and the strange encounter had shaken his nerves up even more than usual.
Tsuna wonders what had done in his previous life for him to deserve this. Maybe he kicked a kitten.
XXXXXXXXXX
Things did not go to normal. For one, Reborn showed up every night to offer Kyouya the position of a Guardian, who refused every time. Naturally, this made Mukuro start annoying his brother even more than usual, saying that look, you're a celebrity, Kyou-chan!
Gokudera Hayato also had taken to threatening Kyouya to "accept it so Ienari-san can be the Boss! God knows he needs the extra help and the money I'm making for being Ienari-san's Storm Guardian is pretty nice and I don't want that to stop anytime soon!" or something along those lines. Tsuna had always thought that Ienari's and Gokudera's relationship seemed slightly forced.
Speak of the devil. Ienari swaggered (Tsuna kid you not, he swaggered) down the street Tsuna is currently walking on. He is flanked by Gokudera and Mochida. Ienari is pretty tall for his age. He towers over Tsuna by more than a foot. He has blond hair that he presumably inherited from their good-for-nothing dad and dark brown eyes. He is better built than Tsuna, who looks like he could be a ballerina. (Nana tried to sign him up for ballet lessons once because of this, saying that he would get more graceful. The plan failed spectacularly.)
"Yo, Dame-Tsuna!" Ienari greets, loud and annoying. Tsuna picks up his speed, but Ienari keeps up easily, Gokudera and Mochida trailing behind him. "Still mooching off the Hibari?" Ignore him, ignore him, pretend he's a fly- maybe not, now I want to smack him. Not that I'll be able to work up the courage. "Don't ignore me!"
Tsuna breaks out running, throwing away his digni- well, he never really had any in the first place. So he just runs. He feels a hand wrapping around his stick arm and yank him back. Ienari leers at him unpleasantly. Gokudera looks like he desperately wants to jump in but settles for glaring impressively at Ienari. "Think you can run away?" Tsuna mumbles. "What was that?"
He lashes out with his foot, kicking Ienari where the sun doesn't shine. Ienari keels over, groaning in pain. Mochida rushes to his side while Gokudera winced in sympathy.
Chuck Norris had nothing on him.
A/N: Because no matter what universe Tsuna is in, Reborn will always, always torture him psychologically, if not physcially. This isn't an entirely serious fanfic, so don't expect well-thought out chapters ahaha.