Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews and messages, I really appreciate them. I think the story will be over by the end of the week (I only have one point to develop and then I'm done).

Chapter Thirty

In four days, August would be swept away by September. When Maura thought about the summer she had just lived, her heart irremediably tightened. Jane had made her life tip over. For the better. The determination she had showed had forced Maura to leave her comfort zone in order to embrace something she had fantasized about for a while.

Life was sweet since they were in a romantic relationship. Very sweet. Perhaps too sweet.

Maura cast a furtive glance at Jane who was walking by her side. She looked happy and full of a self-confidence that had risen within the last few weeks. Hand in hand, they were heading to the beach for a late-afternoon drink.

Maura wasn't bored when she was with Jane but being in a romantic relationship was a lot less spicy than a friendship with benefits. Maura enjoyed the serenity and the certainty of their relationship but she also missed the excitement of what they had had before. She felt ashamed because she knew that Jane saw it differently, and because she shouldn't have had such sentiment.

Maura had been a good student as she had followed Lucy's advices and had tried to apply them to her life. She and Jane had gone on a few dates and everything had gone well. They had even found a routine they both enjoyed equally. Thus whatever was weighing on Maura's soul was unfair, almost shameful.

She didn't dare to talk about it with Jane. She didn't want to hurt her partner who was obviously embracing their relationship at the fullest. Maura still had to say to Jane that she loved her. The words were just on the edge of her lips but for some reason she didn't manage to let them come out. Not just yet.

"I can't believe they repaired the AC only now." Jane shook her head. "We've suffered all summer long at the BPD and they decide to repair it now that the temps are about to lower."

"Hmm."

The murmur passed Maura's lips very quietly. She was way too focused on her incomprehensible emotional state of mind to have a proper conversation right now. Besides she was tired and had a slight headache. Her day at the morgue had been long, and stressful.

"Are you okay? You've been very quiet since we've left work."

Their semi-official relationship had boosted Jane's confidence. She dared to show and talk about her doubts with an easiness that Maura had a hard time to follow herself. She wished she were more like Jane. Their respective evolutions surprised her a lot because she had always assumed that she would be the one showing confidence and pride while Jane would remain quiet and uncertain.

Yet the exact opposite was happening now and she didn't know what to think about it.

Too aware of her unusual mood, Maura turned her head in order to look into Jane's eyes. Her partner seemed to be worried. A thin line had appeared on her forehead and she looked tense. Maura immediately gave her a nod to reassure her.

"Yes, I'm fine. Let's just find a table somewhere... I'm dying for this cocktail."

...

"I feel bad, so bad... I should feel lucky because everything is going so fine... Yet even if I know that I am lucky, something is missing. I don't know what."

Maura bowed her head in shame. She didn't want to look at Lucy on her computer screen. Her friend had suggested a Skype session and Maura had jumped on the occasion. Lucy was the only one she could talk about right now. Angela wasn't neutral enough since Jane was her daughter. Lucy didn't have any tie.

"You're overthinking the whole stuff, Maura. Abandon yourself to the moment, and to your feelings! It's still the best thing you can do."

Maura turned around as she thought she had heard the door open but it was a false alert. She was still alone at home. Jane had left with Jo Friday for a walk the moment they had returned from the beach. Of course Jane would spend the night over. They hadn't gone separate ways for a night in weeks now Maura thought about it. Jane's presence by her side in bed was comforting but it was still another point that bothered her.

"I don't know... It may be going too fast. We almost live together now while nobody but you and Angela know for us. I think Vince has suspicions but I'm not even sure."

Maura swallowed hard. She didn't want to lie to herself, nor to Jane. Yet she didn't dare to let a question that burned her lower stomach hit the air.

What if they weren't made for a romantic relationship?

It wasn't selfishness. Maura honestly wondered about it because things seemed to be more interesting when there was no attach whatsoever. Or, at least, when neither of them had admitted any.

This question had always made Maura feel insecure. It had hit her mind the moment she had told Jane that she wanted this exclusive relationship. Perhaps there was nothing to fear in the end. Or perhaps it was the root of her problems.

"You've never known how to deal with romanticism." Lucy laughed lightly. "You even don't like romantic comedies that much."

"No. It isn't that I don't like romantic comedies. It is that I don't see the point as they are anything but realistic. Nuance..."

Lucy rolled her eyes. Maura's remark had very little effect on what she wanted to tell her friend. She leaned over and looked straight at Maura through the webcam of her computer.

"You know what I think? I think you're in love, Maura Isles. I think you're in love with someone who loves you in return and it scares you so much that you subconsciously try to convince you that it was better before when none of these feelings were out in the open. You're scared of the consequences, because they're meaningful. So meaningful."

Maura pouted. She hated admitting that her friend may have been right yet deep inside she knew that Lucy's words were wise. Very wise.

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"Well... First of all, stop hiding behind sex. You and Jane aren't machines. Besides, it won't keep your feelings at bay. Stop thinking about these moments as a potential source of sexual release. It goes way beyond that."

Maura frowned. She hadn't alluded to her sexual life with Jane yet Lucy had come to her own conclusions very quickly. Conclusions that weren't too far from reality except Maura simply thought she was a very sexual person.

Jane had quieted down a bit since Maine. She had even told Maura that she preferred them to not do anything when Frost and Korsak were around because it made her feel uncomfortable. It hadn't taken Maura very long to understand that Jane was alluding to the day of her coming out at the Dirty Robber. Maura had tried to spice things up but it hadn't worked out. She had simply assumed at first that it was because Jane was about to let her colleagues and friends know that she was dating a woman but her reasons had turned out to be different.

Maura liked sex. She couldn't help it. And she could say that Jane liked it too. However, Jane didn't feel the urge to hide behind it to escape from her feelings.

"Then you... Oh, hey! It's Jane! How are you?"

Maura jumped with surprise as Lucy played along and pretended to be glad to see Jane somewhere in the background. Maura hadn't heard the door get opened. She had been lost in her thoughts instead, stuck in her doubts.

Jo Friday happily trotted towards Maura. Jane followed the dog and waved at Lucy. She was glowing. Happy to be there, in the moment. Maura swallowed hard and wished she had felt just as fine right now.

"Am I interrupting somethin'? You're pale like a ghost, Maura."

Jane burst out laughing. She walked to the fridge to grab a bottle of water out of it. Panic had officially invaded Maura who didn't know what to do anymore. The timing was terrible. Lucy wasn't done with her advices and Maura hadn't had time to prepare herself for Jane's return.

"I'll talk to you later. Bye!"

Maura's eyes widened in panic. Lucy had disconnected their call without the mere warning which meant that Maura was left alone to deal with a thousand untold things, now.

A honest smile played on her lips as she looked into Jane's eyes and grabbed her partner's hand to squeeze it tightly. She loved what they were having now. She loved it so much that it was even the reason why she didn't understand why she didn't manage to live it to the fullest.

"I've missed you."

Maura's statement caused Jane to laugh lightly. Her cheeks turned pink.

"I was gone for thirty minutes max."

Maura shrugged. It wasn't a matter of minutes or even of hours but simply the way she felt now. She leaned over and captured Jane's lips sweetly.

"Then it was thirty minutes too long."

Abandoning herself to the moment, letting her feelings speak for her. Fighting this fear that if she gave it all to Jane then maybe her vulnerability would make her unable to face the slightest storm.

Maura held back a sigh. She had to get there. She had to trust herself.