AN: *sniffles* thank you so much to all the lovely kind words that have been said to me… You all really don't know how much it makes me feel awesome. Because like Edd I have a very low self esteem so…thank you all so very much for reviewing and saying so many kind things! Also for those of you who liked Kevin's mother I'm so relieved! Haha I was sure if anyone was going to approve to her taking a more active role in the fanfic, because KevEdd fanfiction that I've read I never really see much of either of their parents and when they do make appearances it not always as positive. Rosemary will be making many more appearances and teasing jabs at her son's sexuality and Edd's cuteness! Actually a lot of Edd's problems are based on most of my own so, I'm sorry if it tends to get too emotional or realistic for any of you. Also everyone should totally listen to "Lost at Sea" By Zedd. I put it on repeat while writing this~ *bows* on with chapter four~!
Declaimer: I do not own Ed Edd N' Eddy in any shape or form, if I did Kevin and Edd would have been kissing canonly at twelve years old *snicker*
Warnings: Past and present self mutilation, severe bullying(violence) hate crimes, possessive behavior, mature content of the M/M variety, mentions of past suicide attempts, Bad grammar and cursing on Kevin's part, anymore warnings will be listed as they come along
****Attention! Also I seriously need a Beta because I keep finding mistakes in my chapters unfortunately AFTER I post them x.x I seem to over look them accidentally lol a Second pair of eyes would be very much appreciated So if anyone is interested please pm me! Thanks~ *bows* ****
There was a soft flurrying of snowflakes floating down in the air around them sending a chill down both of their spines causing them to walk a tad closer than they normally would have been otherwise.
Edd gripped Kevin's hand a little bit tighter in desperate need of comfort, as the days events were finally beginning to take their toll on his body.
The motion caused the taller male to side glance at him briefly before he returned the squeeze with a light reasuringly one of his own.
He then continued to looke ahead of them.
Double D's thoughts were racing and he was suddenly very aware of how positively exquisite it had felt on the couch in Kevin's arms earlier.
His thin shoulders quivered slightly as he remembered how the red head's arms had been protectively wrapped around his person in a dominant possessive manner.
He only wished the next time it occurred that it would not have to be caused by such nerve shattering events.
Then, just maybe he could have the time to savor it.
To catalogue it in his memories for later appreciation.
The walk over to Edd's was very sweet and endearing; both of their hands were still clasped together and slightly sweaty from nervousness.
The only problem is that it was done in total, very awkward silence.
Icy white clouding puffs of breath issued from their mouths in almost perfect unison as they both simply decided to look at anything but each other.
The ground for example was looking particularly lovely at this moment in time.
Edd's heart was beating abnormally fast inside of his chest.
His cheeks felt horribly hot despite the harsh bite of the mid November air.
Why was Kevin even holding his hand he wondered.
Surely the jock hadn't needed to do that when he lived merely only a few steps away.
Although he would have to admit only in complete secrecy to himself.
That he was most certainly was not complaining on the matter.
After all it was rather warm and nice despite the frigid cold around them.
It made Edd feel quite floaty and safe on the inside.
Crossing the street with little trouble they didn't seem to run into anyone from Cul-de-sac that they knew thankfully.
The less they needed to explain the better; which was a shared thought on both their parts.
Especially the whole holding hands part; and the fact that they were walking so closely that their sides kept brushing together unconsciously.
Flustering some Double D looked to Kevin out of the corner of his cyan eyes.
The red haired jock was stoic and blank as usual.
He was a complete enigma, one in which the poor smaller male could not seem to figure out for the life of him.
Edd looked ahead of them and realized that the seemingly long walk from Kevin's home to his own had come to an end
Kevin took in the sight before him as they finally reached the side walk.
He hadn't ever really been over to the dork's house before now so he didn't really know what to expect at first; in fact as a kid he had made it a point to avoid any of the Ed's houses as much as possible.
The front lawn of Edd's house had a fresh thin powdery layering of snow coating over it.
The grey and white flag stone walk way was covered in a thick gracious helping of rock salt that the raven must have put out himself, so as that no one would have to break their necks on the way up.
The house it's self was fairly large, easily one of the biggest in the Cul-de-sac after Kevin's that is.
It was a modest light mint color, with white painted shutters and panes on the windows.
In a strange way it almost reminded Kevin of a dollhouse of some sort; it just seemed too damn perfect for some reason.
Like he could even almost imagine some gigantic little girl with her hair pulled back in pigtails just appearing out of nowhere to start playing with it, while using Edd as one of her dolls.
Shaking his head he scowled, he had a fucking weird imagination.
A small timid voice snapped the red head from his thoughts making his emerald eyes dart down to wide quivering nervous blue orbs.
"I…um…n-need my hand back now K-kevin." Double D murmured softly, a pink blush dabbing his cheekbones in a completely adorable way.
He pulled back his hand so fast it gave off the impression the smaller of the two had literally burnt him.
Coughing some nervously into his hand Kevin stuffed it hastily into his right pocket, "Right..." He snorted his cheeks suspiciously turning a light pink in color, "Whatever...so you gonna open your door anytime soon dweeb? Or are yah just gonna stare at it for the next hour?"
Flustering bright red in embarrassment Edd's hands fumbled immediately going to his pockets as he dug around clumsily for the key, "O-Oh yes of course, my extreme apologies! Let me just find the key…and we shall enter post haste!"
Kevin shifted onto his one foot and lazily watched him an eyebrow raised as he took in the cute flustered look the nerd now sported.
Wait a second…cute?! ARUUUGHHHH the dork was so not at all cute…
Even when he blushed like a stupid girl and fidgeted around all nervous an adorable like…
And…crapppp!
Fuck, nooooo stop right there!
Just stop thinking about weird stuff like this!
Man this totally sucks..
Sucks…
He balked in horror as perverted imagery came flashing to life in his mind.
None of it being anything like his usual fantasies/daydreams at all.
Quick, think…think…um…boobs!
Chicks in bikinis…
Nazz naked!
Anything!
WHY WAS'NT THIS WORKING?!
Groaning inwardly the ex bully looked back to Edd who seemed to have finally found the missing key to the door, "Has anyone told you that you say sorry way too damn much?"
Chortling softly Double D smiled gently and turned the key in the lock, "No, I do not suppose they have. Though, has anyone ever told you that you use entirely too much profanity in your daily speech patterns?"
Kevin gave him a dumb look, "Say what?"
Sighing some the slender raven pushed the door in before pocketing the key.
"You curse too much." He rephrased bluntly.
Snickering some Kevin followed him inside smirking the whole way, "Oh…well duh, my Ma used to smack the shit outta my head all the time about that, but then again I'm so damn tall now she has to lean on furniture to do it nowadays. So it doesn't really happen all too much anymore."
Shaking his head in faux dismay in return Edd then swiftly took his shoes off at the door.
He then placed them down on a grey "welcome" home mat before slipping on two downy white bunny slippers which had been waiting for him, "Shoes off Kevin."
Kevin looked skeptic, "Dude seriously? I'll take off my shoes but there's no way in hell I'm wearing any dorky animal slippers, that's for damn sure."
Giggling softly slightly behind his hand Edd smiled his signature gapped toothed smile.
The very one in the same that was slowly beginning to grow too damn adorable for Kevin's liking, "Yes well…that's quite alright seeing as I doubt I have any of them in your particular size anyway…your feet are rather on the large side compared to mine."
He wiggled to his small petite bunny slipper clad feet in response.
The red head snorted eying the raven's feet briefly before he grinned, "That's because you're the size of a girl, dweeb."
Bristling visibly Double D puffed up his chest in apparent offense, his cheeks dusting red with slight anger, "What is it with everyone trying to downsize my masculinity? I was born obviously of the male gender! Perhaps…I am a bit on the shorter more lithe side of the spectrum of what usual males look like…but I am just as manly as the next seventeen year old boy."
Kevin's lips twitched oddly some before he suddenly fell back on his ass and started full blown laughing, "Oh god…you manly?! Youuu, of all people? You're about as manly as Jimmy, Double D."
Frowning Edd sputtered indignantly before he looked down and muttered, "At least I am somewhat taller than he."
The red head wiped his eyes and stood up towering over the petite raven, "Yeah like by one inch congrats; but dude you're way skinnier than him, and your built curvy like a girl or somethin'."
Lifting a dark eyebrow in confusion Double D looked down at himself, "Curvy..? I am by no means…curvy…I have no bust…and my hips are adequately masculine in their body shape…"
He looked back at Kevin questioningly before he smiled shyly tilting his head to the side in an almost teasing manner that surprises even himself, "Does that mean you have been looking at me quite often Kevin?"
Emerald eyes widen as the taller red head panics, "W-what? No! Why would I…I mean…I'm not even…and you're a…seriously! No dude! Just no…"
Edd in turn smiles a shaky small thin lipped smile, one that doesn't quite reach his now sadden blue eyes, "Y-Yes…well I am merely only speaking in jest of course, do not worry about it Kevin. Everyone knows that you are clearly only interested in the female persuasion of our species."
He turns away from Kevin and starts toward the stairs, "I'll be back in a few minutes…please go into the living room area. Make yourself comfortable in my absence, I won't take too long I promise."
And with that he ascended up the stairwell quickly as his short legs could carry him away from the tension in the front hall.
Kevin bit his lip hard in frustration as he watched him go, "Crap…did I say something wrong?"
He tugged down on the brim of his hat aggravatedly.
Why did talking to the dweeb have to be so damn hard?
Sighing he walked into the living room finding himself looking around it in curiosity.
The house on the inside was worse than it was on the outside in his opinion.
I mean yeah it was spotless and tidy, in a complete cliché stepford housewives' dream house sort of way.
But it was really cold and barren feeling.
Impersonal almost like it wasn't well lived in.
Like nothing happy had ever happened in it before.
Surprisingly there were no family photos hanging on the walls either.
Just some strange paintings dotted the walls here and there, in a way that seemed that they had only been hung to cover up the absence and lack of any familial togetherness in the home.
Foreign sculptures stood on the mantle from various places in the world that Kevin couldn't really recognize.
Frowning deeply he felt himself getting pissed off.
He couldn't even remember what Edd's parents looked like let alone what they did for a living.
What were their names even?
When was the last time they had been home?
Did they even call their son anymore?
Or spend the holidays with him?
He briefly remembered hearing from one of the other Ed's about them communicating via sticky notes, but that was just so goddamn sad to even think about.
Why would you do that to your own kid?
Why even have one if you weren't going to spend time with them?
No wonder the dork had such problems.
He was probably lonely as fuck, having been left alone by himself the majority of his childhood and teenage years.
That was bound to screw up even the strongest person.
I mean at least he had his mom.
His dad had been a total bastard, having cheated on his mom a few years back at the end of seventh grade.
Rosemary had been heartbroken from what he remembered of it, but took it calmer than Kevin sure as hell did.
After his dad left things had been rough for a while, but they had made it work and got through the harsh parts together.
But Edd…
The dork didn't even have that, he was all alone and had been for a very long time it seemed.
Before now no one had bothered to even look underneath his now blaringly obvious fake ass smiles.
How long had he been suffering by himself, spouting off the shitty excuse of "I'm fine" to anyone who would listen?
Kevin's hands gripped into white knuckled fists at his sides.
He felt ashamed, and angry at himself for not noticing before now.
Well fuck that, he could at least look out for the dweeb from now on.
Make sure he was healthy and sort of maybe happy an crap…
I mean someone sure as hell needed to..
Arugh this is so turning into one of those stupid fucking yaoi/slash mangas that Nazz collected and gushed so much about.
He could see it now, the Jock and the Nerd, forbidden romance and shit or somethin'.
Bleh…he sure hoped not.
Then again it was getting pretty hard to fucking deny anymore.
He couldn't even remember when it had all started.
When had he started to notice those different lil small things about the raven haired teen that made his insides turn to complete knots?
Why now of all times when wouldn't even have bothered to look at him a year before now?
What had changed so drastically, so quickly?
He honestly couldn't goddamn tell you 'cause he was still trying to work that part out in his newly sexually confused brain.
The sound of soft foot falls on the stairs jarred him back to reality.
He looked up to see Edd struggling badly to bring down a small grey suitcase, a medium sized satchel bag, and a potted plant of some kind.
"What's with the fern, dork?" Kevin spoke dubiously.
"Jim is most certainly not a fern! He is a cactus…and I've had him for a very long time."
"…You named it?" The red head looked dumbfounded at the raven haired genius but smirked some, "That's kinda cute dork."
Flustering some Edd winced he coughed and wheezed a bit as he began to sway on his feet.
The red head darted quickly into action, encircling his strong arms around Edd's slender waist keeping him upright.
"Hey, are you sure your okay?" Kevin frowned in concern, quickly taking both the bag and suitcase from Edd leaving him just holding Jim, "You should have said you needed help, you shouldn't really be carrying all this crap on your own after what happened earlier."
Looking down the smaller male bit his lip slightly; his blue eyes hooded some while his cheeks burned red, "I..did not wish to bother you Kevin."
Groaning Kevin looked down at Edd and tilted the smaller boys chin upward so their eyes met, "You ain't a bother Double D…just say somethin' next time will yah? I'm not a mind reader; I ain't good at these kinds of things. I need to be told someone needs help…I don't really think ahead…never been good at that sorta stuff."
Edd looked up at the jock and smiled a slight smile flustering softly at the skin to skin contact, "I will be sure to remember that for next time, thank you Kevin. Now perhaps we should be heading back to your home. I think your mother mentioned something about making dinner?"
Letting his hand drop abruptly Kevin coughed some awkwardly, "Oh yeah, I forgot I'm still hungry as hell. Let's go D." Grinned the ex-bully before moving away and toward the front door.
Cyan eyes followed him as he went, "I'll be out in just a moment…I must tend to something important quickly before we leave." Edd mumbled out softly as he placed Jim down on the coffee table.
He then shuffled his feet against the soft plush cream carpeting of the floor as he walked toward the kitchen without another word.
The red head's lips twitched downward into a confused frown but he said nothing in protest as he went outside to wait for him.
Edd stopped hesitantly in front of the refrigerator which was covered from head to toe in sticky notes of various different colors.
Each of them stating some sort of message dictating him to do a chore of some kind or just a simple reminder to follow written by his parents; all to be done long before their return.
Un-sticking each and everyone from the smooth surface, he placed them all in the trash bin without a spare glance to his actions he sighed.
He knew very well that he would be in severe trouble for doing this when his parents did finally come home.
Edd could literally see the identical twin disappointed looks in his parent's eyes, as well as hear said lectures of responsibility already.
Opening a drawer he pulled out a black sharpie marker clicking it open, he then took off a blue sticky paper from the pad at the top door of the fridge.
Quickly writing something down with shaking fingers, he stuck the note next to the pad.
Smiling sadly Edd turned away and walked back into the living room his feet dragging as he went.
Pull yourself together Eddward, now is not the time to be so blatantly immature.
What would Kevin say if he saw you being debilitatingly weak in front of him?
Perhaps he would laugh or poke fun at him?
Shaking his head he rubbed his still uncovered scarred wrists out of habit.
No…
Kevin had shown that he indeed had proved to have grown exceptionally mentally more mature over the years since their childhood bouts of pranks and stints of bullying.
Slowly picking up Jim gently he hugged the pot to his chest almost protectively.
Blinking back tears he internally scolded himself for being so childish and useless.
Looking around one last time with sad cyan eyes he hung his head letting a soft, "Goodbye" pass from his lips into the empty air around him before making his way outside.
Kevin was there waiting silently on the front porch when he got there.
The taller of the two looked down at him questioningly, "So…what did you need do anyway?"
Edd shifted some from foot to the other uneasily before looking back at the red haired jock, "I left a note for my parents on my whereabouts for the next few months…so they do not have to become needlessly worried about where I am."
He looked down at his feet again.
Then again the chances of them coming back home early and finding the note, or worrying about him at all was very slim.
Kevin cleared his through loudly making the smaller jump slightly and look up.
"Come on then if you're ready to go, if I stand here any longer I'm gonna fucking starve to death. Or start eating the porch swing or something."
Giggling softly Double D rolled his eyes teasingly but gratefully at Kevin's change of topic, "Yes, shall we then?"
With that they started back across the street this time not holding hands, but the tension that had been wrapped around them earlier had melted away.
Somehow it was more intimate than holding hands had been.
How curious.
Humming softly to a tune her mind had quite literally on the spot made up, Rosemary stirred a steaming pot of sauce and meatballs as she added some seasonings to it.
She was less worn out and tired looking than she had been earlier, having gained a lot of color back from her shower.
Dressed simply in a grey t-shirt with the Disney cartoon movie version of the Cheshire cat on it, and dark purple matching pajama pants with the words "We're all mad here" scrawled lazily in several areas in wispy green lettering she looked very comfortable and at ease.
Her copper curls were pulled back into a high messy knotted bun atop her head to keep out of her face and eyes.
Smiling softly she turned down the burner under the pot to a soft simmer.
Picking up the box of Spaghetti she took out the pasta breaking it in half as she put it into another pot next to the other, one that was filled with water that had just begun to boil.
Adding a pinch of salt and pepper to the water to bring a bit of extra flavor to the pasta she looked at the clock briefly wondering if the boys were on their way back yet.
She sighed and tucked a loose curl behind her ear, she really didn't want to cause another anxiety attack for Eddward.
But she did need to know a few more details on some things if he was going to be staying with them for a prolonged period of time.
The back screen door being creaked open nosily sounded off on its hinges before Kevin came into view and walked in holding the majority of Edd's things.
Double D walked in a moment later carrying what Rosemary noted seemed to be a cactus labeled, "Jim".
Blinking her emerald eyes she smiled a gentle sort of smile, "Kevin, why don't you set his things in the living room for now and after dinner you can show him his room."
Nodding her son walked silently into the other room and set down the suitcase and bag next to the couch.
The small raven followed suit, deciding to place Jim down on the coffee table would be safest.
"Dinner's almost ready! I Hope you like spaghetti and meatballs Eddward." Called Rosemary from the kitchen brightly.
Flustering again Edd looked to Kevin who was already walking back toward his mother.
He smiled pleasantly at them.
This was nice…
Perhaps this is what family gatherings should truly feel like?
He mused to himself silently before gathering himself.
Looking into Curious and merrily gleaming emerald eyes he responded to the question, "Oh yes. I enjoy pasta dishes a great deal Ma'am, most especially spaghetti."
Rosemary wipes her hands on a wash cloth before winking at him, "Good, because mine is really awesome! Oh and sweetie please just call me Rosemary."
Flustering cutely Edd nearly pouted, "Oh b-but we have barely made it past acquaintances yet Ma'am..I would never be so rude as to call you by your first name so soon.."
She looked to her son arching a well manicured eyebrow, "Is he always this…polite?"
Snorting some Kevin sat down at the table his elbows resting on the surface of it and smirked a side grin his green eyes watching the interaction like a lazy but entertained cat, "Nah…sometimes he's way worse."
Putting his hands on his hips Edd tried to glare at the other male but it kind of just turned into an extreme angry looking pout, "One should always have the proper etiquette and manners Kevin…without them we are just uncivilized plebeians speaking slandering atrocities."
Blinking owlishly at him the auburn ex-bully looked extremely confused, "Pebbly what now…?"
The raven haired genius just let out an exasperated noise.
Shaking his head Kevin forked a finger at Edd in response to his mother, "Yeah so just like that…whatever the hell he just said…sometimes he just makes no fucking sense at all."
His mother squealed softly, "You are just so positively adorable Eddward…" She sniffs softly and hugs him to her voluptuous chest nearly smothering him in the process, "I've always wanted a daughter this is all so very wonderful…"
Squirming in her hold Double D grumbled about being labeled a female again but secretly enjoyed the warmth of the hug.
He didn't get them very often so he was taking advantage of the warm comfort.
"What am I chopped livers Ma?" Frowned Kevin from his seat.
Pouting Rosemary reluctantly let go of the small raven haired teen and turned toward her son, "Oooooh of course not Kev! You'll always be my little man! But…you're so….burly and tall now." She wrinkled her nose and mocked sniffled into her hand dramatically, "Besides, Eddward is just the right size to be cuddled and loved upon you see."
Looking at her blankly Kevin rolled his eyes, "Well as long as yah don't suffocate him with your huge boobs I think he'll survive."
Edd's cyan gaze goggled, "K-Kevinnnn! Manners, honestly!
Smirking the copper haired woman winked, "Well I'll just have to be careful, I wouldn't want to encroach on your territory after all Kev."
Her emerald eyes gleamed mischievously as her words had finally begun to sink in her son's brain making him pale drastically at her before his ears turned as red as his hair, "My what...? Ma, what the fuck…he's not…and…god will you stop already?"
Edd just stood wide eyed as he forced himself to sit down next to Kevin, choosing wisely to stay out of this entirely odd and mountingly private discussion.
He rubbed his hand over his face and asked a bit lamely, "Is dinner ready yet?"
Snickering to herself, his mother turned back and to the stove and strained the pasta in the sink, "Yup, Kev get off your lazy bum and set the table will you?"
"Ahuh sure…" Glad that the conversation at steered clear of his seemingly impending change in sexuality; Kevin quickly moved over to the top cabinets and took out three plates.
"Do you need any more help Misses Ba-I mean…R-Rosemary?" Edd sputtered out meekly.
Rosemary turned and smiled gently at him, "Could you go and get us some forks? Second draw to the right." She motioned to the side and began filling each plate Kevin had set out with a good helping of pasta.
Edd was off his feet in seconds, "Of course!" Eager to please and help the kind woman before him he ambled forward nearly tripping on his shoe laces in the process.
Managing to regain his footing he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and opened the drawer; as he was instructed pulling out three forks for each of them.
Returning to the table he placed them down next to everyone's plate and took his seat again.
"Thank you Eddward, now let's all enjoy!" The woman said as she then set down a shaker full of parmesan cheese.
Kevin sat down again and grinned, "You haven't made pasta in ages Ma."
He started slurping up the noodles happily while his mother scolded him for eating so sloppily.
Double D smiled a soft but sad smile to himself at the mother and son exchange as he watched them silently, forgetting completely to eat his own food.
Narrowed emerald blazed into his own cyan colored ones startling him from his thoughts, "What's wrong dor-" His mother elbowed him painfully in the ribs making Kevin grimace and reword his sentance, "You okay Edd? Is somethin' wrong with the food? I swear she may not look it but my mom's a damn good cook."
Flustering nervously the raven shook his head back and forth wildly, "N-No no…it's all quite lovely…I'm just…." He lowered his eyes to his food then back at them, "I…am not at all used to dining with anyone other than myself…"
Green eyes sparked angrily some before softening slightly, "Well get used to it, we eat together whenever we can and that now includes you so…just stop over thinking crap and eat. You're skinny as a damn twig dude, the more you eat the better."
Smiling softly off to the side Rosemary nodded swirling some spaghetti onto her fork, "You're Kevin's friend right? That makes you family."
Edd's eyes watered slightly, "…friends...well I suppose...perhaps...b-but...f-family?" He looked taken a back.
Kevin snorted earning a glare from his mother, "Looks like you're stuck with us dork."
Muttering a soft thank you Edd began eating, a true smile tugging on his lips whilst he did so.
After a very silent but not at all unpleasant dinner, Kevin had taken Double D up to the guest room.
It was a very basic room with cream colored walls and light grey carpeting, holding a queen sized bed and a desk in the corner.
An empty bookshelf stood off to the side, one that Edd immediately had personally and silently promised to fill with his books as soon as possible.
The jock had fled the room surprisingly quickly after depositing the nerd's things down, muttering gruffly about how he needed to take a shower and go to bed.
Edd paid no mind to Kevin's odd behavior; it had been after all a very long day for them.
And to be honest he was surprised at how well and understanding the usually hot tempered red head had handled everything.
Setting Jim down on the middle of the desk the raven slowly took off his black and white beanie setting it aside, letting his shiny shoulder length black tresses tumble out.
Walking over to the window he swiftly pulled back the curtains and stared out at the now darkening sky.
It was still snowing lightly outside, blanketing the streets with soft looking tufts of white powder.
The street lamps were slowly snuffing out one by one, as were the lights in several of the Cul-de-sac houses surrounding them.
Trying but failing miserably to suppress a yawn Edd winced in pain as his ribs started aching terribly again.
Curses! He had forgotten to ask for pain medication before coming upstairs.
Oh well…it was not all too bad, he supposed he had had worse.
Turning away from the window he knelt down to open his satchel bag pulling out two prescription pill bottles.
Eying them forlornly he uncorked them and took one pill from each dry mouthed.
Grimacing some at the bitter taste he then started unpacking everything.
This room really needed a good dusting…
That would be the first thing he'd do before bed.
Messy, Messy, Messy…