Memories

Bad Dreams

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She turned to face him. Her eyes were totally silver and there was no trace of Tora in them. She raised a hand and the waves shot into Scott's chest, driving him back until he hit the walls of the mansion. Kurt was caught by a watery claw and screamed as it started to crush him. He teleported and Dark Dragon turn her attention to Logan. A smile tugged at her lips, both sides of her mouth able to move with the scars now gone.

"Little Logan. Never able to save those he loves. Come to me little Wolverine."

And unable to help himself, drawn like a moth to the flame, he walked to her. And a vice-like hand tightened around his neck.

"I could kill you right now. I should kill you. Then the weak in me will fall."

He couldn't move, couldn't act as her silver eyes burned into his skull. Then she kissed him, like she knew it was their last, and flung him aside. The Dragon's wings opened and she shot into the air, leaving for space…and her death.

Logan sat bolt upright, gasping for breath. The memories, always coming back to haunt him. The inhuman eyes, the wild hair, the face that didn't look like hers due to the lack of scars. The final, passionate kiss before she left. He shoved the covers off him and walked to the window. A week ago they'd stood gazing out and pointing out images they saw in the clouds. Why? He remembered her pointing out a cat and him seeing a beer bottle, at which point she'd laughed. She hadn't been able to stop, her eyes sparkling in the dying sunlight.

She'd been so free and happy in that single moment of joy. And unable to help himself, he'd caught her waist and made her laugh even more. And the way she'd breathed her love in his ear. Later, much later, she had turned serious and looked at him, her golden eyes thoughtful.

"Logan, I don't know if I ever will be able to die."

"What's the sudden change of mood for?"

"I am Dragon. I will endure for eternity. And you saw how Etana was in the end. Alone, apart from the world. I don't want that. I want you with me. I can give you that."

"No."

"Logan…"

"I don't want eternity."

"But what if…what if you die and I can't?"

"Live. Get on with life. Learn to love another."

"I will never love anyone but you. This I swear."

"Don't make a promise you can't keep."

"I swear I will never love another like I love you."

"Don't make plans for the future."

"What if I'm like Jean. Dying and being reborn each time."

"Then I'll wait for you."

Smiling, she had embraced him then allowed him to plant a kiss on her forehead. She seemed almost asleep.

"Love you Carcajou."

"I know darling. I love you too."

Carcajou. Her pet name for him, used only in private. Wolvie was bad enough. Knowing Tora called…had called…him Carcajou would lead to car nicknames. Or worse. Again, he tried to cry. But he couldn't. It was like he still hadn't accepted she was dead. The photo on her side of the bed was of them together, holding Jamie. She was looking down at Jamie, but still looking at Logan who was holding him. Then, more in anger than anything else, he slammed the photo facedown onto the wood. And slumped back onto the bed. He felt despair, anger and annoyance but no grief. He guessed he was in denial. Then he felt something under the pillow. Frowning, he tugged out a book. Opening it, he found sketch after sketch, all of different worlds, all captioned in Tora's looped handwriting. She seemed to have come up with nicknames for the different universes.

First glimpse of Logan in Witchkin World. See pg. 12.

Etana & Steve from Witchkin.

Earth as seen from Doom's Doom. See pg. 18.

Age Of Apocalypse. Weapon X and Jean Grey. As seen when pens were destroyed. Unfortunately, contact was not made.

Final stand of the heroes. My World.

He frowned. This final image showed a rag-tag bunch of heroes, Cyclops, Cap and Hawkeye charging towards the artist. He flipped the page over to find a transcript of events.

Cap: Tora, stop this NOW!

I: Flee Captain. I do not want to kill you.

Hawkeye: You killed everyone else Dragon. Why not us?

Scott: Stand down.

I: Why should I? I rule this world. You are revolutionaries.

Cap: You would be a dictator…

I: Says the man who has allied himself to Doom. I have healed this world. Starvation is a thing of the past. No war, except for what you initiated.

Scott: You destroyed everything Tora. How many have you killed? Ororo! JEAN! LOGAN! How many more?

I: Unless you stand aside, then three. I don't want this. I am willing to offer you a place in this world.

Cap: You have killed hundreds with your own hands. Millions have died on your orders.

I: And no more will die.

At this point Hawkeye unleashes an arrow.

I: This is how you respond to my offer? Then die.

Hawkeye is aged until he becomes dust. Her handwriting had wavered slightly as if she couldn't believe what she'd done.

Cap: MURDERER!

I: I mean no harm. I would rather not kill you.

Scott: You killed Jean. Killed your own husband. Tora, how could you?

I: It…it wasn't easy. Logan refused to see my dream. Of all the deaths, I regret his the most. But see what I have done. We were trapped, trapped in our endless cycle of death and destruction and hate.

Cap: Tora…

I: Don't lecture me Steve. See what I have achieved. I am healing this world. I have given everything! Love, family, friends.

I was unable to watch anymore. Suffice to say, Steve and Scott did not survive.

He flicked through more pages and saw world after world of destruction and pain. Each one faithfully detailed, described and drawn. Details of crimes Tora had committed and prevented. And at the back, a list of ways she died. From molecular dismemberment to losing her healing. Each one numbered, dated and with a dry comment. She had never mentioned this, never spoken of the pain. Yet she confided in a tiny notebook, spine worn with use. Angry and slightly hurt he threw the book to the other side of the room. Secrets, always secrets. A page had fallen out. Frowning he picked it up and smoothed out the creases.

Spoke with Etana today. She said that sometimes, dying to save the world from yourself is harder than dying to save the world from someone else. I think I know what she means. I asked her what the hardest thing she has ever done was. She told me it was knowing that people she cared about were going to die and not being able to do anything about it. I asked if it was like Cap's accident. She went all silent and then turned and told me that someone had offered her the choice to rescue Cap. She watched him fall. Returned to her village and found them slaughtered. By not acting, only watching, two things that mattered to her were lost. Maybe she needs some time alone… I am sort of crowding her. But she is like a teacher at times. My tutor in this maze of worlds. She…knows what I am and taught me how to remain in my world. Logan keeps me here and now but Etana challenges me to use my gift and to dance between the worlds as lightly as a feather. Between a rock and anchor such as Logan and an offer such as what she gives me, how can I choose? Sometimes she acts like a teenager. I blame Steve for this. Since the time he kissed her in front of everyone, Etana's been so much…freer with her emotions. And slightly reckless. I suppose, no longer knowing what will happen means a great burden has been taken off her back. Hark to me, I'm rambling. I miss Etana. Has it only been a year since she died? It feels like longer. I still wonder exactly who she is. I-

The writing was cut off, as if she had been called away. And Steve? Cap? With Etana? That must have been one of her more insane realities. Like Cap would ever be anything more than a friend of Etana. But so much she wouldn't tell him, so many secrets. Why? Then he picked up the book and found the message in the front.

Happy Birthday Logan! Long piece of my ramblings because you're always asking me to tell you what's on my mind.

He was as well. She'd obviously started it and never had the chance to finish it. He flicked through it again, seeing now the comments that he had taken as personal reflections and now saw as notes to him.

Memories, not sure of accuracy, from Earth-1610. In this world, I seem to have been born in WWII. Met Logan's unit as a Resistance fighter, ended up getting married. He got arrested, I went with him and we were experimented on. You know, the usual torture etc. Had a son, James, aka Jimmy. Given to Mac for safekeeping after Magneto tried to take him from me and raise him. I've been living wild since Victor Creed attempted to kill me after I had an argument about Jimmy's future with Magneto.

It was a drawing of a café and three soldiers sitting together laughing. One was obviously him, another he didn't know and the third… the third had a Fury look about him but it couldn't be… Nick wasn't black. But the caption caused him to frown.

Privates Fisk and Fury with Sergeant Howlett.

Howlett. Cap had called him that. Was that his real name? He flicked further through the book, finding sketches, including one of Etana sitting in a throne-like chair with someone who looked like him standing beside her.

Witchkin World. Semi-medieval in technology. Mutants are used as slaves. Ferals consider themselves to be separate, calling themselves Wildkin and serving the Father Wild-King. I was captured and bought by Logan, vassal of Lady Shadow. There, I ended up in a great deal of trouble for my rather rebellious attitude, not to mention I treated Logan as an inferior for becoming 'domesticated'. More to follow.

Each picture was carefully detailed and captioned. Worlds where they lived in space, where they lost pivotal battles, where heroes were different and above all, where mutants were accepted. He reached the end of her writing and flicked through the empty pages. He wasn't crying. Instead he was smiling, seeing the care she had put into this for him. Her humour, not quite as undeveloped as certain students thought it was, shone through. He wanted to laugh. Some of her remarks were so tongue-in-cheek, they would have him laughing in other circumstances. Instead, he contented himself with a slight smile. He placed the book back where it had come from and turned the photo back up.

"Night darlin'."

And he switched the light off, knowing there would be no more bad dreams.

"So that's where the notebook came from. He was always flicking through it, reading it at mission briefings and so on."

"Wolverine read at mission briefings? I'm…impressed."

"Well, the book looks interesting…"

Tora sighed. She hated piecing together the ionic lattices. And don't get her started on the covalent networks. She was beginning to hate her own body. Not to mention the hellishly tricky structure of adamantium. Sighing, she decided that she wasn't going to have her hair as long as it had been. And she might have to drop some of the muscle tissue. She reached into her for Dragon

How much longer will this take?

You are nearly there.

How long has passed on Earth?

Around a fortnight.

A fortnight?

Time has no meaning here.

You still haven't properly explained where here is.

You still haven't master twelve dimensions. You're not ready for the explanation of the Library. Even the easiest version requires thought processes in eighteen!

Oh. Then give me the idiots' version.

Big room. Lots of books. Books contain all knowledge. Biographies etc.

There, that wasn't too bad. Wait. Biographies?

Works in progress cannot be changed.

Fichu.

She sighed and went back to unravelling the polymer chains. This was wrecking her eyesight. If she had eyes that was.

"I hate doing that."

"Yes, building new bodies are a pain."

"It's easier to reanimate a cadaver."

"The body had been destroyed."

"Then it would be easier to make a whole new body instead of rearranging the old one."

"Yes, OK. We don't need hindsight to make you all cocky."

"But it's true…"

A.N. I'm aiming for 100 reviews by Chapter 75. Sorry about the delay but I've been without an Internet connection. However, I've written to 71 of Memories and 33 of Cells.