Warnings this chapter: none
A/N: Sorry for being away for so long! I meant to upload this chapter last week but realized it wasn't finished, lol. But here we are; this chapter is about twice as long as the other chapters - just a little 'sorry for the delay!' ^^ Kind of a 'filler' chapter with mostly talking, but I hope you guys still like it!
Hollow Skies - Chapter 10
Over two weeks had passed since Loki's rescue. Thor stayed with him every hour of every day, barely leaving his sight and sleeping in the same bed. Although all of Loki's physical injuries had healed, Banner still insisted on keeping him in the infirmary, although neither god questioned it - and Loki truly could care less as long as Thor was with him.
Every night Loki would drape Thor's arm around him, and every night Thor would act as though he were already asleep when Loki did it. The trickster didn't mind; although he truly didn't understand why Thor felt it necessary to pretend. Was it a game?
Loki knew his mind had slowed, and more than anything else he feared this. His knowledge was vast, his comprehension of spells even more so, but now he feared he would lose that knowledge, that the part of him he held as dear to him as his family might be lost. No, not anymore. Thor was everything to him now, did it really matter if he lost his mind?
He shivered; suddenly afraid of his own thoughts. Why do I think these things? His memory was faulty, his thoughts unclear and clipped off like scraps of paper that couldn't form a perfect picture for all their pieces lost in the wind. He saw glimpses of what he should remember, but they floated around his head, mocking him and unwilling to settle within his mind like they were supposed to.
But Thor was there, Thor was his anchor. Steadfast and unchanging. Always there, never leaving. Never leaving.
Loki suddenly felt afraid and began trembling. He turned around in the bed to face Thor, but then felt exposed at his back. What monsters lurked there?
It was bright in the room - always bright now, but he still felt the dark, bleeding in through the corners of every room, waiting for him to turn his back-
He whimpered and shook Thor, immediately feeling foolish for it but still not caring.
The thunder god woke with a slurred start, looking about. "Brother?" he mumbled and squinted against the light. "What is wrong?" he asked quickly when seeing Loki's fearful wide-eyed gaze curled up against him, shaking slightly.
"I... I couldn't sleep," came the feeble reply. Loki wanted to say more but his throat was too tight and the words wouldn't come anyway.
Thor sighed and drew him closer, arms wrapped around him. "Did you have a nightmare?" he asked with soft voice.
"No," said the younger quickly. Loki didn't have nightmares because Loki didn't sleep. The few times that he did manage to sleep, he woke up screaming and sweating and vomiting. The word nightmare didn't quite cover it.
The look on his big brother's face told him Thor knew he wasn't saying everything, and that he didn't have to - didn't need to.
The warm arms comforted Loki like a soft blanket never could, even the brightest sun paled in comparison.
Loki once again turned his back to his brother, content to sleep in their usual positions now that his worried thoughts had died down. The heavy arm over his chest was quickly followed by loud and wonderous snoring. Like thunder rumbling across the horizon, from one edge to the other following the lightning.
Damn, Loki thought. He should have asked Thor to conjure a storm; the thunder god usually obliged whenever Loki was fearful - which was frequently - but more so could be convinced when Thor wasn't in complete control of his faculties, like when tired or sleepy. The agents on the helicarrier always complained to Thor about the frequent storms, but the god of thunder only shrugged and smiled that bright smile of his which rarely failed to impress - or so Loki believed.
Who would argue with Thor, anyway?
"Where are we going?" Loki asked with half-shaking voice, holding tightly to Thor as they walked down the metal corridor. He didn't need any aid in walking, of course, but he was sure if he let go his trembling knees would send him crashing to the floor. Some part of him wanted to, then maybe his big brother would take him back to his room, where it was safe, where people wouldn't stare at him.
Loki whimpered and hid his face on Thor's shoulder when a man with dark short hair and a beard happened by, although to Loki's relief he didn't seem to notice the two gods. Thor said nothing, allowing the trickster to reorient himself before walking at the more steady pace again.
"I told you, Loki, the mess hall." Thor's voice was calm, neutral, as if there were nothing odd about taking him to the mess hall when Loki's food was always brought to his room.
He didn't understand the point of this. "But why?" the younger asked, with as much fear and confusion as he could muster, hoping the thunderer would take him back. He didn't want to see more mortals, he didn't want to see any mortals.
"You- We cannot stay cooped up in that room every day and every night. One meal away will not harm you," Thor said jovially.
Loki leaned in, "But what if the mortals poison me?"
Thor nearly laughed, but upon seeing his brother's fearful face answered, "Why would they rescue you only to poison you? And besides, I doubt there is a poison on Earth that could kill us."
The second answer didn't exactly reassure him, but he supposed Thor was right. And anyway, if they somehow did poison him, Loki would know it and Thor would break into little bloody pieces whomever did the deed, so he shouldn't worry.
But he did worry, and he couldn't stop worrying. Poison was the least of his concerns, there were so many more worse things the mortals could do to him. But Thor's here, Thor's here. Nothing can happen. Relax, nothing will touch you, harm you... His own thoughts somehow made him more nervous, though, so he stopped thinking altogether and concentrated on not falling over and holding on to Thor.
It seemed there were several 'mess halls' and Thor took him to the nearest one, or so he'd said. The room was large, filled with nearly fifty silver tables with chairs affixed to them.
Fortunately, there were very few mortals eating right now, and a glance at a clock on the wall told him it was between meal times.
After passing through the large open door, Thor lead his brother to the left, then sat him down at the corner-most table closest the door. Loki sat with his back toward the wall, at least content that no one would sneak up on him, although a few passed behind since the distance to the wall was still somewhat large. The floor was grey and the ceiling filled with bright long square lights, which Loki drank in, happy to be out of the dark corridors - at least by comparison to his room.
Thor sat down next to him. "So," said the thunderer. "Will you stay here while I bring our food?"
Loki's eyes went wide, shaking his head at Thor.
"Loki..." said Thor with gentle admonishment. "I will be right there." He pointed to their left, where there was a long line of food-filled trays being watched over by several strange cap-covered mortals. The line to gather food was small, barely two or three humans at a time. It was indeed not very far away, and there were only four or five tables between Loki and the food-serving mortals-
"But," said Loki, trying to think of a good reason other than, 'I don't want you to' and 'Stay with me', which really wasn't a reason so much as a desperate plea.
Thor raised two sympathetic eyebrows, then nodded and stood up. "I'll be right back, brother. You need only call to me if you are troubled." With that he walked away, quickly but steady on his feet.
Loki stared after him, but noticed the line had grown since he had last looked. He chided himself for delaying Thor; if only he'd not said anything his brother would have been back by now. And he was hungry. He had eaten breakfast, but they had lost track of time while sharing stories of their childhood and only remembered to eat when Thor jumped up to exclaim that he had arranged for no food to be brought for lunch today.
'...Cannot stay cooped up' Loki grumbled to himself. He very well could stay cooped up in that room, and for all of eternity for all he cared, as long as Thor was with him.
He knew mortals had rescued him, but they still made him nervous. How many more were like Stark? Loki shivered and hugged himself, looking down.
His gaze on the dull reflective surface of the table was interrupted by something both pale and dark, the table reflecting someone standing on the other side of it.
Loki flinched back and curled in on himself, barely glancing up to see who it was.
It was a woman. Loki relaxed a little but looked around warily, catching sight of Thor and cursing the line of mortals for forming in front of him.
"Hey," said the mortal, voice slightly high in casual greeting. Loki said nothing, eyeing the table. "I don't think we've met; I'm Agent Maria Hill." The name did sound familiar to Loki, but he couldn't recall where he'd heard her name. He dared another look at her.
She wore the same dark uniform as most SHIELD agents, and her brown hair was tied back professionally, her bangs swept to the side. All in all a pleasing-looking woman, Loki thought, even for a mortal, but she had an intense gaze that pierced through him even with her gentle expression - which she clearly wore for his benefit. Strangely, this made Loki feel better; knowing that the mortal was making an effort to make him comfortable told him she cared. Although on second thought it could also be a ploy to make him let down his guard, but what would be the point of that?
She carried one of the food trays in both hands, clearly here for lunch as well. A kind but tight-lipped smile crossed her face as she tilted her head a little. "I heard you're settling in well; glad to hear it." She was apparently trying to make 'small talk' and Loki's mind honestly could think of nothing to say in response. Who is this woman? Why is she speaking to me? Where's Thor?
"Well," she went on, "I hope you get to feeling better. And," she looked at him more pointedly, but not with malice, "if you need anything, just ask. Tell your brother if you'd like, he can relay it to me-"
"Lady Hill!" Thor's voice broke through, causing Loki to jump slightly. The thunder god walked up to the woman, carrying two trays balanced expertly on his arm.
"Thor, please," she said with a teasing and amiable tone, "I've told you before, call me Agent Hill or, if you must, Maria."
Thor laughed, seemingly at the words 'if you must' and canted his head. "Very well," he gave a small friendly bow. "Agent Hill. Would you like to join us?"
Loki tried to give Thor a reproving look but the idiot thunder god wasn't looking at him. Is he insane? I can't sit with a mortal and-
"It's nice of you to ask, but I don't think your brother would be comfortable-"
"Nonsense!" said Thor in his usual booming voice that no doubt carried through the entire ship. "He has had only me to speak to these past weeks, it would be good for him - for both of us - to converse with another." Loki scoffed internally at that. Most of the Avengers - save one - had visited every so often, although... he had to admit they seemed nervous around him, as though simply being in his presence grated on their nerves. Thor had said it wasn't that they were angry, or scared, or any other negative emotion, only that they felt Loki didn't want them there, and that that was what made them apprehensive. Loki didn't buy it. His older brother wasn't the best at reading people, after all. No, it was something else, although he was wasn't yet sure what that could be.
"Even so," Agent Hill countered. She glanced at Loki, as though sensing his trepidation. "I sort of promised Agent Scott I'd sit with him-"
"Ah," Thor smiled and nodded knowingly with a hint of intrigue. "I see. Then perhaps another time?"
She nodded. "I'd like that. I'll see you guys later."
Thor smiled as she turned to Loki and nodded, then walked away.
"I like her," said Thor pleasantly, watching her disappearing form. He sat down next to Loki and set down the trays. "She is a formidable woman and she has been quite kind since your return."
Loki didn't know what to say to that since he didn't even know the mortal, although Thor didn't seem like he expected the trickster to chime in anyway.
Unsurprisingly, the food here was exactly the same as what was typically brought to his room. And, once again, he wonders why it's necessary for them to come here instead of remaining where they had been for the last few weeks.
Thor began devouring his meal immediately - which was typical - but Loki eyed his tray without touching it, lost in thought.
"Hey, there," said a male voice suddenly. Loki winced and glanced up; a man stood in much the same position as Agent Hill had earlier. He immediately averted his gaze back to the table, somewhat able to make out the man's form through the hazy reflection. He too wore the dark SHIELD uniform, like Maria Hill.
Thor looked up after a moment, apparently lost enough in his meal to delay his notice. He smiled good-naturedly. "Well met, Agent."
The mortal glanced at Thor for a moment, but eyed Loki. "How're you guys doing? Having fun?"
The trickster continued avoiding his gaze, finding it unnerving, but the thunder god responded in kind, "I am doing very well; is there... something I can help you with?"
"And," said the mortal, ignoring Thor's question, "what about him?" He flicked his head in Loki's direction, eyes still intently watching the younger god.
Thor frowned a little but patted Loki twice on the back, still smiling, "He is doing better. I thank you for your concern."
The mortal made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a snort. "Right," he said with a hint of sarcasm Loki was sure Thor wouldn't notice. A moment of strained - at least Loki thought so - silence passed, then, "And you guys just let him roam around like this? Should I be concerned?" It wasn't a question and Loki knew it.
But of course Thor wouldn't notice that. "You need not be concerned, friend. My brother is no longer a threat." Loki only just now noticed his brother's hand still on his back and it occurred to him that he wasn't the only one suspicious of this mortal. But Thor would only remain pleasant so long as the other party didn't push, Loki knew. If this mortal kept going in this direction...
The man set his foot on the chair in front of him, then leaned over with an elbow on his knee. "I suppose you just expect us to take your word for it, right?"
Out of the corner of his eye Loki saw Thor's eyes narrow slightly, the smile fading. This man's posture was suddenly challenging - if not exactly overt in its challenge. But the thunder god doesn't like people unnecessarily asserting themselves near him, and he certainly doesn't like the way the mortal stares at Loki. The trickster swallows and shrinks down in his seat, uncertain what to do.
"Nay, friend," said Thor, voice deep. "You may take your director's word for it. But if you wish, we may have words over it."
No one moved, the two stared at each other. Loki kept his head low, afraid to even look at the man's expression in the reflection of the table.
Suddenly Thor stood up, making Loki flinch at the unexpected movement. No, don't leave! screamed Loki's mind, but the blonde didn't move from his spot, he only placed both hands - slowly, deliberately - on the table before him, then leaned forward, eyes still on the mortal.
"Now," he began, "was there something else you wished to discuss, or will that be all, agent?" His voice was hard, a clear warning to back off or feel the wrath of the thunder god. Thor was no less intimidating without his armor or hammer, and the mortal backed away, legs firmly on the floor again. Thor continued staring.
The agent scoffed. "Sure. Of course. I have a shift to get to anyway..." Although he was trying to hide it, Loki could sense the nervousness in his voice. Apparently the man had not thought this through; did he really think he would get anywhere with the god of thunder standing here? And suddenly it hit home even more than it had before- how vulnerable he was without Thor. He still wore the collar and chain - something that no doubt made him stand out even more than he already did - and was without his magic. He felt naked out here, Thor his only shade from their blinding hatred. But it wasn't all bad, was it? The mortal woman - Agent Maria Hill - seemed amiable enough. And despite the Avengers' obvious unease around him, they too appeared mostly friendly. Still... there were probably thousands of mortals in this flying fortress; how many more of them wanted to do Loki harm? How many more wouldn't care if he was hurt, if he died in their care, if he was once again returned to Stark-
Loki whimpered at his own thoughts - although not meaning to, drawing close to Thor. The thunderer slowly sat down and put an arm around Loki when he heard his distress. "Fear not, brother," he said, still gazing in the direction the mortal had left. "I will not let any harm come to you, remember?"
The smaller god nodded, but still felt anxious. He leaned on his older brother, food forgotten. Thor couldn't stay with him all the time, even if he wanted to. He had duties as an Avenger, and eventually, Loki knew, he would have to resume those duties. Midgard needed him, and without the ability to return home, he - and Loki - were stuck here. The thunder god easily became restless; how long would he be satisfied with spending almost every waking moment with the mischief god? Loki didn't know the answer, didn't want to know the answer.
The trip back to Loki's room was much the same both ways. Loki held tightly to Thor and Thor reassured him as best he could, holding him tighter when he became especially fearful. It was pathetic, Loki knew, but he couldn't simply shrug off his fear despite knowing how ridiculous he looked hanging on to the thunderer like that.
When they returned to the safety of his room, Loki turned to Thor. "Brother..." he began, uncertain how to put his thoughts in order. "I..."
Thor's brows lifted slightly but he said nothing and waited. It amused Loki somewhat how his once overly-exuberant brother had learned patience these last few years.
The trickster sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, then decided to start with something more concrete, something more easily discussed. "Thor, can- can we..." remove my collar. But he couldn't make the words come out so he just fiddled with the metal around his neck. It may be easier to discuss than other issues, but it still made Loki nervous to bring it up. It blocked his magic and he knew that SHIELD might not allow him his - relative - freedom anymore if he suddenly regained his full abilities. And the truth was, he would much rather stay free without his magic than have it back and be imprisoned again... The thought made him shiver. Still, if he had his magic he would be able to defend himself... eventually, at least. Or he hoped 'eventually'. He might feel safer now than when he had first come here, but only when in Thor's presence. He still felt his heart beat too harshly and his breath quicken whenever someone other than Thor entered the room. And the mere thought of Tony being in the same-
Loki shook the thought away and realized his hands were shaking.
"Brother," said Thor quietly, stepping forward and grabbing his hands in a gentle hold. "Do you speak of your collar?"
Loki didn't look at Thor but nodded, saying nothing.
"I..." Thor hesitated, "I thought you did not wish it removed..."
Now Loki did look up, searching the blue eyes. Why would he think that? "What do you mean?"
The thunder god frowned in confusion. "Because I asked you, several days after you arrived here. Don't you remember?"
Loki's eyes widened. "No..." he whispered, staring at nothing.
A sigh from the thunderer drew his green eyes back. "Well," now Thor looked at nothing, "although I asked you then, when I discussed it with Director Fury and Agent Hill..." he trailed off.
Loki nodded in understanding, and somehow didn't feel disappointed. "They do not wish to remove it because they believe I will use my magic to..." he grimaced at even the thought. "That I will try to fight them again..."
Strangely, Thor's gaze snapped back to his, deep frown in place. "No, brother," he said, the faintest of smiles lingering in the corner of his mouth. "You- you believe they are afraid of you, how can they be when-" he cut himself off; Loki didn't know why. Thor shook his head, "I am sorry, Loki. I did not mean to imply you are wea-" He stopped again. Loki only stared at him, confused. Imply what? Thor stared back, frown still in place. "What I mean to say is: they do not fear you using your magic, or anything of the sort, they tried to remove your collar when you first arrived."
The trickster's eyes widened and he absent-mindedly scratched at the metal at the back of his neck. "What- but..." He didn't know what to say to that.
Thor sighed out through his nose. "You were terribly injured when you first arrived and they knew - from what I had told them of you before - that your magic aids you in healing. Doctor Banner said that several SHIELD agents had studied the metal and determined that it was made of some metal called..." Thor frowned for a moment, searching his memory, then said slowly, sounding it out, "...adamantium. Yes. From what they told me, this metal is very strong - they could not remove it no matter the tools they had." Loki listened, his despair growing but still curious about this metal. "They said... they said it is nearly indestructible and that they were surprised Stark had acquired it."
Loki wasn't surprised. Stark could do almost anything he wanted, couldn't he? What was obtaining some metal to him, no matter how rare? "Then," croaked out Loki, suddenly aware of how dry his throat was. "Then I will never be rid of it... I will..." He lowered his head, despair growing as the words came out. "Forever," he whispered. "I'll never be able to use my..." he couldn't say it. He couldn't say it. Magic. His magic was gone, then. Gone forever. He felt a tear drop.
"No, no, brother!" Thor leaned in, hand on the side of Loki's neck. "Do not despair-" his bright blue eyes stared at Loki, almost as distraught as the trickster. "Please, I have spoken to several of the SHIELD agents who are knowledgeable about such things. They said the collar is not closed completely - that it need only be unlocked." The trickster frowned, confused. "It is a collar, Loki. Stark had to have put it on you somehow. It is only locked around your neck - and if their is a lock, then it can be opened once again." A small, but still sad, smile crept onto the thunder god's face, and strangely, even that small gesture made Loki feel a little better.
"L-Locked..." repeated Loki.
Thor nodded, "Yes. Only locked. It can be removed... somehow..."
Somehow... but how? Then it hit him, and he didn't want to think it, but he did. He stared at the white floor. "Stark." The thunderer leaned back, arms crossed before him. "Stark can open it." Loki's eyes remained wide, words coming out on their own. "Only Stark can open it."
The thunderer nodded again, sadly this time. "So it would seem."
A/N: I'm already halfway done with the next chapter - which will again have a perspective change - so hopefully I'll update it sooner than this one. ;) Until next time, my readers!
Also, for any comic book fans, I hope I got adamantium right, but I only did cursory research on it. I think Stark, of all people, could make/get ahold of some if he really wanted to - he created a whole new element in the movies, after all.