Authors Note: Bellamy musings at the end of 3x08

Bellamy's lungs are burning, the fire that is usually oh so choking now unbelievably scorching. He can't breathe without flames licking up his throat. Can't blink without tears of fire pouring down his eyes. His heart pounds so loud he can't hear. But he heard now, oh did he hear now.

Kane is going to die.

And all Bellamy can think and feel is no.

The fire that usually consumes him now is itching to burst from beneath his skin and attack those around him. To burn Monty's mother to ashes. To kill Pike's lackies till they are nothing but bones. And Pike. Oh, how he wants to make Pike suffer the most.

Bellamy never realized how much he truly hated the man till this very minute. Because before now, they had been on the same side. They protected their people, no matter what the cost. It was Aracadia against the rest of the world, absolutely the rest of the world. And maybe Bellamy died a little each day trying to fulfill that vow, maybe pieces of his soul kept breaking off with every Grounder life he took, but he thought it was worth it. Because at the end of the day, if his people were safe, then he was fine burning in hell for the sins he committed to make it so.

But now Pike was changing the rules.

He's a dictator Kane had said.

Bellamy hadn't wanted to believe him. Or at the very least, wanted to believe that if Pike was a dictator, he made sure it was others who suffered from his reign, not their people.

But now it was all wrong.

Kane wanted their people safe too. Kane was not a traitor. Kane was their people. Kane did not deserve to die.

The truth of it is painted all over Bellamy's face. He can't hide it, can't even be bothered to. Pike sees it and tries to tell him otherwise. That this is what needs to be done.

But all Bellamy can think is no, no, no, no.

When Bellamy wipes the tears from his face, he nods. He nods again as he gets his trembling in check and his breathing under control. Nods once more as he walks out of the room and away from the man he pledged his allegiance to.

And all he can think is no, no, no, no.

Octavia was gone, angry, under suspicion, but very much alive. Lincoln, betrayed, angry, in lock up, but very much alive. And Clarke. He can't really think about Clarke without a onslaught of conflicting and confusing emotions. But, under it all and no matter what laid between them, she was very much alive.

Maybe the threat of a loss of life was finally what Bellamy needed to see how wrong this all was.

Since day one on the ground, Bellamy had always fought with those around him. Wells, Murphy, Atom, Octavia, Raven, Finn, and of course Clarke. So much conflict and even till this day, things still weren't easy. But they were all each other had. They were Skycrew, Arcadia, each others people.

And you did not kill your own people.

Pike's true self had been hidden under his tough bravado and Grounder hatred. It needed to be if he was going to convince so many to follow him. To convince Bellamy to follow him. All under the guise of protecting their people. And yet, Kane had just been led away with a sentence of death on his head.

Pike wanted absolute power without any complications, even if they came from his own people.

Pike was wrong, which meant Bellamy had been wrong too. It kills him inside, knowing all the horrors that had been committed to get him to this point of realization. And he doesn't want to be forgiven. This is not what this is about.

Oh, how he wishes to see Octavia smile at him again. To have a comfortable comrade with Lincoln. To again be partners with Clarke, working together and not apart. He wants it all so much that it hurts.

But this isn't what this is about. He doesn't want nor deserve their forgiveness. May they hate him forever for what he's done because he knows he will always hate himself. All eh wants now is to save Kane, dethrone Pike, and do what he always wanted from the beginning.

Protect their people.

As long as that happens, it doesn't really matter what happens to him.