A/N: Heh, I just noticed, all of my chapters seem to be getting longer... Good for you guys, I guess! ;D Sorry if my chapters start getting shorter again, though.
Once again, thanks to everyone reading, alerting and reviewing! Especially those of you who review since I don't always have time to respond.
Hollow Skies - Chapter 15
Loki watched the chain fall and wondered why it was on the floor. His mind had suddenly snapped back from some dark corner he couldn't get free from when he felt a tug on his collar. And all at once he could focus, the sharpness of clarity greeting him with the sight of Stark holding his leash.
He looked at Stark, wondering what he wished Loki to do. What am I thinking? I don't have to do anything- A sharp jolt in his mind made him cringe back, memories of severe beatings and so much worse coming to mind, and...and... Dark, I can't take the dark, please don't put me in the dark-
Loki rushed forward and crawled to Stark, prostrating himself and touching the side of his face against the man's knee on the floor. Stark cursed but Loki barely heard it, only listening to his instincts. If he pleased Stark and obeyed, maybe he wouldn't do anything to him? Surely he wouldn't punish him if he knew Loki hadn't escaped - he had been taken away, kidnapped, really.
What am I saying? said a voice. He doesn't care. He's not that Stark. But it didn't matter what the little voice said, Loki couldn't stop crying as he expected pain and punishment for what he knew he had done - he had run away from Stark, had gone to his brother, had sought out freedom and comfort, things he wasn't allowed to have.
"I..." said Stark, voice small. Why does his voice shake? "I really... I-I don't..." A trembling sigh and feather-light touches on Loki's head and back didn't give him enough of a picture of what Stark's intentions were. Was he angry? Surely. But how much would he punish him?
Loki felt the mortal shuffle, a nervous move that confused him. None of it made sense.
"Please just get up," said Stark, voice still shaking. "I don't need this...right now. We don't- I don't think you should be-" he took a breath. "We just need to get out of here."
Why was he so nervous? Loki could feel the way Stark's leg shook, if slightly. Suddenly, he stood up. Loki remained on the floor.
"We gotta go. I'm not gonna- You have to get up. Right now."
Loki's eyes moved up, searching for explanations in Stark's body language but finding none. Except, perhaps, that he was agitated for some reason. Not good. No, not good. "Please don't," Loki whimpered. "I...I didn't mean to-"
"No, look," Stark said quickly, "I'm not mad at you." Loki couldn't believe it. Surely he would punish him- "I'm not going to do anything to you, hell, I'm not even going to yell at you, so can you please stand up right now?"
Trembling, but determined to extend Stark's forgiving mood, Loki stood up on unstable limbs, although he kept his head as low as possible and forced himself not to step back. Stark didn't always like it when he tried to hide away. But hadn't he been hiding a moment ago? Loki put it out of his mind; Stark, apparently, wasn't caring about that right now.
"W-what do you wish of me?" asked Loki timidly.
A sigh - a decidedly sad one at that. "Just...come on. There's a door at the other end, we can get out there."
"As I said, sir. However, you may wish to hurry as the agents outside entrance D-7 will break through soon."
At the voice of Stark's AI, Loki hunched down further. Seeing this, Stark scowled at the ceiling. "I'm not talking to you right now, JARVIS."
"Of course, sir," replied the machine flippantly.
Stark next mumbled under his breath, "And here I went and somehow made HAL-fucking-9000 and I don't even remember it..."
"I'm not certain a few altered algorithms and protocols means-"
"Just shut up, JARVIS!" Stark yelled angrily, "I don't need snark from Skynet right now!"
Loki didn't know what to think as he followed after the mortal to the back of the large room.
X - X
Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Barton's words. Somehow, they were stuck in Loki's mind, like an anchor to the world of sanity that he feared was slowly slipping away the longer he remained with Stark. He briefly wondered what had happened to the archer, but quickly clamped down on the thoughts, somehow, even illogically, afraid Stark might know he was thinking of someone else. He nearly choked himself when he almost thought about Thor-
Where are we going?
"I don't even know," responded Stark.
Loki's eyes went wide. Perhaps he could read thoughts? That was ridiculous, the mortal had never been able to do that. He next realized he had just spoken aloud; he swallowed, nervous. Still, Stark didn't seem to mind him speaking out of turn, nor did he even seem to notice he himself had answered.
The exit to the room slid open, and although Stark was cautious, when he found no one in the new room, he headed into it with slow steps. Loki followed, equally slowly, looking about.
Although being in this environment with Stark was strange, Loki almost felt better, knowing what was expected of him. Since the mortal had apparently not cared about whatever Loki had done wrong up to this point - or so he hoped; would he punish him later? - he knew all he had to do was listen and Stark shouldn't punish him. The man was unlikely to force himself on Loki in this sort of situation, with so many people around - he, again, hoped - so it should be easy enough to avoid punishment.
Loki vowed to listen and do whatever the mortal said; listen, do not drift, keep your mind focused. He knew he had a tendency to lose himself sometimes but that simply wouldn't do in Stark's presence. Do as you're told, nothing bad will happen. He repeated it, over and over in his head until he felt his breathing settle.
Stark looked about the new room, searching around scattered desks and equipment Loki didn't recognize.
"Do you have to keep doing that?" Stark blurted out loudly.
I've already done something wrong! Loki instinctively brought his hands up to his chest in protection, holding his breath and bowing his head.
"Oh right. Sorry. I mean...you really didn't-" Stark stepped a little closer, but when Loki whimpered he stepped back again. "I-I didn't mean to yell, you were...you were just standing kind of close. You don't have to hover over me."
Hover? Loki hadn't realized. He just wanted to be close in case Stark wanted something from him.
"Really," continued Stark, "not angry, not at all. Just...can you stand over there? Just for a sec." He pointed to the other side of the room and Loki immediately moved, glad Stark had said something clearly, giving him an easy order he could follow. "Uh...right," said the mortal, although Loki wasn't certain what to make of the man's flat words so he waited by the wall, ready to act if ordered.
Stark conversed with his AI for a moment, asking questions of it about agents and other things. Loki tried his best not to listen, thinking the mortal might not approve. Then they were on their way again.
Thor woke up in water. He coughed and choked until he swam to the surface, then realized, looking around, that he was in the ocean. What in Helheim..? The water was calm and the sky clear. And, hovering above, was the helicarrier. For whatever reason, the invisibility cloak it usually wore was not activated and Thor wondered why. All at once it came back to him. The Hulk! The base had been under attack. But it hadn't just been the Hulk, had it?
Calling to Mjolnir - although it took a moment given it was apparently under the ocean - Thor grabbed its handle and flew out of the water, toward the flying fortress.
What had happened? Was the Hulk still rampaging, killing those inside the carrier as Thor slept in the ocean? But what does it matter? Thor frowned at the sudden and odd thought as he landed on the deck.
Looking about, he saw several agents lying unconscious - or dead - near a door. When he ran toward them he was suddenly hit with something that jolted him but didn't hurt. Looking behind, he saw an agent firing a gun at him with frantic speed, then reload and try again when Thor began walking toward him.
"That will aid you naught," said Thor, pointing with his hammer. "Why do you attack me?" The agent fired a few more bullets and one hit his face, annoying the thunder god. He grit his teeth, knowing the agent did not have control of himself, but jumped toward the mortal and flicked him away - carefully - knocking him unconscious.
By the Norns, what has happened to these people? Their blue eyes gave one explanation, but could it be true? Loki's scepter could only be wielded by a magic-user and there were none on this ship, save Loki. But Loki had been with Thor almost every waking moment since his arrival; he knew the younger god wasn't to blame, so who?
The helicarrier's bridge was largely abandoned, strangely enough. Computers remained active but unattended. Although some people were dead, most of them weren't, only unconscious. He wondered how many were fighting against them, under the influence of some foreign power, and how many had still been right of mind. Nick Fury was not here, nor was Maria Hill. Was that good or bad?
"Why should you care about these mortals?"
Shaking his head, Thor moved on.
It was really, really frustrating, that Loki was standing on the other side of the corridor, doing nothing, and Tony was here, trying to break down this door. It was locked, had to be, or was it barred from the other side? He didn't know, didn't care. It was either go through here, or go back. There were too many rooms to pass through and too many crazed agents they could run into if they went around.
Squaring his shoulders, Tony walked to the god, who immediately stood to attention, eyes downcast and body rigid. Man, I wish he would stop doing that.
He flicked a hand back, "Can you open this door?"
Loki's green eyes flitted to the door, then to Tony, then the floor. "If you wish it," said the god with the extremely uncharacteristic small voice that he had been using the entire time. It didn't sound right. Tony almost wanted to make the god angry or something so he would talk more normally. Yeah. Like he can talk normally around me after...after all that?
"Yeah," Tony said curtly. "If you will." He stood to the side, then in a sweeping gesture indicated the door. "Please."
Although the god frowned in confusion at the last word, he moved over to the door and, with a quick glance at Tony that screamed of waiting for approval, kicked down the metal door with a loud thud, then stepped back, hands nervously curled over his chest.
Tony groaned loudly and rolled his neck around. "Finally! Holy hell, maybe you should handle the doors from now on?" He walked to the door and peeked in, although he didn't move into the new room.
"A-As you wish," said the god, voice small. Tony wished those words sounded different. Maybe...with some sarcastic snark? He could imagine it: "As you wish, Stark," with a raised brow and vainglorious smirk as the god looked down at him. That Loki he could deal with, not this...whatever this was.
Sighing, Stark moved into the room, finding only a long conference table and several knocked-over chairs. A blue holographic projection on the wall showed something that he didn't care to comprehend at the moment, some spy crap, probably, and a scattering of bullet casings on the floor were all that caught his attention. Fired from an M4, no doubt, Stark noted absently.
Suddenly, the door across the room burst open, and, before he could even think to think, Loki grabbed him and turned them around, shielding Stark from an onslaught of bullets that sprayed across the room. He heard Loki hiss behind him with each hit. What the fuck is happening?!
Then, the agent cursed, and from the sound Tony guessed he had run out of ammo. No time to waste! Without a second's thought Tony jumped and slid across the table - oh, how very action movie-y - then punched the agent out before he had a chance to even look up. Ow, my hand. And damn are these agents slow when they're evil! Or whatever's happening with them.
Stark stared at the agent, then, remembering what had just happened... He whipped around, finding Loki standing awkwardly by the door, looking down and biting his lip. But just as Tony began moving around the table toward him, with words of what the hell was that? ready to jump out, an agent rushed into the room from behind Loki, gun cracking the side of the god's head, which appeared to have little effect on him other than turning his head. To Tony's surprise, Loki did nothing. And when the agent began beating Loki across the head savagely, causing him to stumble and cower, Loki still did nothing.
"What the hell, Loki, fight back!" Tony yelled, but that was apparently a bad idea because Loki pushed the man, with very little effort, who then went flying across the room, the distinctive crack of the agent's bone ringing in Tony's ears.
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, with suddenly frantic breathing, Loki bent over himself, nearly falling to the floor. "No, no, no, please, I didn't mean to, please I didn't mean it..." He scurried backward and hit the wall when Tony approached.
"Shit, Loki..." was all Tony could say, because he had just killed the guy without even trying, the agent's obviously broken neck evidence enough. "And thanks for the warning, JARVIS!" He yelled, looking up. He ignored the AI's claims of still having problems integrating with the helicarrier. He wasn't in the mood.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry," Loki repeated over and over.
Tony sighed and grimaced at the dead agent's body. "Uh, it's...okay. I mean, it's not okay that he's dead, but-" And now Loki was back on the floor, practically melting into it. Fuck that, not again. No, no, no more of that. Tony knelt next to the crying god and wondered if he should pat his back or what. "Seriously. I, uh, I told you to fight back, and...you did. So...good...job?" Loki's teary eyes looked up at him. "Who am I kidding - you really need to be careful, these guys aren't in control of themselves." And here's more grovelling.
"Please don't hurt me..." Loki choked on a sob.
"I'm not going to do anything, how many times do I have to say it?" He lifted Loki's chin with a finger, wondering if even that small touch was a bad idea. Wet, distraught eyes greeted him. "It's not your fault; just an accident. I'm not gonna..." He let go of Loki and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. I don't know how to-
And a sudden thought occurred to him. Because what the fuck..? Why hadn't he thought of it before? "Loki?" The god flinched but looked up again, sniffling. "Why didn't you just kill me?" A bemused frown formed on the god's face. No answer. "I just...thought about it." Stark's eyes didn't move from the other's frame. "You could have just killed me; why didn't you?" Again, nothing. Comprehension of such a subject apparently required more explanation. "When I, uh...had you in my house? You had the collar, sure, but you're...still wearing it, and you're still super strong - why didn't you just kill me?" Loki looked down, he couldn't tell if he understood. "I mean, even I can safely say I fucking deserved it," Stark chuckled mirthlessly. "And just now," he pointed aimlessly, "you saved my life. What gives?" What the hell am I saying? Did I really just tell him he should have killed me?
Finally, Loki fidgeted, as if ready to speak, although several more tense moments passed first. "I..." he swallowed hard. "I...don't know."
Stark stared. 'I don't know.' Nice answer. I don't know. I don't fucking know, either!
"You," continued Loki, voice trembling and small, "were my... I-I c-couldn't have..." He looked down at the floor, as if ready to shrink into it again. "Why do you ask me such things?" he whispered to the floor. "I...I have done everything you have always asked; is it not enough?"
Tony was having a hard time following this line of thought. "I'm, uh, I'm not asking- er, ordering you to tell me or anything, I was just curious. You could have just killed me and...you didn't."
Loki covered his head with both hands, then started rocking himself back and forth. "I don't understand what you're saying, what you are asking me. I don't understand. I don't understand." He made a noise of distress, with short breaths going in and out as he hugged himself.
Stark frowned, understanding all at once flooding through him. No you don't understand, do you? Because Tony had never asked him something so complicated before, when...when he had him...when he was his prisoner. Tony didn't remember, no I don't, I don't remember, but he could understand, somehow. Loki expected to be given orders and pain - orders and pain - that was all. Nothing more, nothing less. As strange as it was, it was one thing above all else: simple. Do this, don't do that, listen, and you won't get hurt.
Fuck. He had well and truly broken a god.
But we really don't have time for all this deep shit, do we? Because boot-steps were echoing through the door and they had to move. God, I can't believe this is my life now.
Why would Stark ask him such things? Loki didn't understand - couldn't bring himself to even try. Those were the thoughts of those who misbehaved, those who were punished for their rebellious thoughts. Those who were...put in the dark. Alone. He couldn't be alone again. Where Thor would never- No no no! Stark was here and now, and only Stark; there was no one else, nothing else, not even Loki. He would either do as Stark commanded or be alone forever. Given the choice, he would choose Stark every time. But he didn't have a choice, did he? He never did. If Stark wanted him in the dark, Loki would be there. It didn't matter what Loki wanted.
The death of the mortal agent obviously displeased Stark. Loki hadn't meant to kill him, he had simply forgotten how fragile mortals could be. He suddenly wished - even as his own horror ripped through him at the thought - Stark would hold his leash. At least then he would know where he was supposed to be; where to stand, what to do, what not to do. He wouldn't be able to make a mistake, wouldn't be able to displease Stark if he was more controlled.
Loki let go of his head and looked up. At the sight of Loki's tear-stained face, Stark's face contorted in... Was that sympathy or misery? Loki couldn't tell. Perhaps both?
Stark remained crouched next to him. "Dammit. I, uh, I'm...being selfish, aren't I? Real jackass..." Loki frowned. What does he mean? "Should we, I dunno." He sighed, frustrated. "Is there...anything you need? You want me to, uh... I'm so bad at this. Do you have any ideas or...something?" The man's stuttering was strange and Loki stared, wondering what to say. He wants to know what I-? He blurted out the first thought that jumped into his throat.
"W-Will you hold my leash?"
Stark's eyes went wide as his brow furrowed fiercely. "Uh..."
Loki bent his head low, feeling stupid. What did I just say?
"Um..." mumbled the mortal, still staring.
Stupid. What is the matter with me? Loki ignored the large part of him that wished Stark would say yes. The smaller part, the part that remembered this was a different Stark, rushed to the forefront of his mind.
"You...what?"
"I'm sorry," whispered Loki, face downcast. "You don't- I'm sorry," he repeated.
After a long moment, Stark asked, "Why would you ask me that?"
Loki's inhale shook. "I-I-I don't know. Please, I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm saying."
Again, a pause. "I think you do," mumbled Tony. He hissed in frustration. "I mean... dammit, just answer me, huh?"
The god nodded furiously, although he wasn't certain what to say. How could he tell Stark it was he who wanted it, Loki, that he wanted to be told what to do so he wouldn't be so lost, so he wouldn't accidentally displease Stark? That this new place made him nervous, that he needed someone to direct him, keep him in line so he wouldn't do wrong?
"I...I don't know what to do," muttered Loki, finally. "I-I need you to tell me..." he trailed off, his words stopping, his thoughts suddenly getting tangled, jumbled in the chaos of his pained mind. Confused would be too light a word for the mischief god right now.
Glancing up, he saw Stark staring at him, face utterly devoid of any emotion Loki could identify. It frightened him, reminding him of the Stark he knew so well, the Stark that would hurt him, and sometimes for no other reason than his own perverse amusement.
So Loki whimpered and did nothing, waited to see which Stark was truly in front of him.
There was a heavy silence, then, the mortal spoke. "I really don't know what to say." And after another moment, he scoffed, then sighed.
A/N: Stark and Loki...quite a pair, huh? They got issues. Lol. Thoughts, comments, anything?
On a different note: if any of you guys are reading The Unopened Door, sorry about not updating in a while. I've actually written the next chapter already, I just have to proofread and edit it. Hopefully I'll update within the week.