Hi everyone! I'm here! I'm trying really hard to update a little more frequently, but it's a bit hard. But I will try! I'm writing a Septiplier fanfiction on paper, but I don't know if I'll upload it or even type it up. If you guys want me to, anyone can leave a review, and I'll do it but anyways! Please enjoy!

I was enveloped in that same warm red when I walked into Yao's apartment. The red colours had become more of a comforting sight now. That's why I smiled as I looked around, spotting a few things that had been moved around since my last time here.

"Want something to drink?" Yao asked from the other side of the room, where he was depositing his keys on a dark brown table.

I bit my lip nervously and shrugged. "Um, yeah. That sounds good."

Yao smiled at me and turned to the kitchen to walk to the cabinets, searching for something. "You want hot chocolate?" He asked, not turning around.

I entered the kitchen, walking up behind him, and said, "Yeah."

He jumped back into me, obviously having not heard me approach him. "Fuck, I didn't even hear you come in."

I blushed and walked backwards to give him space. "S-sorry." I said quietly.

Yao sighed. "It's fine. Don't apologize. Come here." He opened his arms, allowing me to hug him.

Wait, hug him?

I wasn't going to have a problem with it, I just didn't think...

I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his small body, taking in his immense warmth before he could think that I was hesitating.

He slipped his arms around my waist, which was almost level to his chest. I felt his heartbeat against mine, and they were both at high rates. I liked the way his slender arms felt around my body, and I held him tighter before he could think about letting go.

I breathed in the scent of him, just taking all of him in shamelessly. He was mine right now. We were alone. I could speak freely and not be in fear that someone would judge me. Because Yao never judges me, no matter what I do. He just tells me to be me, and that was it. I loved that so much about him. And I just didn't want to let that go just yet.

"Ivan..." Yao murmured into my chest.

I didn't back up. "Yeah?"

"Were you hiding something on your neck with that scarf?"

I tensed. "U-um... Well..."

Yao rubbed circles on my back. "You can tell me. We're alone."

I sighed and pulled back. "Start making the hot chocolate. It's a long story."

~xoxo~ Later ~xoxo~

Yao handed me a grey coloured mug, full of the sweet liquid I knew would feel amazing on my taste buds. He sat down next to me on his red couch and pulled his knees up to his chest, looking at me intently.

I took a deep breath, searching for a place to start.

"I guess you could say everything went to hell back when I was still in Russia..."

~xoxo~

"S-she's dead?" I whimpered.

"I'm sorry Ivan. We did everything there was, but she was just too sick."

My older sister was trying to comfort my little sister and I; our mother had just died. Tuberculosis.

"I loved her too Ivan. I know..." She whispered.

I hugged Kat, sobbing into her shirt. She was gone, gone...

"We're moving to America." She whispered into my ear.

I had barely listened to it, but it was true. It was the only way. Father would get a new job and we'd be okay. Sort of. That was the plan, but that didn't happen. Father ended up not being able to get over our mom's death, even after purchasing tickets and flying to America and getting a place to stay and enrolling in schools and seeing the brighter side of it all, our father had to screw us over. He quit his job, leaving us to find money for his alcohol and the roof over our heads and the food on the table. And things only got worse from there for me.

School has definitely been the worst for me. I've realized my sexuality upon coming to America, when some girls had asked me out and it just kind of dawned upon me that I didn't like girls. I just don't. And everyone thought I was messed up, strange, and too weird to fit in. Plus all the damn Christians hate me because it's a fucking sin too. Life sucked.

I'm always told how ugly I am now that everyone found out. Before, I was 'so sexy' and all the girls lusted for me. But now I am ugly and terrible for "choosing this lifestyle". It hurts. So much. And all of it is probably true.

"So... I..." I trailed off. I really didn't want to tell Yao this part. It's terrible...

"You what, Ivan?" He asked softly.

I bit my lip and choked back a sob.

"I started cutting myself." I blurted and burst into tears. Yao reached over and hugged me tightly, murmuring calming words into my ear.

"Ivan, it's okay, it's okay..." He whispered, his honey voice rolling off his tongue.

"No, it's not and I'm sorry I'm sorry Yao. I'm a sad excuse of a person and I don't even deserve your sympathy." I sobbed, losing all control.

Yao pulled back. "Look at me."

I refused, continuing to weep and choke back tears.

Yao's voice was more firm this time. "Look at me."

I glanced up, biting my lip and shaking violently.

"You need to quit thinking those things. None of them are true. You deserve a lot, Ivan, and my sympathy is definitely one of them. You're a great person, I can tell you that. An amazing artist. And a great friend. You're my best friend, Ivan. How could you think any of that shit is true? That's like the total opposite of you. I think you're rather handsome, personally." Yao said to me, spilling his emotions over his words.

"Because that's what everyone says to me. I'm always being called ugly and stupid and weird by everyone, so it has to be true." I said hoarsely. My throat was sore from crying.

Yao's eyes softened. "Ivan, your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth. You're so important to me... Can't you see that?" I saw water start to pool in Yao's eyes.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

I've been so clouded by my dark thoughts that... that I didn't even see it...

Tears spilled over Yao's face and, somehow, he smiled. Smiled. "I'm sorry I shouldn't be getting emotional here..."

I shook my head. "No... Just... I'm sorry. I didn't realize..."

Yao smiled again. "It's okay. Don't worry about it."

I shook my head again. "No, here. You deserve to see. I should have shown you sooner..."

He opened his mouth to say something, but shut it as I grabbed the bottom of my shirt. I lifted it above my head and discarded the shirt next to me. I was met with a chilly air conditioner breeze as I sat on the couch, bare chested in front of Yao.

I was sure my face was bright red, as well as my neck, as Yao looked at my carved scars. His eyes widened, probably at the sight of so many, as his eyes danced along my bare chest.

"Ivan..." He whispered.

"Y-yeah?"

"I love you."

Sorry. Had to. I wrote this in one night, you guys should be proud. I'll try to update this soon, I know it's a cliffy. Sorry if this seems all over the place, my head hurts and I'm tired. My little sister was also constantly bothering me while I was writing this. Anyway, thanks to everyone who has reviewed, favourited or followed, they keep me going. Happiness~!

~mmbazb