Chapter 3
Clary awoke in the middle of the night to find Jace already awake beside her. "Can't you sleep?" she asked quietly. Jace shook his head "Not really." he twisted a delicate silver ring between his fingers. As Clary caught a better look at the ring she realised it was his Herondale family ring . She opened her mouth to speak but her words dissolved from the tip of her tongue. Without even discussing it Clary new Jace would want their child to take on the Herondale name. Another thought suddenly occurred to Clary, they weren't married, their child was conceived and would be born out of wedlock which was something often shunned upon in the shadow world. Jace realised Clary was lost in her thoughts, he half smiled at her, trying to make light out of a seemingly dark situation. "Do you remember what I once said to you? I said sometimes you get so lost in your head I wish I could follow you." Jace wrapped his arm around Clary's shoulder. "What are you thinking?" A tear rolled down Clary's cheek. "I don't know what to think. I just feel like this is all just a bad dream, if I can just sleep things might just dissapere but at the same time I don't want them too. It's a baby, our baby." Clary laid her hand on her stomach. "I just always thought the day I found out I was pregnant I would be happy. we would be married, we would have planned it... I never thought it would be like this. I don't feel happy Jace, I'm terrified." Jace's hand overlapped Clary's and he kissed her fore head sweetly. "I Know Clary and I wish I could make everything okay but it's not that simple. I cant tell you how or even when things will be okay or when we can both wrap our heads around this but I promise you Clary that day will come"
The couple sat in silence for a while until the both fell into a restless sleep.
Jace and Clary awoke to a pounding bang on the bedroom door, Jace shot out of bed and threw the door open it was Isabelle dressed in her full gear. Clary glanced at the clock 6:37am. Jace clearly wasn't very happy..
"What the hell Issabelle it's not even 7 am?" Jace's voice was low he was hoping that Clary would have been able to fall back to sleep, He knew rest was the best thing for her right now. Isabelle eyes went from Jace and towards Clary who was sat up in bed gipping and trying not to be sick. Issabelle wondered what Magnus said was wrong with her. Clary was a shadow hunter their angel blood and runes helped to protect them from regular Mundane illnesses, she had never even seen Clary have as much as a cold but now she was a mess. Issabelle shook her head dismissing her confusion and turned back towards Jace. "Demons spotted gathering outside the institute by the downworlders entrance we need all the help we can get." she paused taking another glance towards Clary before she flickered her eyes back to Jace. "Are you coming then?"
Before Jace even had a chance to answer Clary had moved to his side and grabbed hold of his arm. "No Jace please don't go, I need you here." Issabelle was stunned Clary had spent so long training and learning about the shadow world and why wouldn't she what Jace to fight? It was the responsibility of shadowhunters to protect and Clary knew that. "Look Clary I know that you're not well but seen as you are not fit to fight we are already one member down and we can't afford to lose another one." Issabelle turned towards Jace "Get your gear we need to go now!" Within minutes Jace had his gear on and stepped forward to walk out of the room.
"Jace please I don't want you to go, please just stay with me, just this once." Clary pleaded to Jace but he knew he had to go with Issabelle he didn't have a choice. He kissed Clary lovingly on the forehead "Don't worry Clary it will be fine, just go back to bed and try rest okay? I love you, I'll be back soon." Tears sparkle in Clary's eyes "Jace please, don't leave me, I need you...we need you." Clary's hand was on her stomach as she spoke. Jace turned back to face her. "I'm sorry Clary, I'll be back soon." Clary went back into Jace's room and slammed the door shut behind her, she broke down in tears and crumpled down on to the floor. She had never felt more alone.
Isabelle and Jace darted throughout the long institute corridors until they reached the downworlders entrance. Alec was ready waiting for them. He tossed an extra serph blade towards Jace and place a firm hand on his Parabatais shoulder. "Clary alright?" Jace nodded slightly but his facial expression wasn't convincing. "Whats wrong with her?" Alec asked. "Magnus wouldn't say." Alec's voice was low, clearly concerned. Jace shook his head stepping forward away from his siblings. "We need to go."
The shadowhunters stepped outside to see two small children playing on the grass. To a regular mundane or even a under educated downworlder nothing would look suspicious but the shadowhunters knew much better. The ruby necklace Issabelle always wore began to glow and the sensor in Alec's pocket began to beep. "Shape shiftier." Issabelle mumbled. she uncoiled her whip from around her wrist. Alec lined his bow aiming for the arrow to plug straight into the demons chest.
At that moment the two demons turned their heads to face the people sent to condemn them back to hell. Their heads rotated 180 degrees and their eye's clouded over until they were consumed by blackness. The demons jumped to their feet and I'm one swift moment they were moving forwards. Issabelle's whip coiled around the neck of the first demon giving Alec the opportunity to fire a clean shot. One down.
The second demon ran towards Jace. It's fangs cut in to the lips of its child form leaving venom trickling off its chin. Jace froze he had never hesitated before. Emotions cloud judgement. Clouded judgement waists time. Shape shiftier can take on the form of any living creature, Jace had seen them take the form of animals, mundanes, downworlds, shandow hunters and children but he never felt the way he did right now. Clary was carrying a baby. A purely innocent human life. Yet this shape shiftier was able to shift into the same form despite of its demonic origin.
It the few seconds it took Jace to dismiss his complicated thoughts the demon had latched onto his chest, knocking him down on to the floor. The shock of the impact caused Jace to drop his blade. He pushed his hands flat against the demons chest as it lunged to bite him in an attempt hold it back. Luckily for Jace, Issabelle had spotted the demon just it time. She flung her whip forwards and it coiled around the demons leg. With a flick of her wrist Issabelle's which retracted back to her body pulling the demon back with it. In one swift movement Alec pulled a dagger out of his belt buckle and plunged it between the demons shoulder blades converting it into ash.
Jace lay still is back flat against the ground. Alec outstretched a hand and pulled his brother to his feet. "What's up with you today, that demon almost bit you?" he asked. Jace remained silent. Issabelle approached wiping her whip clean of demon venom. "Spill Jace." she added but her brother only shook his head. She moved in front of him blocking the entrance into the institute. "Just move Iz. I need to get back to Clary." Jace insisted. Issabelle shook her head. "No can do. We conclave will be requesting a meeting, someone must have sent the demons to the institute they wouldn't have come here of there own accord." Alec raised an eye brow. "Sounds like someone has taken a page out of valentines book."
The three shadowhunters headed back inside the institute to one of the conference rooms. After their separation Robert lightwood had become full time inquisitor for the Clave and now lived in Idris. Maryce however remained leader of the New York Institute but was currently away on business leaving the institute in the hands of Alec lightwood. Once the conclave arrived the meeting took most of the afternoon but in the end the cause of the demon invasion was inconclusive. After speaking to Issabelle and Jace they wanted to speak to Alec in privet so the others were free to go.
As they left the conference room Issabelle took hold of Jace's arm, "What's up with Clary?" She asked quietly. Jace turned away hiding his face "Nothing. I'm going for a walk." He took a few strides forward and heard Issabelle behind him. Jace raised his hand without turning back "Don't follow me."
...
It had been 3 days since Simon had seen Clary or even spoke to her. Issabelle had rang him and half filled him in about Clary being unwell and Magnus having to pull her round. However he wanted to see Clary for himself and she wasn't picking up her phone. neither was Issabelle. Eventually Simon decided to go to the institute but because he was a vampire he simply couldn't enter. He stood on the pavement outside the institute wondering how long it would be before one of them answered their phone. To his surprise he felt a soft hand on his shoulder, as he turned around he saw Clary looking down on him she was smiling but Simon knew her well enough to know he smile wasn't genuine. "Clary what's wrong, you're so pale you actually look like me? Are you aright? has something happened, is Jace okay?"
Simon had a noticeable amount of panic in his voice, Clary knew she could never hide anything from him. Simon stood up and pulled her in to a hug, Clary threw her arms around him and closed her eyes tightly shut, hoping he wouldn't see her tears. She was wrong Simon instantly knew he pulled away from her and then walked to sit on the institutes steps.
"Clary, Issabelle told me that you where sick, I wanted to come see you but she said you were in no fit state to leave the institute and obviously I couldn't enter too easily. I've been so worried" as he watched Clary her eyes sparkled she was beautiful, even when she was in her sweat pants, crying she still looked amazing to him.
"I'm okay I guess, just confused. I've fucked everything up again. Why can't I just be normal? Why do I have the be a shadow hunter who was raised as a mundane and is learning things about the shadow world which a normal shadow hunter would learn when they were ten years old. Why do I have to be the daughter of a complete psycho killer. Or the sister of a dead demon brother. I just mess everything up. I'd be better off on my own, before I destroy anyone else's lives. To love is to destroy. ..." She looked up at Simon who was completely astonished at what she had just said. This wasn't like Clary at all when she normally was upset she never wanted to talk about it she always just picked up her sketch book and drew until she felt okay again.
"Clary where has all this come from? It's not like you at all, I'm worried about you. Where's Jace you are clearly upset why isn't he with you?" Simon instantly regretted speaking once he looked at Clary's face and saw that the tears were making her eyes sparkle were now streaming down her cheeks and splashing on to her legs. "Clary look I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry" Simon didn't know what to do or say. Clary was always the strong one she hardly ever cried especially not like this.
"It's okay Simon, Jace went to investigate some demons with Issabelle, they are now in a meeting with the conclave. I've never once asked him to not fight, I know he's a shadow hunter and it's part of our duty but today I needed him like really needed him but he still went." Clary placed a hand on her stomach as she spoke. Simon instantly had a horrible feeling in the pit of stomach. He had looked at Clary when he first saw her but now he took a second look at her and this time he really looked at her. Her hand was placed protectively on her stomach. Her other hand was on her back which was clearly causing her pain. Simon had stopped listing to her talking instead he found himself transfixed to her stomach and as he focused every noise around him faded away. He could hear Clary's heart beat with his magnified vampire hearing he had heard Clary's heart beat a thousand times. But this time was different there was another beat a small soft beat going to the same rhythm as Clary's. He really had to strain to hear it clearly, so he knew that not even Clary or a regular mundane could hear it. Suspicion rose in Simon then the beat of Clary's heart alongside the softer beat told him exactly why Clary was acting different and had been unwell.
"Simon? Simon? are you even listing to me?" Clary sounded annoyed. Simon snapped out of his trance and looked at her. He knew he had to ask her but he didn't want to believe it could be true, she was so young and had already been through enough. "Clary I need to ask you something and I need you to be a hundred percent honest with me okay?" Simon's voice was unsteady "Clary a moment ago I was focused on your heart beat but there was another sound a slow soft beat in rhythm with yours... Clary could you be? Well are you... are you ...pregnant?" Simon's voice was calm and steady but inside his heart was breaking. Before Clary even spoke he knew the answer to his question. She looked up at him and slowly nodded her head. Simon didn't speak, he didn't have to. Clary moved towards him and snuggled her head into the crook of his neck and quietly wimped wrapped up in his arms.
Neither Clary or Simon spoke they remained seated on the steps and Clary was almost asleep as Simon rubbed her back. The institute doors swung open and Issabelle stepped outside. She walked over to Simon and Clary, "What's going on is Clary okay?" Simon didn't have to say anything Issabelle knew that she wasn't. "Right Clary come on, were going upstairs, I'll wash your hair for you and braid it all the way you like it. I'm not taking no for an answer. Sorry Simon I'll call you later me and Clary need a serious girl talk."
Clary slowly let go of Simon, she whispered "Thank you" to him before she turned and walked back into the institute. Issabelle also began to walk away but Simon grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "Wait.. Don't be too hard on her Issy, she needs just support right now." Simon voice was calm but Issabelle could clearly see his concern for Clary. Jealousy stabbed inside her. She walked back up the steps and towards Clary and the institute doors closed behind them.
Simon walked down the steps of the institute and turned left towards the ally way which was the quickest route home. He jammed his headphones it to his ears but he could hardly hear the music he was too lost in thought. Although he had once hopped that he would maybe have a family with Clary one day and he knew he had previously had thoughts about doing more than kissing her but it made him angry just to know that she and Jace had slept together. To Simon's surprise he looked up to see Jace standing in front of him, before Simon realised what he was doing he had pinned Jace up against the wall and punched him on his right cheek Simon knew it must of hurt but Jace wasn't angry he didn't even try to defend himself.
Jace's face throbbed with pain but he hardly felt it. He knew he deserved it. "I'm guessing that means she told you then?" Jace's voice was low he clearly didn't want anyone to their conversation. Simon looked up at Jace. "She didn't have to. I could hear her babies heart beat. How the hell did this happen Jace?. I know your known for your spontaneous decisions no matter how stupid they are Jace but come on, did you not even think to use anything? " There was anger in Simon 's voice he knew it took both Jace and Clary to make this happen but he was only angry at jace.
"You heard the heart beat, I didn't think you could hear it so.. so early. " Jace put his head down he couldn't bring himself to look at Simon. "I had to really focus to hear it. I bet regular mundane equipment couldn't even hear it." Simon finished speaking and looked at Jace for a moment, just like Clary he had no colouring to his skin tone. Jace finally lifted his head up and looked at Simon. Simon could now clearly see the bags under Jace's eyes, and redness from where he had be crying, Simon felt like he had been slapped in the face with guilt for hitting Jace .
"Jace look I'm sorry I hit you, it's always just been me and Clary I know I'm protective of her but it's only because I care." After Simon spoke Jace nodded his head. "What did it sound like? I mean what did her baby's heart beat sound like" Jace stopped himself he knew it wasn't just Clary's baby it was his too. "Sorry I mean what did our babies heart beat sound like?"
"It sounded beautiful, quiet but in rhythm with Clary's" Simon anger had now turned in to sympathy for Jace. Jace nodded his head, he turned to walk away but stopped "Oh and by the way Simon it wasn't spontaneous, we did use something, not that it matters because it clearly did not work." That was the last thing Jace said before he vanished without a glance back.
...
Clary and Issabelle walked through the institute in silence, Clary had to force herself to not rub her back or stomach which was the only thing that eased the pain. Clary wasn't ready to tell anyone yet, she couldn't even understand it for herself so she didn't want Issabelle to realise she was pregnant, which was proving hard to hide even though she was only one month along.
"Clary? Hello earth to Clary? I've been talking for the past five minutes were you even listing to me? " Issabelle sounded impatient. Clary could tell Issabelle was not in a good mood. "Sorry, I just don't feel like myself today, what where you saying?" as Clary spoke Issabelle wandered into the bathroom to get towels and new bottle of shampoo and conditioner ready to wash Clary's hair with. When Issabelle returned she spoke to Clary "I said jace was really distracted today, he almost got seriously hurt, he was lucky. What's wrong with you two, your both acting strange." Issabelle voice sounded rather judgemental, Clary wanted to tell her the truth so badly. she had never had a girl - friend it had always been her and Simon so she had grown used to telling Issabelle everything. She felt as if she was betraying her by keeping her secret. "I know, we just had a bit of an argument that's all..." Clary knew her voice was defiantly not convincing but she didn't know what else to say. "I guessed so after this morning. But if you had been arguing then why where you so desperate to try stop him leaving? I heard you slam the door behind you..." Issabelle asked.
Clary couldn't think of an explanation so she just shrugged and said "I was just in a bad mood I guess" Issabelle half sniggered "Yeah a definite bad mood, I think it's somebody's time of the month" she laughed as she waved Clary over to go into the bathroom. As Clary followed she muttered "Yeah, something like that..." she held back the tears as she followed Issabelle.
Issabelle had finished washing Clary's hair and twisting it into beautiful plats that would make Clary's hair extremely curly the next day, just the way Jace liked it. Once her hair was done Clary managed to convince Issabelle that she was tired and wanted to go to bed. Although she knew that Issabelle didn't believe her. Clary walked back to her room, put on a fresh pair of pyjamas, her boot slippers, wrapped a fleecy blanket around her shoulders and knocked on Jace's bedroom door.
After a few moments of waiting without a response she slowly pushed the door open. Once she stepped inside she knew that Jace must not have been here ,since he left in the morning. The bed was unmade, clothes from the day before where still on the floor and the book Jace was reading was lost inside the bed covers. Clary found this strange. Jace never left his room untidy or if he did he would come back and tidy it at the first opportunity he got. Where could he be? Clary thought. She left Jace's room and walked down towards the library but Jace was nowhere to be seen the only living thing she could she was Church sat onto of a pile of books watching her. Clary had never understood how Church could always lead you to the person you wanted to find but still found it rather useful. Clary looked at the cat and opened her mouth to speak but she didn't have too. Church jumped down of the stack of books meowed at Clary and set off walking.
Church lead Clary to the greenhouse door and sat down in front of it. Clary bent down and stroked that cat "Thank you Church you may go now" The cat meowed in agreement and set off walking the way he and Clary came. Clary reached out to grab the door handle but hesitated before opening it, she had butterflies in the pit of her stomach. She knew this was ridicules' herself and Jace had been a couple for a long time now, but she felt like she was a high school student going to talk to their crush, then reality stabbed her in the back Clary was the same age as a high school student and not only was she nervous about speaking to Jace she was having his baby! She dismissed her thoughts open the door and stepped in to the greenhouse looking for Jace.
Since talking to Simon Jace had taken himself up to the roof top greenhouse garden. Even before midnight it was still beautiful. And in despite of everything he still missed Hodges bird, Hugo who would often be found up there as well but now Jace found himself completely alone. Jace was sat in his favourite part of the greenhouse up the spiral staircase. Clary remembered sitting there the first time he brought her here as she watched all the flowers blossom at midnight and how Jace held her in his arms and kissed her. A kiss which changed her life forever.
Jace saw Clary walk into the room, he looked down at her, he wanted to speak but couldn't find any words. It wasn't often that Jace was speechless but rather than speaking he looked down towards his girlfriend wanting nothing more than to pull her close to him with nothing between them and touch her but between them now was a thick wall of silence, awkwardness and a baby.
Clary walked up the steps and joined Jace. He moved over leaving her enough room to sit next to him without either one of them touching the other. They sat in silence for only a few moments but it felt like forever, but then Jace broke it. " I saw Simon today, after he found out... He punched me, not that I didn't deserve it but it bloody hurt. I forget how strong the Daylighter is sometimes." Jace's voices was low, husky in a strange kind of way, it was a different tone which Clary had not heard him use before. She couldn't help but wonder whether Jace was mad at her or not. She shrugged, "Well Jace if you deserved that punch then I do too. Maybe if I had of thought to go to the doctors or take a morning after pill we might not be in this mess. Don't blame yourself Jace." Clary couldn't look at him, she didn't know how too. "Clary don't say that, I'm the guy it's always the guys that end up being blamed, it's my fault." Jace had now turned around facing Clary, she looked up at him "Jace it doesn't matter how much blame we each take... All that matters now is getting through this and making it work together. "
Jace stood up and walked down the steps holding his hands cupped around the back of his neck. "Clary I can't resist you every time I look at you I want to hold you, I want to kiss you like there's no tomorrow, feel every part of you, feel my heart beat pounding against yours. And where has my typical teenage cravings got us... Pregnant that's where." he didn't sound angry, just upset and vulnerable, not a word you could generally describe Jace with.
Clary half smiled looking at Jace, she walked down the steps and placed a hand on his back. "Jace, all those things you feel for me I feel for you as well. You know our connection is different from regular couples, deeper. but I wouldn't have it any other way." Jace turned round to Clary at looked at her taking all of her in. She was wearing the pyjamas he had bought her, her hair was neat and her eyes where sparkling. His eyes drifted towards her stomach where he stopped and stared. He couldn't see her tiny bump through her top it was baggy and hiding her shape. His eyes slid up her body then met hers, "Clary even now all want is to take you in my arms and ... And do this." Before he finished speaking he had pulled Clary into his arms, holding her tight but not too tight. His hand slid just above the hem of her shirt leaving his hands touching her bare skin making her body tingle. He slowly pushed them both backwards pressing Clary up against a wall. She let out a small gasp, Jace hadn't hurt her but she was breathless, his arms holding her, pressing her body against his took her breath away, she could feel every part of him, including the rhythm of his heart beats which quickened as he spoke.
"like now Clary... All I want right now is you, all of you." Jace was also breathless.
Clary lifted her eyes to meet his before saying, "kiss me then..."
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