Chapter 12
Two Months Later
I've been on my own for a while now. I've been keeping track of the days. 84 to be exact. I haven't seen another human since that incident in the trees. Honestly, it's better that way. You can never truly trust people. Anyone can betray you at any time. It's better to be alone. No one to rely on but yourself. I'm scared but I need to keep going. I ran out of canned foods but Clary taught me how to find food. I eat pine seeds out of pine cones and I can even boil tree bark in my little bowl in my bag (though it tastes disgusting!). I'm cold a lot of the time. The weather is getting worse but I think I'm far enough South that the snow won't be too bad. The worst thing about this whole experience, though, is the crippling loneliness I feel. I hate walking along and thinking of something to say, only to turn and have no one there to tell it too. I hate going to sleep with nothing to say goodnight too except the sky. The thoughts in my mind have gotten worse and I catch myself talking out loud, carrying out full conversations, way too often. Don't say you're lonely!You have me! Yeah, but you're rude to me. Friends aren't rude to each other. Well, you're a loser with no friends... Well, friends don't matter anymore. The only person I have to talk to is myself so that's how it is most of the time. Sometimes my mind is pretty cruel. It starts talking about my family, my friends... Clary. It's awful. As I lay on the ground at night, it speaks to me. You could have saved Clary. Shut up. It's your fault she's dead. I said shut up! Why should I? You know I'm right. You should've run faster. You should've warned her. I couldn't! Not without dying myself! Well, why didn't you save your parents then? You knew something was wrong. I didn't know this would happen! Yeah well, you should just give up. No one loves you anyways. Just leave me alone...
The only reason I keep going is because of Clary. She told me to survive so I'm going too. Also, I told myself I would. I promised I would stop pitying myself and just keep living. Maybe one day I could find a group. Not all people are bad now and I know that. It's just hard to trust people. You never know who could turn on you and slit your throat in your sleep. Everyone is desperate for food, water, protection. It's human instinct. Protection. I wish I could have something as precious as that. Why didn't I treasure while it lasted? Why? That's the beginning of almost all the questions I have. Why?
I woke up the next morning cold. Colder than normal. As I sat up, I realized how bad my situation was. I had taken too long to find somewhere to stay and now... Well, now there's snow everywhere. Not much, thank goodness, but enough to almost cover the grass. Thank god I slept under a thick tree or I would have frozen to death in my sleep. I quickly packed up what little I had and left. The snow on the road was higher than it was in the forest, at least an inch higher. This was bad. I walked, my eyes constantly scanning the tree line. Wow, Eliza. Good job. Can't you do anything right for once? I really need to figure out how to shut that voice up. It's just holding me back. My pace sped up as I got colder, desperate for some sort of shelter. My feet were soaked from the snows moisture being let in from the holes in the bottoms. Mental note, get new clothes and shoes. Preferably warmer. You'll die from hypothermia or something without them. I walked for what seemed like forever. Every foot step dragged. My legs hurt, my chest hurt, and my skin itself hurt from the cold. My hands had turned red even when I had them in my pockets. It did nothing to warm them up. I hoped I wouldn't get sick from this. I had no medicine and I could not afford to be sick when I needed to be gathering food and supplies.
It must have been at least an hour when I found it. My salvation. Far in the distance, I saw it. A truck stop. I didn't even care that there wouldn't be food there, I could only think about being indoors. Maybe there would be a gift shop with clothes in it? My confidence was renewed and suddenly, I didn't feel so cold and hopeless. With luck, I'd only have to take out one or two walkers inside. I almost cried out from joy when I found the door unlocked and the place deserted. I quickly found a place on the tile floor and started setting up a little fire. It would heat up the room quickly. I sat by my tiny fire for a while until I no longer felt like an icicle. When that was done with, I stood up and finally took a good look at my surroundings. There may not have been much but there were actually some candies and chips left! I devoured about half of them, until I felt full, and left the rest to save and ration out. I hadn't eaten well in days so this was as good as a goldmine. Then I found it. A gift shop. I will not lie when I say tears came to eyes looking at the selection of t-shirts and shoes (including boots). Who knew such simple things could make me feel this kind of joy. It was as if almost every single wish that I made in the past month all came true at once. When I finally went back into the main room, clothed in two new shirts and new boots, my fire had warmed it like a heater. I couldn't have been happier. Some of the lights even worked. When it got dark, I wasn't bathed in complete darkness. Sure, they flickered a little but that didn't matter! It was light! At night! The past while had been difficult but this, this was a start. I could spend the winter here. I was still decently close to the forest, plus, the gas station had a huge stock of lighters to use. I must have taken over 20. My fire was still going strong as I dozed off into one of the best nights I had experienced in forever.
Finally Eliza catches a break :)