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The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.
Trigger Warning: Late-Term Miscarriage
Fated to Love
Part Ten
Katniss could see colors.
Bright, iridescent swirls of colors—glaring reds…pulsing whites…florescent, muddied yellows…
Then blue.
Blue, howling eyes staring down at her.
"Look at me, Katniss!"
His voice cut through the spectrum.
And, Katniss was suddenly on fire.
She screamed.
"Twenty-three-year-old female involved in a head-on collision with a mid-sized vehicle," the EMT reported as the medical team entered the hospital. The emergency room nurses encircled the stretcher as they rushed down the hallway. "Patient is conscious, however, her blood pressure is in the 200's. Several fractures including in the ribcage—there's also likelihood of a concussion."
As the team continued down the hall, Peeta ran alongside them, his hand gripping Katniss' as her bewildered eyes tried to focus on what was going on.
It had all happened so fast.
Peeta barely heard her call out when he turned just in time to see the sedan barrel into her. The impact seemed to happen in slow motion—the force of it all thrashing her small, fragile body onto the car's windshield before she disappeared from sight in front of the vehicle.
He didn't even know how he got to her side.
Katniss had been twisted into a strange angle, her eyes wide open and unblinking.
His heart had stopped at that moment—and it had yet to restart.
Behind him, the driver of the car called for help.
That's how they found themselves at Panem Medical Center—rushing down the longest corridor in the world.
"We need to take her to radiology for a scan," one of the nurses concluded.
There was a whimper and Katniss forcefully gripped his hand.
"Katniss, look at me!" he told her. "Stay with me, sweetheart…"
She let out an excruciating howl and Peeta took a breath, pushing down his need to sob.
"Are you the husband?" a nurse asked him and he nodded in hurried response. "We need to take her to radiology."
Peeta looked to them helplessly. "She's pregnant. Will you be able to take an X-ray?"
The team looked at one another for a moment before letting out a series of orders.
"Get Obstetrics down here—STAT!"
"Someone get an ultrasound machine!"
"We need to start an IV! Her blood pressure needs to be lowered immediately!"
Suddenly, Katniss' chest spiked and her head snapped back.
"She's seizing!"
Peeta let out a sob, watching Katniss as she writhed in pain, her mouth flopping helplessly.
Her jaw was broken.
"Someone help my wife!" Peeta bent down, watching as the emergency room team worked to stop the tremors. "Don't leave, Katniss. Don't go, sweetheart." He pressed his lips to her stiffened fingers. "I swear to God I'll follow you if you do…"
"Sir—" The nurse next to him placed a hand on his shoulder. "We're doing everything we can for your wife."
"P-P-Please…" Peeta could hear himself warbling wetly, his throat squeezing open and shut at a rapid pace. "I can't leave her…I can't lose her…" He could feel the dampness covering his cheeks and fill his sinuses. "Don't take her from me."
"The best thing you can do right now is let us do our job," the man said sympathetically. "Now what is your wife's name?"
"Katniss Mellark," he managed to tell the man.
The nurse nodded. "And, your name?"
"P-Peeta."
"Okay, Peeta." The man held out his hand and Peeta shook it weakly. "My name is Beetee. I'm Head Nurse here in the ER. Your wife's seizure is being controlled, but we need to make sure that the baby is okay as well as her. So you're going to have to wait."
"Peeta!" He turned to see Dr. Paylor running over to him. Her dark eyes looked in shock as she slowed to look over a limp Katniss. "Oh God…what happened?"
"Doctor—she's the reason we paged you," Beetee explained. "She just seized, but our team is continuing to monitor her. We've administered hydralazine to bring down her blood pressure…we were about to take her to radiology."
Dr. Paylor nodded, her hand reaching to take Katniss' free one and Peeta could see her pressing her thumb to Katniss' wrist.
"Run a CT for now," the woman informed Beetee. "Someone get me a fetal monitor!"
One of the nurses nodded. "Right away, doctor!"
Then Dr. Paylor looked to Peeta.
"This is where we part for now," she explained. "Call your family. Get them down here."
Peeta's gaze went to the doctor, his words thick through his lips. "What am I going to tell her mother?"
"Let us work and we will contact you as soon as we know anything," Dr. Paylor responded evenly. "As for you—you can't be alone. Not with this. Not with the possibility of—"
"The possibility of what?" he questioned.
The doctor didn't reply.
Peeta looked up hearing the rapid rush of footsteps.
They were all there, still dressed in their party clothes.
Their family.
Hani ran to him, her blue eyes glistening and he stood up just as she was in front of him.
"What happened to my baby?" Hani sobbed. She looked as if she had bit through a hurricane, hair mussed and make-up smeared. "Where is she?"
Peeta pulled her into his arms. "It's been thirty minutes. Dr. Paylor was apparently on a night shift, so she is working with Katniss…I don't know anything."
Prim whimpered next to Hani, her arms wrapping around the bundle that was Jace. Cato looked at the scene grimly as Haymitch paced around them. His Uncle and Johanna finished the group, both looking helpless and on the verge of falling apart.
"Peeta…" Johanna went to him, her eyes full of unshed tears. "...are you okay?"
"No," he responded hollowly, still holding a crying Hani. "I wish it was me in there—because if something happens to her, then there is nothing for me."
"Don't you dare say that!" Johanna told him, her voice shaking. "Don't you dare give up! I refuse to believe in any other possibility but for her to be alright."
"Peeta?" They turned to see Dr. Paylor heading towards them, her pallor grey. She nodded at everyone, her eyes then focusing on him. "We have her in a room right now—but we have to speak in private."
Beetee followed behind the doctor.
"We can let everyone see her for a moment—but afterwards, we have to act fast."
Peeta turned to the man. "What do you mean?"
"Everyone," Beetee called out instead of responding. "Please follow me."
The family gathered and they were led past the double doors before heading down another hallway.
They were then ushered through a set of doors labeled 'ICU'.
Katniss was in the first room, barricaded behind a glass door, which Beetee opened with a scan of his badge.
The family surrounded the bed with Katniss' mother taking her daughter's hand and pressing kisses to it. Prim burst into tears, holding Jace to her face, before Cato pulled her close. Haymitch went to Katniss' opposite side, kissing his niece's forehead just as Uncle Snow pulled out a handkerchief to wipe his eyes.
Johanna looked behind Katniss, her eyes examining the machines connected to Peeta's wife. There was an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth, an IV atop one of her hands, and a tubing line connected to her neck.
"Peeta." A hand went to his shoulder just as he tried to enter the room. The Doctor slid the door closed in front of them before meeting his eyes. "We need to talk about Katniss."
"Please tell me what is going on," he asked her. "I need to make sure that she's alright."
"Katniss is bleeding internally—" the doctor told him bluntly. "—and rapidly. It can be repaired, but it will be very dangerous for your son—"
His hand reached to steady himself against the glass door, letting out a choked gasp. "We have a son?"
Dr. Paylor's face fell. "Katniss didn't tell you?"
Peeta shook his head. "Maybe she was going to, right before…" He stopped to make eye contact with the woman in front of him. "What are you trying to tell me?"
"That if we're going to do this surgery, it has to be soon," Dr. Paylor replied. "Every moment is precious for Katniss…and for Toad." She examined him for a moment. "Have you two ever talked about what would happen in the case of any complications or what she wanted to do in terms of prolonging life?"
"Hers or Toad's?"
"Both." Dr. Paylor's eyes began to fill seeing his distress. "I hate to do this and I'm so sorry, but we need a decision and there are papers to sign—"
"You're asking me to choose between my wife or my child when it comes down to it," Peeta croaked out.
The doctor nodded solemnly.
He turned to look at Katniss, who was lying so still in that hospital bed. When it came to him and her, time seemed to never be on their side. So much time was wasted on fighting and in silence.
Peeta closed his eyes, imagining every moment with his wife; every laugh, every smile, every kiss, every touch…
He understood his Uncle and Hani—to lose that one true person left you empty, unable to love in that way ever again.
And, if Peeta chose what he knew Katniss would want, then he knew that he would never love anyone like he loved her. All his hopes and dreams that she had for him would be buried with her.
There would be no hope left for him.
"I've made my decision," Peeta told the doctor after a moment. "But, I need to speak with her mother."
With a trembling hand, Peeta signed the consent form. Then looking to Hani, he handed her the clipboard for her own signature.
"It's what is right," his mother-in-law assured him, her voice breaking before she went to say goodbye to her daughter.
Everyone else had been ushered out. Prim had been hysterical and Cato had quickly handed Jace to Johanna to pull his wife away from her ailing sister. Haymitch had pressed kisses to his niece's palm, telling her to hang on and Uncle Snow had whispered gently into Katniss' ear before placing a kiss to her dry cheek.
After Hani joined everyone else and the prep team readied Katniss for transfer, Peeta went to the chair next to his wife's bed.
"Katniss, I don't know if the choice I made was the right one," Peeta told her hoarsely. "But for a long time, I always ruled with my head—not my heart. This choice was made with my heart and my heart only. You should know that. I hope you can understand." He placed his hand over hers. "I should've told you that I loved you every day—because it was what you deserved."
Standing, Peeta leaned down to press a kiss to her cool forehead.
"You're my superglue, Katniss. Always."
Katniss watched him move along the clouds.
He laughed, the music in the air drifting through everything around them. This was beautiful, peaceful, eternal bliss—bathed in the golden shimmer of pure love. Toad was all around her, eyes like his father's and a smile like hers with that telltale Peeta dimple.
"Let me fly with you," she said to him.
"No, Mommy," Toad replied in gentle voice. "This eternity isn't for you. It's for me."
Her eyes watered. "Why can't I come with you?"
"Because you're not ready to touch the sun," he whispered, his kindness and infinite love wrapping her like a warm blanket. "This is for me and me alone."
"What is this?" Katniss asked.
"The place where I love you and Daddy," Toad told her. "The place where your soul and Daddy's are interwoven. I am just one thread of what draws you together."
"It's so warm here." She breathed in the scent of sweet spice, so familiar and welcoming.
A tiny hand pulled her along. "This is where Daddy keeps us."
"Where is that?"
Toad pressed a kissed to her cheek. "In his heart."
Peeta watched her as she slept.
Dr. Paylor, along with the resident surgeon who worked on his wife, decided to keep Katniss sedated while she healed.
So she laid there, ethereal and sweet, as she slept with her hair spread out and her hands to her side. He clung to her hand, feeling that faint pulse of life along the pads of his fingers, knowing that after this, he would never get to hold her again.
Spans of time went on and bit by bit, Peeta watched the bruises fade from her face and her skin regain its slight rosy blush.
Their family came; Hani visited every day to brush her daughter's dark locks, which now reached past her shoulders, and to help massage her legs with the physical therapist. Prim and Cato would come by every other day to tell her about the restaurant and they brought Jace, whose tiny hands would touch hers. He seemed to recognize her, his blue eyes widening when his parents helped press his palm to Katniss'.
Haymitch would visit on the weekends from Seam Island and Peeta would wake up in his cot, next to her bed, to the man's gravelly voice reading Walt Whitman to his niece. His own uncle would come in, talking to Katniss about the comings and goings of the Mellark Corporation which he was in charge of while Peeta was on leave.
Seneca and Delly also visited, telling Katniss about their new apartment, and how the app was doing. They were a formidable team and were planning to go to Japan the following Spring to negotiate with a software engineering team to make improvements.
"She looks better," Johanna remarked. She came every evening to bring Peeta things to eat other than hospital food. Her eyes roved over Katniss' sleeping form. "Very Snow White."
"Not funny," Peeta rasped, running a hand through his hair. It had been a day or two since he showered—he wasn't quite sure—but the fear of leaving Katniss alone too long gripped at his insides, keeping tethered to her bed side. "Almost two months, Johanna. She's going to wake up to a completely different world—a world without our son."
Peeta closed his eyes, remembering the feel of that tiny boy in his arms. Toad had dark hair and his mother's nose; he inherited Peeta's slight grimace. He was so small and fragile, but still so solid in his arms—their one and only Toad. He didn't know how long he had been in the small room before Dr. Paylor came back for him and a nurse took his son away.
The surgeon had done everything he could, using his skilled hands to close a rapidly bleeding artery inside of Katniss. However the bleeding had been too much on their Toad and with Peeta and Hani's consent, Dr. Montgomery—Cinna—let him go.
"Peeta, none of this is your fault," Johanna said softly. "This was just a horrible circumstance."
"How can I look her in the eyes?" he replied. "After all is said and done, I was the one who made the decision."
"What choice did you have?" his cousin argued. "There was no other choice to be made. It was going to be Katniss. Even Hani knew it."
"It will be my fault that she will be in pain." Peeta looked to her, not bothering to hide his anguish. "I did the most selfish thing in her eyes. I picked her above all else. Because I want her. I want her in this world—laughing, crying, angry, happy—any which way. I just need her. I picked selfishly and it's horrible because I don't feel like I made the wrong choice. But, she'll feel that way—and I'll live with the consequences."
"You don't know that." However, Johanna's words were weak. She looked to his wife. "Not until she wakes up, anyway."
The blink of an eye should be easy.
Simple, muscular movements that were instinctual and easy to master.
However, Katniss was struggling with it. The drugged grasp of slumber held on strong, beckoning her back. She pushed it away, fighting the exhaustion as her blinks became stronger.
The room was dim except for the singular light above and her gaze went to her hands where thinned fingers and papery skin greeted her. She could see the outline of her legs, already noticing that she lacked muscle mass.
"Katniss?"
Slowly, she turned her head and found Peeta sitting beside her. He looked worse for wear, unshaven and dark circles around his eyes.
Her husband looked like she felt inside—exhausted.
"Peeta…" Her voice felt unfamiliar and he rose, grabbing a bottled water, and putting a straw in its opening. Gently, Peeta placed it to her lips and Katniss sipped, letting the coolness soothe her parched throat. Finally pulling away, she looked to him in question. "What happened?"
He lowered the railing of her bed, sitting to face her. "What do you remember?"
"We were in Victors Village," she recalled, pulling the pieces of fragmented memories from her mind. "You told me you loved me—and you gave me the divorce papers." Peeta let out a sharp breath at her words. "And, I wanted to tell you that I didn't want the divorce. I wanted us to raise Toad together." She let out a gasp, giving him a smile. "We're having a boy, Peeta."
Katniss watched the flicker of something travel through his face and her eyes went to his dimple—piercing even in the dimness.
And, she remembered her dream of Toad.
"This eternity isn't for you. It's for me."
Her hand went to her stomach, feeling dragging skin instead of a lush swell.
Katniss' eyes welled up and she looked to her husband, her lips trembling.
"Peeta…where's Toad?"
Peeta swallowed as she waited in panicked anticipation.
Finally, he met her eyes, his own blue eyes glassy. "He's gone…I told him to go away."
She shook her head in disbelief, her hands still running over the resting place where her son once slept.
"Then bring him back…bring him back…" Katniss turned to Peeta, the fury rising seeing him so defeated. "BRING HIM BACK, PEETA!" She writhed, her jaw throbbing as a tormented, sharp wail poured out of her, filling the room with her encompassing pain and drowning her until she could breathe. "Why did you tell him to go away?"
Peeta was climbing onto the bed, pulling her close to his chest, and she could feel him crying against her—his heartbeat hitting her thin cheeks as he wrapped his arms around her.
"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" His own weeping was buried in the thickness of her hair. "I'm sorry, Katniss…"
"Why did you pick me?" she asked, her arms reaching to push him away. "You should've let me die! IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME!" Katniss pounded at him, the anger and pain echoing in her hits. "I HATE YOU!"
The doors suddenly opened and Dr. Paylor, along with a nurse, rushed in.
"Katniss." Dr. Paylor walked over to her calmly, her hands going to her shuddering shoulders. "You need to calm down. You're still recovering from your injuries and surgery—"
"My baby…" Katniss crumbled, her eyes closing as she sobbed.
This was a nightmare.
She wanted to be back in that light with Toad, watch him fly around her, feel their hands clasped together as they walked along oblivion.
There was a slight pressure against her veins.
Katniss fell asleep once more.
"Peeta."
He looked up from the corner of the room that he backed himself into.
Dr. Paylor knelt in front of him, her eyes glistening at the scene around them.
In the doorway stood Haymitch and Johanna, shock in their eyes.
The room was wrecked. Somehow, Katniss had thrown her blankets and they hung from the sides of her bed. He had toppled over when she pushed him, knocking the rolling tray table to the ground along with the bottled water he had offered her.
The nurse who sedated Katniss was now placing a clean blanket on her and propping her head up with a pillow.
"Are you alright?" the doctor asked.
Peeta shook his head, his arms wrapping around his knees.
Dr. Paylor nodded in understanding.
Johanna approached, followed by Haymitch.
They looked to one another before joining him on the floor.
He began to cry.
When she opened her eyes, Peeta was gone.
But her mother was there.
Hani jumped from her seat, blue eyes teary. "Katniss."
"Mommy…" Her shoulders shuddered as the tears took over her. "Mommy…Toad is gone!" She wept as Hani cradled her face. "Why?"
"I don't know why, sweetheart," her mother whispered, holding Katniss against her. "God decides when someone needs to come home—and it was just what was needed."
"Why did Peeta choose me?" she asked. "It feels wrong for me to be alive and Toad dead. I don't even feel real. And, I can still feel Toad inside me, like I can still feel his heart beating."
"Why do you think Peeta chose you?" Hani looked at her daughter, wide-eyed and looking very much like she did as a child with her knobby knees and thin face. "Because your husband loves you and did everything he could to save you—and Toad. It just wasn't in the cards. He didn't go into this blind, Katniss. Peeta talked to me, too."
Katniss pulled back to meet her mother's eyes. "He did?"
Hani nodded. "Yes. I also signed those consent forms. So if you're going to be angry with him then you're going to have to be angry with me as well."
Katniss took in a shaky breath. "I'm not angry at either of you." She shook her head, her face scrunching in another onslaught of tears. "I'm angry at myself—because I wasn't strong enough to keep…" The tears hit her skin, falling onto her hospital gown. "…strong enough to keep him safe."
"You got hit by a car," her mother replied. "You're not Superwoman—" Hani kissed her forehead. "—despite what Peeta believes. You are flesh and bone, blood of my blood, and you feel hurt just like any human being. What you've been through, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy."
"I don't know if I'll ever be able to look Peeta in the eye anymore," Katniss admitted, her gaze going out the window to the rain falling outside. "Not after all of this. I've failed him as a wife and as Toad's mother—I'm not good enough to be either."
Johanna went to Peeta's quarters just as Enobaria left, a full tray in her arms. She shook her head as they approached one another.
"He hasn't eaten the whole day," Enobaria reported. "It's like he's given up."
"I know." Johanna sighed. "It's been two weeks since he's gone to see Katniss. Not like she is pining to see him either." She snorted. "They have the most complicated relationship."
"But when it was good, it was good," Enobaria responded. "Anyone could see how much they loved each other."
"Well, except for them." Johanna smiled wryly. "The good news is that they're weaning Katniss off the sedation and she'll get to come home."
"But, what home?" Enobaria questioned.
"That is a very good question." Looking to the closed door, Johanna squared her shoulders. "I better go and check in. The last time we left Peeta alone too long, he made friends with a whiskey bottle."
"Good luck. Brutus and I will be upstairs if you need anything."
With a nod, the two women separated and Johanna turned the knob, walking into the dark quarters, and heading towards the lit room in the far corner. Peeta often slept there, to the worry of herself and her father. Because in true fashion, her cousin had retreated into himself. He was bitter with pain and grief and from her texts between Haymitch and Prim so was Katniss.
"You know that this isn't healthy, right?"
Peeta looked from where he sat on the cot in the corner of the room. Besides the crib, it was the only other piece of furniture in the nursery. He had disassembled the crib himself last week and gave it to Jace since the little one was currently sleeping in a bassinet.
"Probably," Peeta replied and she sat next to him. "So what will you be nagging me about today?"
To her surprise, Johanna found herself tearing over the crassness of his words.
"Everything." She felt her lips tremble seeing him so detached from everything. "God, Peeta—you don't have to be such a fuckface." Johanna swiped her eyes against the sleeve of her shirt. "You're going to push everyone away until we hate you."
"It's what I deserve," Peeta told her simply. "Katniss hates me."
"She just woke up from a medically-induced coma and your child is gone!" Johanna wanted to shake him—get him to muster up just a little bit of life. "Did you think that she was going to be cheery and say that she was completely fine? NO! And, for the love of God, Katniss tends to say things and not mean them! Remember wanting the divorce?"
"Where do you think we go from here?" he asked his cousin.
"You talk, like you should be doing, you mourn your child, and you wake up some days like you don't want to get up—but you both wake up to one another." Johanna placed a hand over his. "Don't you want to give your marriage a chance?"
"Of course I do," Peeta explained. "I don't know if she wants to though."
"Then you two should talk," Johanna said in frustration. "I can't stand either of you sometimes. Why do you have to make things so complicated?"
"What love isn't complicated?" Peeta responded, a small smile gracing his lips. He felt his stomach growl. "I haven't eaten today."
"Yeah, brainless." Johanna stood up, tugging him to his feet. "Let's go eat something together. You know, Dad misses you, too. We can have a real family dinner."
"Maybe I can ask Enobaria to pack something to bring to Katniss tomorrow," he said feebly.
Johanna flicked at his chin affectionately. "Now there's the cousin I know and love."
"Hey stranger."
Katniss looked up from her bed, surprised to find Gale in her hospital room doorway. She gave him a tired smile. "Hey."
Carefully, he walked inside. "Are you feeling better?"
"No," she stated as Gale sat in the chair in front of her bed. "I don't think I'll be okay for a long while."
"Can you maybe take a walk?" he suggested. Gale glanced nervously around the room. "I don't know what the hospital's policy is on you taking a turn. There's a courtyard if you're up for it—"
Katniss nodded. "The doctors say that I should be getting my strength up since I'll be leaving in a few days." She held her hand up, freed from the IV and the line from her neck—though she had a scar from both in remembrance. "I'm not connected to anything."
She reached for the call button and asked the staff nurse if she could get a sweater or a robe.
"I'm kind of only sporting this hospital gown," Katniss explained as the nurse walked into the room. The woman nodded at Gale before lowering the bed rail for Katniss. "So I'll need a little backup if it gets windy."
He chuckled at her words. "Your sense of humor seems intact."
"Well at least some part of me is." She rose gingerly and Gale offered his arm. The nurse carefully helped her into a long robe and a pair of slippers. "Let's go."
They headed into the hallway and out of one of the open doors. There was a small courtyard with a stone fountain and wooden benches. Other patients, mostly from physical therapy, were walking around the stately hospital gardens.
It was nice to be outside and get some air.
Katniss and Gale settled on a bench, next to the fountain, before merging into a content silence. She, however, could feel Gale's stare on her. When she looked to him, she was surprised to find guilt in his eyes.
"What's wrong?" she asked him.
"I'm sorry that I offended you," Gale told her. "You kind of pulled away awhile back and I realized that I came on a little strong. I'm aware you're married, but I can't help but want to know you. I'm not sure what for, but I feel like we're connected in some way."
"We kind of look alike," Katniss replied. "Maybe you're my long lost brother or something."
"I'm pretty sure that wasn't the case," he told her. "My parents were like high school sweethearts and totally in love with each other."
"My parents were high school sweethearts, too," she said with a smile. "Actually, Peeta's father and my mother dated for a while but then she met my dad—and fell in love." Her eyes looked out towards the garden. "I guess it was fate that I married Peeta because our parents weren't meant for each other. But us…"
Katniss stopped for a moment. She hadn't seen Peeta in nearly two weeks.
She missed him.
However, there just seemed to be some invisible wall between them that neither knew how to climb to get to one another.
"Have you been drawing?" Gale suddenly asked and she shook her head. "You're talented. Don't waste that."
"I don't have any of my art supplies," she replied. "I left them all at the Mellark Compound."
Gale reached into his jacket and pulled out a sketchpad. "For you." He reached into his pocket and produced a box of charcoal. "In case you get bored during recovery."
Katniss breathed out, feeling the first inkling of herself coming back. Drawing had always been an escape for her, a way to leave the world when it became too hectic. She missed this part of her life.
"Thank you for giving this to me," Katniss told him sincerely. "I forgot for a moment that I was someone who really loved to draw."
"Well, when you get caught up in your husband, your child, and your business, that can happen," Gale replied simply. "I also wanted to tell you that I'm going to Paris. I got a job at an art school there." He pulled out a brochure from his pocket. "Maybe you can come and visit. We can start up our lessons again."
Katniss looked to him. "When are you going?"
"In a week." She nodded and Gale gave her a bashful smile. "Don't worry, Katniss. I'll come say goodbye."
Together, they stood up and headed back to the hallway where her room was.
"So this is where I leave you," Gale told her. "I'll be back soon. You might be out by then."
Katniss nodded. "I probably will…but I don't know where I'm going to be."
He raised a brow at her. "Not at the Mellark Compound?"
She shrugged. Seeing as she and Peeta could hardly look at one another, much less speak, her plans were tenuous at best.
"Take a look at the brochure," Gale informed her. "I think there's a program that you'd be interested in."
Katniss gave him a smile. "Thank you for visiting. You've helped me more than you realize."
With a final wave, the man walked away.
As Peeta entered the hospital room, his eyes went to the easel next to Katniss' bed. His wife was asleep, her hand still holding a charcoal pencil. He had heard from the nurses that a dark-haired man resembling Katniss' cousin had come to visit her and dropped off the art supplies.
He had to give it to Gale—it was a thoughtful gesture, better than anything that he himself could manage, anyway.
Peeta placed the array of food that Enobaria had prepared for his visit on the tray table before sitting on the chair. He watched her sleep, knowing that it was best that she not know that he was there.
"I'm sorry," Peeta started. "I was never the best husband for you. I didn't speak up. And, I know that you think that I didn't fight for you, but I did. I fought myself—I knew that you would hate me for picking you when it came down to it. But it was for the best because you need to be out in the world doing all the wonderful things that you're capable of…even if I'm not in your life."
He looked down for a moment.
"I love you, Katniss," he continued. "But maybe we just couldn't get it together this time around. Maybe we weren't making each other better, after all. I need to become the person who doesn't break your heart. I need to be the person who mends it."
"We're breaking up, aren't we?"
Peeta looked up to see Katniss staring down at him, tears rolling down the sides of her face.
He nodded. "You know we are."
Katniss closed her eyes for a moment, letting his words seep in.
Finally, she opened her eyes and Peeta's stomach dropped seeing the pain in her smoky eyes.
"We tried for so long to make this work," she said, her voice catching. "We're like a drug to one another—an addiction that neither can break, and we keep coming back for more, despite hurting each other in the end." She let out a soft sob and Peeta stood up to take her hand. "Why can't we make it better?"
"Because we started off wrong, maybe," Peeta reasoned. "Maybe if we were older and wiser—if we had a little more life under our belt—maybe then it could have worked."
"But, we're just too far gone," Katniss finished for him. She gave him a tremulous smile. "I really wanted us to work, Peeta. Because I really do love you."
Bringing the bed rail down, Peeta pulled her close. "I really love you too." Katniss sniffled into his shoulder and he closed his eyes smelling her sweet hair. "My beautiful, brave girl."
"My dear, sweet boy," she said against him. Pulling away, Katniss looked to him. "But that's what we are—just a boy and a girl, barely grown up." Her hand reached to cup his cheek and he shook in her gentle caress, turning to press his lips to her palm. "Thank you for always seeing me as superglue."
"Of course." Peeta lifted her chin with his finger. "Thank you for always seeing the good in me."
Katniss nodded and a track of tears danced down her weary face. "Of course." She took a deep breath and gave him shaky smile. "Close your eyes."
Peeta did as he was told, letting his eyelids drop, and he waited.
Her kiss was like breathing for the first time, tasting of sweet, honeyed love, and laced with the passion they once shared.
It was the best last kiss that he could ask for.
When his eyes opened, Peeta looked to find an envelope in his hand.
He didn't need to open it to know what was inside.
They were now officially divorced.
"I'm getting out tomorrow," Katniss told him, her words still wet. "I'm going to Paris—to an art school there."
Peeta looked at her in worry. "Will you be okay?"
She nodded. "It's just something I need to do."
"Some of your things are still at the Mellark Compound," Peeta informed her. "I won't be there in the day so you can come get them if you want."
"Thank you, Peeta," she whispered.
He stood slowly, feeling the weight of their decision bearing down, and the reluctance in himself.
"I'm glad we got to talk," Peeta suddenly said.
Katniss smiled wryly. "If only we had learned sooner, right?"
He nodded in agreement. "Get some rest, sweetheart."
Going to the door, Peeta turned the knob and quickly exited the room.
He closed the door behind him, pressing his palm to its wooden surface.
Reaching into his pocket, Peeta pulled out a long chain—the Mockingjay pin hanging from it—and hung it on the doorknob.
Now, it had all of his hopes and dreams for her.
In the daylight, their suite looked less intimidating.
Katniss took a breath before moving forward. She looked around, noting that their bedroom door was closed. It looked as if Peeta had been sleeping on the couch, judging by the pillow and blanket on it.
Katniss' was breathless as she looked to the room on the other end—Toad's nursery. They had just finished painting and were setting up furniture—before all of this.
Steeling herself, she went to the room and looked around.
Peeta had cleaned it out and painted it again. It was once a buttercream yellow—until recently.
A box sat in the middle and she went to it, kneeling down, before opening it carefully.
Sammy's books…the Toad onesie…and the baby journal…
Gingerly, Katniss opened the book. Her eyes went to that first sonogram when Toad was just barely there—a small being with nothing but a large heartbeat. She read over the small bits of writing from herself and Peeta and laughed at her food doodles.
When she turned to another page, her smile seeped off her face.
There he was—Toad—staring up at her and drawn from her own heart.
Her fingers danced over his delicate chin and bright eyes—eyes from a father who she adored.
"I'm sorry," she whispered to Toad. "Mommy is so sorry…" She hugged the book to her chest, sobbing as she drew into herself. "I just wasn't strong enough…I wasn't brave enough…" That all-encompassing feeling of not being able to breathe took over as she choked out tears and let her nose run. "Don't be angry at your Daddy…or me. Because we love you so much…sometimes I swear I still feel you…and it makes me miss you like crazy…"
Katniss didn't know how long she stayed in that room.
However, the sun was well on its way down when she finally stood up with the box in her arms.
Upstairs, Katniss hugged Johanna and Uncle Snow goodbye, promising to call as soon as she landed in Paris. She told Sammy that she would send him a beret and promised to send over something absolutely Parisian for the Sloans.
"Did you say goodbye to Peeta?" Johanna asked carefully.
Katniss nodded. "We said our goodbyes a few days ago. It would be too hard to say it again."
Johanna looked to her curiously. "Why?"
"Because if I saw him again, I don't think that I would be able to get on that plane."
"Flight 531 to Paris is now boarding…"
Katniss pushed up her glasses, taking a deep breath before following behind Gale as they went through airport screening. He agreed to help her find her way, seeing as he could actually speak French, and was going to be teaching at the school she was going to attend.
"You okay?" Gale asked.
She nodded nervously, pulling her luggage as she handed her ID to the officer. "I'm fine."
"It's an adventure," her friend joked. "Try not to look like you're going to a guillotine."
"Looks like I have four years of listening to your stupid French jokes," she responded before moving forward.
Gale guffawed at her words. "Maybe you'll discover something else other than my horrible French humor."
Katniss looked back, her eyes trained on the airport entrance in the distance.
"Ma'am," the airport official called out gruffly. "You need to move on."
There was too much truth in those words.
Katniss turned away, heading towards the metal detectors, and onward.
She never saw Peeta rush through those doors just as she passed through security.
Four Years Later...
Elegant, shoulder-grazing waves, a fitted black Chanel dress, and Louboutin heels traveled down the corridor of Panem airport. Both men and women turned to watch the woman's graceful figure move along the crowd, eyes hidden behind her designer glasses and her Louis Vuitton carry-on in her delicate grip.
Her cellphone rang and she reached into the pocket of her carry-on.
"Bonjour!" She greeted cheerfully.
"Oh please, Katniss!" Delly responded through the phone. "Tell me that you're here…your Godson is waiting for you and Seneca is setting up the guestroom as we speak."
"Yes, I'm here." Katniss looked out at the exit, seeing a Sedan pull up in the line of private cars. "I think my car is here so I'll see you, Sparrow, and Seneca soon."
Walking out, she took her first breath of Panem air before smiling at the man holding the 'Everdeen' sign.
"That's me." The driver nodded admirably before opening the door so she could get into her seat. "Thank you."
"Your first time in Panem?" he asked her.
"No." Katniss smiled up at him. "I've just come home."
Peeta stepped out of his Sedan, looking around to see if Madge had arrived. Her workshop upstate had ended yesterday and he had agreed to pick her up so they could grab some lunch.
A sudden frisson rushed up his spine and he whipped to his left just barely spotting a delicate figure of a woman stepping into her own Sedan, her slim ankle intriguing him for some reason.
There was something about the curve of it that seemed familiar.
For a moment, he thought it might be Kat—
"Hey!" Peeta looked to see Madge approaching, an exhausted smile on her travel-worn face. "Thanks for picking me up. These workshops can be so arduous but, well—they keep the business going, right?"
She followed his gaze to the Sedan pulling away.
"Someone you know?" she asked.
Peeta shook his head. "No, I don't think so." He nodded stiffly. "Shall we go?"
Madge beamed, getting into the car and, after watching the car disappear into the traffic, Peeta followed.
END OF PART ONE.
I can't believe that I've gotten this far and I hope that you'll stick around to see what happens in Part Two.
Like, what the hell is happening with Peeta and Madge? Katniss and Gale? How are Johanna and Uncle Snow? The rest of the Everdeens?
Also, when will Peeta and Katniss reunite?
Yes, Delly and Seneca have a little boy—he's about two—and Katniss is his favorite.
Are there any more children?
Yes, there are.
Any other relationships happening? Oh, yeah.
There are about two that I'm thinking of developing, but we'll see.
I know that this part was hard and I'm proud of you if you got through it. It wasn't an easy chapter for any of us. However, I hope that I did it justice.
If not, I'll just have to live and let live.
Now I hope to hear your feedback, your predictions for Part Two, and hope that you're enjoying this so far.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading.
I'll see you in Part Two.
-JLaLa