Give Wolfram Back To Me
A Kyou Kara Maoh Fanfiction.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything but the plot. Otherwise, this wouldn't be a fanfiction.
All rights belong to Tomo Takabayashi, Temari Matsumoto, and Studio Deen
Chapter 27
When Gwendal felt like they had enough for the moment. He looked at Damian and nodded towards the diary. When Damian flipped the diary, Conrad tensed. He knows that the next entry is for him. He took a deep breath and looked at Wolfram who is still clinging to Gwendal. He thought, 'What is it about me that added to the suffering you are already feeling?'
When he looked at Damian again, the latter is also looking at him this time, confirming that he is indeed the next. When he heard the entry for their mother, he couldn't believe it... because ,indeed, Wolfram showed no indication that he has suffered... or suffering that much. And when he heard the entry for their big brother, he was so guilty that he never even once stood up for Wolfram and defended him even once from Gwendal's harsh words... even if it's too bias. He can't help but feel guilty. And he fears whatever it is that is written there for him.
Damian cleared his throat and, Conrad's already tensed body tensed even more. He knows that everyone is looking at him with concern, with worry... but he couldn't care less, all he cares for right now is his baby brother and what is in that diary for him. Then Damian opened his mouth and began reading.
"Lion of Luttenberg, Second Son of the 27th Maou of Shin Makoku and many more, Lord Conrart Weller... my little big brother." Conrad's tears started to well up again, for hearing for the second time that his baby brother really still considers him as a brother even though it's only to himself and never voicing it out.
"He has these eyes and hair both in the color of hazel brown. His military uniform is even colored brown... just a lighter shade. He always has this warm smile that makes you feel secured and at ease.
Truth to be told... I really don't hold any hatred or grudge against him. In fact, among my family, he is the one who cause the least pain to me aside from Uncle Waltorana. In fact, he's the one who fulfilled his responsibilities to me as a brother.
He plays with me and cheer me up like a little big brother would do. He would encourage me and support me in many things. He even played the role that was supposed to be Aniue's and Hahaue's. He protects me, lecture me, and many things like Aniue should have been doing. He fawned over me like a mother hen, he would check on me when I'm sick, he would always ask me if I'm hungry... a role Hahaue should have played.
I never hated him. Even if I acted like I do hate him, I don't. This time, I know it was me who is causing pain to myself. But I only do this because, even in just the slightest, I want to avoid the bigger pain that is about come in the distant future... it's still in the distant future, but it's sooner than I expected back then... and it's inevitable. I was scared...
When we were young, we were so close. We used to be with each other 24/7. He is the person that really give me all his time in the world... I was so happy. He would cheer me up whenever I'm sad. He would help me in the parts of the studies I don't understand. He would help me escape my nanny or my tutors. He would be there, a hand on my shoulder, saying that he won't let me be lonely.
He was already good at swords when we were still young. He will teach me sometime as well, but we only use wooden swords since were not allowed to use real swords yet. We would play hide and seek even if it's just the two of us. He would even accompany me sometimes when I watch our big brother do his duties. He always tells me that he will protect me and keep me safe. He said that he will fight all the monsters and even the bad guys just for me.
I always feel secured around him, as if nothing can harm me in any way, even though he was also still a child like me. He would always smile at me so warmly that all of my sadness would seem to vanish in an instant... like everything's going to be alright no matter what.
But then, one day, I woke up earlier than I used to and I went out of my room to walk around a bit. Then when I was nearing the kitchen, I overheard one of the maids mentioning my name and Conrad's. I moved closer to the door so I would hear. I know it's not good to eavesdrop but if what they talking about us is bad, then that's a different case.
This is what I heard:
"Poor Prince Wolfram..." a maid with a small voice said. I call her Maid 1.
"True. And I can't believe no ones telling him yet. It will just be harder for him to accept if they forlong it." another maid with a low voice said. I call her Maid 2.
"I know right! Especially that he's a Bielefeld... and you know what the Bielefeld drill into the minds of their children." said a maid with a foreign accent. She's Maid 3.
"Well, Prince Wolfram's father already passed away long ago when Lord Wolfram was still a baby..." Maid 2 said but was cut off.
"He still has his Uncle you know! And I believe that they are close to each other. I think Lord von Bielefeld already influenced his beliefs." said Maid 1.
"Our poor princes. Prince Wolfram and Prince Conrad. Why must it be difficult for them just because Prince Conrad is half-human. He would die sooner than normal mazokus... and sooner than the youngest prince would've thought since he doesn't know." said Maid 3.
I froze at what I heard. I held my breath. My eyes so wide and my body as still as a statue. Tears started to fall down my cheeks. And then a maid came out of the door I looked at me with face etched with shock and horror. She said my title in voice pure shock. And her mouth hung open. She tried to say something but kept stuttering at her words.
The other maids went to see why their friend still hasn't moved from the door way. And when they saw why. They had the same reaction as the first maid who opened the door. Although I'm not frozen in place anymore, tears are still falling down my cheeks... my fists tightly clenched.
I ran away from the maids... I was about to enter my room once more but then someone grabbed my arm and spun me around gently so that I would face whoever it was. And it was Conrad. Then I remember that I usually would wake up this time around of the morning. He asked me what was wrong...
I thought in my mind, 'You being a half-human. That's my problem. You're gonna die sooner than if you were a full-blooded mazoku. You're gonna leave me alone sooner than you're supposed to! After you're gone... I'm gonna be lonely, with Hahaue and Aniue so busy and not even giving me as much as a glance. I feel so abandoned already.'
But then, what I thought in my mind was not what I said to him.
"You... You filthy human! Get away from me!" I screamed my lungs out and more tears sprung. I cried and shouted more... just a little more and I'll be hyperventilating. He looked at me wide-eyed, he let go of my arm. The maids who I overheard are suddenly just behind Conrad after a few minutes, helping him to calm me down. But I didn't. If anything else, I just exploded more.
Then my mother, Gunter, Aniue, and Anissina came running from different directions. They must have heard my screams and came to see what's going on. I ran to Hahaue and she scooped me up her arms. I buried my face on her shoulder and continue crying my eyes out. Aniue's voice then boomed with anger and concern, 'What happened here?!'
The maids stiffened and the others all looked at them. They looked down, all looking guilty. They explained what happened and apologized. They begged to us not to be fired but mother still fired them. She said she doesn't want and doesn't need workers here to be gossiping while working, especially about her own children.
I didn't talk at all that day. It still hasn't sunk in. I just always stare at nothing in particular. Mother, Aniue, and Gunter... for the first time, they left their duties to be with that whole day even though I'm doing nothing except sitting and staring at nothing. Actually, I am thankful that they chose to stay with me even I'm like that in that particular time... because even just a little, it helps... it helps for me to digest the whole thing.
The night came and all of them were these to tuck me in bed... Hahaue, Aniue, little big brother, Anissina, and Gunter. I pretended to be asleep. When they thought I was in dreamland, they all kissed the top of my head with me sweet dreams then went out of the room one by one. The last one to do so was Conrad. But unlike the others, after kissing my head, he spoke to what he thought was a sleeping me. He was crying as he do so. And it was very hard not to cry that time as well. It hurt... it really hurt.
'I was going to tell you soon. I really was. I really do wanted you to know, but not like this... not from others' mouths. I know you will hate me from now on. I know you will try to push me away. I know you will call me names and speak badly to me. I know you will look at me with disgust and hatred. But I still won't stop being a brother to you. I won't stop trying to make it up to you. I-...I'm so sorry. But I won't stop. I promise.' then he left.
When I heard the door shut, I opened my eyes and tears started to fall. I cried my heart out that night. Why does my family have to be like this... It's so complicated. And yet, I can't ask for another... I won't ask for another. Because I love them. Love truly hurts, whether it's by blood or romance. I cried and cried until I fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning, with my mother sitting at the edge of my bed. I was quite surprised but didn't show it. Then, she said that she was waiting for me to wake up so we could walk to the dining room together. But I declined... my next words are torture for me to say because I never really meant it... But I still said it. 'No, thank you. I don't want a filthy human eating in the same table as me... please just ask a maid to bring me my meals.'
For two months, I didn't join them in the dining room... then, Gunter convince me. it was because there was going to be a visitor and I have to attend out of courtesy... so I did. Then I started to eat in the dining room again.
Conrad's words that night were true. I started rejecting him and pushing him away. I started calling him names and speak to him in an awful way. But all of those that I did were not what I want. If there's something I want, I want to run to him and hug him... shout to him that I never really cared about the blood that flows in his veins. That I still see him as my brother and I still love him.
True to his words, he still treated me as his baby brother and tries to make it up to me. He didn't give up on me... on his promise.
It was so painful. Very painful. Excruciatingly painful. I was very hard to watch his face, his eyes get filled with hurt everytime I will so or say something to him. It hurts so much to know I was the one causing him so much pain. So I said to myself... I do deserve the pain I feel right now, every last bit of it. I endured it, continued it, not matter how painful it was.
He was always there for me... I had so many memories with him. And it would be so painful to me that he would be gone sooner that he would have if he were just a full-blooded mazoku. It's true that I didn't like that he has a human blood... but that didn't mean I hated him. It was not him that I hate... It was ONLY the blood.
I distanced myself from him, like I do with Hahaue and Aniue. I avoided making memories with him. I avoided making experience with him. Because if I continue to make make memories with him, it will just be more painful to me in the end when he ...dies. I thought, that if you hate someone... it won't be as painful when they die as when you love them and have many treasure memories with them.
Everyday was so painful. Every last second was torture. So I hardened my heart... but it was no use. Because no matter what, there's still a part of me that will always be in pain, no matter how hard I try to ignore it... to tell myself that no pain exist. Deep down... I knew that there still is. And the pain never lessened. If anything, it just grew and it continues to grow. It hurts so much that I just want to tear my heart out. Or to just kill myself. But of course, I won't do that... there are still people out there who cares for me like Uncle Waltorana. And I have to be strong for them...
Time passed. Seconds, Minutes, Hours, Days, Weeks, Months, ... A year. A year has already passed.
But as the days pass by. The pain grew and grew until it became unbearable. So unbearable that it made me think that time to stop my stubbornness and just admit how I really feel. I was really about to! I was about to run to Conrad and tell him everything. But, alas! It only made the unbearable pain worse. Because that was the same day he decided to give up and break his promise. He gave up on me.
I was utterly speechless... shocked to the core.
The pain I suffered that day was the last straw. It really was. Because after that day, my heart did really hardened... as hard and as cold as stone. I didn't care anymore if anyone will talk awful at me or about me. I didn't even feel anymore pain when Aniue scold. I even became more harsh on my words and more violent. Not caring anymore for the feelings of other people. That day was the day my heart broke.
But it's a good thing actually. After that day, I didn't feel anymore pain... You know why, because the pain I experienced that day was so unbearable...It was so painful that it made me... it made my heart numb. I was glad that I won't feel anymore pain.
Besides, no one in the future will be able to break my heart now... because how can you break a heart that is not even whole in the first place... how can you break a heart that is already broken... How can you break a heart that's already on the floor, shattered to pieces.
Yes you can step on it, on the pieces and break them in even more smaller pieces... But I will not feel any pain anymore. Because, my heart is already numb from the pain it experiences and is STILL experiencing... if it's numb... how can you make me feel the pain you inflict.
I know that the pain inside me is still growing as the time pass by... I knew even though I don't feel it. Even after the maou came... the unbearable pain was still there. I know because... I still don't feel anything. It complicated isn't it. I can't feel any pain because I'm experiencing a worse one right now. I know that, because I will only feel pain when the numbing pain isn't here anymore.
I watched Conrad showered all of his attention to the new maou... I watched him fawn oven the maou like a mother hen. I watched him do with the maou the things I used to do with him. And I just knew, that the pain I feel inside will just continue to grow. It won't lessen. It will just grow. And I won't feel any pain for a long time, so long that I won't remember how pain feels like. Maybe I won't feel pain even until my time comes. I will continue to be numb from pain.
But still. It's only the pain I'm numb from. I can still feel sadness, joy, anger, surprise and other emotion. That's why, I just wish he, Conrad, would continue making it up to me in the future... that will surely make me... HAPPY.
Like I said, I can still feel other emotions. That's why, I still LOVE you, Conrad... Little big Brother."
Damian closed the diary after reading the entry. He put it down and wiped his tears. It just wouldn't stop coming. The others are in that state as well. Gwendal was no longer hugging Wolfram but is moving away from the bed... but he's still crying. Everyone was crying. Conrad was a sobbing mess after that entry. He is still sitting on his chair but then the next second, he's already in Wolfram's bed, hugging him for dear life.
If you thought that Gwendal's was already a drama... I don't know what to call this anymore. They just stayed like that. Hugging each other. Not uttering a word. But their hug meant so much more...
(To Be Continued)