I love fluff. Now you have been warned…

Chapter 30 – The carnival

The parking lot in front of the carnival was a bubbling chaos of excited children with sparkling eyes and joyful, young couples strolling arm in arm towards the ticket seller. Brutus felt slightly misplaced when they got trapped in the queue behind a flock of giggling school girls and their pomade groomed cavaliers.

The boys stared Ellie up and down in quick, stolen glances and even though Brutus scowled at them, until their ears reddened and they looked away, he couldn't really blame them. She looked beautiful and young in the blue dress that tightened by the waistline and her soft curls loose and shining like newly fallen chestnuts. He was hardly able to take his eyes away from her himself.

"You have the height advantage in this chaos," Ellie said when they had waited in the disorganized line for a couple of minutes without seeing the smallest glimpse of someone they knew. "Can you see them anywhere? Are they up front?"

Brutus eyed the crowd by the entrance for any familiar faces. "No. Are we too early, you reckon?"

"Perhaps, but… No, look, there they are!" Ellie interrupted herself merrily and pointed in direction of the parking lot. Brutus looked around and saw Paul, Dean and their better halves emerge from the mob. Paul waved and Brutus waved back.

"You look nervous," Ellie noted when their friends moved closer to join them.

"Me?"

"Like you're on your way to a final exam." She smiled. "Haven't you known these people for years? I should be anxious one."

"Well, I've never been on a triple date with them," Brutus muttered, just before Paul and his wife came into earshot "And definitely never in the company of the most beautiful woman this carnival has ever seen."

Ellie flushed and her cheeks kept glowing like the sunset all the way through the introduction. Brutus smiled; it was the easiest thing in the world to make her blush and he loved doing it.

They started the night by having dinner in a blue-striped food tent: Spare ribs, potatoes and plenty of beer. They squeezed together at a table, the woman on one side and the men on the other and Paul raised his glass.

"To a wonderful evening," he said before adding in a casually significant tone: "And whatever it's going to bring."

He patted Brutus on the back and Ellie's bright smile from across the table worked as well as any strong beverage would have done, making Brutus' head twirl before he had even tasted his beer.

"How does it feel to be off work for a change?" he asked her.

She chuckled. "I'm only thinking about it every two seconds. You think that's a problem?"

"If anything is going to make you forget about the transfer," Brutus said through the noise of the music playing and people laughing and cheering at the neighbouring tables, "I'm pretty sure this is the place."

The tent exploding in a mutual toast, when the band on the dancing platform outside the tent changed into an even friskier version of Billy Cotton's Avalon and Ellie laughed.

"I think it's working already!"

At the end of the meal, just as the band gave themselves some breathing space with a slow ballade, Paul said thoughtfully: "You know: We're gonna miss you when you leave, Ellie."

"When are you leaving?" Janice asked.

"In less than two weeks." Ellie paused. "As soon as Alice has been transferred to the women's prison."

Brutus received sympathetic glares from both Janice and Anna, Dean's young wife, making in pretty clear, that they had been told everything about his crush on Ellie. He gulped down the rest of his pint, trying to look like it was no big deal, though the reminder had made his chest tightened.

Two weeks… Then Ellie would be back in Shreveport, almost four hours drive away from him and… he didn't know what would happen then. They hadn't discussed her departure with a single word. He wasn't even sure what would become of their relationship when she left…

"What are we sitting here for then?" Janice asked, interrupting Brutus' train of thoughts. "Wasting time, when we could be out dancing or riding the merry-go-round?"

"Or trying the Ferris wheel," Anna contributed, sending her husband a mischievous smile. Dean made a face; he had never been much for heights.

"Can't we go shot some bears or something?" Paul asked, when Janice tugged at his arm.

"Later, hon. I know exactly where we're starting. Come one, guys!"

oOo

"I thought you were kidding," Brutus said in horrified disbelief, when he realised where Janice were taking them. "I'm not going dancing!"

"Why not?" Janice asked cheerfully. "It's fun."

The dancing platform next to the food tent were packed full of people, swaying around to the soft tones of a Cole Porter wannabe-singer. Dean and Anna had already disappeared into the mass of dancing bodies.

"Because I can't dance…" Brutus began, looking embarrassed by the thought.

"It's not really dancing, Brutal," Paul said encouraging. "It's just…" He grabbed Janice by the waist and circled her around to the music. "…moving around a bit and keeping time. It's not that hard."

"You can't have a proper date without dancing," Janice said with a warm smile, before they disappeared the same way Dean and Anna had.

"Well, you did promise me a proper date," Ellie reminded him teasingly.

Brutus inhaled deeply and sighed.

"You have been warned," he said despondently. "So I don't want to hear any complains."

"I bet I'm as hopeless as you are," Ellie said with a smile and led the way up the stairs.

The first dance was a bit stiff, but as soon as Brutus realised that the floor wasn't going to swallowed him whole if he missed a step, he relaxed.

"See?" Ellie said softly. "You're not even half as bad as you think you are, Brutus."

He just smiled and Ellie returned it. His arm around her waist tightened into a safe hold instead of a nervous touch and the space between them minimized. It felt good to be this close to him, without having to think about getting weird looks from anyone. The band singer's voice had dropped in velocity, as he started the first, soft chorus of Let's do it:

And that's why birds do it, bees do it

Even educated flees do it

Let's do it, let's fall in love

"You know what," Brutus suddenly said. "I think you're the only one I know, who doesn't call me by my nickname."

"Honest truth?" Ellie said and looked at him. "I know it's silly, but I can get myself to call you 'Brutal', or 'Brute', when I know you are anything like that."

The corner of his mouth twisted into a thoughtful smirk. "You think Percy would agree with you?"

"Don't tell him, but I actually thought it was rather pleasing, when you hit him." Slightly tantalizing too, she almost added, but it would probably sound wrong. "It was like seeing the movie hero beat up the villain."

"Well, it felt good, too, I promise you that," Brutus said with a grin.

Ellie chortled. "Just don't let it get to your head. I don't want you to walk around, punching people."

Brutus sighed theatrically and spun her around. "A'right. I'll try not too…"

At the other side of the platform, Paul kept glaring over Janice's shoulder at Ellie and Brutus.

"Paul, stop staring!" his wife whispered with a stifled laugh.

"I wouldn't have too, if you would just stop dragging me away from them," Paul said. "I can't see how Brutal's doing from all the way over here."

Janice chuckled. "You can't see it, can you?"

"See what?"

"He's doing fine, Paul. They haven't been able to take their eyes of one another since we got here. Haven't you noticed?"

Paul had been glaring at Brutus the entire time, but now he turned his attention to the young nurse. She was laughing, eyes locked into Brutus', who was all smiles. Janice was right, he suddenly realised, the rest of the world didn't seem to exist for them. He hadn't noticed how close they were dancing until now, but it was a lot closer than you would expect from two persons on their first, uncomfortable date.

"So, you think she likes him?" he asked his wife in great surprise.

Janice snorted fondly. "Oh, Christ, Paul… Sometimes you can be so thick-headed."

oOo

When they were finally able to drag Dean and Anna away from the platform, they took a stroll around the carnival. It had gone dark while they danced, but the carnival had only just started to wake up, now the children were home in their beds and the beer stock had started to run a little low in the foot tents. They soon found themselves in the part of the carnival, where you could throw balls at stubborn tin cans or bet on wooden race horses and men in tight shirts had shouting matches, trying to lure the most visitors to their respective stands.

One of them, the High Striker operator, a squatty man with bright, red suspenders that was parted by his vast belly, had the biggest voice of them all:

"Hey, how about you, big fella!" he cried out, when they walked by. "Don't you wanna try n' impress that pretty, little thing of ours! Win a rose the man's way!"

"I think he's talking to you, Brute," Dean said with a smirk, when Brutus didn't react.

"It's humbug," Brutus declared calmly, glaring at the Popeye-themed high striker. "He just wants to make a fool out of me."

"Come on," Paul said. "Why don't we all try, then? The strongest one will have his ticket to the Ferrell wheel paid by the other two."

"Aw, jeez, that's a stupid price!" Dean protested. "And not fair, either. I'm the smallest one of all of us! I'm never gonna win anything."

Paul put his arm around his shoulder and led the young guard toward the high striker.
"Just play along, Dean," he mumbled, paid the operator and took the mallet. "Let Brutus shine for a moment…"

Dean scoffed, but he grabbed the hammer and took a swing at the lever.

"And… we passed Swee'Pea!" the operator teased, when the puck dropped down again. "Better luck next time, son."

Dean frowned.

"Hold on," he said, when Paul tried to take the mallet from him, "I got three chances. It says so right there on the sign."

"No, I paid for three hits," Paul corrected him. "One for each one of us."

Dean emptied his pockets and handed the operator a dime. "There – now I got six chances."

"Men…" his wife said and rolled her eyes, but she did end up looking a bit proud, when Dean, flushing from the effort, managed to almost touch the Bluto-mark with his third attempt and she placed a kiss on his cheek.

Paul gave it a couple of tries. He couldn't beat Dean (but he didn't really try all that hard, Brutus noticed) and gave up, handing the mallet to Brutus.

"Your turn, Brute."

"Come one," the operator grinned, when he noticed Brutus' hesitation. "Don't be shy!"

Brutus looked back at Ellie. She smiled. People had started to gather around them, not wanting to miss an opportunity to have a free laugh, when one of the men failed. The operator was still grinning, when Brutus walked up to high striker, making him wonder if he had rigged the puck already. He had noticed how Dean's hits had seemed weaker and weaker, the more tries he gave it; Paul's too. The operator gave them hope and then he did something to the puck, so they felt flat on their face no matter how hard they hit. So he probably only had one chance to do it right…

Brutus stared at the lever, trying to imagine it to be Percy's babyface and then he swung the mallet. He could feel the collusion between the rubber hammer and the lever all the way up through his arms; bones rattling and muscles crying out in protest. The puck shot up like a rocket and crashed against the bell next to the Popeye sign.

The crowd cheered and laughed, but the operator had stopped grinning.

"Not bad," he said. "Wanna give it another go? See if you can do it three times in a row. You can win the entire bucket."

"No thanks," Brutus said and helped himself to the biggest rose he could find. "I think I'm done."

"Show-off," Ellie said with a smile, when he handed her the rose. "Sure you don't want to humiliate your friends a bit more?"

"Nah, I think I wanna enjoy my free ride in the Ferrell wheel," Brutus said with a grin to Dean and Paul.

It turned out to be a swell choice. The moment Ellie and Brutus had been seated in a cabin of their own, the clock struck twelve and the firework show that ended every carnival-night began. Flowers and stars in red, blue and green coloured the dark sky. Their cabin stopped at the top.

"Gosh, talk about timing…" Brutus began, but then he was abruptly interrupted, when Ellie cupped his jaw, forced his head around and kissed him on the mouth. Deep and passionately; the way she had only kissed him, when they were alone.

Brutus' stomach somersaulted as though their cabin had just dropped fifty feet.

"What was that for?" he asked, slightly winded, once she had broken the kiss and he remembered the art of breathing again.

"You're so bleeding irresistible when you're showing off, you know that?" Ellie whispered, her eyes shining in the light from the firework.

Brutus grinned; so that sore shoulder of his hadn't been in vain after all.

"You mean the high striker?" he said, trying to sound casual. "Well, lets' just say that was revenge for every time I haven't been able to think of anything but you these days."

"That's mean – it's not my fault you're so easily distracted," Ellie purred and before Brutus could think of a clever response, she kissed him again, sweeping his mind blank from any rational thought.

oOo

They decide to call it a night when they came down from the Ferrell wheel. Paul, Janice, Dean and Anna went straight for the parking lot, but Brutus and Ellie took a short tour to the toilet wagons, so Brutus could use the bathroom before the ride home.

There was a long queue, so Ellie waited outside by the children's carousal. Brutus had just disappeared into the wagon, when someone walked up to her along the fence that enclosed the carousal. Ellie didn't even notice the person, until he opened his mouth and the last voice she had ever expected to hear at this very night, said her name:

"Hi, Ellie."

Her heart stopped. It's been six years, but she would be able to recognize that voice anytime. She turned her head and stared at the familiar face from her weeding picture; the young medical student that the last half decade had turned into a grown man.

"Thomas?" she heard herself say in a dumbfounded voice.

Her former husband flashed a handsome smile at her and Ellie was overwhelmed by the echoes of all the feelings this man had exposed her too since the divorce: Bitterness, distress and regret. It made her feel empty. But there was also a tiny bit of relief that was quite new to her. Up until this day, she had had no idea of what had happened to him – or whether he had still been alive.

"God, it's so good to see you," he said and walked up to her. "How are you?"
"I'm… fine. How are you?"

"Just started my internship at the Charity Hospital," he said and buried his hand in a back of peanuts. "This is my first weekend off in months, so I'm here, celebrating it with a friend of mine. But what are you doing here? The last thing I heard was that you lived up north?"

"I have a temporarily job at Cold Mountain Penitentiary."

He gaped at her. "The prison? As what?"

"A supervising nurse. I finished nursing school two years ago."

"You did? I had no idea! Congrats."

"Thank you."

"So, are you enjoying your evening?" he said and offered her some peanuts. Ellie shook her head.

"Very much," she said and crossed her arms. "And you?"

He shrugged gaily and leaned against the fence next to Ellie. "Not bad. Hey, by the way: Who's that big guy, you're with? I've seen the two of you all over the place this evening."

"That's Brutus. We are going out."

"You mean dating?" He chuckled and Ellie could smell the beer in his breath. "For a moment I thought he was your dad."

"You know exactly what my dad looks like, so don't you start," Ellie said bluntly.

"All right, all right, I'm sorry – I was only joking," Thomas mumbled and threw a couple of peanuts into his mouth. He looked at the rose in her hand. "So… is it serious between the two of you?"
Ellie smiled against her will; she had once promised herself that she would never smile in his presence. "I think so, yes."

"Really?" He looked at her. "I had no idea you were attracted to… someone like him."

Her promise not to smile near him suddenly seemed a lot easier to keep.

"Well, since you know we so well," Ellie said coolly, wishing Brutus would come back, so she had an excuse to leave, "why don't you enlighten me with whom exactly it is that I should be attracted too. Someone like you? I would rather scrub a year's worth of dirty bedpans."

"Okay, I deserved that, but I'm being serious, El," Thomas said and leaned closer to her. Ellie crossed her arms even tighter. "You could do so much better than him. He's not…"

"Thomas, what do you want exactly?" Ellie interrupted him, a little bit harsher than she intended.

"I just wanted to talk to you, is that such a crime?" Thomas asked, sounding hurt. He lowered his voice, before continuing: "You were my wife for almost two years and I haven't heard a word from you since the divorce. Don't you think that worries me? I've tried calling your parents, but they won't tell me were you are?"

"No, because I told them not to," Ellie replied bluntly.

Thomas blinked in genuine surprise.

"Ellie, listen," he said, a bit resignedly. "I know you're still angry with me and you have every right to be…"

Ellie forced a laugh. "You really think so?"

Thomas sighed. "… but it's been six years, don't you think it's about time we…"

He clammed up so sudden, Ellie had to turn around to make sure he hadn't choked on a peanut. Thomas was gaping uncomfortably at something – or rather someone – behind Ellie, but before she could have a look herself, that someone walked in front of them and Ellie herself eye-to-chest with Brutus. He looked anything but pleased by the sight of the once-couple standing together.

"Hi," Thomas said and tried a friendly smile. He offered his hand. "Brutus, right? I'm Thomas, Ellie's…"

"I know who you are," Brutus interrupted him in a quiet, but far from soft tone. He stepped closer, ignoring Thomas' outstretched hand on purpose. "And you've got some nerves standing here, talking to her like that after all you've done."

Thomas' smile strained. He was half a head shorter than Brutus and just the fact that he had to look up at his component was a bit humiliating.

"Listen, pal – I'm not trying to cause any kind of trouble," he said curtly. "Ellie and I go way back. If I want to talk to her, that's none of your business."

"You bet it's my business," Brutus growled. "Especially after the way you treated her."

"If you really know so much about us," Thomas said, his cheeks flushing in annoyance. "You would also know, that it was six years ago – we were kids back then."

"That's no excuse for being brain dead," Brutus answered smoothly and Thomas stared wide-eyed at him.

"Brutus, I think we should go now," Ellie said quickly, when she suddenly realised that she was probably enjoying this a bit too much. She couldn't let Brutus fight her battles, no matter how much better he was at it.

She took his arm and after a moment of reluctance, Brutus let her lead him away from her ex-husband.

"It was nice seeing you, Ellie," Thomas called after her.

The only polite answer Ellie could come up with was: "Bye, Thomas. Drive safely," before her past disappeared into the night again where it belonged.

oOo

The walk back to his car was surprisingly silent and strained. People were talking and laughing around them, but the unforeseen meeting with Thomas had left Brutus quiet like an oyster. Ellie peered up at him; she knew him so well by now that she could just tell from the way his shoulder had tightened up that he was angry about something. Since his mood had been absolutely fine before Thomas showed up, it was pretty clear to Ellie that his menacing silence had something to do with her former husband.

"Brutus, what's wrong?" she asked him when the lack of words started to worry her.

He peeked in her direction, but didn't look directly at her.

"Nothing," he said neutrally. "Nothing is wrong."

The very early stage of annoyance prickled Ellie's skin. As much as she admired his pride and his unremitting effort to not lose face, she found it enervating when it made him lie to her like that when something was obviously wrong. How hard could it be to realise that nothing would change unless he told what it was that bothered him?

"Are you mad at me for talking to him?" Ellie asked, when they reached his car and he opened the passenger door for her. Concerning his tendency to jealousy when other men showed interest in her (she could still remember van Hay's startled expression, when Brutus had attacked him like a guard dog the moment he had taken her hand in the execution room) it was the only explanation she could think of.

"What? No," he assured her and this time he looked at her, his voice firm. "Of course not."

"What is it, then?" Ellie asked and added sharply: "And don't your dare say 'nothing' again, because I know you are lying."

At first, he looked like he was just going to deny it one more time. His palm rubbed against a rusty spot on the roof top, but then he inhaled deeply, closed the door and looked at her.

"Ellie, can you honestly say that the seventeen years between us means nothing to you?"

It took a moment before Ellie fully understood what he referred to, but then it hit her like a slap in the face – and she was quiet shocked she hadn't realised until now: When Brutus had approached her and Thomas so sudden he had walked up from behind Ellie, not from the lavatory, which meant he could have been standing unnoticed behind them, overhearing every part of the conversation.

"You heard that?" she asked silently and his mouth distorted into a bitter half-smile as though to say: How couldn't I?

Ellie felt vile; she could never agree with anything Thomas has said to her, but on the other hand, she had done nothing to defend Brutus.

"Yes, I can," she said emphatically. "I don't care about it. Not even for a second."

"Well, I do," Brutus said and moved towards her. "I care about you, Ellie, more than you know, so how can I not? And I'm making a laughing stock out of you."

"Brutus, he was drunk."

"He's not the only one I'm talking about," Brutus said in a tone that was lower than usual. When we danced… You don't see the way they look at you, but I do."

"I don't care about it," Ellie repeated firmly.

"Ellie, they think you're crazy."

She was suddenly way pass her endurance; Thomas had goaded her close, but now, when her words seemed to just vanish in thin air without being heard, that was last poke.

"Yes, I certainly must be crazy, then!" she burst out. "In fact, I must be insanely mental since I'm able to look past that HUGE flaw that is apparently age different and still be in love with you, when clearly you have nothing but matter of secondary importance to offer, such as a strong, caring heart and a brave soul and a paramount need to protect and help those around you, no matter what!"

Brutus looked thunderstruck. The family who was about to get into their car next to them, turned around and stared, but Ellie didn't cared.

"I'm SO tired of people trying to decide how I should live my life," she continued heatedly, not only directed to Brutus, but to those who weren't there: Her mother, her boss, Thomas, Percy… "What kind of job I should take; how I should treat people and now who I should fall in love with. But you know what: If I had ever cared about what people thought about me, I would still be married to that cheating bastard!"

The family looked outrageous and hurried their kids into the car, but the only reason why Ellie stopped there was because she had no air left. She took a deep breath and stared rigidly at Brutus. He looked like he had forgotten how to talk.

"Let me tell you something," Ellie finished. "I'm not a child. I may be young, but I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions and being here with you is certainly one of them. And if that makes me crazy, then fine – I'm can live with that."

"I didn't mean that you…" Brutus began, before cutting himself off and looking uncomfortable.

"It's not just you," Ellie said resignedly. "I just don't understand why you let yourself bother about what other people say? I know you are better than that."

Brutus was quiet for a long time before answering.

"Because I'm terrified that they're right?" he said quietly.

"Right about what?"

"That you deserve better." He looked at her. "That I end up being the person who stands between you and the future you should have."

Ellie shook her head. "And what if the future I want includes you. Doesn't that count for something?"

Brutus didn't answer and Ellie just felt tired all of a sudden. She couldn't figure out how to get through to him, when he was grasped by these stupid ideas. It was like trying to talk sense into a wall; every word of hers just glanced off. And now, when people were staring and eavesdropping, she just felt foolish, more foolish than she already did crying out her desperation in the middle of the parking lot, trying to continue.

She moved around him, towards the passenger door, but Brutus unexpectedly moved to the same side, forcing her to stop. When she looked up at him, ready to give him the scowl he deserved, he cupped her face and kissed her.

She was so surprised at first, she couldn't even kiss him back, but she wasn't sure what stunned her the most: The kiss itself or the fact that he did it in public.

"Do you realise how many just saw that and branded me as crazy?" she muttered, when their lips parted. Brutus shot her a look; he wasn't ready to be teased about it yet.

"You're a fool," she said instead, her voice mild.

"I think I like the way you described before a lot better," he said softly.

"Well, you are that too, but most of all, you are the most stubborn fool I have ever known," Ellie said and Brutus smiled and though it was a bit slow and hesitant, it was a real one this time.

"I know," he said quietly and his thumb brushed over cheek bone and down her chin.

"And since your so stubborn," Ellie said. "I will admit that this is the one true difference between us that annoys me."

He looked puzzled. "What?"

"This…" she said and with her hand on his forearm she stood up on her toes to show him, that there were still more than two inches between their lips. He laughed. "Do you even realise how hard it is to surprise you with any kind of caress? If I had just been able to kiss you whenever I wanted, we wouldn't even have had this discussion."

oOo

An hour later and not a moment too soon, he kissed her in his bedroom, in the silvery light from the full moon peaking in through the window. The effect of the beer was long gone, but he still felt woozy, his head spinning like a kid's top. He was drunk on her – drunk on her scent, her warmth and the way she slowly unbuttoned his shirt and placed a kiss in the notch between his chest muscles which was about the highest place she could reach without standing on tiptoe. With his arms twined around her waist, he sank down on the edge of his bed, pulling her along until she was sitting astride on his lap.

Every time she touched his naked skin, whether it was with her mouth or her hands, she was so gentle, he had to hold his breath in order to control himself. She kissed him on the jaw, on that sensitive spot beneath his ear and her lips brushed across his skin and made him shiver.

He raised his head and claimed her mouth in a hard, fervently kiss.

"Ellie," he said in a quiet, hoarse voice afterwards, when they were laying chest against chest, their heart beats melting into one. "What are we doing?"

She put her forearms on his chest, so she could look at him, puzzled.

"You mean right now… or in life in general?"

"I mean the two of us. What will happen when you return to the hospital?"

She gave him a hearty kiss on the mouth and said, surprisingly frankly: "I will buy a car and come see you whenever I have a day off."

"You will?"

"Come see you or buy a car?" She smiled and continued, her words hitting him right in the gut: "Are you afraid I will forget all about you, when I get home?"

"No," he lied. "But… promise me I won't loose you to some young, talented doctor who earns ten times more than I do."

"I promise," she whispered. "I can't do without you, anyway," and he had no idea how true that was. That had been the moment when she realised she was in love: She had slept without company for six years, but since that night at his house, she felt more alone than ever, whenever she woke up and couldn't find his warm, comforting heaviness on the mattress next to her.