Chapter Nineteen: What to think?
Astrid shouldered her ax and left the kill ring. Blood drenched her cloth and the cheering of the villagers was deafening.
She was shivering. The adrenalin left her body and she felt light-headed. What a feeling. She'd just killed her first dragon!
When she exited the arena, her friends were there to congratulate her. Gobber was there too and patted her on the shoulder. But she couldn't hear their compliments and shouts and laughing. All she heard was her own blood rushing through her ears.
I killed that dragon. I killed a Monstrous Nightmare.
So why didn't she feel excited or satisfied? Why didn't she feel like dancing? Why didn't she want more?
When Astrid had first entered the Kill-Ring for dragon training, she was determined to win and to kill the beasts. She wanted to be the best Viking warrior of her generation. She wanted to be a hero.
So why did it feel wrong, now that she had killed the dragon?
The answer was obvious but she didn't want to admit it.
That had been Hiccups right.
Hiccup.
Just thinking his name made her want to kill something and to break down in tears.
She only admitted it to herself but she had been amazed how he had gotten so good, how he had defeated the dragons with simple actions and without any weapons. Part of her of course had hated him and envied him for been so good. She wasn't used to be the second. She always had been first.
And she wanted to cry because she had lost a friend.
Sure, she and Hiccup hadn't talked to each other in years. But they had been friends. Hiccup had always been there.
And even though he'd become a total geek and was the weakest Viking in her generation, he understood her like nobody else. He wasn't as brash as Snotlout with his never ending flirting and ego problems. He wasn't as annoying as the twins and by far not as crazy. And he wasn't such a wimp as Fishlegs. Hiccup, in his own way had been a good and brave Viking.
And now he was gone.
In the end his biggest talent couldn't safe him and he'd become the dinner of some hungry dragon. And still she felt no bloodlust to avenge him, when she had killed the dragon. She had felt nothing.
She had no idea what to think about that.
She knew Fishlegs was devastated. He'd looked up to Hiccup. Fishlegs had thought that if Hiccup could become that popular then maybe he could too.
With the twins Astrid wasn't so sure. What happened in their heads, she didn't want to know. But both of them had started to consider Hiccup a friend. How they felt about the whole thing was unknown to her but they acted different. Whether that was good or not was yet to be discovered.
Snotlout was an interesting case. For years he had bullied his cousin and made his life a living hell. Hiccup had sat through all of it without complaining. Vikings weren't good in showing emotions. But Hiccup had been family. Sure Snotlout had loved him somewhere!
Gobber was very silent. Always working in the fork, he hardly ever did something else. He still was funny and cheery but you could see that his eyes had lost some of their brightness. Hiccup had been his apprentice for eleven years. Gobber never had any children. Nor had he married. But Hiccup had always been enough for him.
The rest of Berk…well they sure noticed what was missing but what they thought about it remained a mystery to Astrid.
There was just one thing that was clear to her.
She looked back at the corps of the Nightmare. Blood covered the arena floor and she felt nauseous.
Something didn't feel right. And she knew what it was.
Astrid could never again kill a dragon.
Not if her life depended on it.