A/N Hello lovelies! If you read my "Apologies" Chapter (which I have now deleted), You'll know I have not been in a good place, therefore writing has not been my top priority. I have been dealing with the loss of a family member, and as a person who deals with mental illness on a daily basis it has been extremely difficult for me. I appreciate all of you who have stayed by my side, and encouraged me to keep writing. Thank you so much for not giving up on this story, because I still haven't. I have a whole plan for this story, I know exactly where it's going. I just needed the motivation to write again, and I finally found some energy. Thank you again, and enjoy. Yours, Alise.
Finnick's POV
I hear the shower start in the attached bathroom. I don't know what to do anymore, there's no right way to deal with this. Everybody deals differently. I decide that giving Adley space is the best for now, let her come to me if she needs it, but not overcrowd her. I pick the clothes off of the floor of my room on the train, quickly dress and head to one of the common rooms. I pull open one of the windows and let the air flow into the car.
I reach into my pockets and pull out a cigarette and lighter. I let the nicotine intoxicate my body, breathing in the sweet toxins that seem to relax every muscle in my body. I hear the door of the car open and half expect it to be Adley. I spin around, quickly hiding the cigarette behind my back.
"It's just me, Fin" Max called out. "No need to hide". I laugh bitterly and take another drag. She collapses on the sofa and closes her eyes, breathing in the fresh air from the window. Something about being from District Four seems to make everybody slightly claustrophobic. We're all so used to the open sea, and feeling as though you're part of an openness that never ends. "So did you talk to her?" Max asks out of the silence.
"Yeah" I take another drag. I look at Max, her eyes are filled with pain and rage.
"This is sick" I nod, "They can't do this to her." Max's voice is shaking with anger, and a single tear slides down her cheek. I wrap my arm around her.
"I know" I rest my chin on her head and pull her closer.
"I just wish there was something we could do. A way to stop this. All of it." I nod again. "Fin, how are we supposed to live like this." It's not really a question. I can feel the tears freely falling from her eyes. Max always seems to be the most put together of the victors, but I know differently. Max is plagued by the darkness just like us. She just hides it better. I know she hates it when she falls apart like this, wanting to convince herself that the facade she presents to others is real, that she really is okay.
Eventually, we both go back to our own cars and attempt a few moments of rest before the tour begins. But Max's words keep playing over in the back of my mind, "I wish there was something we could do." But we can't do anything, there's nothing we can do, right? I think to myself.
The victory tour is the horror that it always is. Adley gives one guilt ridden, speech after another - however she never apologises, that would be saying the games are wrong, and the Capitol would never allow that. This is my first time back around the Districts since the year I won, and it's even harder the second time. In just two short years, the air seems cooler, the houses more rundown, the children smaller, the eyes more sunken in, everything just looks sicker. Like the Capitol is a disease. I shake my head. I have to get these thought out of my head. No point in dwelling on the inevitable doom of the Districts. I can't help but laugh bitterly at that thought.
By the time the tour arrived at the Capitol, everybody was on edge. Nobody really know what could happen while in the Capitol. We unload ourselves from the train and head back to the ever familiar District Four apartment. I throw my bags onto my bed and settle into one of couches. I close my eyes and allow my thoughts to catch up with me. Throughout the tour I have been thinking of ways to help Adley, running every scenario through my mind, racking my brain to find a way to get her out of this horror show.
My thoughts are interrupted by Max barging into my room. She's dressed in an immaculate gown painted in silver fabric that reflects in the lights of my room. "So, are you going to the ball in that?" She asks me, motioning towards my casual attire. I laugh.
"I thought the Capitol wanted to know the real Finnick Odair" She laughs at my comment, then walks over toward my bags that I still haven't unpacked and starts rummaging through them.
"Here" She calls, tossing a black suit in my direction. I cower away as the shoes follow, sailing through the air and knowing over a lamp on the side table. "Sorry!" She smirks, and throws herself onto my bed. I grab the suit that fell on the floor and lay it out on the couch.
"It feels weird being back," Max says, "I've been coming back here for five years now, and it never gets any better." I quickly shed my clothes, and button up the shirt Max threw at me. "I keep waiting for one year to suddenly just become numb to it all, or to stop caring. But… it's like, I know that I can't stop it, I know that I can't do anything." She pauses. I pull on my slacks and fasten my belt. "I guess it's all just wishful thinking and false hope at this point." She shrugs, and I pull on my suit jacket.
"Don't say that" I say softly. She raises an eyebrow. "Don't say that it's just false hope. There's always something we can do." I walk over to the bed and lean over her, reaching into the bag beside her and grabbing a tie. "Always." She furrows her brows and sits up further on the bed.
"Fin, what are you talking about?" I give her my most Capitol-esque "Finnick Odair" smirk, and wiggle an eyebrow at her.
"Nothing, apparently I'm just a wishful thinker." I pull myself away from the bed, just as Max claps her hand against my arm. I hold my arm out for her. "Shall we?" She takes my arm, and we head out to the ball.
The President's ball is always astonishing, to say the least. But my mind is elsewhere. I scan the crowd for any familiar face. My eyes fall upon Adley - she had been taken earlier to be primped by the style team. She is wearing a simple and elegant rose colored dress, but my eyes are drawn to her eyes. There is a silent fear hidden in them, just a glisten that you won't see if you aren't looking for it. Her eyes are darting around the room, surveying the crowd. Our eyes meet, and I can see her whole face flood with relief. Max and I make our way over to her.
"Long time no see" Max remarks, hugging Adley tightly. When she pulls away, Adley is beaming. I smile at her, and pull her into an embrace. Her head rests against my shoulder, her curled hair, falling across my face and down my back; it smells like the ocean. I don't want to let her go, I want to keep her in this embrace where she is safe, hidden from the desires of the capitol.
Finally we break free. "I'm going to go say hi to Cash" Max says, squeezing my shoulder as she walks away. Adley's facade seems to fade away as Max does.
"How are you?" I ask softly. She shrugs. I put my hands on her shoulders and she looks up at me. "Listen, I don't want you to worry about this." Her eyes shift to look over her shoulder. I look around the room quickly before leaning in so I'm against her ear. "I'm not going to let this happen." I say pointedly.
"Finnick, what are you doing?" She says, fear in her voice. I kiss the top of her head in response, and then turn away, walking off before she can stop me. I have to find him. I have to find Snow.
A/N I also want my readers and internet friends to know that this is a safe space, if someone ever needs to talk about mental illness, whether you have one, or a friend has one, I promise I have open ears and quite a few years of experience! I am quite an open person, because I like to believe that creates a more realistic environment. No matter what you're dealing with, it is important to not hide it or push it away. So for all of you out there who are dealing with anything, whether you're just having a bad day, week, or year, I want you to know that you aren't alone, and there is always someone out there rooting for you! Yours, Alise.
PS. Anyone who reviews gets a sneak peak of next chapter sent to their PM :)