A/N: This chapter is looooong! But I hope you enjoy it! I liked writing it a lot and wanted to break it up but the next chapter is important and deserves a chapter of its own so I piled two into one and here you go! I hope you enjoy review review and you can get the next one! This is probably my favorite chapter! Thanks for the reviews and please review this one! :)

So don't you worry your pretty little mind

People throw rocks at things that shine

And life makes love look hard

The stakes are high, the water's rough

But this love is ours~ Taylor Swift

Caitlyn flopped down on the bed, letting out a loud exhale. Spencer moved around from in his sleep.

"Hey," he said quietly, not opening his eyes. Caitlyn had just gotten back from a case she was helping Emily on with Rossi and Morgan. Caitlyn and Emily had become especially close she they had joined the team within weeks of one another. Emily had believed there was a priest killing previous friends of hers, and even though in the beginning not every one was on board Caitlyn was from the start she didn't even have to ask her twice. After the case was done Emily and Caitlyn just walked in silence, she could tell something was wrong with her friend, but there was nothing that she could do except be there for her.

"Hi," Caitlyn said turning to him, he lifted his arms and put them on her shoulders.

"You're freezing, ah." he said, not expecting her to have come fresh from the snow.

"Yeah, the second we solved that weird ass case it started snowing. I should go take a shower and I'll come back to bed." Caitlyn said, walking through the darkness and flipping on the light switch in the bathroom. She stared at her reflection in the mirror. It had been four years since she moved into this apartment, the things that were once only his now merged with hers and they made a home for themselves. Caitlyn smiled and laughed at one of the holes in the bathroom wall where Caitlyn had thrown her cellphone at Spencer because she was so mad at him on one occasion and he tried to use statistics to solve it. They learned how to work with one another and how to make it work when they didn't. Caitlyn took a quick shower, towel dried her head and then finally slid into bed with Spencer who welcomed her under the covers which were already warm from his body.

"Finally," she breathed, curling herself into Spencer as tightly as she could.

"What happened?" Spencer said, a little more awake. Caitlyn pushed his hair out of his face, it had grown so long it hung down to his shoulders. She liked it that was anyways.

"We deported him back to Italy so that the Vatican could deal with him, and then I walked with Emily for a while. I'm kind of nervous about her, something seems off." Caitlyn said.

"I think she'll be okay. It's Emily, she's kind of like you. She'll always be okay somehow." Spencer said, Caitlyn smiled and kissed him lightly.

"Do you ever want to have kids?" Spencer asked out of no where.

"Do…I… we what wait what?" Caitlyn fumbled with her words. She had never wanted kids in her whole life, she had really bad commitment issues before she finally settled down with Spencer.

"Not like I want any right now, I don't know why I asked." he said quickly.

"No, no, no. Sorry. That's not what I meant, I just got done with that really weird case and I don't know babies have always really freaked me out. The whole idea of me being pregnant freaked me out my whole life it's like an alien moving inside of you and I'm so hormonal that time of the month I think I would turn into a monster. And with our jobs how could we do it I mean we are on the same team working the same case-" Caitlyn started to ramble, she saw Spencer's expression change.

"I don't want to have a baby right now, we're still both young and couldn't take it on the road with us I was just… I don't know." Spencer said, she felt him loosen his grip on her.

"Spencer, I love you. More than anything in the whole world. We're not even 30 yet we have so much more to come. But one day, yes, I would love to have a family with you and have a little Einstein or two. It's just hard for me to thing of something so serious in the future like that when we're turning and burning cases right now and what we do is dangerous. The only thing I know about the future is that you're in it." Caitlyn said and Spencer smiled in response.

"That's all I wanted to know." he said, "not now, but one day maybe."

"We have work soon, and I'm really tired from that case, it was really freaky. Can you start reciting some books from memory until I fall asleep or something?" Caitlyn asked, whenever she was coming back from a case and felt like she wouldn't be able to sleep she would always ask Spencer to talk about something extremely boring and that would usually do the trick- and he almost always obliged because it wasn't boring to him. But he spoke softly into her hair until she fell asleep and Caitlyn didn't fall asleep once, wide awake from his previous question. The future, babies, a family. She had been living here for four years. Panic began to ensue. Caitlyn wasn't surprised, this is what always happened with almost everything, every boyfriend before Spencer the second it got serious she ran away, unintentionally changing her habits. She had to have been so in love the four years that had passed she just got whisked away. But there was the panic. She wished she could profile herself to see what was wrong, and then she also hoped no one else did.

The next morning Caitlyn woke up before Spencer by the time he was awake she was heading out of the door.

"Good morning! I'm running to the office to finish paperwork before the case I'll see you there, there's fresh coffee." She said blowing him a kiss and running out of the door and making her way to the outside of the BAU. Spencer just nodded and sat up, reaching in his bedside drawer to the engagement ring that he had finally put into a box for her and slipped it in his jacket pocket.

xxxxx

Caitlyn stood outside of the office, a cigarette in her hand. She smoked when she was a teenager but she kicked the habit when she started focusing on her training for the academy. She took a deep inhale and exhaled, the newly formed anxiety seeming to melt away. She didn't know what was freaking her out and she didn't want to pry her brain trying to figure out why. She couldn't sleep since Spencer asked her about their future, the last 4 years flew by so fast what if the next 20 do too without her even knowing it.

"Are you smoking a cigarette?" She heard from behind her, Caitlyn dropped the cigarette, startled and turned to see Rossi standing there clutching his go bag.

"Uhm...yeah." Caitlyn admitted.

"You won't even smoke the finest Cuban cigar but you're smoking a cigarette..." Rossi said already profiling her, she could tell. "And where's your boyfriend? I'm sure you'd be getting an earful from that."

"I'm just kinda stressed out, I ran out on him this morning before he woke up." Caitlyn sighed.

"Something bothering you? The last case?" Rossi asked.

"No, well yeah kind of. I feel like something is going on with Emily but-"

"That's not it." Rossi finished for her, Caitlyn looked over at him. Rossi was like a father figure to her she always told him what she was thinking.

"Spencer asked me last night if I thought about having kids, and I don't know it... It didn't freak me out it just." Caitlyn began to explain.

"It just freaked you out." Rossi finished.

"Not that I wouldn't have a family with him that's not it at all I love him. It just made me start thinking these past four years since the second I walked into the BAU just flew by. I came in met Spencer and built this life with him and it's been four years and I don't know where they went and then it had me start thinking about the future and how fast time goes and what if it keeps going and I missed opportunities or-" Caitlyn started to ramble and Rossi put up a hand.

"First, you need to breathe. A few months ago I asked you the same question, and you said you'd marry him in a second, no questions asked." Rossi said to her softly, "did something happen? Would you not if he asked you?"

"If he asked me to marry him today I... I wouldn't know now. It's not that I don't love him I do. But we're both so young and did everything so soon before our time, I don't know if I want to do that with the rest of my life. What if it's not the right choice and I'm not the right one for him." Caitlyn breathed.

"Coming from someone with 3 failed marriages and had the same thoughts as you, I can tell you that the love you two have is extremely odd and confusing to me but it works. You can't let your fear or what may or may not happen stop you or put a strain on your relationship. You've had relationships in your past, and what happened at the end of them all?" Rossi asked. Caitlyn was getting a dose of reality.

"I ran." She answered.

"Have you ever had a relationship like this that was this long or this intense ever?" "No."

"Then don't make the same mistake. Once you runaway most of the time you can't go back. I know your parents relationship was hard and rocky and you and your dad aren't the picture perfect relationship. But you and Reid are not your parents. And you are young you need to calm down you did all these things so early you feel like you've lived a full life already but you've got a long way to go." Rossi said grabbing the carton of cigarettes out of her hand and throwing them in the trash, "let's go kid."

"Thanks Rossi." She smiled weakly.

"Don't mention it you stubborn little freak." He smiled.

xxxxxxx

Caitlyn walked into the office and Spencer stood up from his cubicle as they were all heading into the conference room.

"I thought you were doing paperwork?" He asked, Caitlyn cursed in her brain.

"I finished it I went to get some air."

Reid stopped in front of her,

"Is everything okay?" He asked and Caitlyn looked at him and smiled grabbing his hand as they usually did and gave it a squeeze.

"Yeah. I love you, ok? No matter what."

"Okay? You're making me nervous but, I love you too?" He said as she turned on her heel and went into the conference room.

12 people were killed after being at a park in twenty four hours. There was someone who had made such a strong brand of Anthrax that it's strain attacked deep in the lungs. It was a sophisticated strain that didn't have a cure, the remaining survivors were in the hospital. The team had to hit the ground running. All of the agents had to take a pill to try and prevent the strain even if it was effective at all.

"This is really happening?" Caitlyn asked.

"We knew this would happen, we prepared we did our research, and we have to do our jobs." Hotch said before sending each team member on their way. Reid was to go with the lead doctor of the CDC to the hospital, and Caitlyn and Prentiss were to be escorted to the crime scene. There was a media blackout so they had to be careful. Caitlyn and Reid gave each other a nod, this was business and they knew what they had to do. Caitlyn and Prentiss stood at he park where the other people had gotten infected. They found where the pathogen was released and tried to figure out why this was an important place to the un sub. Spencer had a break and they were ready to deliver the profile as more and more of the remaining victims died. They believed the un sub was someone from the science defense community, they believed that he may be one of their own. Caitlyn was nervous looking at all the different federal ranks in the room and couldn't imagine someone on the inside killing people like this so ruthlessly. He would probably be secretive and histrionic and may had logged excess hours at work preparing for the attack and had taken the vaccine and the anthrax himself and had taken the anthrax himself. He probably obsessed about it and the 2001 anthrax attack himself.

"This is insane." Caitlyn said watching everyone run around like a chicken with their heads cut off, "one moment everything is okay another moment the whole nation is under attack and in danger of dying because of one psychopath."

"Puts things into perspective." Emily said, Caitlyn just nodded silently. They had a doctor who was removed from his prominent position, his name was Dr. Nichols, had access and fit the profile. Hotch assigned Caitlyn and Emily to go to his office while Reid and Morgan were to go to his house.

Reid's Point of View

Morgan and Spencer pulled up to the doctors house. Reid's brain was going a mile a minute as they were driving, when he got out of the car, the ring box fell out of his bag.

"Shoot," he said, as Derek looked over.

"What's that?" he asked, "is that a wedding ring?"

"Yeah," Spencer smiled putting it in his pocket, "when this is all over I'm going to ask Caitlyn to marry me."

"About time. Now let's figure this out." Morgan said as the two agents roamed around the house. There didn't seem to be anything odd about the doctor's house at first glance. Derek's phone rang as Spencer went around to a shed in the back while he talked on the phone. He stumbled upon what looked to be like his lab. Maybe the vaccine was in there. As soon as it hit him he knew it was too late and he heard the white powder fall on the floor.
"Reid, Reid!" he heard Morgan calling and Spencer ran forward and locked the door as quickly as he could.

"I'm sorry." he apologized through the glass door.

Caitlyn's Point of View

"I should have been in there with him. He was gonna ask… and now… oh man." Morgan said to Caitlyn as she pulled up to the scene with Hotch and the rest of the team. The whole thing felt absolutely surreal. This morning she was sneaking out and didn't even kiss Spencer goodbye. Now he was in a room full of anthrax. She wondered why he was in these situations all the time, she cursed his curiosity. The doctor was dead, he believed he had been dead for a few days.

"It's not your fault." Caitlyn said, her hands shaking. She usually could keep it together but she knew how deadly this strain was and that there wasn't a cure, no one she could physically punish if anything were to happen or to save him from.

"Spencer took that pill thing today, he should be okay right?" Caitlyn asked Hotch.

"I don't know, it was precautionary." he responded flatly his phone ringing in his pocket, he answered and put it on speaker.

"Hotch, I really messed up this time." Caitlyn heard him say, looking at him through the window of the house she started to tear up at his voice, she bit her lip.

"We need to get you out and to the hospital." Hotch said.

"No I'm staying right here." he said.

"No! You're not Spencer!" Caitlyn said

"'I'm already exposed it's not going to do me any good to stop working the case. My best chance is to see if theres a cure and see who killed him." Spencer said.

"Hotch, say something to him." Caitlyn pleaded, her heart sank when Hotch agreed. Caitlyn made her way to the door.

"Do not go in there!" Hotch commanded.

"I'm not, I just need to talk to him for one second to his face." Caitlyn said, Hotch gave her a small nod. Caitlyn tried to breathe, it felt like she was going to tip over and everything was spinning. She swallowed back her tears walking up to the glass, Spencer did the same. They knew they didn't have a lot of time and Caitlyn didn't want to distract him. They stood as close as they could with the glass between them.

"You're so stupid." she said, tears finally falling from her eyes, trying to keep her face straight. She wanted to say something endearing but that's all she could muster.

"I'm sorry. I'm going to get out of here." he said.

"You can't die Spencer. I don't know what I'd do without you I love you so much. I will find a way to help you, I'll go to the edge of the earth." she cried.

"I'm going to get out of here, I have to give you this." he said pulling the wedding ring out of his pocket, Caitlyn fell to her knees and sobbed outside of the door, not caring what the rest of the team or any of the other officers saw. She was so happy but the nature of the situation that he may never be able to give it to her was even worse.

"Spencer…" she cried.

"I'm going to figure this out, and then will you marry me?" he asked.

"This is the worst proposal ever." Caitlyn said standing up, knowing that the best way to help him was to be out in the field and letting him work.

"I know, I love you."

"I love you too." she said walking back over to where the team was. Caitlyn called Rossi and Prentiss as the team searched for an answer, every minute felt like years. She did what she could, she wasn't going to leave where Spencer was but she couldn't be directly near him. She called Garcia, looked through every database and every inch of the case file that they could have missed before and prayed that Spencer figured it out, she knew he was the only one that could.

xxxxxx

Everytime that Morgan's phone rang Caitlyn hoped that Spencer was saying that he found a cure or a lead. Finally he did. It led them to a partner that was a student that Nichols was teaching. Caitlyn let out a sigh of relief when Morgan finally told her that he was coming out of the house.

"Thank god." she bawled.

"They think they may have found some kind of cure in his inhaler." Morgan informed her. Caitlyn couldn't even breathe.

"He asked me to marry him. That little nerd asked me when he gets infected with anthrax through a glass window." Caitlyn shook, walking over to the quarantine area.

"I knew he was going to." he said as they walked to where he was being hosed down.

"Spencer." Caitlyn said, looking as he stood there fully clothed and being rinsed down. Morgan went off to help Hotch and the rest of the team as they stripped him down.

"Dr. Reid… did you cut yourself?" she heard the doctor ask, the blood drained from his face.

"What does that mean?" Caitlyn asked, "you guys think you found a cure right?"

"It's in his blood stream now. We need to get him into an ambulance." she said, Caitlyn looked at Spencer as they changed him into clothes and got him into an ambulance.

"I can touch him now, right?" Caitlyn asked, looking at Spencer. He was breathing heavily and started to sweat. Caitlyn grabbed his hand before she gave him permission.

"You're going to be okay." Caitlyn said, trying not to cry anymore. This was her worst nightmare, this was worse than Tobias. Even though that wasn't the ideal situation either, but she had just fallen in love with him then. Now was different, that young genius was her whole world. He was the first thing she woke up to in the morning, the last thing she said at night. He was the scent on her clothes, the home to he house she lived in. He was the taste of her coffee that they chose at the store, the song that he hated but she loved every time she put it on and him hating it made her love it a little more. He was in everything she saw, and now she could be losing her world. That morning she was worried about her future and didn't know that her future could be over that fast, if he died her future died with him.

"Are you doing okay, Dr. Reid?" the doctor asked.

"My throat is a little scratchy, but other than that I fee… I feel.. fe…" he started to fumble with his words, his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he began to cough up blood.

"Jesus Christ," Caitlyn started to wail, the doctor urging the driver to go faster. Spencer tried to say something to her, but she urged him to be quiet as he closed his eyes, she prayed for him to open them up again. They brought Spencer into a room to try and test him and find what to do. Caitlyn never felt so alone in her whole life, she knew that she couldn't call the team, if they had anything to tell her they would and she couldn't distract them. She sat in the waiting room, sobbing silently and holding her head between her knees trying to breathe in the waiting room.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hours passed and Caitlyn was still in the same position in the waiting room when she heard her phone ring, she answered it on the first ring. They had gotten the un sub on the subway and had gotten a cure it was on the way to Reid. Once they had given it to him, he was still resting and Caitlyn was sitting in the chair in the hospital when he woke up.

"Hi." he said, and Caitlyn let out a loud sigh of relief.

"He's awake!" Caitlyn said calling in the doctor.

"What happened?" he asked.

"They got him, and you're going to be okay." Caitlyn filled him in.

"And you were right about where he was keeping his cure." The doctor said, Caitlyn thanked her and she let her know that Spencer would be able to leave after being in observation for the night.

"I can't believe you did that." Caitlyn said, more tears falling down her face as she finally was able to kiss him softly, carefully crawling up by him in the small hospital bed since he was safe and clean now. She had done the same thing in the hospital with him after the incident with Tobias.

"Honestly I really don't like spending the night in hospitals with you I'd rather us be at home, can you please stop putting yourself on the line and being the one who gets hurt?" Caitlyn asked, placing her head on his chest and listening to his heart beat.

"I'll stop when you do." he countered, she smiled at him.

"I told you I would figure this out but there's something you didn't tell me," he started.

"Yeah, I know. So say it again." she said.

"Will you marry me?"

"A thousand times yes."

xxxxxxx

Caitlyn had never been happier when she finally was able to get Spencer home, wedding ring on her finger. Spencer was looking good again, all the color had come back to his face and he was able to walk and move without being in any kind of pain.

"We're home, finally." Caitlyn said, throwing her arms around his neck the second they stepped into the doorway.

"We're going to get married." he smiled down at her, wrapping his hands around her waist and she kissed him, smiling back.

"We are. I think when we tell the team Garcia is going to have a heart attack. We're going to have to fly in my parents and we could get married in Vegas so we're close by your mom. We'll plan it out." Caitlyn said.

"You're going to have my last name." he said still smiling.

"Do you think that's going to be confusing? Reid and Reid. You're Dr. Reid I'd be Agent Reid… well it's not like anyone is asking me what they would ask you. Wow. Caitlyn Reid." she sighed into him, wrapping her arms around him and laying her head on his chest. She never wanted to let him go.

"I don't want to wait. Let's do it this weekend. Tomorrow." Spencer said, kissing her between phrases.

"Are you sure?" Caitlyn asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure we can just throw a little thing together, or go to the court house."
"Okay." Caitlyn smiled, climbing into bed with her fiance`, completely unaware that Garcia already knew, and so did the rest of the team. And while the two made up for lost time, they were using that time to throw together a wedding.