I'm just going to come out and say it.
I am a shitty person.
And I'm so sorry.

Also, wouldn't let me update -_-

Hopefully some of you are thinking something along the lines of 'SHE'S NOT DEAD!'
And you would be right, yay.

I don't want to give you some bull shit or have you think that I'm just a lazy slob, but shit really hit the fan for me. Not that I'm going to tell you about it (and your only here for the story). So, let's get to it then…

"These parts indicate memories," while these indicate thoughts. (Only under lined to get your ATTENTION. ;D

Pain rakes through my body. It's happening just as Hanji said it would, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

Of all the things my mind could focus on while my body it ripped itself apart, it just had to be Hanji's biology lesson. Angel vs Human anatomy 101. My back arches off the hospital bed as the crazy bespectacled doctors' words fill my head.

"The bones of your wings will grow first; quickly followed by all the required cartilage, tendons, ligaments, blood vessels, nerve endings and muscle. Your skin will grow slower than everything else so you might want to stay out of the café until you at least grow feathers. Otherwise you will look like someone suck two giant chicken wings to your back, you know, the ones that you buy in the frozen food section, kinda like Buffalo wings"

Thank you, Hanji, for ruining spicy wings for me.

I'm sweating profusely and I curl into a ball, which relieves the pressure on my back and I sigh in liberation. I'm vaguely aware that Levi is gently dabbing a damp towel to my forehead and the nape of my neck but Hanji is back with more biology.

"Humans thought for a long time that our wings are supported by a second set of shoulder blade type structures that sat below our original pair. But why should there be a separate pair for wings and shoulders respectively? Because there doesn't need to be. You see, most animals share basic bone structure and birds are not an exception to the rule. So instead of having separate shoulder blades, our shoulder blades adapt and elongate and can therefore house our wings. Yes, extra pseudo-ribs have to be grown to support the bases of our wings, but it is effective,"

"To support the massive weight that will soon be your wings, your pectorals have to be strengthened. That is why you must continue training with me in the pool. The water offers more resistance than simply practicing in air does, but it also removes gravity as a factor for you are almost weightless in the water. It will also support your small stumps,"

"Hanji, I'm tired of drinking milk,"

"Eren Jeager! Do you know what will happen to you if you do not take in enough calcium and phosphorus every day to support the growth of your wings? No? Let me tell you-"

I moan softly as I remember- all too vividly- what exactly would happen if I didn't take in enough vitamins, minerals and proteins. I have never hated a glass of milk so much before in my life. You try drinking up to four litres of the stuff a day to maintain bone growth so that your wings can grow without draining the rest of your body of its minerals.

It is not a pretty picture, let me tell you that. Your whole body will start shrivelling up as your wings milk you dry. Ha, get it? Milk you- never mind… Hanji even showed me a couple of photos and I try not to throw up now as they come to mind.

"Levi," I moan out each vowel as if it were to be the last word on my lips.

"Shhh, brat, it will pass soon,"

He runs his fingers through my hair and his nails gently scrape against my scalp. Just that much contact is enough to sooth me a little bit and I feel less nauseas than before. My back aches a little less and I roll over.

Two pieces of bone, roughly the size and width of Petra's fists, has cut through my skin and through my shirt. The bleeding has already stopped, tendons and ligaments have already started to grow and my skin is already starting to cover the base of my wings.

"How do you lie on these things?" I wonder aloud as I shift to find a comfortable position. My eyes close by themselves to fend off the brilliant white lights in the roof of the infirmary.

"You will get used to it, brat,"

Levi wipes my face and neck with the damp cloth again, and then brushes his knuckles against my cheek gently. An involuntary hum escapes my throat.

For some strange reason, I can almost hear Levi smile. I tilt my head and open my eyes a little to find that I was not wrong. It amazes me that I can hear little things like muscles moving and lips parting when Levi and I are alone and it is kind of quiet, but in a room full of people I can barely hear someone say my name.

Maybe I'm just imagining it.

"How are you feeling, brat?"

"I'm sore, but that's nothing new. Could you help me up so I can drink some water?"

"Sure,"

He helps me sit up then hands me a glass of water. I take smalls sips to cool my aching throat before I press the glass to my forehead.

"Damn, why do I feel so hot?"

"You did biology, brat, think,"

"By the way, how did you know I studied biology? I don't remember telling you that,"

"You didn't tell me, I read it in your file,"

I was taking another sip of water and almost choked when Levi said that.

"My file?"

"After you saved me from that fire, I had Petra gather information for me so that I could ask Hanji for a psyche analysis. You wouldn't believe how many of us are saved by humans every year and how many humans come back asking for favours. I was just preparing for a maybe shit storm if you decided you wanted money for saving me,"

"People do that? That's awful!"

"What? Ask for money after saving us? Aren't you upset that I have everything you have ever done recorded and in a file that I can read at my leisure?"

"Hmmm, as long as you don't send my file around for everyone to take a laugh at, I guess I don't really care. It is a little unnerving to think that you have access to my entire life, and I would rather you burned the file because I did some pretty embarrassing things, but because it's you I don't really mind it,"

I wince slightly as I shrug, don't do that again anytime soon.

"Because it's me?"

His raised brow makes me smile, just a little.

"Yes, Levi, because it's you. You saved my life, twice, gave me your blood and you thoroughly fucked me into your mattress. You put up with my bull shit and you let me sleep on your wings. I think it is safe to say that I trust you,"

Even if you trust me only a little, a voice nags.

"Anyway, I think I understand now what you were talking about. My body needs energy to change, that is why Hanji has me drinking a shit ton of milk all the time. The change in energy gives off heat, which is why I am hot. But that doesn't explain why I don't just change all at once. Wouldn't that be better?"

"Not if you want to die," Hanji cuts in. Dammit, why didn't I hear her?

"Shitty four eyes,"

"Short stack and lover boy,"

"Lover boy?"

"No, not quite, soon you will be love birds,"

"Hanji!"

The doctor giggles softly and comes over to me, quickly lifting my bloodied shirt from my back to examine my stumps.

"At 40 degrees Celsius, enzymes and proteins start to denature or fall apart. Your body temperature during changes increases due to the energy used to make the change. The bigger the change, the more energy used and the higher your temperature. If you were to change all at one, you would not only spontaneously combust; you would have the potential energy to take out half a city block. That is why you change piece by piece, in shortish sessions of immense pain. It also allows your body to recover from the change and to replenish the nutrients that were used up. Your wings aren't trying to kill you, if anything; the change was designed so that you survive. You just won't make it alone,"

I sigh as Hanji bandages up my back. She says it's necessary because it will protect my bone and whatever else was growing, but it will also absorb as much blood as it can the next time I start growing again. That way there isn't a bloody mess all over the place, pun intended.