Memories

She Returns

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"Erik?"

His eyes darted up to her.

"Tora. You're here about Etana, aren't you?"

"How did you know?"

"Five years to the day since she died? Of course you would come to someone who knew her."

"I… I need to speak to you about something."

"She can't resurrect herself. I'm sorry Tora. That was the one thing she couldn't do."

"I… What was in your letter Erik?"

He tilted his head away.

"I…I never read it."

"Why?"

"Because I felt she abandoned me."

"Do you still have it?"

He nodded slowly.

"I…I always have it with me."

He pulled out the thick envelope, the red wax seal untouched.

"Can you…? I…I…"

Her hands rested on his.

"Of course."

The seal was broken, the letter unfolded. And Tora took a little intake of breath.

"Please. Read… Read it to me."

"My dear Max. I cannot tell you how much your face has haunted my dreams. I thought you were dead. I thought I had lost a boy I felt was my son. I hope you do not object to my use of this term. It would never be my intention to take the place of your mother. And Max… Oh, how I have failed you. I look at you today and see a boy who saw me and took me as his idol. Oh Max, I am nobody's ideal. You should have seen me for what I was. It was never my intention to mould you in my image and now I simply have another face to add to those which come to me in my darkest moments. And… I'm sorry Erik. I… I can't go on. Please read this yourself. It's too personal."

His hand shook as he took the letter from Tora.

And I can never forgive myself for what I did to you, the promises that I broke.

When I took you in, I swore I would care for you. And then I thought you were dead and my heart died once more. I wept and wept, I made a pact with myself. I would never let another come as close to me as you. I cared for Logan as a son, but he was older when he came to me, already shaped and moulded by his past. But with you I had the sudden feeling of truly being a mother, of having someone who relied on me for comfort, care and love. I am sorry I could not give you what you needed Max. That is a great regret in my life, one of many.

Oh Max, what have I turned you into? How can I have been so cruel to you, so unfeeling, that I let you suffer as you did? How you must hate me, and how I hate myself. I hope that one day Max, you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I know I can never forgive myself and I know the part of you I shaped will always hate me with a burning passion. I was not the perfect woman you wanted me to be Max. Far from it. I have hated and killed and all in the name of 'justice'. But I forgot justice when I taught you hate. You were my second chance, my chance to make the world a better place and I messed it up. With you, I could have found a way to give back some of the innocence and joy I have taken from the world. But I instead turned you into me and I go to my death today hating myself to the very core for my heartlessness.

I hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive an old, foolish, bitter woman. If you can, I know I have not totally ruined you.

I am proud of you though. I am proud of you because I see someone who believes so passionately in his goal, he will sacrifice everything to see it through. But don't let your hate destroy you Max. My Max, the boy I was lucky enough to call my son.

Yours,

Etana.

Tears stained the paper as he looked up.

"She really did care about me, didn't she?"

"Half her 'oh, how I hate myself' cries were about you. She didn't think anyone knew, but I could hear her. She would scream abuse at her reflection, call herself terrible, terrible things. Drag up old stories that should have been left well enough alone and then cried herself into a nightmare-ridden sleep."

When Scott came in to see Magneto, he found Tora and him in deep conversation.

"-And then she yelled at me for gambling, and halved my breakfast ration. Oh, she was so mad. And Cap made James run around the village three times for swearing…"

"Did you ever hear that she made Logan pry up stone flags and clean up soup to stop it from smelling?"

"That doesn't surprise me. Once she was trying to teach me to disarm a man with my hands tied to my ankles."

"Oh, is that when you flick yourself up and round?"

"She taught you that?"

"Yes. Took me a while to get it. She misjudged my weight and gave me the wrong numbers."

He laughed and Scott was about to leave when Tora's head snapped around.

"How long have you been here?"

"Not long. Tora, meeting, three minutes, whole alpha team attending."

She nodded.

"Course. Give me a mo. I want to get that report you wanted."

"Fine. Just get it done."

She gave Magneto a sheepish smile.

"Sorry. Duty calls."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being the first to trust me."

Flickering pictures appeared across the water as the woman couldn't control herself any longer, allowing her emotions to get the better of her. Phoenix glanced at Death and they both carefully started rocking her back and forth, never once saying a word. They couldn't. What could you say to someone who had everything and then lost more than she could have ever had?

She hurried along, knowing she would be late and that the report was only half done. And then she screamed as she collapsed and she felt someone trying to pull her up.

"Dragon! Dragon, are you okay?"

"Cia… Get… Get… She has returned. She will save our race yet still the Malach Hamavet shall come for us. Fear not the Malach Hamavet, though she will take one of our number. She will walk them to Heaven and come back to watch as we falter in our protection of the Messiah. We must protect the Messiah. Cia, get…get…Cyclops… Fear not the Malach Hamavet, for her soul is pure. The Messiah will be saved by the Malach Hamavet. Our lives will be saved by the Angel of Death. The Messiah has returned…"

Tora tried to pull herself up straight as Cia came rushing back with Scott.

"She was saying stuff, about the Messiah returning, and something about a… Mavach Halamet?"

"No… The…The…Malach…Hamavet… The…Angel of…Death…"

Scott tugged her up.

"What were you saying?"

"I don't know. I never know, you know that. When it takes over, I get pushed to one side."

"You…You said something about the Mal… the angel of death thingy taking one of our number."

"What else did I say? Come on Cia, remember!"

"Something about not being afraid. She will walk them to Heaven or some other quasi-religious mumbo-jumbo."

"Cia, that 'quasi-religious mumbo-jumbo' is not to be laughed at. As X-Men, we have faced creatures of magic and science. I know about Hercules and Thor. And I count Mistress Death, the anthropomorphic personification of the process a close acquaintance. Actually, I may ask her if she knows who commands the Malach Hamavet… Or I could ask Athena? Do you think she'd get annoyed?"

"Huh?"

"Scott, speak to Logan about his encounters with Azrael. That should give us a basic idea. And I want to go out to Westchester. I can hide out, wait for Cable to return. I still have a…link with the girl."

"A link?"

"I gave her a little bit of Dragon, so she would remain safe. It's difficult. In about a thousand years I'll probably know what she was doing growing up. Cable knew to seek me out."

"Fine. You're going to Westchester. This is top secret. No one will know. To everyone, even Logan, you're just requesting personal leave to spend some time at Etana's grave. Five years and all that."

She nodded then turned to Cia and smiled.

"Want to come with me kid?"

"Why me?"

"Because you know too much."

Cia started giggling at the pop-eyed face Tora was pulling.

"You know, I think I'll pass. That face freaks me out."

"Sure. Oh and Cia?"

"Yeah?"

Tora leant over and touched the girl under the chin.

"You are hiding in yourself. You are the trees and the flowers and the grass. You are all you fear about yourself and more. You have a gift Robinia. Use it."

Cia's eyes widened and she gasped slightly as Tora shook her head.

"What rubbish did I come out with this time?"

"You… You said I wasn't losing my power. I…I think you said I was causing it to happen because I was afraid…"

"It's hurting her too much! She can't control it!"

"Think of something else! Think of Hope!"

The waters that were growing choppy relaxed and the images refocused.

Hope tucked herself into the cranny and watched as the woman who was always waiting for them fought for her. The face turned.

"Run Hope! Run!"

She didn't even know this one. Didn't know whether she answered to Marie, Tora or Xii; Tigress or Dragon. Didn't know who she loved, whether she had children, whether she served on the X-Men or was just a mutant, living her everyday, boring life. And she was going to die for Hope, as so many of this remarkable woman had.

"Run dammit!"

You cannot do anything for her, little Hope. She has made her choice. Make her sacrifice count. Live for those who gave their lives to save you.

"Are you in my head?"

Of course. I am her, or a part of her anyway. Now run, run with me. She would not want her death to be in vain.

"Of course."

Hope ran, and as she did she heard a terrible, horrific scream. She hoped Nathan would hurry up and rescue her, because right now, she'd just lost her protection. She hated thinking of this woman as protection, this lovely, vibrant woman who could make her laugh and was one of the few constants aside from Nathan. A future didn't feel like home unless she was there.

The wolf-beast loped up and she knew she was about to die. And then the woman leapt in front of her. She was covered in blood, mostly naked from where her clothes had been torn but she was snarling and covering Hope.

"Over my dead body, Slave."

The wolf-thing snarled back but the battle howl was cut short when the woman went for the throat. She stood up and turned to Hope, her face smeared with blood, not all of which was her opponent's.

"Hey Hope. I'm Tora. Welcome to Hell."

"I'm fine. I can go back now."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Cia stared at the acorn. Then, tentatively, she reached out. She touched it, expecting to feel nothing, or maybe a hint of the DNA. But instead she could…see the paths. She hurried down one and stared in astonishment as the acorn started to sprout.

The tree unfurled, growing taller and taller and then acorns rained down. And Cia could sense them all, even without touching them. She smiled.

"Use it, huh?"

And she started gathering up the acorns, planning ahead for the battle she knew was coming.

"How forward thinking."

"How…Tora."