I have worked very hard on book one of this series. I really hope you enjoy it! I've actually finished the first book, I've written it all down in notebooks, I just have to type it. I apologize deeply in advance for any mistakes. I've added several OCs to this story as well. The OCs in the chapter are: Orphan(main), Koji(minor), Sashimi(minor), Aka(minor) The characters that belong to Masashi Kishimoto respectively are in fact mostly OOC, meaning Out Of Character
What's Happening?
1. Switched
"What's your idea Tobi?" Sasori/Tobi asked. (remember, first name is the person, second is the body)
"Well, it's Friday, so we could spend a day as each other! Then we can figure out what happened!"
"That's a stupid idea... Hm" Deidara/Itachi said.
"WOOOOHOOOO!"
Hearing that 'woohoo', everybody ran outside.
"I can flyyyyyy!"
"What is that!? Hm" Deidara/Itachi asked.
"It's a bird!" Tobi/Sasori shouted.
"I wanna eat it..." Zetsu said.
"It's Hidan being stupid." Konan/Orphan said.
"Hidan! Get down here NOW!" Pein/Hidan yelled.
Hidan/Pein returned to earth. "Fun-sucker..." He muttered.
"How did you DO that?!" Orphan/Konan asked.
"Well, this is Pein's body, so..."
"Cut the crap! Do NOT do that again!" Pein/Hidan crossed his arms.
"Watcha gonna do about it?"
"I'll give you a real beating next time!"
"I can fly if I want to! I'M invincible!"
"And I'M IMMORTAL! We're going to spend the rest of today the way we are and tomorrow we're going t- what did I say!?"
"Catch me if you can! Oh wait, you CAN'T FLY! Weeeeeeee-oof! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
"I can't fly, but I can throw rocks pretty hard!" Pein/Hidan said as Hidan/Pein fell to the ground.
"You're just jealous because I figured out how to fly and you hadn't." Hidan/Pein said, rubbing his head.
"Haha, please, I had my body before you!"
"Just forget it!" Konan/Orphan shouted.
Later...
"I can't take it anymore! I can't do anything I want to, I want my body back!" Hidan/Pein shouted.
"Go stab yourself awhi- oh yea..." Kakuzu/Kisame rubbed his head.
"That's right Kakisakumezu! I'm not immortal anymore and it wouldn't matter since this body isn't recognized by Lord Jashin-sama!"
"Kakiwhatawho?"
"I mixed your name with Kisame's. His is Kikakusazume."
"I thought Pein WAS immortal..."
"..."
"Whatever, we just have to wait till tomorrow."
"AAAAGH!"
"Hey, Itachi? How do you activate the Sharingan? Hm"
He's dumber than I thought... "Why?"
"Because I wanna use Tsukyomi or Mangyeko on a certain someone."
"Katsu!"
*explosion*
"Fool..." Itachi/Deidara walked away.
"He just injured his own body... Hm" Deidara/Itachi groaned.
Meanwhile, Konan/Orphan was with Sashimi and Koji.
"Mom, may we go to the park?" Sashimi asked.
"Yes, you may."
At the park...
"Hey Orphan."
Konan/Orphan heard the voice behind her and nearly jumped out of her skin. She turned around and kicked whoever the voice belonged to, then ran over to Sashimi and Koji.
"Uh, Orphan? Are you okay? You're actin' kinda weird..." Sashimi said.
"I dunno what you mean, I'm totally fine."
"Uh, okay, then why'd you kick Neji in the leg?"
"Huh?"
"S-sorry I startled you..." Neji said from behind her, rubbing his shin.
Konan/Orphan turned around. She shrieked, kicked Neji hard where it counts, and ran away.
"Orphan, where are you going!?" Koji shouted.
"HOME!"
The next day...
"Guys guys! Sasori found a scroll! Sasori is a good boy!" Tobi/Sasori shouted.
"What did I say about doing that?! Anyway, what's a scroll gotta do with anything?" Sasori/Tobi asked.
Tobi/Sasori held up his finger. "It's the scroll that switched us! Sa- erm, Tobi read it and it's the right one! It's an ancient scroll and there is another. The one to undo this mess! Follow me!"
Everyone followed Tobi/Sasori outside.
Tobi/Sasori opened the scroll. "Right here it says that if we go more than three days like this, we'll be stuck FOREVER!" Everyone gasped. "No!" Tobi/Sasori nodded and continued reading.
"The other scroll is hidden, it may be hard to find. It is very tricky, the journey may mess with your mind. But if you have the will and heart, and put up a great fight, it will appear that the answer was always in plain sight... Tobi doesn't get it. If it's supposed to be hard to find, why is it in plain sight?"
Konan/Orphan snatched the scroll away. "It has a map right here. It-"
A large bird flew over and snatched the scroll away.
"Hey! Give that back!"
The bird flew away. Everybody freaked.
"Everyone after it!"
Everyone started to chase the bird. Deidara/Itachi reached for his pouch so he could make a large clay bird, but he didn't have it. Itachi/Deidara did.
"Guyyyyyssss! Wait up! I'm not that fast anymore!" Konan/Orphan yelled, way far behind. Orphan/Konan looked backwards and ran into a tree.
"Oooowwww... Daddy!" She started crying.
"Hey, don't cry in my body! C'mon, I look stupid now..." Konan/Orphan pouted.
"It's getting away! Hey, Kakuzu, you're going the wrong-"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Kakuzu/Kisame ran the opposite direction while Samehada crawled over to Kisame/Kakuzu.
"Hey, you figured out it wasn't me, didn't you... I'm sorry Samehada." "Mrrghhh..."
Tobi/Sasori stepped on a light tree branch and it broke, causing him to fall down on his face. Sasori/Tobi stopped and screamed.
"No no no, not the face!"
"Hey! I got it!" Itachi/Deidara held up the scroll.
Everyone went back to where Konan/Orphan, Orphan/Konan, and Kakuzu/Kisame were. Orphan/Konan was still sniffling with Konan/Orphan trying to make her stop. She saw the guys.
"Oh, thank goodness! Okay, lemme see the sc-"
"No way! YOU were the one who got it snatched away, I'M gonna read it this time." Itachi/Deidara said.
Pein/Hidan hugged Orphan/Konan trying to calm her down and asking if her head was okay. Since Orphan was in KONAN'S body and Pein was in HIDAN'S... Konan/Orphan made a very unpleasant face.
"Euuuughhh..."
"Alright..." Itachi/Deidara opened the scroll. "Hmmm... This is not a map... Nor is this a riddle you guys. THIS is the scroll that undoes the mess. Tobi, you found it right away!"
Tobi/Sasori shook his head and pointed at the bird Itachi/Deidara caught. "That's not the bird that stole the scroll I found, that's a different bird!"
"Huh?"
The bird that stole the first scroll flew overhead, still holding the scroll.
"Wha-?!"
Deidara/Itachi threw a kunai through it and it fell down to the ground. He retrieved the scroll.
"Well, we got both, so let's undo this thing! Hm"
2. They Have Spoken
It was Monday and everyone back to normal.
"Did you have a nice birthday yesterday Kakuzu?" Konan asked.
"Yes, I did. Thank-you for asking."
"Sasori, go wake Deidara up. It's three o'clock, he shouldn't be sleeping this late."
Sasori nodded and went to Deidara's room. He knocked on the door. No response. Sasori just walked in.
"C'mon Dei. It's three o'clock... I don't know what you were doing yesterday, you were gone all day, but you can't sleep all day today."
"Go away..." Deidara muttered. His voice was deeper than usual.
"Did you get sick or something? Come on, talk to me sleephead." Sasori turned on the light.
"Turn the fucking light off!" This time, Deidara sounded... Like a woman...
"Uh... Dei?" Sasori was about to pull back the covers when Deidara pointed a kunai at his heart.
"Back off puppet-boy or I'll stab you!"
Sasori staggered backwards with the blanket. Deidara turned over. He was still asleep. He held up his left hand.
"Put the kunai down, he sounds nice." It said in it's womanly voice.
"You always ruin the fun..." The right hand muttered.
Sasori freaked. "Deidara! Deidara wake the Hell up!"
"W-what?!" Deidara asked, sitting up quickly. "You're acting really weird! You're making weird movements in your sleep and your hands are talking!"
"Huh?" Deidara moved his hands to his face.
"Hey, looks like he's awake!" The right hand said.
"Rise and shine Dei-kun!" The left said.
"They're talking again!" Sasori left the room.
Deidara stared at his hands for about thirty seconds before screaming and falling off his bed.
A few minutes later in the shower...
"So, how come you guys haven't talked till now and why does lefty sound like a woman? Hm"
"We weren't sure you'd like having us talk." The right hand said.
"And I AM a woman! Besides, my name isn't lefty."
"Okay... We'll talk later. Hm"
Five minutes later in Deidara's room again...
"So, now we decided to help you out a little. First off, you need to befriend Itachi."
"No way! Not him! Hm"
"YES."
"Fine, what do I do...? Hm"
"Buy him a kitten." The left hand said.
"What!?"
"Buy him a kitten."
"No!"
"Buy him a kitten."
"But-"
"BUY him a kitten."
"I'm not gonna-"
"JUST BUY HIM A FUCKING KITTEN!"
"Okay okay! Hm" Deidara went downstairs.
"Mommy, where're you going?"
"Out. Hm"
"Can I come?"
"N- fine... Un"
At the pet store...
"Why are we here?"
"I need to get something... Hm"
"No fish food, Sharky died this morning..."
"Can I help you Ma'am?" A employee asked.
"First, I'm a man. Second, yes, could you show me where the kittens are? Hm"
"Oh, I'm sorry... Certainly, right this way Sir."
"Sharky died." Orphan said again.
"Here are the kittens, Sir. Are you getting one for your daughter?"
"Uh... No... Hm"
"Are you getting Nii-san a kitty?" Orphan asked, tugging on Deidara's cloak.
"Yes..."
"Tell me if you need anything, alright?" The employee walked away.
"Sharky died."
Deidara looked at the kittens.
"Sharky died..."
There were ten kittens, but Deidara thought only three of them Itachi would like. He just had to choose one...
"Sharky died." Orphan said, yet a fifth time.
"Would you like me to get you another fish...? Hm"
"Yes please."
Deidara looked back at the kittens. He had to choose between a Siamese, a Tabby, and a Calico. Then, he noticed a small white kitten sitting in the corner. He poked it and it did nothing. Deidara picked it up and it scratched his face.
"... Hold this. Hm" Deidara handed the kitten to Orphan and got the previous employee.
"Yes, what do you need help with, Sir?"
"I was wondering if this kitten is a boy or girl?"
"I believe it's a male..."
"Okay."
Back at the lair...
"Where's Itachi? Hm"
"Kitchen. Orphan, what is that?"
"My new fish, Lavi!"
Kisame's eye twitched. "Yea..."
Deidara put the kitten's stuff in Itachi's room and went back downstairs. Itachi was sitting on the couch reading, with a plate of graham crackers and a cup of tea beside him. Deidara stepped in front of him.
"Itachi, I have something for you. Hm"
"Hooray..." Itachi put down his book. Deidara handed him the kitten. The kitten purred and licked Itachi's hand. He smiled.
"Whatcha gonna name him, Nii-san?" Orphan asked.
"I'm going to name him Sato."
Deidara shrugged and went to his room. He sat at his desk and held up his hands. "Now what? Hm"
"Get a girlfriend." The right hand said.
"NOT happening! Hm"
"Yes! Try Konan, she'll be practice."
"But I don't wanna girlfriend! Hm"
"But you NEED one!"
"B-but I need one..."
Deidara went downstairs. He peeked into the kitchen. Konan was cooking lunch.
"Okay, now what? Hm"
"Make conversation." The right hand said. Deidara didn't move.
"UGH, help him..."
The left hand yanked Deidara's bangs, causing him to stumble into the kitchen.
"Oh, hi Deidara."
"Hi... Hm"
"Is there something you need?"
"Uh... Need any help with lunch? Hm"
"No, I'm fine."
"Oh..."
His right hand whispered something to him.
"Uh... uh... Erm, one more thing... Babe... Hm"
Konan's eye twitched.
Babe...?
"Uh, you, me, dinner at nine... Wh-what do you say... Hot stuff? Un"
Hot stuff?!
Konan walked over to Deidara, who was sweating like crazy, and slapped him HARD.
"That's my answer."
Deidara whimpered and ran out of the kitchen.
In Deidara's room... AGAIN...
"You guys give me nothing but grief! I can't write properly, you pull my hair, you made Konan SLAP me! I haven't used the bathroom for hours! I-"
The left hand slapped Deidara.
"Make friends with Tobi!"
"Bite me! Hm"
It did. "You owe us some respect!"
Deidara went outside. "I'm sick of you two! How do I make you shut up?! I'm going to cut you off! Hm"
The left hand grabbed Deidara's neck.
"Ack!"
The right hand joined in. Deidara fell down to the ground, gasping for air.
"Dei! C'mon Dei, wake up! Come on, please, you're killing youself! Please Deidara, wake up!"
Deidara woke up with a start. He had his hands around his neck. He blinked a few times. It was really bright.
Oh great... I'm in Heaven...
"Dei, look at me!"
Deidara looked to his right. A very worried Sasori was staring at him.
"D-danna? *cough*"
Why is my voice so hoarse...?
"Deidara... I... I don't know what you were dreaming about, but I came in and you were strangling yourself... You wouldn't wake up. I shook you, I did everything..."
Deidara sat up quickly and looked at his hands. "I-it was a dream...? No... A nightmare... Hm" He looked back at Sasori. "I'm okay! Un" He flashed a bright smile.
Sasori's mood didn't change. "I'm going to monitor you for a couple weeks..."
3. The Mission
October tenth...
"We have two weeks off from school!" Orphan said as she and Deidara walked in. "I don't know what I did, but Neji always stays ten feet away from me now..."
Konan awkwardly slipped upstairs.
That night...
"Tobi?"
"Yes Nee-chan?"
"What if I never existed? If I was never born?"
"Well, we never would have had you as a part of our family."
"That's not what I mean..."
"Tobi doesn't know what Nee-chan means... Can Nee-chan explain?"
"You know, how it all would be if I was never here. Would things be different? I'm sure Zuki Sensei would have stayed as the teacher. I'm just tired..." Orphan turned over and pulled her blanket over her head.
"Nee-chan..."
The next day...
"Hey, Hidan!"
"What Ka-"
Kakuzu hit Hidan in the face with a rock.
"KAKUZU YOU FU... nny guy! Thanks for the rock and the huge welt on my face!"
"Huh...?"
Hidan walked away. Pein walked to Kisame.
"Where's Itachi?"
"Uhhh, in his room."
"Get your cloak on. You, Itachi, and Orphan are going on a mission."
"Orphan?!"
"Yes, it's a simple mission. She'll learn from it."
Outside...
"What a beautiful day! The trees are dying. What a horrible day!" Zetsu said.
There was a loud crash and a thud. Zetsu ran over to the sound. There was a window that was shattered, Hidan's window. Zetsu looked at the ground beneath the window and saw Hidan laying there.
"Hi."
"Uhhhhh, hi Hidan... What're you doing?"
"Oh, jumping out of my window... Ya know, for the thrill."
"Oh, yea yea..." Zetsu nodded.
"What's going on with you?"
"Just looking at the trees..."
"Ahh..."
"Hey, Kakuzu."
"What, Itachi?"
"Take care of my kitten while I'm gone."
(Yes, while Deidara was asleep, Itachi got himself a kitten and Orphan got a fish. Who would have thought? But Itachi's cat it female and it's name is Karasu, Orphan's fish's name isn't Lavi, it's Sharingan)
"Why? I don't want to take care of your little brat."
"It wasn't a question."
"And I'm saying no."
"Okay. Hey, Hidan?" Itachi walked over to Zetsu and Hidan.
"What?"
"Take care of Karasu while I'm gone, I'll pay you."
Kakuzu spun around. "Wait, WHAT?!"
Hidan nodded, "Sure."
Kakuzu's eye twitched. "You said NOTHING about MONEY!"
"You missed your chance. Orphan, get your cloak!" Itachi said, going back inside.
"-and pay attention to what Itachi says. Do not do what Kisame says. Keep your cloak on and try not to injure your comrades and keep that paper flower in your hair and don't run with sharp objects and-"
"Konan, I think she gets it. Here's your cloak, Pest. Hm"
"Orphan, come here!"
"Coming Daddy!" Orphan put her cloak on and went to Pein.
"Yes Daddy?"
"Don't get yourself killed, Blossom." He said, hugging her.
"Don't worry, Nii-san will protect me! Um... You... You can let go now... Daddy..."
"Uh, Pein?"
"I DON'T WANT MY BABY GIRL TO GO!"
"Pein, you never told us what our mission was." Kisame said.
"I didnt? I thought I did..." Pein let go of Orphan. "You have to capture a rogue from the Hidden Leaf."
"Why?"
"Because..."
"Because... Why?"
"I have unfinished business to attend to! Now go!"
Kisame, Itachi, and Orphan left the lair.
A few hours later...
"We've been running for hours!"
"Shut up Kisame, I'm the one carrying Orphan."
Just then, there was an explosion and a dust cloud. Itachi and Kisame jumped back. After the dust cleared, Itachi and Kisame could see a man. He had spiky sand-ish colored hair, brown eyes, and black clothes.
"Ah, Akatsuki! I've been expecting you. But... What is that? A little kid?"
"Nothing! She's just another member!" Kisame shouted.
"Oh, really? Just another member, eh? Heheh... Then I guess you wouldn't mind if I..."
In seconds, the guy had gotten Orphan in his grasp and was back where he was standing.
"... Got rid of her?"
Kisame tightened his grip on Samehada. Both Akatsuki men were shocked and angry. The rogue held a kunai to Orphan's throat.
"I'll give you to the count of five to go back from where you came and tell you leader a message. However, if you try to get her instead, she dies."
"N-Nii-san!"
"Grrrr..." Itachi clenched his fists.
"Oh, what's this? The little Uchiha is... Upset? Worried? Angry?"
Itachi glared at the rogue.
"That's right. I know who you are."
"N-Nii-san! H-help me!"
"Oh, and don't even try using your Sharingan on me, it won't work."
Kisame started to run at the guy, but Itachi stopped him.
"If you do that, he'll kill her."
The guy laughed.
"I've grown to fond of the kid..." Kisame said, agreeing.
"I understand."
Kisame and Itachi turned to leave.
"Remember my name! Ryu! Aka Ryu!"
Itachi and Kisame started walking away.
"Nii-san... Pet..." Orphan started crying.
Itachi glanced back at Orphan, tears in his eyes. She gave him a look of complete and utter betrayal and his head quickly turned forward.
"Kisame... Nii-san! Don't leave me, please! NII-SAN!" Orphan screeched, sobbing as the guy tore the paper flower from her hair and started laughing loudly.
Please note: I call the black side of Zetsu, Yoropiko. It is easier than calling him KuroZetsu or Black Zetsu. I am also addicted to writing Pain's name as 'Pein', I apologize if either of these things are annoying