I can't explore this new feeling, he's a great guy it won't be fair. I've been panicking all morning about today, the closer I got to my locker the more obvious it was Emily wasn't accidentally killing time near my locker. I looked at her shocked, I opened and closed my mouth. Instead I turned to my locker and took out what I needed. "I haven't seen you in this morning in any of my classes." She said.

I replied without taking a second glance in her direction. "I guess our schedules work out this way."

I felt her getting closer to me. Her voice sounded soft but questioning. "I left you a couple of messages."

"Yeah I know, I figured I would see you at school anyway."

"I thought maybe you were avoiding me." She came closer standing an inch away, while I pretended to be still busy with my locker. "No. I just." She looked at me expectantly, right there and then I knew I had to look away. Hurting this girl would be something I would never easily do, I want to make her happy all the time for instance her lonely Valentine's Day. For some reason I had to be her hero, I should learn to think first more. "No." I concluded.

"Okay this is beyond awkward. Can we please just talk about last night?" I shook my head no. "I think it is clear."

"Yeah it is clear. We kissed. You kissed me. I kissed you. And it was pretty electrifying."

I tried not to blush at her words. That's not what I mean though, it's clear which direction she's pushing me in. "Emily." I whispered, looking around me making sure no one heard. She rolled her eyes, shut my locker with a hard slam. I closed my eyes when I saw her walking away, right now I only have to do one thing. Finding Sean.

"Hey! I was looking for you." I said when I finally laid my eyes on the handsome Sean Ackard. "I was talking to Emily actually about you." I stopped in my tracks. "Oh yeah?" I tried to keep my cool, inside I was near dying all kind of questions came in my head. Did she approach him, does he dislike me now? What did she say. "I wanted to be 100% sure if you weren't seeing anybody and I wanted to know if Hanna is doing okay and since you and Hanna know each other too she might know things and I know firsthand that they share everything with each other and so I saw Emily and I had to ask…"

"Sean." I said firmly, stopping his rant. He turned to face me and grabbed my hand. "Do you want to go out with me again? Like a second date?" "Yes!" "Yes?" "Of course!" I was so sure and confident. Right place right time. This is exactly what I needed. I was smiling from ear to ear. Soon we were joined by two of his friends I met at lunch the other time. I really felt included and good in their little group. We decided to go to this concert together next week, date number three. It was fast, yet good. I was aware of why it sounded good, that's the scary part. Am I trying to convince myself really to like a certain guy so I would lose interest in a girl? Yes. Totally. I'm pathetic.

I was aware of The Squad standing at the other side of the hallway, Emily leaning against the lockers looking in our direction. I so wish I could read her mind right now. I still don't know what she really wants from me.

It got obvious later, I do have to admit it felt good to see someone interested in me for whatever reason. Emily broke the news to me, Sean spoke to her and that she thinks he wanted to ask me out. I nodded since I already knew this part, I did feel relieved. Now I'm sure nothing more was being said or hinted. Maybe I really should let go and trust Emily with this.

If someone says that first dates are the hardest than they are definitely wrong. "You must be an athlete, you have a great body." The waiter said, giving me a wink after he took our orders. Sean was glaring at the guy, suddenly he grabbed my hand. My head shot up at this action. "I just want him to know you're taken." He shrugged. "Taken huh?" I teased. "I thought this was only the second date?" I smiled.

He blushed deep red and looked away. "I didn't want to imply that we were together I just .." I squeezed his hand letting him know it's okay. "I like you." He said looking me in the eye. "I like you too Sean." I said not looking him in the eye. He smiled his beautiful smile.

"There's one thing I want to do right now." We were sitting in his car, I didn't get out just yet we fell back into easy conversations. We were looking at each other when he pulled me in. There was nothing complex, I felt him smiling against my lips. I thought I would feel great once we kissed and realized how simple things can be. Or even better walking with my head in heaven and seeing the next couple of months in my head. Nothing of that was true. I felt like crying, I felt miserable.

As soon he dropped me off , again in the wrong street like I asked I needed to text Emily. I had to see her, I had to explain. I don't want to play, I am serious. That's what she deserves to know right now. Soon she replied me back, I started to run towards her house I didn't care about my dress and heels I had to go faster. I took my shoes off and ran off holding them. Destination Fields. I dropped a quick text announcing my arrival, a minute later I walked in her room very pumped. I fidgeted with my dress as she looked at me from the end of her bed expectantly. Yet again, I had no words. "You went on your date with Sean?" She asked.

"Yeah." My voice was full of emotion, my voice cracked. I turned my back to her looking at the ceiling trying to keep tears inside. "That's where I was tonight."

"How did it go?"

"Great." I kept nodding my head. I was stuck in a circle of lying to myself because I was scared to become something else, scared to look at her when I was about to say something she might not like because that's what I don't want. I only want to say the good things, causing great feelings. "He's a nice guy."

"Good." She said very dryly, nodding along with me. Her eyes spoke something different, they were wide and blinking. Everything was already being said in the pause, I already am vulnerable. I decided to be honest. "Yeah it went okay." I didn't fail to notice the little smirk on her face, it lasted only a second but I saw it. "Good." She was still playing along. "Yeah."

The memories of comfort came flooding back to me, I went to sit on the window seat. "Until he kissed me. It felt like it wasn't me all of the sudden. I was another person right after the kiss, not for reasons you would think. It only made me want to kiss you again. I don't know. The night, my attempts with Sean felt fake. He went home and I texted you."

"I am attracted to you, I want to kiss you. The only problem is I'm straight." I continued, fighting against the tears to fall down my face. "Paige." She got up from her bed, I shivered when one of her hands was brushing my face. "I like you, I like you a lot. But it's hard for me now I just can't throw myself at you." I said.

"But you like me right?" I nodded. "I have also one problem. I'm going out of my mind if you don't let me kiss you." She didn't wait for my answer, she puts her arms around my waist and kisses me on the lips. "No straight woman would kiss me like that." She whispered against my lips. My eyes shot open, I pushed her away in one fluid motion. "What's that supposed to mean? "

"A kiss can't be faked Paige." She sounded slightly irritated.