Doubts tickled my brain, memories surfaced of that evening with James, of the last night I saw my parents. Memories of the first time someone captivated me after I had to break free, after I got a chance to stop doing the wrong thing which seemed to be the right thing. Moments of that kiss in Sean's car, our second kiss. What if nothing is meant to be for me?
People here in Rosewood have always been straight up with me, it's me who progresses all of their information in a bad way. All the time I was battling so called attraction, because I couldn't fall for a gay girl but I couldn't fall for a straight guy. I was battling because I'm scared, scared for unknown reasons.
I told myself I was going to walk through the Sean door so I can close the door to Emily for good. Nothing is black and white, that's clear. I was too much. Why could I see what for great people I have right in front of me but it needs a slap in the face for me to be not scared.
Was this my curse? My virginity was gone, my friends and brother gone, jumped at the first acknowledgment I felt. Now I'm the greatest mess. My fire died turning into pain. In my back pocket I felt the heart shaped ring, I completely forgot I'd put it there. I was always engaged with my feelings, trying to find closure with one thing while being caught up in another one.
My heart softened and I stopped being frightened for one second. I stood still, with my hands in my front pockets giving a shy smile to Emily. "Hey, I was just on my way to work."
"Can I walk you?" She nodded. We walked silently next to each other. I saw her turning to me in the corner of my eye. She looked at me softly, like her eyes were whispering my name. "It's maybe wrong for me to come to you and ask you this but I need you to distract me."
"Distract you how?" She raised her brow, an adorable dimple appearing on her forehead. "Fun nice evening out. Maybe with your friends?"
"That can be arranged." She smiled. We continued to walk, I felt her right hand slip into mine before I could go into overdrive she let my hand go after giving me a squeeze. The clear blue morning sky and the early streetlights built a beautiful scenery, they were sparkling in their own way.
All the worries in my mind flew by, as I looked over to Emily I sighed with relief. Something I didn't think to feel so soon again. "This is me. For the next 8 hours." Emily said. I smiled, hint received. I saw her turning her head so we were cheek to cheek. She put light pressure on her lips to kiss my cheek, moving up to my forehead. Two places meaning my heart races double time.
For the first time I felt on the same page with her, it felt damn good. We didn't speak much this morning but enough to feel connected, to feel understood. Then her lips touched my skin. "Oh Paige." She turned around before entering the Brew. "Good morning." She smiled.
Caleb wasn't a bad guy. He just has been in tough situations for the most of his life and now he took an opportunity. A god send one, but it's time for him to go. As soon we opened the room next to mine, I felt relieved to have my space back but also happy to know his room is more crapped than mine. Still I felt embarrassed of where I lived but hey at least I'm not alone.
"I heard you're going out with the girls tonight."
"Did you?" I said sipping our beer, Caleb knows a lot of shady people here. Another thing I'm grateful for that and the little great things that come from it like a lot of beer. "Hanna canceled our plans for you."
I smiled at that. "That's nice of her to not cancel on me." I caught a smile on Caleb's face. "Once she cares about you, you're trapped." I laughed at that. I could easily invite Caleb with us, but he's the only person who would keep an eye on me Emily wise. That's the part I'm brushing off.
"Where are you going? Do you need fake ID's?"
I shook my head. "No we're good thanks. Just going to the movies."
"You're going to the movies with Emily? You know the movies, a dark place where she gets you alone for two hours? Paige, she was working your neck at her car in a park. Imagine what she can do in the back row right there." I smacked his arm.
"Get that goofiness out of your face Caleb! Also don't think about Emily with a naughty look on your face." I warned him. He exploded out laughing.
"You're a tease did you know that?" I commented as I laid back down on his bed. I let my eyes find the time on my phone. One more hour and her work shift is done.
"Well I guess I'm done here." I said as I put back on my shoes and leather jacket. "Don't be afraid of the dark. Bye Paige."
I walked in the Brew, the arranged meeting point. It all went so fast, during Emily's lunch break I got a text saying the girls agreed to get to know me better. I just hope they don't have many questions about how all of the sudden I rely on Emily for company why Hanna would be more logical. Caleb didn't scare me about his going-to-the-movies talk. I thought it was a brilliant idea, doing something together with the girls and at the same time no conversations needed.
"Hey Paige." Hanna grinned as she gave me a hug. "How's it going?"
"Great." I answered simply as I stole a glance in Emily's direction. Spencer and Aria joined me around the table, they were all friendly just like the time at the mall.
Once at the theater I enjoyed the busy crowds, for once I was part of a group in this crowd. The girl chose for us to sit in the back, in the very center. We settled in cozily watching people coming in. I was sitting at the left, Emily in the middle of me and Hanna then Aria and Spencer. I felt comfortable in these seating arrangements. I pretended to not care who sit where, that I was fine with whatever. Thankfully it didn't come across as "I really want to get to know your friends better, but not be scared away or put under investigation, so Aria."
When the movie started my eyes were glued to the screen, I loved coming here. There was something magical about the big screen that never fails to amaze me. When the credits started rolling, we were sitting hand in hand watching everyone get up. Not us, none seemed to pay any attention to us. The quiet ones in the back row.
Maybe things in Rosewood are just simple. And when the lights came up I glanced around us quickly, noticing the half of the theater was already empty. Hanna was still finishing our snacks, Aria was typing on her phone, I heard Spencer talking to Hanna. I smiled slowly when also Emily was thrown into their conversation, still sitting next to me, still holding my hand. None giving comments about that maybe they haven't noticed yet, or maybe they didn't care or found it normal.
Would Emily have told them about us? About me? The sound of the cleaning people coming in brought us to our senses. We smiled to each other before I let her hand go to put my jacket back on. Perfect excuse.
"Here we are." Spencer said pulling into the parking lot of a small Italian restaurant. We sat at a small table in front of a window. I was sitting at the head of the table, giving myself a great overview. "What sounds good?" Emily asked as I looked over my menu. She pulled her chair closer to my side. I noticed, decided not to act on it. "Do you need a few more minutes?" The question came from a voice behind us. Hanna chuckled softly, apparently finding us amusing. "I'll take the seafood please." I answered. The girls followed giving their orders. As soon the waiter turned around Hanna was obviously checking him out. "I thought you were all Caleb right now?" Aria asked.
I was reading all the signs on the walls, I felt like an intruder in this moment. Like I came from the other camp keeping an eye on them. I sat back, crossed my legs and tried to relax as my eyes scanned the restaurant. When we all got our drinks Emily raised her glass. "Here's to new beginnings." She said. "To new beginnings." Spencer agreed. Emily looked at me giving me a smile. I agreed too, drinking on new beginnings.
We climbed back into Spencer's car when we finished our plates. I opened the back door for Hanna and Emily, climbing in the backseat last. Today was great, I felt included, I mattered somehow. And it was all thanks to Emily. "Thank you for tonight. It was exactly what I needed." I whispered to her.