Oh god.

"Are you ok?" She asked softly, kissing my temple. Her fingers found their place in my hair. I wanted to tell her how amazing I felt. Instead I was simply laying there, lifeless. "I should have gone slower." She said, I could hear regret in her voice which was totally unnecessary as she was right last night. I lifted my head and put my index finger on her lips. "No, you were right. If I want to break free I have to do something to tear my walls down. And I think you just did that for me." I laughed.

I found her brown eyes. I let myself drown in them for a minute before looking to the ceiling. "Don't make this a big deal please?" I asked. I couldn't look at her while saying this, maybe because to avoid pain and drama. It's an impossible task to say something she doesn't want to hear, not looking at her beauty is a little easier. It was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. The awkwardness came when we could hear my loud neighbor and his guest their activities through the thin walls.

"You're asking me to forget, again? So you can climb back to yourself made prison? Escape Paige, damned." She went to sit upright, I watched how she clenched her fists in the sheets, biting her lips. Letting go the sheet with her right hand to hold her hair with it. I shook my head of the other memory I have of her sitting and one hand in her hair.

She was the first one to find my eyes, she was scanning every emotion every bone. She was checking me very carefully. "OK." She said flat. She caught me by surprise. "Ok?"

"Yeah. No big deal." I would've almost believed her if it wasn't for the little crack in her voice.

I was fine more than fine, I know she knows that. I pulled my knees up, draping my arms over it. "No!" She screamed. Slapping my arm. "It maybe wasn't really sex but it was a huge freaking deal! We gave each other a-" She paused. "You know. Whatever." She said, widening her eyes at me. I filled in the blanks in my head. The word she didn't say, was something that made me desire more which would possibly make me very and unexpectedly happy.

Sometimes when I'm with her and like in this very moment it feels like we are in a race together and Emily is there to help me to reach the finish line, to show me the way.

"I don't want to stop seeing you Paige but when I'm near you I just cannot be affectionate. When I dare to believe it's finally okay it's not. I will start to feel embarrassed soon once again. Or embarrassed for you. I don't want that. I'm not embarrassed of myself nor you."

I lowered my eyes bashfully. I did feel bad about myself not because of her words, only mine.

"I'm sorry." I said, sitting up a little bit. I laid my left arm around her neck, her eyes were softening. I thought about whispering something nice in her ear, plating little kisses on her face, letting her head rest in the pillows and I would make her less mad at me. I could do that.

I can't be mad at her for taking action last night, maybe she just wanted to know what it is between us just like me only she has another a very different approach. Both luckily and unluckily for me she was feeling very brave last night.

Maybe I don't dare to look in her eyes half of the time because I didn't want her to think that I was afraid, but there are so many other things that betray me. I don't want her to think I'm not ready, I am. I can be. But not really for what she thinks. I won't come out. How do we come back from this? A question that needs an answer right about now. That would be perfect.

I swallowed my nerves and reached for her hand, I just grabbed it. I was holding onto her wrist. I could hold onto a part of her body like it's no big deal.

It was so freaking weird, the turmoil in my head. As soon I held her wrist I felt her whole body tense up. "What are you doing?" She asked. When I looked up into her eyes, I didn't stand a chance. I knew that, she knows. She closed her eyes, as her chest rose up and down. She was concentrating on her breathing.

I let go and took her hand instead, holding it with a better hold. I liked it. But that's about as far as I could go. I couldn't bring back the erotic feelings like she had. I couldn't. I honestly don't know what to do, but I do know I prefer this over her changing back into her clothes and leaving. I had no idea how to make her feel good, heck I had no idea how to feel good about myself.

I could transfer once again and learn everything in a third life. With every new life comes a new lesson. I couldn't help but think I know about another kind of lesson. Dry humping. She opened her eyes, she looked at me perplexed. For a moment I was afraid I said it loud and clear. My eyes were the ones now to slam shut. Her eyes, holy crap. " I want you to." I confessed.

"Yeah?" She asked softly with a little sexy smile. Telling me she liked what she heard and really but really wanted to. I smiled too and let out a sigh. I was feeling greedy but still couldn't act on it. I knew what the sigh meant. It was better than me saying, that I couldn't do it on her terms. I let go of her hand, bringing both of my hands up to her face, I wanted to kiss her so bad. I thought twice before getting this show on the road. When our lips finally touched, I didn't allow her to take over, I slowed down our pace with each kiss.

After a few minutes I couldn't help but feel relieved. I was aware of the side of me she's seeing right now, unafraid. That I was, not holding back at all. I chased her lips, I was really into it.

And yes, her kisses they got me really into it like really. Almost like I was becoming a different person, I started to caress her back and focused on the feeling she's giving me.