"Are you sure Sean wouldn't mind?" Emily asked again as we walked inside. "I'm sure he understands I canceled."
"And you know, about us?" I could tell by her behavior and her pronunciation she felt nervous. I decided to act very cool, not too hot and not too cold. Not distant not close. Normal. "He understands I need close friends that are girls."
I stole a glance at her before opening the door. It will be okay as long Emily is by my side. My face pulled into a soft smile, one only seemed to appear when I get to look at her, when I get to admire her. Emily looked beautiful, however she wore the same clothes as yesterday today she looked perfect in it. I gave out a deep breath, I have every reason to be nervous I was about to out my relationship with Emily. Not myself, just the apparently clear attraction surrounding us.
Caleb was already in, Hanna would be another story. Nobody knows the answer to the question, can Hanna keep a secret? But isn't this what I wanted to be accepted feeling like nothing changes while I'm still skeptical about everything? Emily reached out and held my hand, that's enough to calm my mind for now. We both walked in the diner.
Caleb and Hanna already got here. "Hey guys! Finally I was getting worried! I already ordered from everything something." Hanna said.
"From everything something?" Emily asked smirking.
"Yeah my girl got a big appetite." Caleb put his arm around Hanna placing a kiss on her cheek.
"Your girl?" Emily repeated.
"Jeezes Em. Yes!" Hanna was beaming.
"Yes, Em. Don't pretend you didn't hear their lovemaking this morning." I said, the comment seemed to make our new-old couple even more proud, Emily however was the one getting uncomfortable. Something in her facial expression changed, like she suddenly realized something.
"Have you been here before?" I asked.
"Yes a couple times. The food is amazing here and great place for a date." Hanna wiggled her eyebrows.
"Stop that. You're making her uncomfortable." Emily hissed between gritted teeth.
Hanna rolled her eyes. "So Paige."
Hearing that tone made me feel put under the spotlight more than ever. I wanted to escape interrogation, Emily's palm covering my knee reminded me how good her touches feel. They're still scary but not forced. "How did you two end up together?"
I swallowed. Yes how exactly did this happen?
"I was captivated by her beauty the first time I saw her in class, everywhere my eyes looked there she was. She got in the closet with me at Bridget's party and something I can't explain took over. I felt responsible since then to make her smile to make Emily feel good, only I didn't realize what I was doing to her or myself. Then she basically seduced me in class and in her bedroom." It all came out lighthearted and easy, I knew the story didn't end their it wasn't a perfect love story. The next part was me storming out of her house crying with Caleb, messing up at the picnic, using Sean to get Emily out of my veins. Yesterday felt amazing, it felt like I was part of a group friends, it was a feeling I'd cherish forever. I felt guilty when I played the movie back in my mind, I never gave Sean something. I never encouraged him or stopped him, I kind of left him hanging like his beautiful words.
He shouldn't be wasting them on me anymore.
"I would never dream of hurting you." I said, tears forming in my eyes. I looked her straight in the eye, not bowing down. I wanted to make sure she feels I mean it.
The entire time my mind was running along, I will deal with one thing later but now it's time to make it a little bit more clear. "I hope you don't mind not telling anybody that I like Emily. I don't want people to pull us apart. Until I'm stable." I carefully picked my words, making this about me not her. If she wants to tell people she likes me she can, I don't want to put myself out there for who knows nothing.
"What we have, what you still are denying is like every other couple. The only difference is we're both girls, so what? You never really choose who you love, what does it matter that right now in your life it's a girl? Oh yeah because you're straight, that only allows you guys. And for a bit of pleasure girls. That's what I figured out." Emily stood up, fuming. Almost running into our waitress and our food. I looked at Caleb, I was dumbfounded. I thought I was being sweet, what the hell did I say wrong?
Hanna excused herself and ran after Emily. I looked up at Caleb who shrugged. He spared me from more disasters as his appetite was his number one priority. He dove in the plates, switching plates bite after bite. Only saying things about how great the food is. The tears were back in my eyes. As I moved to stand up I heard Caleb say something. "She really likes you Paige. I'm glad you found someone. I mean it."
I was surprised with his honesty and sincerity. "Thanks."
"See if you can accept that why can't you accept the thing you don't want to talk about?" I was thinking his sentence over as he waved for the attention of the waitress. "I really want dessert, but I don't have money for this all. Hopefully Hanna gets back in time I tried all desserts otherwise I have a problem." I laid down some cash on the table before giving him a quick smile. "I'll see you tonight."
I watched the girl in the mirror as I stood in front of the sink. My makeup looks a mess. I am not even a make-up person. I washed my face, as suddenly a blonde walked in the bathroom. "Is she okay?" I asked.
"You're an idiot Paige." Hanna turned to face me. "I'm not surprised you fell for my best friend."
I stared at her before smiling slowly. "Anita." We said in unison. The beautiful Latin girl that got me mesmerized at camp. "People change when they fall in love." Hanna concluded.
Indeed love is a strange little bastard. "Where is she now?"
"Outside waiting for the taxi. I'm just saying goodbye to Caleb, if you want her alone. Do it now." I was almost out of the door when I heard Hanna's warning to better do the right thing. "Hanna." I said with second thought. "You don't have to leave, stay with Caleb if you like." Hanna nodded, knowing exactly what I was trying to tell her.
"Hey." I said standing beside her.
"Hey." Emily replied without looking away from the road. Is it okay to take the taxi with you? I'll ask him to drop me off elsewhere. I need to talk to Sean." I quickly added the last sentence.
The car ride was silent, the car stopped at the Fields house. "What now?" Emily said irritated as I grabbed her arm. I answered her with a kiss. I leaned my forehead with hers when I pulled away. "Okay what was that?"
"Are you complaining?" I teased. Emily was about to answer when we heard a loud cough from the driver. "I need time Emily. But not the kind of time to figure things out. I have figured out that I have to be around you, but I need time to step up my game. I'm going to see Sean. Okay? I'm not sure what to tell him but I have to now. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Goodnight Paige. Don't forget to text me."
"I won't." I watched her get out of the car, how could I possibly forget about anything related to that girl?