I'm a bit disappointed with the review stats, but I suppose many of you are doing finals/graduating/all that important stuff that comes at this time of the year…but, if you do like or have any suggestions for my story, please let me know. Anyway, thank you so much to my committed reviewers, you guys keep me going :) Ok, so to get to business, I apologize for not updating yesterday (working) but I didn't want to rush this particular chapter…you see, this is one of my favorite moments in my story (thus far planned) and I didn't want it to come out wrong; even now I'm not completely satisfied with it, but I'll let you all be the judge of that, so if you could please do me the favor and let me know what you think? Please review, lol, this is a crucial moment in my story and if I have to redo it, I will, so let me know, yeah?
Alright, well, here it is, chapter thirty six, read, review, and enjoy!
Again I do not own any of Stephanie Meyer's work, solely the plot and some new faces in this story.
***************************Nessie*********************************
There were flowers all around me, the night sky glimmering faintly with dozens and dozens of stars. The breeze made my hair fly up no matter what direction I turned to…I recognized the place, the dreaded field of Jake's doom, and yet…
I was alone.
For some reason this made it even scarier than the other times. I began to run, not knowing left from right or forward from back, only aware that something was terribly wrong here… until finally I saw something up ahead…trees. I ran into the trees, counting on my vampiric senses and my daddy's speed to take me swifter through the forest…it seemed like forever when I finally came into another clearing, or dead end, rather…a small piece of the beach, trees dotting the landscape. For some reason it seemed darker, the water a deadly black…I looked around, searching for the person I knew was supposed to be here with me, who usually was in this kind of dream…but Jake was nowhere within sight. I looked up into the sky, hoping to find comfort in something, be it the hope of stars…but I couldn't see anything, just more blackness…
A rustle behind made me whirl around, and I crouched low into a defensive stance, the way Jasper had often taught me to do in case of danger…but the figure coming out was a wolf. For some reason even my enhanced vision couldn't make out the exact size or color of the wolf…but I had a feeling I knew who it was...the same wolf always headed for danger to save me in these dreams… I hesitated but kept my stance, sensing there was something else out there, something bad…The wolf paused in the shadow of the trees' darkness, looking at me under lidded eyes, he limped just a few more feet… before finally collapsing.
"Jake!" I cried, forgetting the dangerous presence still in the air. I ran over to the wolf, into the curtain of darkness, blindly wrapping myself around his neck. I could feel wet fur under my fingers…
Blood.
Then I smelled something else…vampire. I swerved around, never releasing my hold on Jake's fur. The vampire came out slightly, laughing cruelly, a laugh I knew I would remember always, I growled at it…and then all of a sudden the wolf under me, Jake, leapt out of my arms and straight at the hidden shadow ahead of us.
"No, Jake!" I screamed, but the wolf paid me no heed, lunging in for the attack. The vampire—I still couldn't see who it was—made no move to defend themselves…I heard a girl's laugh then, high and amused…
And then Jake fell.
"Jake, no!" I made to run over, but before I could reach him, the shadow plunged headfirst into the cringing wolf's body, tearing into him for the death.
"JAAAAAAAAAKE!"
I never wanted to kill anything so badly. I ran forward, launching myself onto the attacker, using all my strength and will to destroy it. The last thing I remember were its blood red eyes.
…and then I woke up screaming…
"NOOOOOOOO!"
I bolted upright, bathed in perspiration and dread, my heart beating abnormally fast, my eyes taking in the surroundings of my room.
It'd only been a nightmare, another horrible nightmare…but…I remembered the girls cruel laugh, and the wolf on the floor being torn apart…my face was sticky with tears I didn't remember crying, and I knew I would never be able to go back to sleep if I didn't at least hear him.
Jake, my dear Jake.
I leaped out of bed, my bare feet making no sound as I raced out the door…Jake, I have to talk to Jake, I don't care how late it is, I don't care how rude it might be—
And then I ran into daddy.
Confused, I looked up at him through my tear stained face, the little make up Alice had put on me stained down the corners of my eyes; I vaguely recalled that I was still wearing the celebration dress, that it was probably around three in the morning, that I even had on the necklace Oliver had given me, I recalled it all faintly, only to forget it completely at the look on my father's face.
His hands had caught me from the elbows, and he was peering at me closely now, almost frantically. I knew he could read all my thoughts, but I sent them to him anyway, grabbing a hold of the arms that already held me, showing him the horrible nightmare, Jake being attacked and being left to die. I showed him my urgent need to speak to Jake, how even though I knew it was late, and how I was probably being paranoid, I had to hear his voice, to know that he was safe.
Please daddy, I begged, just let me call real quick, I won't take more than a minute I promise!
But his lips remained closed…I repeated my thoughts again, not knowing what else to do, but after several minutes he still hadn't responded. I released my hold on his arms, looking at him questioningly…daddy stayed quiet, studying me carefully with a strange expression on his face, an expression that seemed familiar and yet I couldn't quite place when I'd seen it before…
Why wasn't he saying anything?
I made to get away from him, not understanding his silence and not wanting to understand. All I could think of was Jake.
But daddy wouldn't let me go. I stared at him with my mouth dropped, purposefully pulling away to show him what I wanted…but his hands only locked onto my arms even tighter…it annoyed me, and I finally spoke aloud.
"Daddy, let me go," I said, my voice still somewhat strangled from having just woken up. He simply nodded his head at me…no. My irritation turned into anger. Couldn't he see that I needed to talk to Jake? I knew that it was stupid and paranoid on my part, but it's not like anything bad could come from a simple phone call?
"Let me go!" I demanded, "I need to call Jake!"
"No, Nessie," he finally spoke, looking at me with that same expression. I turned to look back at him, my eyes blazing with anger.
No? Did he just tell me no!
I glared at him, ignoring the pained look that contributed to that already strange yet familiar expression, and again, tried pushing past him down the rest of the stairs. The need to hear Jake, his groggy voice indicating I'd woken him up out of sheer stupidity and paranoia…that was the only thing I could think of. I struggled against his iron grip, barely aware of the seven other vampires downstairs, watching the scene in horror. My eyes brimmed with tears, and I forced them away, anger beseeching me to get my way…why wasn't daddy letting me go?
"Nessie," he said softy, but I refused to look at him, moving my arms urgently to get out of his clutch. I resisted with more aggression against his bonds, feeling something in my stomach begin to compress tightly, the fear from my nightmare threatening to resurrect. Daddy continued trying to get my attention but I ignored him, moving my body, twisting it, trying everything and anything to get away.
And then he yelled at me, louder than he'd ever yelled at me before.
"RENESMEE!"
I stopped struggling, looking into his panicked face through burning eyes…Daddy NEVER yelled at me…
"I'm sorry for yelling, Nessie," he began, speaking in a slightly softer voice, but I could see concern in his golden eyes, I could see… regret, sadness, fear...
"But I need for you to listen to me very carefully," he continued…caution, panic, despair…
That expression…it was familiar because I had seen it before…
"Renesmee," he said my name again, urging me to look directly at him, but my thoughts had travelled back to two years ago…
"Sweetie, try to calm down," he was saying.
…when the threat of the Volturri had plagued us, all of us, my parents especially…
"You can't call Jake at Billy's, Nessie," said daddy.
….mommy and daddy's expressions of utter fear and worry, for the future of our family, for my safety…
It clicked in my head, and I knew now why that strange expression on daddy's face seemed familiar; it was the same expression from two years ago, the same expression foretelling something horrible to come, something dangerous… Somewhere in the back of my mind I noticed mom coming up to stand beside him…to block the way out?…I looked into daddy's eyes again, waiting for what I knew had gone from my simple need to hear Jake into something much more terrible; my stomach wrenched dreadfully from the anticipation…they weren't letting me pass…they'd intercepted my phone call at the exact moment…Jake had left without saying goodbye…
"Nessie," he said carefully, too carefully, the sole finality of the way he said my name making my heart fail for a second. I knew something was wrong, and yet a small part of me stayed stubbornly in the dark, refusing to acknowledge the clear signs of bad news…Why was he talking like that? In that cautious voice?
"I need you to calm down and listen to me."
I nodded, but my heart began to pick up pace, the rebellious little girl in me having no choice but to accept the inevitable; something was definitely not right, something to do with Jake, why else would this be happening to me right now?
"You need to know," he continued, in the same vigilant voice, "that Jacob is safe, ok?"
What? Jake was safe? Why would he be in danger? My nightmare jumped vividly to mind and I looked at daddy in panic, asking what I already knew the answer to.
He's not at Billy's, is he?
He studied me for a long second, and I forced my mind to think calmly, rationally; it was the best way to think when daddy was involved, if I showed any weakness, any attempt of fleeing, he would continue to lie to me, they all would…finally he spoke.
"No, Jacob is not at Billy's."
My 'calm' moment faded like the stars in a fog and I began to cry, sobbing like a child, like the little two year old I should've been if I'd been a normal human; everything I'd been thinking upon waking up from the dream, from that horrible, horrible dream, came crashing down on me. My eyes became blurry, and I struggled to find my voice again.
"Where is he?" I asked, a stranger's voice coming out of my own.
Pain crossed his features, and this time it was mom who answered, her voice begging, pleading, crying only the way a vampire could cry, for me to understand.
"Alice had a vision, sweetheart, of a plan. Jake was going to be attacked and you were going to kill someone to try to save him, it's part of the plan, he was supposed to be bait for you to be incriminated…if we hadn't sent Jake away, it could've meant something very dangerous for you. It's better this way, they have no way of tracking him so he's perfectly fine, and most importantly, without him as bait, you'll be safe."
Wait…what? I stared at her in disbelief…sent Jake away?...but…danger for me…a vision?...nothing was making sense. Perfectly fine? Use him as bait and yet he was perfectly fine? HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO UNDERSTAND THAT?
"Where is he though?" I asked again, glaring now at mom, anger taking over my stranger's voice.
"Nessie," daddy again, his hold on me reflexively getting tighter, "we…we don't know. If the Volturri are behind this, it's better that we don't know where he's at, it will keep him safe. You need to trust us, Nessie, it's the best way to keep you safe, don't worry about Jake, he can take care of himself—"
I almost laughed bitterly at them.
Trust them? After all the lies they simply wanted me to trust them? I was no longer capable of understanding.
"So he's gone?" I interrupted, my voice shaking, anger betraying my feigned tranquility, "He's gone because of my safety?"
Alice was suddenly behind mom. "Not just because of you Nessie, please, try to understand. Getting to you might be a means of getting to our entire family, but for now it's what's best for you, to keep you saf—"
"TO KEEP ME SAFE!" I yelled, not able to contain myself any longer. "YOU SENT HIM AWAY BY HIMSELF BECAUSE IT'S WHAT'S BEST FOR ME!"
"Renesmee—" mom pleaded, but I ignored her.
"HOW COULD YOU?" I screamed, the tears rolling down without pause, uncontrollably down my face. "JAKE IS GOING TO DIE BECAUSE YOU THINK IT'S FOR MY OWN GOOD!"
"No, Nessie, that's no—"
"LET GO OF ME!" I jerked away from daddy, the anger, the horrible truth, giving me strength like I'd never known before. Before he could grab me again I pushed through Alice and mom down the rest of the stairs. I knew the rest of my family would try to stop me, lie to me some more…but not if I could help it.
"NESSIE!"
"STOP!"
"HE'S FINE, NESS, I PROMISE!"
"RENESMEE!"
But I didn't hear any of it, I only had one thing in mind: reach the door and find Jacob. I past Carlisle…knocked over Esme…tackled Rosalie…evaded Emmett…
Jasper was last, and I growled angrily as I found an inexplicable power in me that left even Jasper on the ground. I was out the door, racing away from my home, my home that was never really home without the one person I knew I'd love for all eternity, my Jacob Black, my Jake, I would find him, I would rescue him if I had to, just like in my nightmare; if having Jake by my side meant my peril, then so be it, I had no life if Jake wasn't a part of it, if anything happened to him…my tears blinded me even further…no, I wouldn't let it, the fiend that tried to stop me would die!
I raced away through the trees, not knowing where I was going but knowing who I was going to. I had to find him, it all just made too much sense; my nightmare, my being in danger, Jake being the one to die…I wasn't going to just sit back and let it happen, and if my own family got in the way…then I would fight them too.
Branches whipped out in front of me, trees looming taller than usual, and I could no longer see the stars. I ran, using all of daddy's speed to take me faster, farther, away from being 'safe' without Jake. How could they not see it? I could never be safe without my Jacob…I was already at the river, and so I jumped early, knowing I'd make it clear across with ease…I landed like a cat, soundless, pausing for the smallest second before surging forward to put more distance between myself and that empty house…but then…
I felt my feet go out from under me as soft, strong arms lifted me up and hoisted me into their embrace. I struggled, crying out aimlessly and desperately for them to let me go, but he ignored me, taking me back the way I'd come from, back to my home but not home, away from ever finding my sun, my moon, my best friend…I struggled against my father, biting and scratching, kicking and hitting him wherever I could. Couldn't he see how important Jake was to me?
"LET ME GO! LET ME GO!" I screamed, fighting and flailing in his arms. He struggled with me, unable to run any further with my constant assaults. I fought relentlessly, attacking him with everything I could muster, attacking my daddy…
I heard mom's voice, having caught up to us. "Renesmee, please, you're hurting Edward, you're hurting your father!" she begged, grabbing my hands in her own. "Jake is fine, I just know it! He's just not here, that's all," she tried convincing me, but I continued to struggle.
"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I NEED HIM! HE'S EVERYTHING TO ME, MORE THAN EVEN YOU BOTH! AND IF I DON'T FIND HIM, HE—HE'S GOING TO DIE BECAUSE OF YOU!" I yelled shrilly. I had no room for logic, for listening, only necessity, urgency, for Jake.
"Renesmee, no one is going to die!" daddy yelled, struggling but never really defending himself against my rage. Mom finally got a good grip on me and together she and daddy hauled me the rest of the way back. All the while I screamed and cried. When we finally got back Emmett locked me into his superhuman strength, holding me tightly against his chest whilst I used the last of my energy and more to try and escape.
"He's going to die!" I tried screaming, my voice hoarse from all the yelling. "Please, mom, daddy, you have to let me go! If we hurry, I'm sure we can catch up to him, get his scent! Then he could come home! You can come too if you want!" I added, trying to change course, anything that might help me. "Just please…" they looked at me with pain on their faces, and I knew I was going to lose…
"I'm sorry, Nessie," mom came over to me, wiping the tears that flowed relentlessly down my cheeks, "but we're only trying to keep you safe. Jake is trying to keep you safe, you understand?"
"But—but," I stammered, more tears flowing down, soaking my already wet dress, "but I need him! I—I love him! Like you could never understand!" I beseeched them.
My family looked at me sadly, variations of 'It's going to be ok' and 'Jake's going to be fine' coming from each of them, but I could barely see them, barely hear their empty promises…
I had slumped into a shapeless heap on the floor as I realized the full extent of what everyone had been trying to tell me.
Jake was gone.
He was gone and even if I tried looking for him I wouldn't find him…nobody knew where he was, and…I knew Jake too well, if he knew my safety was at risk, he would make sure nobody knew where he was, even the wolves…and there was no telling how long it'd be till I saw him again…if I ever saw him again…
Emmett had already let me go, and I felt the reassuring embrace of my mother, Bella, and the soothing musical voice of my father, Edward, but it wasn't enough to keep the tears from flowing, it would never be enough…and so I cried, cried like the child I'd never really been, cried for the moon that gave me light amongst any darkness…I could feel my heart breaking, slowly and painfully, into a meaningless object, into nothingness…I knew then that I hadn't been lying when I said I loved him, because I did; I couldn't explain how, or why, but I loved Jake in a way I would never love anyone else, a special love that made him completely mine, and I his, and I knew he loved me too, had always loved me, even now he'd only been waiting for me to realize it, only I'd realized it too late… now he was gone.
Ok everyone, please, please, please review! This chapter is very important to me and I would really appreciate it :) . What did you think of the big unveiling? Of Nessie's epiphany? What will happen next? What about Oliver? Thanks so much for reading, and reviewing (those who have) my story, I will try updating by tomorrow again, so until then, thanks!