Memories
Live With It
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If you want to use Tora, or any of my other characters, PM me.
He stepped into the darkened room and inhaled. Yep, she was still here. Walking softly across the polished wooden floor, he inhaled again. She wasn't in here, although she had been. The whole place was pretty open plan and he managed to get to the window, to turn the dial to change the opacity. Light flooded in and he stared. All Etana's old photos, the ones she loved so much and placed carefully around the room were shattered, the glass in the frames broken, some of the newer ones torn into little pieces. He didn't know what to do. How to react. Then he heard the stifled noises and hurried out of the open plan area, into the corridors and to the room Etana had kept for guests. Pushing the door open, he froze.
The whole place was in darkness, stank of blood and tears and he didn't know what to do.
"Tora?"
"Go away."
He switched the light on and froze. She was sprawled out, her hair tangled, one hand idly clutching a kitchen knife and red staining the white sheets. He could see the dried blood from where she had stabbed the knife into her stomach, torn it down her arms, plunged deep into her leg.
"Tora…"
"Why won't I die? I keep trying and I can't. I can't… All I can do is hurt…"
He leant over and slipped the knife from her hand, shocked by how unresisting she was.
"Why?"
"I want to stop hurting. Why won't the pain stop? Why won't it stop!"
"It won't stop. You can't get over a death Tora. They say you can, but you don't. Not really. You just learn to live with it and eventually you can cope. But the pain won't go away."
"I just want to die…"
"Dying ain't the way out. You die and you're telling the world 'yeah, they beat me. They beat me and I don't want to go on anymore'. And that ain't the Tora I know."
She looked up at him.
"I just want the pain to go away…"
He scooped her up.
"Come on. We need to get you cleaned up."
"Oh… Poor her…"
"That was the understatement of the Intermittent Period, Phoenix."
"What else was I supposed to say?"
He stared at her, sleeping peacefully for the first time in over a month. He had tried to clean the blood, had thrown away the blood-soaked sheets and decided against carrying her back to the Avengers Mansion. Instead he'd simply lowered her onto Etana's bed and tried to avoid the feelings of slight betrayal about using Etana's house like this, even if it was his.
Walking into the open plan living area, he started to pick up the bits of glass and wood from the shattered photo frames. He'd have to get in touch with Reed and Luke, tell them he couldn't take the kids because right now, Tora was falling to pieces and he needed to be there for her. Even to him that sounded slightly weak.
"Logan…?"
He dropped the glass, swearing as one piece cut him right across his palm and ran into the bedroom.
"Tora?"
"What happened?"
She looked ill, too ill, almost like she had looked when he first saw her, thin and pale, coated in blood and half-dead.
"You collapsed. I found you with a knife. Do you know how much that hurt?"
She blinked at him.
"I…I don't remember…"
He sat down and stared at her.
"Why can't you just talk to me?"
"I will talk when you do."
"Fine! Kurt was my best friend! He never let me feel like I was an animal! He never judged me because of what I did! He may have questioned my methods, but he never said that I was the terrible things I did! He helped me get out of some of my darkest feelings, helped me keep sane when I was falling to shreds! He was the first of the X-Men I told my name to and I cared about him! He was the brother I don't remember having, the only friend I haven't messed up! He meant something to me, maybe more than any other friend I ever had! And then he dies and my world starts to crumble, because he's gone and the most important thing in my life starts to break!"
"What? What's breaking?"
"You are. You're breaking and I can't fix you. I can't try and hold you up because you won't let me!"
She stared at him then touched his face.
"Logan…"
She brushed her lips against his but he pulled away.
"Don't do that!"
"What?"
"I know you. You don't think I'm that stupid that I can't tell when you mean something like that! You're trying to distract me and I'm not going to let you!""
She stared at him then tilted her head away.
"I can't. I don't even know what I feel. It's all confused and messed up and I feel so lost. It's like this light has gone out and I didn't even realise it was there. It's like Etana all over again, but this time it's worse."
He wrapped his arms around her.
"It's always going to hurt. But maybe…someday…you'll be able to live with it."
She nodded and rested her head on his chest. They sat in silence so some time, then she mumbled something into his shirt.
"What?"
"But what if I can't? Live with it? What then?"
"She really was falling apart."
"Once upon a time, she'd have poured out her soul to Logan. Now it looks like she isn't prepared to even tell him how she feels."
"That's the problem. She did."
She clapped her hands together and smiled as the water blasted out from around her, washing away the small-time crooks who had happened to break into the wrong shop. Once she'd have just extended her claws and let them run. But she wasn't feeling merciful today and so pinned them to the wall. She stalked towards them, mimicking Emma's strut when she was trying to intimidate people, legs one in front of the other as she walked towards them. Tora stared at them, pushing them down with the water so they had to stare up at her.
"Now… Why would a group of children like you, who appear to have more than enough money, want to rob a shop? It can't be for food. You aren't starving, any of you. Not enough to be driven to theft at any rate. Not for clothes, because I can see about three designer labels. Not drugs either, because you don't smell like junkies. So obviously… This is some sort of spoiled rich kid initiation. I mean really? How hopeless can people get? Night, night."
They dropped to the floor, pressure having been placed to knock them unconscious. Tora turned, pulled out a handful of bills, placed them down and walked out.
"Well that's nice."
"Her mind was weakening by the day. At least what happened next cheered her up a bit."
"What, you mean the whole vampire attack? I thought she hated vampires with a passion that knew no bounds."
Her hands flew over the keys as she tried to find something that would indicate what today's suicide bombing had been about. Then she could go and hit whoever it was who had endangered Jubilee.
"Maman?"
She swirled around in the seat.
"Yes Curt?"
"They won't let me see Jubilee."
"She's in quarantine. If we can work out what attacked her, we can cure her."
"Why aren't you there?"
"I'm a healer, not a genius scientist. I just do as I'm told. They'll call me in, tell me what's wrong in dumb-talk and I'll fix it. Right now, it's better I see what I can find. Any attacks, odd movements, shipments going miss- Ah ha… Oh dear…"
"Maman?"
"Curt, if I were to tell you this, what would you think? In the San Francisco area, a warehouse where blood donated by members of the public for medical purposes was broken into. None of the expensive medical equipment was taken. All that vanished was the blood."
Curt scratched his head.
"I'd say Draculas. Did you know Wade saved some good draculas from bad draculas? At a hospital?"
"How do you even still stay in touch with that dreadful man?"
"Wade's great. He understands my…condition. That's what you call it, isn't it? Everyone at school says I'm fruity-loops and other things Dad said I wasn't to even mention when you're around. Oops."
She stood up.
"I need to go and speak with your principal-"
An alarm beeped on the computer terminal and she turned around very fast, pressing a button.
"Dragon here. I think I've found something."
"Nemesis. Is that something vampires by any chance?"
"Sadly, yes. Jubes?"
"Infected, but at a slow rate. We need you over here immediately to slow the spread."
Tora nodded to herself.
"I'll be over as soon as I can. Curt, I'll have to hold off the meeting."
"It's okay anyway. I'm used to it. Can I come with you?"
Tora didn't answer as she was already halfway out the door, so Curt decided that was the same as parental consent and charged after her. He knew his mother was like this recently, living only for the moment and never planning ahead, because she didn't expect to live long enough to see the next week out. Hopefully she'd have forgotten his slip-up, although that was unlikely. Maman didn't forget things easily.
She skidded to a halt outside the quarantined bay and placed her hand to the door, charging in before it was fully opened. Curt hurried in after her before the door could close on him. Tora was already leaning over a screen.
"Where's the damage?"
"There's a foreign agent in her blood, mutating her cells, almost rewriting her genetic code. We need you to cleanse it, get it all out. And what is that drooling imbecile doing here?"
"That 'drooling imbecile' is my son and Logan has very short shrift with those who insult him. By the way Curt, what are you doing in here?"
"I thought Jubilee would like some company."
"Curt, that's so sweet. Go and talk to her while I work out what I'm supposed to be doing."
Curt edged over to where Jubilee was sitting on a sofa, trying to make it look like she wasn't edging out of the sunlight.
"Hi."
"Go away."
"But-"
"Go away. I don't want any holier-than-thou mutants telling… Oh… Sorry Curt."
"Hi. Yeah. You look really pretty when you're all pale."
"Curt, you're three. You shouldn't be telling nineteen-year-olds they look pretty."
"I'm a three-year-old with the body of an eighteen-year-old boy. I think you look pretty. Anyway, it didn't stop Cyke's baby brother from going out with the Prof's girlfriend's older sister. Which is just gross by the way. I mean, when I say that, it sounds like Deathbird was really, really old or Lilandria was really, really young."
Jubilee smiled slightly.
"Yeah. I suppose. You're good at making me laugh, aren't you?"
Curt grinned.
"How about this? What's moving and orange and fuzzy?"
"Go on?"
"Xixy's hand after he dropped it down the sofa!"
"Did that really happen?"
"Yeah! He was just kneeling on the floor, trying to get a quarter out from behind the cushion and he brought his arm back out and his hand had got trapped! It was hilarious!"
Jubilee sniggered slightly. Curt grinned broadly.
"And that's not the best bit! Xixy just stared at his arm stump then said in this tone of total surprise 'I thought I was too young to spawn…' Maman just about died laughing."
Jubilee snorted then started shaking with laughter. Curt smiled shyly at her. To his annoyance, Brian wasn't shutting up.
(Look at her. You're making her laugh! Kiss her now! Kiss her now!)
Dad would kill me…
I think she's pwetty. For a human, that is.
(Yeah, like that's going to impress her, doo-doo-brains.)
Guys, please stop fighting. It's giving me a headache and I can't concentrate on what Jubilee's saying.
"-you know, you're a decent guy Curt, even if you are a bit crazy at times."
"Thanks…"
(Kiss her now!)
"Right, Curt, out. I think I know what I have to do. I need total concentration, so vamoosh! Go! Begone! You can keep Jubes company later."
(Spoilsport!)
"Well, isn't that sweet."
"Death, can your sarcastic tone get any more obvious?"
Phoenix sighed.
"Can you really lecture her on sarcasm?"
"No, not really…"
A.N. Three days... Three days of trekking across boggy hills in the pouring rain with soaked through tent, clothes, food and camping stove on my back. Getting lost on the first two-hundred metres on the first day. Then rerouting on the second day because the ford was flooded. And climbing thirty metres up a steep hill only to realise I was supposed to go downhill instead. Then having blisters burst on the last 750m. This is just my way of saying -don't expect an update for a while as I am completely shattered and have lots of blisters and midgie bites. (6 & 12 at the last count). So... Yeah. Don't expect updates until I've recovered. (I hate midges) Now excuse me, I'm going off to cry.