Breaking Through the Bottom of the Bottle
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Five years after Beacon, Jaune's still going home alone as often as not. An unlikely encounter with Yang may have just the solution- drinks, company, and a hell of a lot of pickup lines.
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Disclaimer: I don't own RWBY. Duh.
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[By the second hour he began to let down his guard.]
She waited until he was just about finished with his drink until she sprang the next one.
"You know, we might be asked to leave soon," she said, looking around the bar.
"Why's that?" Jaune asked with a barely perceptible slur, looking around as well. As always, there were at least a few heads that turned away as his eyes might have met theirs.
"Because you're making all the other guys look bad," Yang said. "Plus, I think I'm ready for a change of pace." She blinked. "Place," she corrected.
"Well, we can't have that," Jaune said, steadying himself with the table before rising to his feet.
"Aren't your legs tired? They've been running through my mind all night."
Jaune laughed. "I'm sure. Besides, I could use a stretch. And the air," he said, stepping off towards the door.
"Hey, aren't you forgetting something?" Yang called out from behind him.
Jaune's hand immediately went to his wallet, before he remembered. "Wait, weren't you paying?" he checked, though he was more than willing to.
"No, I got it," Yang denied, slapping enough lien on the table to cover their drinks.
"Then what'd I forget?" Jaune asked, confused.
"Me," Yang answered, sliding out beside him, before pointing down. "Also, your shoe is undone," she said. "Want me to tie it? I don't want you falling for anyone else."
"Eh, there are worse fates," Jaune said, even as he knelt and tied it for him. His legs were a bit stiffer than he thought, or maybe it was the alcohol in addition, because he wobbled as he stood.
Fortunately Yang was there to help him stabilize. "I'm fine," he said, putting a hand out as they made their way out the door. "I don't need help." That'd just be embarrassing.
"Well, if I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?" Yang asked. "Please?"
"Sure."
It was the first time in a while he'd put Yang on the spot, rather than the other way around. For a moment, her jaw dropped as if she wasn't sure which of them was drunk.
"Aren't you going to say something?" Jaune prompted with a smirk, daring to press the limits and see her back down.
She didn't, and easily stepped closer against him. "You have a nice body," Yang said from against him. "Kinda like a banana."
Jaune raised an eyebrow. He looked up, at the bottom of his blonde bangs. He looked down, at, well, a metaphor in hiding. And he looked back at Yang.
"It's very a-peal-ling," she cracked.
Jaune groaned good-naturedly, but threw his arm out all the same, pulling her closer as agreed. His arm went over her, she threw her right arm over his, and together they made their way in the night. They weren't really drunk enough to need help walking, but that's the image the two had as they continued.
"It's gotten colder," Jaune realized.
"Really?" Yang said from beside him, pretending not to notice. "I thought it was pretty hot. Maybe it's just you?"
The goosebumps on her arm betrayed the lie, and she couldn't hide a shiver when he blew a sudden puff of air along her arm and into her ear. "And what's this?" he asked, tracing a finger along the goosebumps on her bare upper arm.
For once she was embarrassed. "Alright, it's cold," she admitted, before looking enviously at his jacket. The hoodie of years past was long-gone, but its replacement had a similar theme. "That jacket looks great on you," she murmured. "Any chance I could I talk you out of it?"
He was already shrugging it off to hand to her. "Chivalry's not quite dead," he said as he handed it over.
She smiled as she put it on. "Nice," she said, taking a deep breath as she appreciated the warmth.
"It is," Jaune agreed, and couldn't resist. "But I always liked it more on a girl's floor."
"Why Jaune," Yang cooed, "it's almost like you're getting in the spirit of things," she teased.
Jaune gave a silly grin back, toughing out the night's nip for now. "Well, you can't have all the fun," he rejected. "Let's see how awkward you feel."
"Try it," Yang challenged. "Bet you'll crack before I do."
"We'll see," Jaune agreed, before guiding her to another establishment. "Let's stop here. I'll get drinks, you get a booth," he said, splitting once they were in.
"Grab me a strawberry sunrise," Yang said, agreeing to the split.
Jaune did, and found her in a little alcove. Once again, there were already whispers and stares from the distance as people spotted the obvious prosthetic. Once more she didn't care, and he made a point not to either as he saw her looking at the menu and licking her lips.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked, sliding in across from her and giving the drinks.
"Me-n-u," Yang said, moistening her lips again before taking a sip.
Jaune rolled his eyes. "Right. But what's on the menu?" he asked.
"Me-n-u," Yang repeated, wagging her eyebrows as she fingered the letters.
"Fine, give it to me," Jaune said with mock impatience before reaching over and reading off it. "'Sex on the Beach,' 'Golden Shower,' 'Sit on my Face'…" He growled at the sound of her mirth. "You just wanted me to read the dirtiest drink names possible, didn't you?"
"Maaaybe," she admitted with a puerile chuckle. "Or maybe I wanted to give you some inspiration."
He rolled his eyes. "Tell you what. The next time I want a," he looked at the next item on the list, "a 'screaming orgasm,' I'll be sure to ask you."
Yang was almost comically wide eyed. "You. Do not get to take that back," she ruled, before looking around. "Did anyone else catch that? You said it, Jaune- no take backsies. Arc words, and all that."
Jaune groaned. "What would I take back?" he asked. "You're the one offering, aren't you?"
Yang gave an exagerated leer. "Whenever you want," she promised.
Jaune went back to rolling his eyes. "I think you're the one who wants one," he said.
"Guilty as charged," Yang agreed without shame.
"Then you could have gotten one for yourself," he pointed out, though he reached over in an offer to share his own drink. "You know there's no actual alcohol in a Strawberry Sunrise, right? It's a kid's drink. You'll get drunk a lot faster if you have some actually alcohol."
Yang pretended to be affronted. "Okay, first? Don't mess with the sunrise," she ruled. "Second, you never give yourself a Screaming Orgasm. That's just rude," she claimed, to Jaune's snort of disbelief.
"And third…" she said, looking away slightly, "I get drunk faster than I used to. One of the problems with prosthetics is that there's less body to absorb the alcohol," she explained, fingering her glass.
Jaune grabbed her hand.
"Oh no," Jaune warned, shaking his head. "We're getting off mope train, right now. No more tonight, remember? We have a mission," he urged.
"We?" Yang asked, letting her train of thought be derailed.
"You have a guy to work on, and I just have to suffer through your attempts and practice," he claimed with exaggerated suffering.
"It's not that bad," Yang said with a laugh, before realizing he wasn't laughing with her. Her eyes went wide. "It's not that bad, is it? I'm not bothering you with them, am I?" she asked, a bit more urgently and earnestly than before.
Jaune drew it out for a moment longer before cracking a grin. "Nah, it's fine," he admitted, "though some of your lines could use a little work."
"Oh really?" Yang asked, relaxing again.
"Really," Jaune said, before clearing his throat and making an imitation of her. "'If I had five lien for everytime I saw someone as hot as you, I'd have five lien'? Really, Yang? Who wants to be worth five lien?"
"Okay, that one could use a little work," Yang admitted. "How about…" she considered, looking at him. "If I had a lien every time I thought of you, I'd have one lien because you're never out of my mind?"
"Maybe," Jaune conceded. "But you can do better. I mean, what'd you say if I went up to you and said "If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?"
Yang's lips moved as she tried to make sense of it, working it out in her head.
"Jaune, that's cheating!" she realized.
"That's not the right answer," Jaune complained. "You're supposed to give a yes or a no!"
Yang thought on it some more, and smiled. "I like it," she said. "I'm keeping it."
"Good," Jaune said. "Then, how about…"
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End Twelfth Round
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Author Note:
And the status quo starts to shift. Winner is...?
So, quick trivia- did you know this story was literally built around pickup lines?
No, seriously-I actually started trying for much shorter story that was almost nothing but pickup lines. So I grabbed a couple hundred pickup lines, put them in order for something resembling a plot, and tried to figure out what sort of plot it could be. Turns out you can't do drama or conflict with pickup lines alone, except for some of the more offensive things. So the story ballooned, things changed, and here we are.
Half of Jaune's... Jaune-ness is for a pretty mundane reason. I could say it was for comedic effect, or hint that it might be misdirection, and I can even point to past emotional trauma to justify extreme friend zoning... but the truth is, I just didn't want to throw away all those pickup lines I was pleased to find a use for.
Also- the next chapter is short enough- like, really short- that I'll be just posting two chapters tomorrow. One early, one late. Just be aware.