I'm missing the fervor chapter thirty six had, damn! So I will try to keep it 'real' from now on. Here we will witness another 'emotional' moment, I hope you like it as much as I do ; ) Thanks so much for all the reviews, you guys are the best! ( I can't stop saying that, lol) so anyway here's the next chapter, read, review, and enjoy!

I do not own any of Stephanie Meyer's fabulous work, solely the plot and some new faces in this story.

************************Edward********************************

I frowned as Esme took Oliver upstairs to see Nessie. It went against my better judgment, but because it was Esme…I forced back any sentimentalities involved with Esme's nurturing quality: Nessie was in no need for more headaches, and Oliver was exactly that! I made to follow them, making it to about halfway up the stairs when yet another line of thoughts slipped. I turned angrily towards the closed bedroom that harnessed the disobedient act.

Damnit Rosalie!

****************************Nessie***********************************

After falling asleep in Esme's lap, I was surprised to wake up from a dreamless sleep—thankfully!—to the sound of a light knocking on the door. I looked up, confused for a moment. I was no longer in my dress—Alice would've discarded it for sure after what I'd done to it—but in my favorite flannel pajamas instead. My hair was no longer tangled either, but lay soft and silky against my skin, despite not even having showered…Esme was the best grandma a girl could ask for…I couldn't help but feel grateful towards her, and somewhat guilty for causing someone as sweet as her any risk of sadness with my attitude…

But it was inevitable. I sighed, wondering for the millionth time where my Jake could be, if he was safe at least…another knock startled me back to the present. Oops, forgot about that…

"Com—" I cleared my throat as a raspy sound came out and tried again, "come in."

Esme poked her head in and smiled at me. Probably glad to see I wasn't crying anymore…

"Hello, sweetie," she said to me with her 'never fails everything will be alright' smile. "You look much better, did the nap help?"

Had it helped? Was Jake back yet?...but I smiled meekly at her, it was the least I could do. "Yeah, a little."

She grinned at me. "That's great honey. There's someone here to see you," she hesitated, "I thought he might be able to cheer you up."

He? My face showed momentary panic. A knot began to twist in my stomach, I had a feeling I knew who 'he' was…Esme looked uncertain but continued in her soothing voice.

"I know you're feeling glum, Nessie, but Oliver just wanted to make sure you're ok. He knows how upset you are and wants to comfort you," she said carefully, hopefully.

Yeah, but does he also know that I finally realized I actually might see Jake that way—a sharp pain went through me as I thought of Jake—and thus he and I would probably have to break…I let the thought hang in my mind…did we have to break up? Did I still have feelings for Oliver? Could I even consider giving him a chance with Jake being in such peril?

All the while Esme scrutinized my behavior, the quickly altering forms expressed on my face. I'd known, somewhere in the back of my mind, that I'd have to talk to Oliver eventually…but…it just seemed like the least thing to worry about right now with Jake gone…

Again the pain…Jake…I could feel the tears threatening to well up in my eyes and I blinked ferociously to stop them.

"If you're not feeling up to it," Esme said hurriedly, "I can tell him to come back later?"

Come back later? For what? For me to tell him that I loved Jake and not him? For him to go on living with false hope, no matter how temporary? It was only a matter of delaying the inevitable anyway, just like my finding out about Jake…why lie to him too by avoiding the truth like everyone else had with me?

No, Oliver didn't deserve that from me. He had, if not the greatest boyfriend—I recalled our irrational but frequent arguments—always been a good friend to me, and the least I could do was tell him the truth. I wasn't looking forward to it at all, more pain, more guilt to add to my already overstocked pile…but I had to be strong.

All this flitted through my head within two seconds. "No," I said, a bit anxiously, "he can come in."

Esme smiled at me, a genuine 'that's my girl' smile. "Alright, I'll leave you two alone."

I straightened up and smoothed my hair back behind my ears, nervous being the second leading emotion in my head. Worry was still number one…Oliver walked in, casting a downward glance at my puffy eyed lone figure. He looked uncomfortable, and…

Depressed?

I scoot to the edge of my bed and patted the seat beside me, never taking my eyes off of my recent first boyfriend as he walked over and sat beside me, twiddling his thumbs nervously and glancing at me cautiously…I gulped before a new set of tears silently made their way out.

He knew.

How he knew I had no idea, I hadn't revealed my Jake revelation to anyone, and I knew, given the situation, that daddy wouldn't have told everyone else of something so private…

But Oliver knew…how? Could he see it in my eyes? Could he see the extent of pain that it caused me for Jake to be away?

The tears kept rolling down, flowing faster as Oliver finally looked up into my eyes with a weak smile.

"Hey," he said softly, wiping away my newest tears from my face with the length of his fingers, "don't cry, Renesmee."

That only made them flow faster of course…Renesmee…he and Tom were the only ones that called me by my full name at all times, somehow I had never really noticed that before…Oliver continued to wipe away my tears looking at me sadly. I forced myself to meet his gaze and…

Felt my heart throb painfully…another realization hit me like pelting rain.

I still felt for Oliver. I could see it plainly in his eyes, the way they still melted my insides and aroused ridiculous urges…but…

I knew my feelings for him would never rival against what I felt for Jake, what I'd felt for Jake all along…how could I have been so stupid and not noticed? And now here I was, in love—wait did I love Oliver?—with two wolves, one less than the other and one gone, the one that really counted…

I cringed at the last thought. That wasn't a fair thing to think, Oliver counted too, he always had…he was my first kiss after all…

"Renesmee," Oliver began again, "go ahead, talk to me."

But the sound of his voice only made my sadder, guiltier. How could I do what I was about to do to him? He was going to hate me after this, and I would probably lose him…As if losing Jake wasn't bad enough! It was all just so unfair…

"Oliver, I—I," but I couldn't manage to get past that, I could taste salt in my mouth, my chest heaving maniacally with the over exertion of emotions going on inside of me. My mouth felt dry despite my wet face and I suddenly wished Jasper was near by to calm my overwhelmed mind.

"Jake's gone," I finally said, the words bringing about a strangled cry from my throat with their meaning. I searched his face for a response, and felt the hole in my chest deepen when I saw it.

He winced, slightly, but I hadn't missed it. He put on a comforting smile for my sake however. "I know, Renesmee, and I'm really sorry."

His sympathy only made me feel worse…the worst, at least for him, was yet to come, and he was still putting on a brave face for my sake…

I'm horrible!

"Before you say anything though," he continued, suddenly shifting his eyes away from mine, "I need to confess something of my own."

Huh?

"I kind of lied to yesterday about Jacob. Your dad kind of made me go along with their little lie," he paused, waiting for a reaction, but I just stared back at him. "I'm really sorry, I didn't really know where Jacob went, but I did know he hadn't gone to Billy's like I told you he did…sorry."

I blinked. Wait...So Oliver had lied to me too?

My pity for him vanished instantly… and the rage began to build.

"So you knew he left and you didn't tell me," I snapped at him. It caused him to tense and look up at me worriedly.

"I—I," he stuttered, "I didn't have a choice, Edward threatened to pulverize me! He slammed me against a tree—"

I had already stood up, my eyes narrowing, angry tears coming out. I poked a finger into his chest accusingly. "It doesn't matter," I hissed at him vehemently, "you were the only I thought WASN'T lying to me!"

Oliver blinked but didn't back away. "Please, Renesmee, I only did it because I thought it would keep you safe," he looked away, remembering the encounter with daddy, "the way Edward made it sound…he said he didn't want you to get into trouble by going out and looking for him, that you should be happy for as long as possible." His eyes pleaded with me to believe him…and I remembered my own confession...

I couldn't help not laughing bitterly. "Oh, do I seem happy to you now?" I sat back down in a huff with my back to him. I knew I would forgive him in a bit—daddy could be pretty convincing after all, and my soon to be revealed truth was something I knew he'd hate hearing—but I was still mad that he'd been in on the lie.

"Renesmee?" Oliver placed his hand on my shoulder tentatively. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen, honest, I—I," I heard him gulp awkwardly, "I really, really like you, too much actually. If your family wanted you to be happy, even if just for a bit longer, how could I not agree? All I wanted was to have a chance with you before," again the pause, "before you fell for someone else…," he stopped again, and I heard a stifled sniffle escape from him. My anger immediately broke…he was crying!

"And even if you did, I'd still want you to be happy."

His words caught me off guard, revitalizing the destructive pain in my chest. Would my tears ever stop? How could I stay mad when he made sense? When I was about to break up with him because of a sudden realization? I still had feelings for Oliver, of that I was aware, but he wouldn't see it like that…he would see it the way it really was: me choosing Jake over him…Oliver could always make me smile, make me happy…but never as happy as Jake made me…yet he never stopped trying, even now…coming to see me when I knew he already knew I was going to break his heart. It was all just too much sadness, too much misery for one day…first my own, now my dear friend's? How could this all be happening at once, and on Christmas!

"You ok?" his voice again, timid with my lack of response. "I get it if you're mad. I deserve it." I could hear the regret in his voice, more sadness…and I couldn't hold back any longer.

I burst into tears, wailing again like a child. Oliver's hand froze.

"Renesmee?" he asked shakily, then began muttering in panic, "I'm sorry, I made things worse didn't I? I never should have come, I'll go, I'll leave right away, and—uh—I'm really, really sorry, I—"

But I had thrown myself into his arms, shaking heavily with my cries. His body remained stiff from surprise…after a few seconds he relaxed and simply held me…

We sat like that for several moments, Oliver nervously rubbing my back while I ruined his shirt…then I pulled back from him, wiping away what water was left on my face.

"I—I'm sorry about your shirt," I said shakily, Oliver quickly replied with a 'No, no, don't even think about it' but I kept going as if I didn't hear him. "Oliver, I'm not mad, I know how scary daddy can be, so I don't blame you. Plus...there's something I have to tell you too."

His breathing hitched as we both waited for the ultimate truth to come out. I took a deep breath and grabbed one of his hands in mine. "Last night," I said, my voice finally sounding vaguely familiar, "I found out the truth about Jake. That he l—l—left," I took another quick breath from the horrible memory. "I don't know if you know all the details yet, but he basically left because of something to do with my safety."

Oliver remained silent, listening attentively. "I," I looked away, remembering painfully the moment I'd realized he was gone, "I just about lost it. I almost got away too, but…daddy caught me and brought me back home…when I got here, though, I began going off on this…rant, I guess you could call it, and it was then that I realized something."

My breathing became uneven as Oliver's stopped. We both knew what was coming next, and it took all of my will power to look him in the eyes as I continued. "I realized the reason why Jake has always been so important to me, not just because he's my best friend, or because I've known him all my life—Oliver?"

I couldn't find myself to go on at that moment... Oliver was crying, silently, but the tears were relentless. I felt a small part of me die knowing it was all my fault…I made to wipe them away but he waved his hand dismissively, muttering a quick 'no it's fine, I'm fine, go on' and using his shirt to wipe his face hastily.

I wanted to hurt myself for doing this to him...but I went on. "I realized that...that I loved him, that I loved Jake, not just as my best friend but as—oh Oliver I'm so sorry!" I joined him in his waterfest, taking both his hands in mine. "I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner, I would've never wanted to hurt you like this," I sobbed. Oliver's shoulders sagged up and down as he struggled to contain his silent hysterics. I didn't need to say it aloud, that I loved Jake in that way…I'd already said enough, done enough damage to the devoted, broken boy that sat before me.

He hid his face in the hem of his shirt, avoiding my gaze. I forced him to look at me. "Please, say something?"

He sniffled a bit before managing a weak smile, "Don't worry about it, Renesmee," he croaked, "I'm ok, honest," more tears as he turned away from me again.

"But," I insisted, grabbing his chin to face me, "you're crying!"

"Aw," he said, waving a hand as if were nothing, "I just got something stuck in my eye, that's all, no worries there," another set of tears came gushing out. I bowed my head, hating myself for doing this to him, for making someone else miserable, someone I loved. I felt his hand on my chin this time, and I looked up into his dark, sad, eyes.

"Renesmee," he said carefully, with so much emotion it hurt even more, "don't be sorry. I'm not. I'm glad I had you for as long as I did, and besides," he smiled at me through the curtain of water, "I'm still your friend, till the end, you'll always be my girl, even if it's nothing more. It'll be like Jacob and I just switched places."

I couldn't help a weak smile at him as I let him pull me in for a hug. "You're such a dork, you know that," I mumbled, feeling his tears falling onto my pajama top. "You could never be just a friend to me. If Jake is, you know, that to me, then you'd have to be my best friend from now on."

I felt his fingers comb through my hair as he huskily managed to say, "I can live with that," kissing me on the forehead briefly before pulling me back into his arms.

We held onto each other tightly for what seemed like forever, each wallowing in our own sadness and misery…but at least I knew I hadn't lost him, that he would always be there for me, just like the best friends we'd always been meant to be…

What a friend, huh? I do feel I could've added more, but…idk, what do you all think? I'd say it's still one of my better chapters but I guess I'll find out. Let me know what you think by reviewing, reviewing, reviewing! I'm going to try doing several things by tomorrow: 1)go back and edit/rewrite at least 2-3 chapters from the beginning, 2)update into chapter 41, and 3) start writing chapter 42…so please review and let me know what you all think, I'm going to work hard to keep it good and a simple comment from each of you only makes more worthwhile, thanks!