Memories

Fearing Love

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Tora lay in the empty room, the terrible neck wounds stitched and the blood from both those and the smaller injuries cleaned away. Her eyes were closed and there was an oddly serene expression on a face that most often displayed worry, exhaustion or just plain exasperation. The door creaked open and Logan came in, checked the various displays and then gently pushed a strand of hair away from her eyes.

"Come on. You can do it. All you have to do is wake up."

She didn't respond and he sighed. Everyone had watched Steve in silence as the man had gulped. Then he'd spoken.

"You're asking me to choose between the one fated to die and the one who wants to die. But…Tora has family, young children…It would be wrong to take their mother from them. And Thor never asked for her help. She gave it freely, knowing what the consequences would be. I… I think Thor should be the one to… I…"

And the angel had nodded, glanced at Logan and sent a message. You better get her to a medic else I might have to come back. Then she had faded away and Odin had clutched Thor closer, and Logan suddenly had Spider-Man and the Black Widow helping him carry Tora back towards the ambulances. The drive to Beast's lab had been terrifying. The terrible wounds wouldn't heal and Logan more than once thought that she had died. The thought had terrified him more than he thought possible. And one thing had rolled around and around his head, over and over again. When facing one of the idiots with the hammers, they'd said something. Something that tore right through him.

"How delicious. The one you fear above all is the one you love more than anything. How truly wonderful."

And he hadn't the courage to deny it.


"Sweetie, what did he see?"

The masked woman shook her head.

"There is no need to see what he saw."

"Is there something you're hiding from us?"

"Nothing at all. I just find it rather humiliating."


Voices. Low and muffled, speaking in that urgent tone she'd come to recognise as "Tora's almost killed herself again, we need to do something about it" voices. Her sense of smell flared next and her nose twitched in irritation as the stark smell of cleansing chemicals decided to shoot up her nostrils. Sniffing surreptitiously, she could smell… Hank, no surprises there… Steve, probably wanted to make sure she was okay… Scott, again, no surprise… Logan, well that was a relief… Wait, was that… Balder?

Her eyes snapped wide open and she let out a slight yelp at the harsh white theatre lights. Logan was suddenly beside her, hands covering her eyes, protecting them from the light.

"There's someone here who wants to talk to you."

"Bal…der…"

"Don't try and speak. You ripped up your throat pretty bad, what with all the clawing and apparently your screaming didn't help. Look, he wants to speak to you."

She blinked once, telling him it was fine. She heard the man's footsteps but when she tried to move her head, she found to her horror she had it held in position. Beast seemed to understand.

"We aren't sure how badly you're injured. We had to put your head in a neck brace, just in case any damage had occurred. Congratulations Tora, you successfully managed to have almost every single vertebrae splintered almost beyond repair, despite having adamantium bones. It was only your healing factor that saved you and for a while we weren't certain if it was working."

"Bal…"

"Hey, I think she wants to talk to you."

"Greetings, my lady."

"Th… Th…or…"

"Dead. He died the heroes death he wished for. Thank you my lady. Thank you for offering him a chance he didn't have."

"How…?"

"I… I wanted to…to say thank you… For helping my brother… For…"

Her hand reached out and grabbed his. She might not be able to move her head, but she was capable of comforting the stricken god. She touched Dragon and used it to send a few tiny healing bursts into the man's hand. Apparently Dragon could help heal emotional wounds as well, although without the effectiveness of physical injuries. All Tora was able to do was put in the idea that Thor knew the risks, and that Balder shouldn't be sad. It wasn't much but in many cases, it would help people follow the road for healing.

"I… Why…?"

Interesting. He could sense it. She sent a few more pulses, filled with peace and calm and tinged with sorrow, but also happiness, memories, jokes she had made at Thor's expense and his comments back. The Asgardian stepped backwards, his hand slipping out of hers.

"I thank you once more. You have a friend in the Æsir."

She blinked but she could already hear him walking out. Then a blue furry face swam in front of her eyes.

"The healing process goes quicker when you're under. I'm going to anesthetise you."

"Thor… fune…"

"You missed it. And Bucky's as well. You've been out for a while. Don't worry. We're doing everything to speed up the healing process."

She tried to speak, tell him that she healed better when conscious, that it might hurt more but she could direct the healing to the areas that needed it… But her eyes felt heavy and she slid back into the peaceful oblivion of sleep.


"Ow. That's impressive, damaging her enough to almost kill her."

"Oh, she did it all the time. Pushed herself too hard and spent a few days –or quite a few in this case- hovering between life and death."


She was still limping and Beast didn't know she had 'discharged' herself, but she wanted to get home. Her chest was still strapped up, her neck still in a brace and she ached all over. The curse of having so-called 'unbreakable' bones –could she sue the makers of the adamantium for false claims? Probably not… The curse of unbreakable bones was that when they did get broken, they took forever to heal. She could feel her ribs grating against each other and a part of her scolded the rest for her foolishness and told her she should be lying down, recovering. But she ignored that, as she always did.

A girl up ahead turned to her and then Hope suddenly flung her arms around Tora, who hid her pain in an exhalation of breath.

"Careful Hope. I don't want to have to go back to that room."

The girl grinned at her then hugged her again.

"I…They wouldn't tell us… We all thought you were dead…"

"It'll take more than a pompous Asgardian to kill me. Although he got pretty close…"

She let Hope walk with her, leaning slightly on the girl. Her ribs were aching again. Hope was chattering in the most normal way Tora had ever seen. There was no wariness or fear there. And Tora suddenly blinked.

"You said you had three years of normality. Explain."

"Well, we turn up and the jump was a bit difficult and then we land and you're dancing around this big computer and lock off the reality, meaning while we can't get out until you turned it off, no one could get in and because you lived in an almost inaccessible mountaintop we were safe. And then Cable finds these photos and goes bright red because it turns out that that you was married to that him and well Cable sort of felt really rather awkward and… I think you'd sort of been growing on him over the years because you were the only person he felt he could trust… And you ended up married or something and I think it was probably the 'or something'. And you used to be so sweet together, like you'd fight over who'd get to eat the last packet of sushi and I got this feeling that this was how a normal family operated. Only not having shooting matches over the last packet of sushi…"

Tora smiled slightly.

"I better send out a message to twelve-oh-nine. Tell her to start building a reality-lock."

"How do you know it's that reality?"

"Because that's the only reality where I'm in a relationship with Cable. See, lovely and simple. Rather unique as well. I apparently tend more towards relationships with Logan or Kurt… At least that's the majority…"

Hope gulped.

"Did… Did I ever… Did I ever say sorry…?"

"It wasn't your fault."

"Why do you close off when someone talks about that?"

Tora's head dropped slightly.

"Because since then I haven't felt whole… It's like something precious has gone. It's like the Sun has gone out. I can't see which way I'm meant to go anymore…"

"I…"

"He would have known what to do. Kurt would have known how to bring hope to us when we were afraid… He never gave up on us… He was always there to see the best in us all…"

And she moved away from Hope, limping fast away from her.

"Where are you going?!"

"I have a date with a girl in a tree."


"Didn't…"

"Don't spoil it Phoenix."

"Sorry…"