Spike glared up at the stained acoustical tiled ceiling, having landed flat on his back when the dying office chair was yanked out from under him by life after death. "Dude!" the short, unkempt one blurted out, "We'd like, just as soon see you die a painful death, but like, you're already there, man!"

"What gave it away? The fact that 98.6° isn't my thing, or my amazing lack of a pulse?" Spike pulled himself up by the edge of the battered desk, "Or because I didn't completely go sack of hammers when Chica McDeadlet over there behind Door #1 barged in and interrupted my telly time?"

"Whatever." The slacker scratched the back of his unruly head while tall and blonde facepalmed.

"If that's all you have to say about it, piss off. As stated earlier, I'm watching telly." Spike picked up the chair and firmly placed it on its loose casters. "I don't have time for ghosts." He added dismissively.

The more appearance conscious of the visiting spirits held up a piece of paper with something hastily scribbled on it.

"Ooooh, how very, very frightening. Let me guess, you just wrote "Boo!" on that." Spike retrieved his lighter from under the desk, lipped another smoke, and lit up. "I'm quaking in me boots."

The list-bearing ghost shoved his message in Spike's face. Having little or no choice, Spike read it aloud. "I see, a ghost that can spell and make a list. 1. Get us out of here. No. 2. Don't be an idiot." Spike added, "How witty, but I'm not the one bothering somebody who doesn't care. Let's see…. Ahhhh, clever: 3. Find Springtrap. Sorry mate, I don't catch mice – it's not in my job description. 4. Help us lift the curse. Lifting curses is also not in my job description."

The spirit retrieved the paper and wrote something on the back, before shoving it in the disinterested vampire's face, "Oh, I see, soooooo, you want me to do 2 and 3, how very nice, very helpful of me if I do— sod off unless you pay me."

"Duuuuuuude, like, can you at least check on Foxy before he like, gets into this office?" The messy spirit who had been fidgeting nervously while this half-conversation was going on, pleaded.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Face." Spike reached for the Cheetos, only to have them slapped out of his hand so that they scattered all over the scarred tile floor, "Oi, I wasn't 'alf done eatin' those… and when I get done with…." he added as both spirits began stomping on the little orange cheez turdz, crushing them into radioactive-looking orange dust. He broke off, eyes on one of the monitors, "Hang on, what 'ave we got here? Looks like we've got ourselves a nasty case of pirates here… or at least a fox what thinks it's one…"

That's Foxy. Watch out for him. He's dangerous. Crewcut scribbled some more, His hook's razor sharp and his teeth are worse!

"Bit of a great big fuzzy orange-red ponce, if you ask me – looks like it escaped from a Cheetos bag." Spike said absently as he watched the unaccountably sharp and stabby looking animatronic move across the screen, "This company must really hate kids if they let something like that wander around the place as it pleases – why does it have a hole in its chest?"

"Dunno." Slacker-boy shrugged, "Foxy was brought in after I was murdered. There was another one though, a girl fox – it's now a pile of parts and a mask in one of the back storage lockers. Kids tore it to pieces, corporate retired it, two heads and all."

"Is that sooooooo..." Spike mumbled, fascinated. Dru would have loved this toy, all sharp bitey bits and claws, with the hook as icing on the cake. If he had an address, he could nick the damned thing and have it shipped directly to her as a peace offering… no, better yet, Captain Cardboard and his old lady for blowing up his lair… Wonder what the rates were for a direct shipping to say, Belize… C.O.D.! Rig it so that it would activate as soon as the crate was opened, have it programmed to chase them around their hotel room… replace the other hand with a buzz saw, or maybe… a flamethrower… maybe have it explode when Mrs. Cardboard hit it… oh yeah, all sorts of dangerous fun to be had here and it wouldn't activate his chip!

"So, how do we deal with this situation?" Spike grinned up at the two ghosts, "Because suddenly I remember the rest of my job description."